Life is teh suck today because (a.ka. the official B_tch & Moan thread)

GWC Community Off-Topic/Other
#4567

The fact that you are acknowledging that you have problems is a good sign, and that you realize they need to be dealt with or this could happen again is proof that you are looking at this realistically. Also that you are seeking a real solution to this and not a quick fix shows just how mature and sincere you are about this. If you were to seek out and schedule counseling for your issues, this would show her that you are not just talking about a solution but taking real action. If the counselor will allow her to be in your sessions I believe it would be another plus in your favor, it would show that you are not shutting her out of your healing process or hiding things from her. Besides, having her take the journey with you will reveal things about BOTH of you that will be eyeopening, create even greater empathy between you and make your bond even stronger… And by exposing the obstacles that have been causing the two of you to trip up, the two of you can avoid them in the future making your journey smoother down the road.

Overcoming hardships is what creates character! Show her how willing you are to become an even better husband, admitting faults is not a sign of weakness. Refusing to acknowledge them and then not overcome them is…

That you are so open and honest about this shows that you are a better man than that. Actions are always better than intent. And actions are what women remember better than words.

So my advice is to find a counselor that you feel comfortable with and schedule an appointment, contact your wife and tell her what you have done. And ask her if she would be willing to join you in the sessions for moral support, (not because you think she needs counseling too:eek:) her respect for you will grow and I honestly believe that once things begin being dug up from your past during the sessions that she will begin to understand you better and realize why you have reacted the way you have under certain circumstances. You will feel very vulnerable, and your emotions may be all over the map during the sessions but the fact that you would be willing to let her see you go through this should make her respect you even more. Plus it will give her an excuse to comfort you later, and you will need it! This would be brutal alone but with someone you love by your side you can do anything, plus her presence will remind you what is truly at stake and why you are willing to endure it.

What happened may seem the to be worst thing ever, but ironically it may lead to the best thing to ever happen to your relationship. This adversity may bring you two closer together and form an even stronger bond than you had ever imagined. And create a marriage that shall be an ‘Anvil that shall survive many hammers!’

God be with you.

#4568

Where’s the smiley, teary eyed emoticon. Thank you, Omra, for those amazing words. They serve to remind me of the fact, among many, that I need to start coming back to the forum more often. Twitter just don’t cut it all the way.

I have, actually, been seeing a counselor. Tomorrow will be my second session with her. She actually helped me with some depression issues several years ago, so the fact that I could start seeing her again is very comforting. Sharon has actually gone to see her on her own, for my sake, and is looking for her own counselor, hopefully before we start seeing someone together. I’m also talking to our pastor once a week, because he’s a good listener and respect where I am in my spiritual walk (the “I’m not sure, but I don’t think it’s the Judeo-Christian God” path). We’ve been keeping a joint journal (actually, two) and talking as much as possible. I’m also taking stock of things I can do to make her feel more appreciated and loved, which, interestingly, she’s finding TOO far to the other end of the pendulum, but it’s something I need to do as I see it as a brain hack not at all unlike training myself to eat less this summer or managing diabetes. I figure if I start doing little things that help her out and make her feel good about herself for long enough, eventually they’ll become second nature and I will put her needs before mine.

But there are also a lot of issues that I’m discovering in myself through all this, as I’ve said, which I need to take a hard look at. It’s going to suck sometimes. Hard. But I do hope and believe, as you said, that ultimately this will be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

My biggest fear–and hers–though, is not knowing whether or not it will ever happen again. The stakes are REALLY high if it does, and there will be stumbles. I just need to learn techniques to make sure those stumbles don’t become nuclear options but that I can learn to get a hold of my emotional impulses. I love this woman too much not to try, though.

Many thanks, everybody. Really. :smiley:

#4569

She fell in love with you once before, it can happen again. Everything that caused her to fall for you still exists within you, you just need to get in touch with it once again.

You hurt her and you will have to live with that, and the relationship is wounded. But the wonderful thing about wounds is that they heal. Pain, sadness, and anger are temporary. Any anger or resentment will pass with time and so will the accompanying memories. And as they fade the happy memories you two formed will rise above them, and the happy memories are what will inspire reconciliation. Anger and fear are non constructive emotions, they only feed themselves.

But love inspires. Love is what encourages us to be better than we are, to take risks and make sacrifices. [b]And love is forever.

[/b]As a musician you know that the greatest works are fueled by passion and love, and when performed with passion and love they can work miracles on the audience. Apply that here!

It would be easy to be motivated by guilt and grief at this point when you are so vulnerable. Screw that… Go alt-fuel, be powered by love! :smiley: Because if your intentions are selfless and pure and you stay focused on what really matters; your wife. Your partner in life and inspiration. I don’t see how you can fail.

#4570

I found out today that the father of one of our most active families at church committed suicide last night. This man was the person behind encouraging ConnerAZ to go on the Africa mission trip in July and he made such an impact on Conner. Tim was at church every Sunday and appeared so strong in his faith. It frightens me so much to think that someone so dedicated to service and faith could feel so lost and broken that he would choose to leave his family.

My hearts breaks for his wife and children, one of whom is on my campus. I often feel like such a poor example of someone living with faith. To see someone I admire so hurt really shakes me up. Just how are we supposed to get through the rough times? The loss of this man is enormous to our church community.

#4571

I’m sorry, Dawn. Sometimes pillars take on too much and don’t ask for help. Tim was probably suffering in silence for a very long time. This is sad, sad news.

#4572

So say we all!

This really belongs in the squee folder, but for the sake of the thread I’m going to say it here: I’m going home tomorrow. It has been a tough two weeks but, ultimately, I think they will lead Sharon and me down a good road, so they needed to happen. I’m finding out a lot about myself and issues that go way back that manifest themselves here, and I have rediscovered my passion for Sharon. I always loved her, but I’d stopped caring for her. That is no longer the case.

I am incredibly scared that I will fall back on old patterns, though. The stakes are too high for that to happen. Thankfully, I have also found an incredible support network (of which I’d really forgotten. It’s amazing how you can trick yourself into thinking that your friends aren’t out there simply because you don’t want to bother them. That’s certainly behavior that needs to change. I am grateful to all of my friends, who have lent me an ear, both on the phone and in writing, through all this. I ain’t quitting now). My therapist this morning gave me the best bit of advice and encouragement I could have received. She reminded me to think of recovering alcoholics, who can only pledge to rise over their addiction a day at a time. Each day that is a good day, builds on the next and the road eventually gets easier, though it never leads to complacency. She also gave me some homework on getting rid of what relationship counselors call the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” of bad relationship behaviors/predictors of divorce. Turns out, I’m guilty of at least three of them, if not all four. That hit me where I live, but she said, “if you lick those behaviors, then Sharon has nothing to worry about.”

Mostly, though, I feel like I’m getting back in touch with a side of me that had disappeared, or been clouded by what I call my hommunculus: the angry little man that has taken residency inside of me for various reasons (long, deep seeded wounds that I never quite let heal). I am working on murdering that little frakker. Hopefully the Four Horsemen will trample him on the way out of my life.

Thank you, my friends, for your support. I had neglected the forum in favor of Twitter of late, but I’d forgotten what an oasis this place is. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

#4573

Oh, Dawn I’m so sorry! I urge you not to let this shake your faith, though. Depression is a terrible and powerful thing and sometimes, sadly, it is too strong. Remember your friend as the strong leader and encouraging mentor that he was to you and your children in life and let that memory comfort you. That’s all I can really say, and I don’t think it’s terribly appropriate. My thoughts are with you, my friend.

#4574

No matter how strong your faith, we are all still human and therefore fallible. And it could be there was a medical condition at work here too…

After constant writing and rewriting of this post I am going to have to hold my tongue and only say this:

The best way to make a strong sword is through heat and hammering. There are tough times ahead and God may be tempering his steel. Adversity and loss bring congregations together and strengthen bonds, cause us to rethink our priorities and realize how precious our time here on Earth is. And not to take for granted what little time we have with our friends and family. And this loss may cause a change in policy, and perhaps the creation of a new class or two. (On counseling, dealing with grief and so on…)

By learning how to look for the signs (the ones you could not have noticed without proper training prior) your flock may be able to save multiple lives! As one falls many new leaders rise to fill the gap, and more people can be ministered to.

I hope this helps and you are not offended by my comments.

#4575

Thank you friends for you support. The service is Monday and will be rough, but there will be many of us together. I guess I’ve always assumed that depression is visible in some way, but that clearly isn’t the case. It still hurts to think that Tim chose a permanent solution for what could have been a temporary setback. I so appreciate everyone’s kind words.

Armando- I will be thinking about you this weekend. Enjoy being home friend.

#4576

There was a mass layoff at my plant on Wednesday. Over 60% of the workforce was let go. I wasn’t among them thankfully. Fast forward to today and I get a call saying the bank refused to refinance and the plant was shutting down, I needed to come get my tools.
So now I get to start jobhunting the week of Thanksgiving and the trip we had planned to see my family for Christmas is now shot to hell.

#4577

A little one today, but it’s really got my neck up for some reason.

Lateness. Once in a while it’s fine, but when you agree to meet someone, at a particular time, and yet NEVER make it, or apologise, it’s essentially telling that person “I could not care about you any less”. I know I shoulder some of the blame by not complaining, I’m trying to get over my genetic “niceness” but dagnabbit, it’s really annoying!

#4578

Dang, I’ve been there and that sucks. I hope your job hunt is short. The upside is that if you’re skilled labor like a mechanic or machinist or something, (hence the ‘come get your tools’) the job market is a little better for you.

#4579

Oh, crap, dude, I’m sorry! My heart goes out to you and your family.

#4580

Today, I had to shave my beard. I’ve had facial hair for the past nine years, and I’ve had my beard for the last four years. Why did I shave? I was forced to, by my new employer. Because, apparently, “people with facial hair are unprofessional.” WTF is that? Having facial hair makes one inherently unprofessional? I am one of the most professional and polite people you’ll ever meet, but having a beard makes me not appear that way? That’s like saying, “Hookers wear red. Everyone who wears red is a whore.” The truth of the matter is, when I don’t have facial hair, I look like I’m thirteen. And since I’m one of those unfortunate people who have naturally rosier-than-normal cheeks, it really stands out. Grats, employer, instead of being a man who has an aura of knowledge and strength, I’m now an effeminate adolescent. Maybe, just to spite them, I’ll grow a “cop mustache” and look like a pedophile on purpose.

My wife thinks she’s clever (she’s probably right about it, too, and those of you who know her can attest to that), and has devised a pros/cons list about the ordeal:

CONS:
-I look thirteen, instead of 26
-I look like my youngest brother, who’s 15
-My other brother, who is 16, has more facial hair than I do
-I look like I’m wearing stage makeup
-I look like I’m wearing women’s makeup
-That mole on my face REALLY stands out
-I’m going to be carded suspiciously, instead of obligatorily
-I have to show ID to get into an R-rated movie
-I don’t look anything like my driver’s license or passport pictures, so now I’m an identity theft suspect

PROS:

#4581

Did you tell your new employer that Santa wears a beard? No presents for him / her this Christmas…

#4582

Your wife is teh OSSIM. giggle

#4583

I should have played the Rabbi card.

You are right about that. The Lady Venona is pretty much win.

#4584

Damn that sucks! Your beard was awesome! But as long as your Lady still loves you, all is good.

#4585

aaand… my XBOX just died.

Awesome.

#4586

That sucks. If it’s any consolation (which I know it’s not!), I have a brand new Wii in my house waiting to be hooked up!