My new part time job did not work out, so I am now unemployed …again. But I have a lead on a job that is much much closer, and may be full time. Crossing fingers Here’s hoping that my misfortune leads to something better… 
Clearly not in the same league as everyone else’s woes but my car won’t start due to some auto gear box problem, the repairs are going to cost more than the cars worth. Which means that I have to get a car with the money that I don’t have :(.
Last Sunday I did something I thought I was above and made my wife actually feel threatened and unsafe around me. I feel like scum and, frankly, ashamed to share this here, especially after a year or more away, but I can’t share this on Twitter and you guys have always offered an oasis on the interwebs. I may have thrown my marriage away over a selfish need to win arguments that got way carried away and made the woman I love more than any others, whom I’ve only ever wanted to protect, fear me.
Scratch that, I am worse than scum.
Oh SNAP! Bruther, sorry to hear that. We all act a fool sometimes. That’s what forgiveness is all about. Man up and make a proper apology. Y’all have been through worse.
Oh, my friend, I have. I am seeking counseling and hoping she will as well (she’s promised to do so). We’ve been communicating in writing but she says she still needs a bit more time. All I can do is wait, keep working on it and hope for the best. But thank you.
The fact that she needs time is hopeful. I know you want it to be over but you frakked up. Let what you did sink in so you can learn and become a better person…spouse…friend from it.
Armando, there is one thing I know, here: you’re not worse than scum. You made a bad choice. It’s not an easily forgivable thing–hard for her to forgive you and hard for you to forgive yourself. But I trust that you are fundamentally a good person and that you’re going to work through this. In fact, recognizing that you messed up and taking actions to fix it (I saw your subsequent post) are both incredibly important steps that testify to the quality of your character. You’re not perfect. Maybe you’re only ok as human beings go, but I have faith that you’re better than scum. I hope you and your wife are both doing better now. I’m wishing the best for you both.
I’ve been trying really hard not to post my own woes here because, really, I’m a lucky girl just occasionally hits a road block. But tonight we heard from the first family member who will not be attending our immoral homosexual “marriage” ceremony. Actually, because he is a frakking coward, we heard from Samantha’s mom, who heard from said family member’s wife. It’s her grandma’s husband, who’s been a part of the family for about 15 years, I think.
I feel really sad for Samantha–this surprised her and has really hurt her feelings. She’s worried her grandma won’t come without her husband. I don’t know what to say, either. I’ve met the man before and I knew he “didn’t approve” but he was perfectly pleasant.
Also, we’re supposed to spend Christmas with them. We are staying at her parents house but Christmas Eve dinner is hosted by her grandparents… followed by midnight church service. I have been leery of this whole church on Christmas thing but was willing to tag along. I am not sure how I am going to be able to stand attending a religious service with this asshole, though. Ugh.
The girlfriend got accepted into the Disney College Program so she’s spending the spring semester in Florida. Now I have to pretend to be happy for her meanwhile I couldn’t be less happy.
Beats having to fake being sad she didnt get in I guess…
It his loss, morality be damned. I’ve talked in the past about my family and their reactions to my “alternative” lifestyle, and how long it took for me to accept it was their problem not mine, It sucks, and it’s largely pointless, you’re going to do what you’re going to do, and if they’re not there to see it, then it really is their loss, photo’s and video aren’t the same as being there for your family. It’s your day, don’t let anyone ruin it.
As for the service, bring a laptop with you, a lot of churches have wifi now. Seriously though, just grit your teeth and get to the end, I did it for 16 years, so I know that they do end eventually!
(That’s not a condemnation of church ceremonies, but pointing out that they really drag on if you don’t want to be there)
Disney… College…?
It’s an internship thing
It’s blowing my mind whatever it is!
So, not only am I working a 10 hour day today, but since it’s the weekend, they’re testing the fire alarm in my building. Just went off for the 4th time in less than 2 hours.
Thank you, Katherine and Dennis (yes, I’m going by first name because that’s how friends address each other). Sharon and I have worked some things out. We still need some time, but I am coming home after some soul searching on both our parts. We have talked and written each other, found that we both have things to work out in our marriage, though this does not excuse my leading her to feel unsafe or threatened. One of the steps I’m taking to assure that never happens again is to keep myself accountable to my friends as well as to her, and to continue seeking help to figure out things about myself that will help me learn to control myself. Mostly, though, it boils down to respect and being better at showing it.
Ironically, this week has actually been good for me. It has allowed me time to soul search and to learn things about myself that led me down to this road. I think our marriage will ultimately be stronger because we got to the edge but I am making a vow to you, as I have to her, that I will not treat her as though I take her for granted any longer, that I will put her needs and our children’s needs first ALWAYS, and that I will never make her feel anything but safe and protected in my presence for as long as we live, even if our marriage itself eventually sputters out.
Thank you for your kind words. They are more than I deserve, but they help in helping me see a part of me that I often forget is there, and that’s the loveable part. I done frakked up, yes, but she’s giving me another chance (perhaps the last I’ll ever get). I don’t intend to frak up again. I intend to spoil her rotten, however, and earn her love and trust once again before too long. Hopefully by Friday (okay, it’ll probably take longer, but that’s when she’s asked me to come home, so we can both have time to start acting on the lessons we’ve both learned this week).
These are not woes to put down, Katherine, really. I’m sorry for you and Sam. That there are still people who see homosexuality as an “immoral choice” is astounding, but if they can’t get over their petty bigotries for the sake of the love of their granddaughter, then, if you ask me, it’s their loss, not Sam’s. Finding love in this life is so hard. You two are very lucky and your love is a good and wondrous thing. Don’t let anybody else tell you otherwise, not even family.
For what it’s worth, I once thought as Sam’s grandfather does. I got over it. I realized that God, if he’s there, loves unconditionally and doesn’t condemn people for who they are and who they love. Love is, after all, a divine gift, no? I hope that Sam’s grandfather will get over it too.
As far as the church thing goes: if it’s important for Sam, I know you will put up with it. Just grin and bear it and get through it okay. Don’t, however, let anyone walk all over you if they bully you. All bets are off if that happens, if you ask me.
I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
Keeping everyone posting on here in my thoughts. Hope things work out for y’all–you’re all good people.
Armando- I really trust and believe you can get through this valley in your marriage. I have been through some nasty dips myself. Recovery isn’t a fun processes, but well worth it and I’ll be thinking about you both. I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to open up here, our safe place where we can admit our screw ups and get support.
On wedding woes- I’ve have learned that family members are slow to give up their own shit. My in-laws didn’t speak at all during ConnerAZ’s graduation ceremony in May, and though that’s not nearly as offensive as the slight directed at you and Sam, I saw that evening that their BS was more important than my son’s achievement. Your wedding day is more important than anyone’s BS- I can’t wait to celebrate it.
My true friends call me 'talos. 
I’m glad to hear you and your wife are trying to work it out and making some progress. Hang tough, bruther.
Of course, I knew that, Talos. 
We’re not out of the woods yet. I’m supposed to move back in on Friday, but now she’s not sure–understandably so. There are clearly deeper issues we need to work out, on our own and together, and it does seem like we’re hitting them on our own at the same time. Mostly, she’s uncertain that I can really make a permanent, lasting change…and so am I! The things I’m discovering are deep-rooted, long lasting issues that are going to take years to work through, and the stakes are really high. I want to be a better man, not just for her but for myself and for our children. I know there are no guarantees in life, but I am willing to work as hard as it takes to make lasting change. How do I show her that?