OOooooohhhhh, SNAP!! Can’t wait for Part 2, Thot!
Nice. giggle I’ve got to check that version out.
That Jedi comes in handy. Nice job, Devastron.
Bravo, Cas! You really enjoyed writing for Baltar and it shows. I really liked Helva, I’ll have to pick up ‘The Ship Who Sang’.
Let me add another voice to the chorus - Hero and the Crown is ossim, and should be on everyone’s must read list!
Aw, thanks 
Baltar’s fun to play with… he’s so slimy! and funny! And the whole series based off of The Ship Who Sang was a lot of fun when I read it, I’m glad to have other people find it too (it’s a really neat concept)
I almost didn’t sign up for this. I’m glad I did, it’s a lot of fun:)
This is for all you Otakus out there… enjoy.
If a Blonde falls in the forest and no one hears her, does she say ‘OUCH’?
Meanwhile at a police motor pool…
While pouring over acquisition requests and invoices logistics officer Miahara kept hearing mewing sounds coming from the garage, he thought it was just a cat at first until sniffling and nervous mumbling soon followed. He set his paperwork down and walked over to the service counter and looked out into the garage, a tall blonde with a spray-on tan and shaky knees stood a few feet away. Her large fear filled blue eyes darted from side to side and every time her index fingers came together with a nervous tick it made a tiny boinking sound. The sight made him sigh with dread; he popped two aspirins in anticipation of the nonsensical conversation that was soon to come.
He barked at her, “Officer Mihoshi!” She jumped and squealed, and then flailed her arms for balance. “Get over here,” he ordered. She shuffled over and looked at him sheepishly; she offered a nervous grin and saluted. “Why are you here,” he glanced over at her assigned parking space and it was empty, “without your Lawmaster…. again?” She laughed nervously and ran a hand through her golden curls, “I… I…” He sighed, “You lost your keys again.” She shook her head sadly and bit her lip. He groaned, “You forgot where you parked……. again.” She shook her head again tears welling up in her oversized eyes. His voice took on a menacing edge, “Then where…. is….your….bike?”
Her voice broke when she talked, “It’s gone,” tears began to run down her flushed cheeks. His right eye began to spasm, “What do you mean it is GONE?” Tears sprayed from her eyes like they were lawn sprinklers, “IT FLEW AWAY!” She sobbed. His eyes widened, “You mean you fell off and it flew away?” She shook her head and wiped her nose. A vein stood out on his forehead and throbbed, “You mean somebody stole your Lawmaster!?” She meekly nodded and then stopped, her eyes glazed over and beads of sweat formed as her tiny mind attempted to recall the experience…
There was a form on the back of the cycle she recalled, but light bent around him as if he were water bubble, and those eyes…. They flashed briefly. And then it laughed, such a creepy laugh… it sounded like insects applauding. She blinked a few times and then came back to the present, and started nodding again.
He rolled his eyes and held out his hand, “Great, give your keys. I’ll scan the ID number on the fob and send a retrieval team to collect it.” She looked down at the floor and her lower lip quivered. His face turned red, “You left the key in the ignition!?” Her voice quivered, “But, but, you always yelled at me when I lost my keys. So I thought it would be better if I left it where I could always find it…” He slumped against the counter and rubbed his temples. She looked concerned, “Are you getting another headache? You sure get a lot of those…” He groaned in pain, “Only when you are around.”
He bolted upright, “Wait a minute!” He leaned closer to Mihoshi, “Even with the key you need to enter an access code to unlock the guidance and stabilization systems, and if you enter the wrong code three times the bike electrocutes the rider and summons the police.” The blonde female wilted beneath the officer’s glare. “So, how was this thief able to figure out the code before getting electrocuted? Hummmmmmmmmmmm?” She cowered, “I… I…I taped it to the center console. I kept forgetting it, and it makes such nasty sounds when you enter it wrong…. I.” His eyes were filled with rage, “You idiot! You might as well have put a sign on it reading ‘Steal Me’…” He trembled with anger, “Did you at least get a good look at who stole it?” She sniffed, “Well… no… he was… kinda invisible,” her eyes gleamed and she bolted upright excitedly, “wait, … I just remembered.” She started digging through her pockets. Curious he asked, “What? Did he drop something?” Still searching pockets she answered, “No, but before he got away I managed to write down his license plate number.”
He snapped and pounded the counter, “THAT’S IT! I’m writing up a transfer!” Her face fell, “Where are you going?” He twitched, “Erk… Not me you dumb bimbo,” he pointed at her, “You!” She pouted as he walked over to his computer, “But… But… I have only been here two weeks,” she weakly muttered. His fingers began flying over the keys with purpose, she leaned through the service window to watch him, “Where are you sending me?” He paused and glared at her, “Galaxy Police.” She blinked twice and dimly offered, “But their the ones that sent me here…” His eyes narrowed and his voice became acidic, “Gee, I wonder why…” He cracked his knuckles and returned to typing, “It’s payback time.” The keyboard sang Tappity Tappity Tappitta.
His face shone when he found an opening for her, “Aha, here we go, they are short a patrol officer on one of the shipping routes. Officer Kiyone needs a partner.” Her lower lip quivered, “Is she nice?” His veiled eyes looked over at her and his voice dripped with sarcasm, “Oh, I am sure you will get along just swimmingly….”
Is that a joystick or are you just happy to see me?
Wesley walked into the airships lounge and saw the Professor fidgeting with his hands and watching a view screen. He saw animated characters moving around on the screen playing tennis, he smirked and asked, “Whazup Professor?” The white haired man paused the game and glanced over, “I am testing my invention to see if I have calibrated the motion controllers properly.” Wesley raised an eyebrow, “What is it?” Seltzer smiled triumphantly, “It is a smaller version of an existing console system, they had contacted me and asked if I could make it smaller and more powerful. I even managed to get the controllers more precise.” Wesley leaned over the couch and glanced at the small gleaming white console, “Cool, what is it called?” The snowy haired man rubbed his chin in contemplation, “I am thinking of calling it the Wee Wii.” Wesley suppressed his laughter as the man returned to his gameplay.
Hitgirl entered the room her eyes wide with curiosity, drawn in by the sound of game play. She tugged on Wesley’s sleeve, “What’s going on?” Wesley smiled, “The Professor is playing with his Wee Wii.” Her face screwed up in disgust, “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!!! That’s disgusting!!!”
Team Wild
Pilot/Driver: Maj Don West (Lost in Space)
Short Bio: Academy Grad, Natural Pilot (Earth’s best), Excellent Driver, Loves Cars, Competitive Athlete in Contact Sports, Boxer, Decorated War Vet, Witty One-Liners, Jupiter 2 pilot (w/ Pod and Chariot), Rescues “Blarp”
http://alphacontrol.org/wiki/index.php?title=Don_West
Tech Expert: Louis Nichols (Robotech)
Short Bio: Formerly Corporal 15th ATAC Southern Cross Military Forces, Half-Punk Half-Nerd, Genius, Soldier, Hovertank Mech Driver/Operator, Inventor (Pupil Pistol), Founder of Cybernetics (Matrix-Like cyber interface)
http://www.robotech.com/infopedia/characters/viewcharacter.php?id=33
http://www.karpar.com/robotech/index.php/Louie_Nichols
“The End of The Circle” Jack McKinney
Recon Expert: Laura Croft (Tomb Raider)
Short Bio: Adventurer, Military Trained, 11th Generation Countess, Tomb Raider, Rides Motorcycles, Wear Tight Clothes
http://www.tombraiderwiki.com/index.php/Lara_Croft
Martial Artist: Xena: The Warrior Princess
Short Bio: Broadsword & Chakram expert, Warrior looking for redemption.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xena
http://whoosh.org/issue22/plunket1.html#when
Scenario: Rescue Talat!!!
As Team Wild discussed the task at hand, Maj West notes the similarity of the building to the Nakatomi Plaza Building in Die Hard. He laughs. “I hope the other teams don’t plan on sending that Last Boy Scout Bruce Willis in there to rescue Talat. Did you see him in Ocean’s 12? Totally lame. When his scene was done he just stood there.”
Xena gets the team back on track, “The dragon is mine. I will subdue him. Green dragons have a particular weakness to my taming abilities.”
Maj Don West chimes in, “But what about all those Ninjas, it’s not like we’ll have a narcissistic Tony Stark to throw in there as cannon folder.”
Lara Croft answers, “I’ve dealt with Ninjas before. All I need are my H&K USPs and a Hovercycle. It’s not as good as a Ducati, but it will make the entry easier.”
Maj West response, “It’s a good thing we just happen to have a Hovercycle, but how are we going to find Talat? Talk about finding a needle in the haystack.”
Dr. Louis Nichols chimes in, “I’ll be able to tie in the Jupiter 2’s sensor grid to hyperspace generator creating a resonance in the cat 5 fiber cables, electrical wiring, and water through either PVC or copper pipes throughout the Nakatomi Plaza Building thus being able to sense the specific electromagnetic signature of a medium sized canine anywhere within 6 blocks of the building.”
Maj West, “Okay….[pause]…assuming you locate Talat, puppynapping is a crime worst than spilling oil from an uncapped well in the Gulf of Mexico. This ‘Deville’ needs to be brought to justice bounty-hunter style. And we better make sure we don’t pull a Bobba Fett and end up suffering forever in the Sarnac after we think we pulled the job off.”
“Perhaps we should try to use the ‘Nichols Maneuver’ as our exit strategy?” Lara suggests.
Dr. Nichols ponders this for a moment, then states, “That might inadvertently cause any number of catastrophic results since we have not determined the exact composition of ‘DeVille.’”
“You’re probably right. We wouldn’t want to half-SorryBarb this like 21 would,” Maj West observed.
Xena, “Whatever we do, we need to ensure Talat is unharmed.”
Lara, “How about we do this….”
Sometime later.
Lara over the Hovercycle intercom, “All set?”
Maj West, “She’s all dressed and ready for the dance.”
Xena, “I am ready.”
Louis, “Forward through shot and shell, here we go into the mouth of hell!”
Lara, “Let’s roll.”
Maj West, “And the monkey flips the switch.”
The Jupiter 2 swoops in at low altitude towards the Nakatomi Plaza Building. West, “Drop One.” And Lara is jettisoned down into the side of the Nakatomi Plaza Building on top of the Hovercycle, guns blazing into the surprised Ninjas. West, “Drop Two.” And Xena drops straight down on top of the Green Dragon, quickly drawing a rope around its neck and ridding it like a bucking bull. While Xena works to subdue the Dragon, the flames shooting from its mouth incinerates the fleeing Ninjas. West turns the Jupiter 2 into a tight, continuous turn around the building. Lara continues to rake the Ninjas in the building with fire from the Hovercycle cannons as she goes full speed through the halls and cubicals.
Strapped in his Hovertank parked in the Jupiter 2’s flight bay, Dr. Nichols uses his matrix-style multipronged cyber connection through his Hovertank and quickly locates Talat. “The beloved four legged fur creature is located in the high security vault on the second floor.”
“On the way.” Lara.
“I have your back.” Xena. After using her hard won horse/dragon breaking skills on the now friendly named “Greenie” dragon, Xena is now using Greenie to attack the Ninjas on the upper floors, distracting them from Lara.
Louis, “Holy astroburners! I have isolated Deville’s signature……IT’S KAI WINN!!!”
All four Team Wild members have momentary looks of shock and horror on their faces.
Maj West, “Be careful Lara. We’ll need to use the extreme restraint plan option.”
Lara, “Copy.”
Louis, using his cyber connection, instantly turns off all power to the building.
As Lara continues to progress to the vault, blasting away Ninjas, West calls out, “Drop Three.”
Professor/Dr/Corporal Louis Nichols drops to the ground outside the building in his Hovertank, decent jets blasting away as he simultaneously transforms into “Guaradian mode.” Xena flies to the same side of the building and at the top floor rolls off Greenie. Lara races down towards the second story vault and draws her H&Ks.
As Louis’s Hovertank passes the second floor, he blasts his Hovertank’s main cannon into the back of the vault with just enough power to create an opening big enough for Talat to jump through. A second later, Lara races by the opening as Talat jumps into the Hovercycle and freedom. Lara fires tranq rounds on full automatic from her H&Ks into Kai Winn. Ninjas duck for cover everywhere. Greenie continues to watch from the air near the roof of the building.
Kai Winn emerges from the vault, a terrible rage on her face.
Louis transforms into full battleoid mode, catches Xena, and throws/launches her into Kai Winn. Kai Winn starts a low growl of hatred, eyes budging and arms reaching. Lara races out towards Louis. West continues his tight circle of the building in the Jupiter 2.
Xena reaches Kai Winn, her velocity knocking Kai Winn back. Lara and Talat reach Louis, her Hovercycle guns smoking and spent as his Battleoid catches them and throws them straight up into the air. West and the Jupiter 2 are almost around the building.
Xena quickly puts Kai Winn in the sleeper-hold head lock at the Kai is still fixated on Talat. Talat, Lara, and the Hovercycle are still travelling upwards. West expertly angles the Jupiter 2 towards the trio. Louis uses his Battleoid to reach into the building on the second floor.
West comes to a halt and simultaneously catches Lara, Talat, and the Hovercycle in the airlock just as they reach the top of their arc. Louis grabs Xena and Kai Winn as he fires the Hovertank jets. What’s left of the Ninjas look on in horror. Greenie gets a smile on his face.
“Capture One.” West calls out. Louis races back to the flight deck. Greenie angles over to the Jupiter two.
When Louis lands on the flight deck, West calls out “Capture Two. The Winnebago is packed, gassed, and tasked.” Greenie reaches the flight bag doors. Everyone freezes.
In a low pissed off voice, Greenie looks right into Kai Winn’s eyes, barely open. “That’s what you get for chaining me to the roof you douchbag!” And he flies off. Kai Winn finally loses consciousness, completely defeated.
West, “You don’t see that every day.” Closes the Jupiter 2 bay doors, and flies off.
Team Nightwing
First Job, Recon.
T-1000 goes to the building replicating a Local cop. Ask a couple of question to the Security Clerk
T-1000: Hey, how’s your day, (looking at the name tag) Mike.
Mike : Not bad, the Canadian are getting there ass kick again. What bring you here?
T-1000: Got a glitch on our system and we can’t get the usual information’s. Do you mind if I check your network to see if it’s on our side our yours.
Mike : You can check but I don’t see the point ( T-1000 is going around the desk and checking under it), hey man what are
While Mike is crouching to check, the T-1000 slit is throat with is hand now in the shape of a machete. Then swiftly impersonate him and shove is body under the desk. Slowly sit back at his desk and start typing into the CPU. Accessing the network he inserts an USB drive that automatically installs a MI6 remote control device.
Back at Mi6 Local Headquarter Q get the signal that the ‘’Bug is
working’’.
Q: That was fast.
Hal: how do you think he did it?
Q: He does have a license to kill.
Hal: WHAT!!!
Q: What do you think we are doing here Hornet!
Hal: It’s Lantern
Q: I make all sort of killing device, how her Majesty dispose of it is not of my concern.
Blade: What’s the problem, he got the job done, and the dead guy was working for them.
Q: We do have access to the security network and it’s not going to be easy to enter in that building. Around 2500 ninjas are on the payroll and most of them are working tonight. They even went to the trouble to get a Green Dragon.
Hal: A Dragon, ok that’s a little distraction.
Blade: Good point. That’s going to be your Job. Q, I need an acid resistant armor and helmet, couple of grenades and a Jetpack.
Hal: What do you think you’re doing big Guy.
Blade: While you will distract the dragon with your shiny ring I will jet on his back and cut his throat or drop a couple of grenade in the motherfracker. That should be enough distraction for our friend inside to find a better ‘’costume’’ and order to move Talat to a secure location. T-1000 kills the escort and brings back Talat.
Hal: Hein.
Q: Actually not bad, but I can beat a Jetpack. Come with me.
They go to the garage and Q present:
Q: The Lawmaster is a motorbike used by street judges. It has artificial intelligence, twin machine guns (“bike cannon”), a laser, and can fire stun gas grenades. It also has a turbo-boost function which enables it to jump over long distances or to great heights. It can respond to verbal commands and drive itself.
Hal: This is a mean green machine.
Blade: Nice, bike. But jumping is not flying.
Q: Give me a bit of time and it WILL Fly.
Exactly 4hours and 22 minutes later the Lawmaster is ready to fly. While Q was doing it’s repair T-1000 finally found the right personne to replicate and gain access to Talat.
Hal construct himself a Biker Version of his Green Lantern suit trough is Power Ring and mount the machine. On the Lawmaster, behind Hal, Blade is in full stealth suit with a Belt on Grenade on him.
Hal: Q, Tell T-1000 to standby, we’ll make the diversion in 5 min.
5 Min later the Dragon is in sight.
Hal: Are you sure he’s going to attack me. I’m a pretty small problem for the mean Green Dragon.
Blade: Don’t worry, Green dragons initiate fights with little or no provocation, If it’s target is intriguing the dragon stalks him to determine the best time to strike. So be careful, and make sure I have the time to strap the grenades to his neck.
Hal: I’ll try to keep that in mind.
Hal makes is approach with the lawmaster, as soon as the Dragon see him he jumps of the bike and make a Dragon Construct around him. That catch the attention of the Dragon very quickly. At the same time Hal controls the Lawmaster trough voice command adjusted by the AI and drop Blade at the other side of the roof. The Real Dragon and the Lantern Dragon observe themselves for a moments and the attack begin.
Blade goes sthealty around the ninjas on the roof and start climbing the back of the Dragon just before it start the fight with Hal.
Inside the building the chaos is starting. Sending a maximum of ninjas to the roof to back up the Dragon. T-1000 gives his order to move the prisoner and the transfert of Talat start from the cell to the garage of the building.
After a couple of minutes of fight Hal see Blade in position on the Dragon neck. He calls the Lawmaster trough vocal command and Blade Jump on it. He waits a couple of second and push the detonator that severe the Dragon head from his body.
T-1000: I have control of the Van and will be at MI6 Headquarter in 5 min, requesting escort. All enemies have been terminated. The Van is clean.
Q: Good Job. Hal, please bring the Lawmaster back.
As he says that the rest of the Dragon fall from the roof and Hal catch Blade with is Power ring just in time. The Lawmaster fall on the pavement under the carcass of a Green Dragon.
Hal: Yeah about that, hum, T-1000 got the Dog.
Blabe: couchy couchy ( making dog petting sound.)
Team Bat-Family (Unofficial).
Batman receive the information about the kidnapping.
Batman: Damian, let’s call your grandfather.
In the next 30 minute Damian call his grandfather Ra AL’s Ghul and as a favor to family gives order to the Ninjas of the league of assassin to bring the Dog to Wayne Manor.
Damian: That was easy.
Batman: Fighting is rarely the only option. Always keep good contact:
Jamie Sommers, amazingly updated by Jane Smith’s tech skill, has found Talat using her state of the art hearing to determine exacTly where Talat is being held. She released a cascade of thermo-bugs designed by Jane on a massive bionic jump between buildings adjacent to where Talat is being held to keep the team informed of the goings on inside.
Helen Parr, on the hovercycle, drops a cache of books on law, philosophy, and existentialist literature on the dragon, who goes into a funk, wondering the point of it all, and contemplating nihilism while drooling chlorine interspersed with depressing gouts of flame.
Helen and Jane then create a diversion- Helen buzzing the building with the hovercycle, while Jane tears it up downstairs with her pimped humvee complete with long range light cannon and missiles blowing up the decoy floors.
This allows Lien to float in, dressed as a ninja with Squeaker strapped to her back sporting her pink camo blankie (and accessories) under the the folds of her costume. Squeaker, knowing that Talat, like herself, would do anything to save her bestest buddy, lets out a high pitched squeak that only he can hear.
Talat hears Squeaker and knows he must get to her!
Using a gaping hole created by Jane’s chaos, Lien and Squeaker launch out of the building, followed by Talat onto the back of the hovercycle!
The crew rendezvous back at Squeaker’s crib to celebrate over wine, cheese, liver snaps and rice cereal, glad that the one night out The Rev & the Mrs have had all month was undisturbed! Huzzah!
Team Thot: Dog Rescue Op — Part 2 of 3
(Find part 1 of 3 at http://forum.galacticwatercooler.com/showthread.php?p=297526#post297526 )
(Find part 3 of 3 at http://forum.galacticwatercooler.com/showpost.php?p=297599&postcount=75 )
SPEED RACER and RACETRACK
Racetrack made her way over the where Speed Racer was waiting in the parking lot with the Lawmaster hover cycle. She felt a little silly in the ninja outfit, but she understood its part in the plan. A handful of people stood around him—along with a monkey…? She noticed that the massive bike was well armed—with twin machine guns, mounted laser, stun gas grenade launcher. Also the sweet turbo-boost manifolds looked sleek and powerful. They would enable the bike to jump over long distances or to great heights.
“You must be Speed Racer?” Racetrack inquired with a broad grin. “Is that really your name?”
“Yes…and ah…yes that’s my name alright,” said Speed returning the grin, “And you must be Racetrack?”
“Racetrack is my callsign actually…but yeah, you can call me Racetrack,” she replied.
“Great! Oh, and let me introduce my dad “Pops”, my little brother Spritle and his monkey Chim-Chim and …” said Speed.
“… and I’m Trixe, his girlfriend,” said a dark hair girl wearing a girlish tank-top. She grasped Speed’s arm possessively as she introduced herself.
Racetrack nodded politely and said “Ookay then. I guess we better get going.”
Speed Racer straddled the massive bike and began to rev up the engine. It made a satisfying “vvvvrrrrrrmmm’ as he gave it some gas. Racetrack climbed on behind Speed and wrapped her arms around his torso to steady herself. “This okay?” she said.
“Fine,” Speed replied over the roar of the engine. A glance over at Trixie revealed that this “Racetrack” person wasn’t fine with her at all. Speed tried to look nonchalant, but he figured better to just be on his way. With a wave to Trixe and the others he sped off toward their destination.
A short time later, they arrived at the office building. It looked to be around 15 floors high. Speed found an appropriate spot to start the bikes run, and hitting the turbo boosters the bike jumped up to the 2nd story level. The auto-programmed twin machine guns smashed the massive glass window and the hover cycle flew through the newly created opening.
The second the hover bike hit the floor, ninjas from all around sprang into action. They had a hard time getting an aim on the intruders because the hover bike immediately launched smoke canisters obscuring it from view.
Per the plan, Racetrack rolled off the bike under the cover of the smoke screen.
Speed Racer weaved and raced the hover cycle through the mass of enemy guards, desperately avoiding the gunfire of the uzi-armed ninjas. He sped toward the stairs leading upward.
As the smoke cleared, Racetrack looked around her nervously. Good, she thot. She was blended in nicely with the other identically dressed ninjas. Not so good: Speed was having a hard time of it. There were at least 30 ninjas smack in front of his path to the stairwell. He’d never make it.
“Damnit. I didn’t want to have to do this so soon,” said to herself. She reached into her pocket and press the ‘activate’ key on the pulse generate Graystone had given her. Immediately most of the ninjas yelped in shock as their Holobands overloaded and knocked them unconscious. Not all of them though—about 10 percent of the ninja ripped off their Holobands before getting zapped.
In order to avoid rousing suspicion, Racetrack took her Holoband off as well, glad that her ninja head gear still covered most of her face.
Speed Racer sighed with relief as the 30 ninjas blocking his path suddenly became just a handful. The bikes machine guns made quick work of them as he sped past them and drove the bike bumpily up the stairs toward the 3rd floor. …
KWAI CHANG CAINE and the NINJAS
Chou Lao Fung grinned with pride behind his ninja mask. He was a master ninja, capable of many kinds of killing and well schooled in the art of stealth. Intruders had entered the building and headed up to the 5th floor where he was. “They’ll never get past me,” Fung said to himself. He concealed himself in the shadows near the top of the stairwell. When one of the interlopers approached, he’d spring out—as if from nowhere— and strike a deadly blow.
Those were Chou Lao Fung’s thots just as an arm slipped around his neck preventing him from screaming out. Another arm chopped at the nerve cluster at his temple and knocked him unconscious.
Fung had just enough time to see the ornate tattoos on the arms of his attacker. One a Dragon. The other a Tiger. But they weren’t tattoos actually. They were burned brand marks—the sign of a Shaolin priest. And they, and the arms, belonged to Kwai Chang Caine.
“Five floors, ten more to go,” Caine thot to himself. He was saddened that he’d killed around 20 ninjas so far. He’d did not like to take a life—any life. Another 30 or so ninjas he’d been able to incapacitate without killing. He felt good about that. When this was over, his teammates would ask how Caine got himself into the building. I’ll let that remain a mystery, Caine said to himself. The legend goes that ‘A Shaolin can walk through walls’. He’d done his part to feed that legend.
He stealthily made his way to the next level. He left no trace where he walked.
WE NEED A MONTAGE
[i]Insert Montage here:
Flipping back and forth between:[/i]
-
Racetrack disguised as ninja, making her way up toward the top of the building using the elevator, stopping floor by floor and using her “dog fur detector sensor” on each floor to try to locate Talet…
-
Speed Racer racing the hover cycle up the stairs. Blasting the occasional ninja that gets in his path.
-
Kwai Chang Caine silently moving up, floor by floor, (always a little ahead of Speed Racer), taking out Ninjas —one by one—or three by three as the case may be— moving ever upward toward the roof.
RACETRACK and the PUPPERNAPPER
Racetrack finally arrived at the top floor of the building—the floor below the roof. This floor had a penthouse suite—an extravagant office/living quarters. The dog fur sensor Graystone had given her was finally flashing red, indicating dog fur somewhere on this floor.
Racetrack emerged from the elevator and looked down the hall. At the end of the hall was the entrance to the penthouse suite….This was probably were the puppynapper lived. And it was guarded by two ninjas. “Well, here goes nothing,” she said to herself. And she shouted “Help! Intruders on the floor below!! Um…you go stop them, I’ll tell the boss.” The two ninjas sprang into action and ran toward the stairs. “Stupid ninjas.” Racetrack muttered as they raced by.
The door to penthouse had a gold leaf sign that said “C. Deville”. Racetrack drew her firearm and kicked in the door. The gaudily furnished room was unoccupied expect for the owner herself: an oldish woman with a severe face and heavy makeup. She wore a fur coat of black and white spots----dog fur!!!
“What’s going on!” the woman demanded “Why are you pointing the gun at me?!!”
Racetrack ripped off her ninja mask and replied “No more questions. My turn. You’re Deville, the puppynapper?”
“Yes, I am Cruella DeVille,” replied the woman. “Impressive that you’ve gotten this far. You’re here to rescue Sean O’Hara’s mutt, I take it?”
“Where’s the dog!” shouted Racetrack. The fur detector had obviously homed in on Deville’s fur coat and not the Talet himself. So the dog could be anywhere. “He better still be alive, or gods help you.”
“Ha ha ha. You kill me and I can’t tell you were the dog is,” said Cruella.
At that moment Speed Racer and Kwai Chang Caine burst into the room. Cruella frowned and said “Go away boys, we’re having nice girl talk here.”
Ignoring her, Speed said to Racetrack “Did you find the dog?”
“No. The dog fur detector is useless because this bitch and her godsdamn fur coat is overwhelming the sensor!! She’s got a closet full of those coats!!”, said Racetrack.
Kwai Chang Caine came over to Racetrack and said quietly. “Margret. You have a special skill for finding lost things. Search you heart. Where do you think Talet is?”
Racetrack nodded to Caine and tried to clear her mind and think. Everyone in the room looked at one another tensely as the moments ticked passed.
Finally, Racetrack broke the silence and said “I think the dog is on the roof.”
Cruella DeVille squealed “Very good, child!! You’re right. The mutt is on the roof in a little cage.” And after a pause for effect she said “And it’s guarded by a huge Green Mountain Dragon. Good luck with that, darlings.”
Kwai Chang Caine smiled at Racetrack but wasted no more time. He dashed out the room and headed for the stairs to the roof.
As she watched Caine leave, Racetrack lowered her gun for just long enough for Cruella to leap toward a nearby private express elevator.
“Don’t worry, I’ll go after her,” said Speed Racer, “You go help Caine and get the dog.”
TO BE CONTINUED
“Lois, we really should just call the cops.”
“Smallville, that attitude is why you always miss the great stories. Rescuing a beloved pet from ninjas? Instant Pulitzer!” Lois beamed, already imagining the award in her hand.
“They’re trained assassins! We’ll need help. I think I saw a payphone just down the street,” Clark Kent continued to glance away, desperately trying to get somewhere secluded so he could change. As usual, Lois’ grip on his arm felt almost as strong as his own.
“I didn’t tap every resource I had to find Deville’s headquarters, just to let the boys in blue take all the glory. Besides, we have help.”
“Stand aside, farmboy. Science is here!” Dr. Thaddeus Venture muscled past Clark. Or rather, he attempted to, finding himself unable to budge the much larger man. Instead, he awkwardly squirmed around him, dragging an old-school futuristic ray gun almost as big as he was.
Clark assisted him, lifting the device with ease, “What’s this supposed to do?”
“If you must know, it emits a form of radiation that will harmlessly knock out every living thing in that building. While the ninjas are unconscious, we can easily search for Talat and get out safely,” Dr. Venture replied. Without any further comment, he pointed the beam at the building and turned it on. Immediately, the entire building was bathed in an eerie green glow, accompanied by a high-pitched screech.
«««•»»»
It took them a few seconds to realize that the noise was coming from Clark, who soon dropped to the ground, convulsing.
“Oops.”
“‘Oops’? ‘Oops’??? What did you do to him?”
“He’ll be fine,” the smoke curling from the now-limp Clark’s ears and mouth notwithstanding, “Eventually. Look at the bright side: if it knocked out Muscle Mountain over here — seriously, what do they feed people in Kansas? — those ninjas are all out too. Let’s hurry and get the dog.”
“STOP!” Deanna Troi yelled, too loudly, “They’re all still awake, waiting for you. And there’s something more, a powerful mind, unlike anything I’ve ever encountered before…”
“That’s the dragon. I’ve fought their kind before,” Joxer interjected, awkwardly dismounting the hoverbike on which he and Troi had arrived, “Well, Xena did, but I helped!”
“Dragon? Don’t be absurd,” Dr. Venture said. “That’s the kind of nonsense that Orpheus is always…” As if on cue, a loud roar could be heard from the roof, with plumes of flame and a cloud of smoke coming into view.
“We saw it on the way in,” Joxer said smugly. “It’s times like this that I think to myself: WWXD? What would Xena do? In this situation, the best way to go is a pinchy attack…”
“Pincer attack, idiot,” Dr. Venture interrupted.
“Right. Troi and I will attack from above, while you two work up from the ground floor.”
“You want to fight the dragon? Go for it. Good luck,” Dr. Venture chided. “I’m still not convinced that the ninjas aren’t…”
…the shuriken whizzing past his ear convinced him.
“My stun ray worked! I know it did!” He punctuated each word by kicking Clark’s prone form.
“Hey, buddy, knock it off! You’ve done enough to my partner already,” Lois pushed him away, the concern evident on her face. Tearfully she muttered to herself, “If only Superman was here…”
“I feel your concern for your friend,” Deanna stated unnecessarily. “Dr. Venture’s stun ray has given me an idea. Enterprise, Troi here. One to beam up.” In a glittering display of lights, Troi disappeared.
“She’s got a transporter???” Dr. Venture exclaimed. “Why didn’t she just beam Talat out of the building??? Am I the only one with any brains around here?”
As if to accentuate the point, Joxer jumped back on the hoverbike and flew skyward, singing a familiar theme song as he ascended to the roof. “It’s time for action. There’s a dragon to slay!”
«««•»»»
The hoverbike skittered to a stop on the roof, throwing Joxer clear before it rolled over repeatedly and exploded. He leapt to his feet and faced the dragon. The beast reared up, reaching a taloned paw toward him. Joxer pulled his sword, which slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor, bouncing several times before lodging itself in the soft pad on the dragon’s foot. The monster yelped loudly, then lunged after Joxer angrily. He ran down the stairs, into the waiting throng of ninjas, who pulled their swords… and never got a chance to use them, as the enraged dragon lumbered after Joxer, slaughtering all who got in its way. Joxer ran through the gauntlet of uncharacteristically flustered ninjas, barely hearing the muffled screams of those who neglected to avoid the dragon’s path, descending floor after floor, the dragon snapping at his heels the whole time.
“Weren’t we supposed to attack from the ground floor?” Lois asked.
“If you want to follow the mighty dragonslayer’s plan, don’t let me stop you,” Dr. Venture snickered.
Just then, a beam of blue light struck the building from somewhere above the clouds. The wide dispersion pattern of the Enterprise’s phaser bank, set for stun, rendered everyone inside the building — the ninjas, Deville, Talat, Joxer, and even the dragon — instantly unconscious.
“NOW we go in,” Dr. Venture declared confidently. He and Lois entered the building, carefully stepping over the ninjas scattered across the floor. They searched from room to room, looking for Talat.
They had almost reached their destination when, unbeknownst to them, a large object fell from the sky, heading directly for the building. Survivors claimed to have noticed markings on it: NCC-1701-F.
«««•»»»
“I felt your presence through the mists of the underworld!” An overly dramatic voice boomed, “Your souls were trapped in Purgatory! Despite my mastery of necromantic lore, I followed your commands and released the zombies from their tombs! Arise! [SIZE=“6”]Arise! ARISE!!![/SIZE]”
“Lay off the caffeine, Orpheus!” Dr. Venture yelled, “You could wake the dead…! Oh.” He looked down at his pink, sticky body. “Thanks.”
“It is unnatural! An abomination! Welcome back from the grave!!!” With a whiff of sulphurous fumes, Dr. Orpheus disappeared.
“Weirdo,” Dr. Venture muttered. He turned to Troi’s gooey form. “What the hell happened?”
“The Conn officer had to use the bathroom. I was only at the controls for a minute…”
“Long enough,” Lois Lane sighed. “Where’s Clark? Is he…?”
“I don’t know. I couldn’t get a sample of his DNA, so he didn’t have a clone slug available. I’m sure he’s fine.” He wasn’t sure, and it showed. “He’ll turn up,” he assured her, “…in the bottom of a two-mile-wide crater.”
“Did I kill the dragon?” Joxer asked, not quite sure what was happening.
“No,” Dr. Venture answered. “Once again, you needed a woman to finish the job.”
In a low voice, Lois wondered aloud, “What happened to Superman? Why didn’t he rescue me?”
«««•»»»
EPILOGUE
Sean answered the knock at his door. He could have sworn that it sounded somewhat… squishy. There stood five glistening, pinkish horrors. One was smaller than the others and decidedly dog-shaped, and this one leapt forward, startling Sean as it pounced on him.
“Don’t worry,” Dr. Venture said. “The fur should grow back in a few weeks. Let us know if you need anything else.”
Team Shady
Driver: Rex Racer, a.k.a. Racer X
Tech: Dade Murphy, a.k.a. Crash Override
Recon: Tom Tresser, a.k.a. Nemesis
Martial Arts: Snake Eyes
Alright, here’s my crack at the challenge. This was supposed to be the short version, believe it or not. I started working on a long version with witty dialogue and so-forth, but it is rapidly approaching novel-length and may never see the light of day before the deadline.
Challenge #1: Puppynapped (Short Version)
Crash hacks Scotland Yard and and identifies “DeVille” as a psuedonym for a black market furrier with two prior counts of attempted grand dog-napping on her criminal record: a fashion-obsessed sociopath by the name of Cruella De Vil.
Her file lists two known accomplices: Jasper and Horace Badun, her standard-issue hench-thugs. Nemesis scrutinizes archived footage of their deposition testimony to learn their mannerisms.
Crash gains access to the building security cameras, providing a clear view into all 35 floors of Nakatomi Plaza.
X and Snake Eyes deduce the inverse law of ninja effectiveness based on a few simple observations:
- Ninja clans are rare. Fully-trained ninja assassins are even rarer.
- As assassins, ninja most often work alone or in small numbers.
- Locating and recruiting 3500 skilled ninja on short notice is a near-impossible task.
Conclusion #1: Most of Deville’s ninja don’t know each other and are working together for the first time. They can’t possibly identify all of their colleagues by sight and haven’t practiced together enough to form bonds of true teamwork …or true loyalty.
Conclusion #2: After exhausting the local area’s limited supply of true ninja, DeVille padded out the ranks of her army with every available bush-league ninja wanna-be.
By observing the security tapes provided by Crash, Snake Eyes identifies the handful of truly dangerous ninja out of the crowd of posers. Crash tracks the movements of the true ninja using the security cameras.
X takes a few moments to familiarize himself with the controls of Judge Dredd’s LawMaster motorcycle. If it has wheels, X can drive it. It has two wheels, twin machine guns, lasers, gas grenades, and an autopilot. It also has a turbo-boost that allows it to jump great distances. He recruits the help of his mechanic, Minx, to soup it up with crampons and a spear-hook.
While poring over the footage from the security cameras, Snake Eyes sees something in the eyes of the puppynapped dog, Talat, that he recognizes, …the same something that he had recognized years ago in the eyes of his own pet wolf, Timber. Crash asks how they’re going to deal with the dragon. Snake Eyes signs that they need not worry about it, …if they can free the dog, the dragon will take care of itself.
Nemesis, the master of disguise and impersonation, enters the building through the front door disguised as De Vil’s dim and much-ignored henchman Horace Badun and is escorted to the side of the mistressmind behind the whole caper.
Snake Eyes enters under the cover of darkness and quickly blends in, one more black sheep in a flock made up entirely of black sheep.
MEANWHILE, a hundred blocks away, Racer X starts the engine on Dredd’s LawMaster bike and starts his run, gaining speed with every block.
Crash gains control of the building’s elevators, door locks, and intercom. He locks down the building, isolating each floor and room so the ninja can’t back one another up. This allows Snake Eyes to divide and conquer. As Snake Eyes clears a room or floor, Crash unlocks the necessary doors and elevators to grant him access to the next level. Snake Eyes gradually works his way up to the top of the building. Wherever possible, he poses as one of the hired ninja and passes through the ranks without engaging the enemy. By scouting ahead with the security cameras, Crash can warn Snake Eyes when he’s approaching one of the more devious and highly-trained ninja, allowing Snake Eyes to get the drop on them and maim or disable the most capable ninja before they can rally superior numbers in a coordinated counter attack.
MEANWHILE, fifty blocks away, Racer X jumps the bike from the street onto the wall of the adjacent building. His breakneck speed and tire crampons allow him to continue his race along the vertical wall of the urban canyon formed by the buildings lining the street. With every block closer to his destination, he rises higher and higher up the wall.
Inside, Nemesis, disguised as a trusted, but bumbling henchman, asks Cruella how she’s going to pay her army of ninja. This prompts her into a maniacal rant in which she impugns the honor of ninja everywhere, belittles their skills, downplays their usefullness, and insults their traditions. She also implies that they’re probably not going to get paid. Crash relays her words over the intercom for the entire building to hear. After allowing an optimal 47 seconds for this information to sink in, Crash unlocks all the doors and elevators in the building.
Snake Eyes leads the charge of enraged ninja fanboys against their duplicitous employer.
While Deville is distracted by the ninja assault, Nemesis slips away unnoticed and frees Talat. The two proceed to the roof.
MEANWHILE, twelve blocks away, Racer X runs out of buildings tall enough to provide any more vertical roadway. He uses the turbo boost and built-up momentum to propel the bike up towards the top of Die-Hard Tower in one of the longest motorcycle jumps ever attempted.
On the roof, a green mountain dragon is engaged in an epic stare-down contest with a small fluffy canine. In Tallyman’s eyes, the dragon sees the fighting spirit of an ancient and fearless warhound. Though normally a sweet-tempered pup, Talat gives the dragon a warning growl. The dragon hesitates. It knows an alpha dog when it sees one. More wary now, the dragon backpedals towards the edge of the tower.
SUDDENLY, Racer X and the LawMaster come sailing up past the edge of the building. They are going to overshoot the roof entirely. X deploys his spear-hook. The spear-hook latches onto the soft underbelly of the dragon. The LawMaster pivots around the dragon like a tetherball on a string. The bike collides with Nemesis, sweeping him off his feet and carrying him away. As the bike spirals in toward the beast, X unloads on the dragon with grenades, lasers, and machine gun bullets, all of which only serves to enrage it.
Snake Eyes explodes onto the roof with a horde of angry ninja hot on his tail. The dragon unleashes a plume of fire in retaliation for its mistreatment. Snake Eyes dodges and the fireball incinerates this ninja pursuers.
Snake Eyes whistles. Talat hops on Snake Eyes’s back. Snake Eyes hops on the back of the bike on its second pass. Racer X releases the spear-hook and the bike, team, and pup all sail off into the sunset. The rendevous with Crash at a pay-phone several blocks away.
In Summary…
- Racer X gets to attempt the longest motorcycle jump in human history.
- Crash Override gets to turn a multi-million dollar security system into his own personal computer game.
- Nemesis gets to pull off a flawless impersonation under the nose of an arrogant and oblivious enemy.
- Snake Eyes gets to test his skills against ninja from around the world.
- Talat gets to battle a dragon.
Not a bad way to spend an afternoon, all in all.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Team Thot: Dog Rescue Op — Part 3 of 3
(Find part 1 of 3 at http://forum.galacticwatercooler.com/showthread.php?p=297526#post297526 )
(Find part 2 of 3 at http://forum.galacticwatercooler.com/showpost.php?p=297595&postcount=72 )
KWAI CHANG CAINE, RACETRACK and the “DRAGON”
Racing toward the hallway, Racetrack couldn’t catch up to Caine he moved so fast. She shrugged. The guy was an independent sort for sure. For his part, Speed Racer and found another express elevator to the ground and followed Cruella DeVille. His Mach 5 race car was parked around the by the alley and he had jumped in and gave chase to Cruella and her Cruellamobile.
With Speed gone, the hover cycle was sitting there in the hallway for Racetrack to use. Racetrack decided she’d take it and burst up onto the roof and help Caine battle the dragon. Hopefully Caine wasn’t already dead. Why did he have to rush ahead alone like that?
She hoped on the hover cycle and sped it towards the staircase up. She primed the machine guns and braced herself.
She came bursting thru the doorway emerging on the roof. The huge hideous green dragon towered over her. She let loose with the cycle’s machine guns as she charged it, but suddenly the dragon let loose a massive fireball of deadly breath. The shock of it cause her to steer the cycle wildly and she crashed it onto the roof floor in an array of sparks and bent metal.
Lying on the ground, her head pounding and left leg searing with pain she surveyed the damage. Wreckage from the crash of course, but curiously no fire damage anywhere. Odd.
Looking over she saw Kwai Chang Caine standing there defiantly facing the dragon head on. “Caine!! Are you crazy!! Take cover! That thing will incinerate you, you fool!”
Kwai Chang Caine looked over at her, smiled, and returned his gaze on the dragon.
Suddenly the dragon, enraged, sent a massive burst of fire toward Caine, surrounding him.
When it past, Caine had not flinched and there was not the slightest sign the he was burned.
“You…are not …a dragon,” said Caine in a strong, but slightly sad voice. “You’re illusion will not work on me.”
The dragon roared a fearsome roar, but then spoke “I should have known better than to think I could fool a Shaolin.” Suddenly the dragon form disappeared, replaced by a Chinese man, bald, with sinister eyes and hook nose. His forearms bore the exact same burned in symbols as Caine’s—a Dragon on one arm, a Tiger on the other.
“You are …also…Shaolin,” said Kwai Chang Caine, “And you dishonor us by working for a cruel stealer of dogs?” Caine could not disguise the contempt in his voice for this man who trained at the same temple as he.
“She pays me well to guard her mutt,” said the man. “Obviously we did not expect one such as you to foil us. But, now you must die Shaolin.” From a satchel bag, the man removed a shining silk Shaolin fighting outfit and began to put it on. It had a symbol of a green dragon on it.
Kwai Chang Caine, likewise removed a silk fighting outfit from his satchel. It had a hand symbol on it. It was a treasured gift from his late friend and master the blind Master Po.
One they had donned their ritual clothing, the two Shaolin squared off with one another. They fought fierce and hard with one another. Racetrack couldn’t keep track of the fast moving arms and legs as the two attacked and counter attacked. In the end, Caine was the victor, and seeing no other choice against such a ruthless foe, Caine snapped the neck of his fellow Shaolin.
With grief and despair at taking the life of a fellow priest—fallen or not—Caine remained silent. He came out of his funk with a jump as a gun went off. It was just Racetrack shooting the lock off the dog cage. She let the dog out of the cage and brought him over to Caine.
Caine stroked the dog and the dog licked Caine’s face making him smile.
“Your master will be pleased to see you,” he said to the dog. He picked up Talat gently and prepared to bring him home.
AFTERMATH
With Talat safety returned home, and Cruella captured by Speed Racer, all was well.
Kwai Chang Caine was readying himself to leave—to continue on his life path of walking the Earth.
Suddenly a woman in a girlish tank top came up to him, and asked “Caine, have you seen my boyfriend anywhere?”
Caine looked puzzled. “Your… boyfriend?”
“Yes, Speed Racer. My boyfriend. Have you seen him,” said Trixie.
“Ah, yes, I believe Mr. Racer rode off in his race car with Racetrack,” replied Caine.
“Oh, really!”, said Trixie in a huff.
Caine noticed she was holding a dog collar and leash in her hands.
“Oh, by the way I found this…maybe it belongs to that dog you rescued”, she said. She gave Caine a once over. “Say. You got a girlfriend Mr. Caine?”
Kwai Chang Caine looked at her. And he looked at the collar and leash. He absentmindedly rubbed his neck. He looked at Trixie and smiled. Trixie looked back and him and smiled.
And then what happened next was …
<<< THIS SCENE HAS BEEN DELETED DUE TO ADULT CONTENT AND OUT OF RESPECT FOR THE DECEASED >>>> :o
(( This story is dedicated with loving memory to the outstanding actor, the late David Carradine and in particular his work in the 1970s TV Series Kung Fu))) 
The “Meh” Team, Challenge 1
Deunan and Briareos, positioned across from the building from which their target was located, quietly reviewed the intel the latter had gathered. “Dex” Dearborn was also nearby, eagerly looking over the hovercycle that had been left behind for the team’s use.
“One hundred ninjas,” Deunan commented, “per floor. Kind of ridiculous for trying to keep people from a dog.”
“Depends on whether or not you consider a fire-breathing dragon guarding the roof a normal, everyday occurance,” Briareos commented.
“Hmm…touche,” Deunan conceded.
“I don’t get it,” Ricky Bobby suddenly and loudly piped up. The driver, having just finished relieving himself on a fire hydrant because he thought it was ironic, zipped up and turned to face the intimidating pair before him. “Why are we gittin’ all hot and bothered about some pup? I mean, it’s just a pup and all.”
Deunan, irritated beyond measure at the driver on the best of days tried to ignore him.
“Because that is the mission,” Briareos, feeding off of Deunan’s emotions, responded irritably.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong,” Ricky Bobby continued, “I like dogs. Hell, I love ‘em. What with their cute, wet, sticky noses and rough little tongues when they lick you all up and down. And the way their little ears move around when they’re listenin’, if their ears ain’t floppy and all that is. And how their little tails just go on shakin’ back and forth, back and forth, back and forth like a see-saw. And the way their heads tilt just so when…”
“Will you SHUT UP!” Deunan couldn’t hold it back any longer. How they ever ended up with this guy she’ll never understand.
Giving her the once over with his leering eyes, a smarmy grin slapped onto his face, Ricky Bobby hiked up the belt on his pants. He inched closer to Deunan, preening as best he could, clearly thinking his puffed-out chest would impress her.
“Yeah…yeah, I like that. I like it when you talk to me. You don’t always talk to me and, when you do, it really turns me on. What say you and me…”
Whatever remaining breath he had to finish his sentence left Ricky Bobby’s mouth with explosive force. Briareos’ fist, having connected with the driver’s stomach seconds ago, pulled away. The scout calmly eyed the driver, who had fallen to the ground, writhing, trying to catch his breath. Turning back to his partner, Briareos continued as if the last couple of minutes hadn’t even happened.
“Either way, I was thinking our best bet was through the roof. Though it would be interesting, I’m not really in the mood to take on that many ninjas,” Briareos pointed out.
“Don’t know much about dragons,” Deunan agreed, “but I’d much rather take on that thing. We’d be done a lot quicker.”
Ricky Bobby, breath recovered, stood up as indignantly as he could but quickly double over in pain. Face contorted and breathing heavy, he spoke through fits of coughing, managing to convey a sort of wounded pride.
“I happen to know a lot about dragons,” Ricky Bobby huffed, puffed. “A lot! In fact, I bet I know more about 'em than all a y’all! I read all the books. Plus, Momma told me dragons is like dogs! You can rub their bellies or play fetch with 'em. Heck, they even go crazy over them dog whistles. It’s the truth!”
Deunan, Briareos and Dex all stared at Ricky Bobby a few moments longer, then stared at each other. With all his immense stupidity, Ricky Bobby may have inadvertently given them a means to execute a decent plan.
“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Deunan and Briareos asked each other at the same time.
The Plan and Execution
Once he was told the gist of what Deunan and Briareos needed, Dex got to work right away. He modified the hover cycle to attain greater heights, added a pair of ray guns as well as a high frequency tone generator, something to really get the dragon’s attention.
Using the hovercycle, Briareos would then pilot it up to the roof, getting the dragon’s attention with the high frequency tone generator. In a fit of rage, the dragon quickly pursues Briareos in the hopes of destroying that horrible sound emanating from the hovercycle. Briareos lures the dragon away from the building and into an ambush where Deunan had set some charges down an alley.
The charges go off but don’t really damage the dragon, though they slow it down enough for Briareos to come back around and kill it with the ray guns.
Meanwhile, Dex and Ricky have scaled the side of the building - courtesy of a rapid-ascending tow machine that Dex built. Once on the roof, Dex finds no problems getting access to the building’s systems. By the time Deunan and Briareos get back to the roof, Dex has located Talet the dog by using the building’s internal security system against itself.
Deunan and Briareos, knowing the exact location of Talet, strategically enter the floor he’s located on and promptly dispatch the 100 ninjas on that floor. If there’s one thing the two war vets are good at is taking on an enemy who’s number is greater than theirs…and with heavy armor, lots of big guns and many, many bullets. Unfortunately for the ninjas on that floor, more bullets than there are ninjas.
With the ninjas distracted, Ricky and Dex are able to whisk Talet away, out the window and down the building using the rapid-descent feature of Dex’s rapid-ascending tow machine.
Talet, safe and sound, is promptly returned to his now happy owner.
END
“Meh”
Team Loco Animale:
Pilot: Nite Owl II
Tech: Dr. Cochroach (aka Dr. C.)
Recon: Francois Toulouse (Nightfox)
Martial Artist: Po
Location: Nakotomi Plaza
Time: 9:30p.m PST
The Plan: Split into to teams. Dr. C and Toulouse infiltrate and use surveilence cameras to find Ambassador Talat. Nite Owl and Po create distraction for ninjas while Toulouse apprehends said Ambassador.
How it really goes down: Upon arrival, Po notices Dredd Cycle and quickly gets distracted. He accidentally starts it and flies around the building, causing all the ninjas to realize that an assault is going on. They quickly start breaking windows and using throwing weapons on Po and the cycle. As Po is impervious to their throwing weapons, this does not kill him (though you could hear his howls of pain for miles.
Nite Owl tells the others to get into the building while he goes after Po with Archie, except that he forgot that Po had been eating at the console again and shorted out the starter, so he’s waiting for a ship that’s not going to come.
Dr. C and Toulouse infiltrate without being seen by using an air vent, where they quickly find the surveillance console. Dr. C, using stealth and shadow to sneak past the one ninja in the surveillance booth and lands on the ninja’s head and into his ear. The ninja, unexpecting of this and rather itchy, runs right into a wall and knocks himself out. Toulouse, climbs down and takes the ninja outfit and ties up the ninja. Dr. C uses the terminal to find Ambassador Talat on the 42nd floor. Toulouse wastes no time and heads up.
Meanwhile, Po holds on for dear life as he flies the cycle to the top of the building before letting go. Thinking he has gotten clear of the menace only then realizes the fire-breathing dragon, who decides he would make a plump morsel. Po starts dodging it’s attacks, but can’t seem to find a way to defeat this foe. Nite Owl, now realizing that Archie isn’t coming, decides that he is just going to have to use the stairs to get to Po.
Toulouse gets to the 42nd Floor and easily grabs Ambassador Talat. But Toulouse then reveals that he intends to ransom the ambassador or sell him to the highest bidder. Dr. C, realizing the scheme, uses the elevator to head off Toulouse before he leaves the building. He catches Toulouse just as he is about to reach the roof. He implants a Bionic Muscular Synapse Enhancer chip on Ambassador Talat, which immediately turns him into a rage-fueled beast of fury. Toulouse drops the dog after Talat nearly takes off his arm.
At this point Nite Owl reaches them, telling them to run as at least 2,000 ninjas are running up the stairs. As the ninjas come through the door, the Ambassador puts a beat-down on each and every one that comes. The amount of bodies are enough to wall the doorway off, which they do.
They all make it to the roof where Po is still dodging the dragon, but is showing signs of weariness…and hunger. Nite Owl unpacks a Twinkie he keeps for such occasions and throws it on the top of the dragon’s head. Po needs no explanation, pulls off feats of awesomeness as he jumps, flips and strikes back at the dragon, hitting the beast so hard as to knock the Twinkie off it’s head. Ambassador Talat, impressed with his newfound skills, aids Po in the assault.
Dr. C and Nite Owl work quickly to get the Dredd Cycle working again while Toulouse parachutes to safety. Just then, the rest of the ninja’s come through the doors , only to startle the dragon, which begins to roast them. Po and the Ambassador hop on the Dredd Cycle during the panic and take off with everybody else, which was okay until they realized that the combined weight was too much for the bike and they start to plummet. But they all lived…with a few broken bones and antennae.
All,
As an FYI you will notice I added the following text to several entries:
Unofficial Entry: Alternate Team - Solai
This week Omra went and proved he has so much awesome it cannot be contained in one story…or one team. I have no problem with this, I only harbor a concern that our homie Sean is going to have a metric ton of sweet solutions to read in <glances at his watch> one hour. Alternate teams and stories are fine, but given the magnitude I don’t want him to have to do the mental math of, “Wait, did this person already submit something else?”
Moving forward if you choose to construct an alternate team and submit unofficial entries please label them clearly so that Sean can jump over them as he is performing his official judging.
Just looking out for my homie. 
Location: Interior/Day/Briefing room (similar to the ones on Galactica): Apollo is standing at the front of the room – the schematics for an office building appear on the screen. Sayid Jarrah, The Doctor and Buffy Summers are sitting in the seats – waiting expectantly. Buffy is filing her nails – looking a bit bored.
Apollo: “Okay guys looks like we have a new mission. This is a rescue mission – the hostage is a K-9 named Talet. He was abducted 4 days ago while being walked by his owner. Our mission is to infiltrate this building” he points up at the screen, “and rescue him. It’s very important that no harm comes to this K-9.”
Buffy Summers: “Why is that? I mean, we are talking about a dog here – it’s not like the fate of the human race is at stake here it’s….” As Buffy speaks a photo of Talet pops onto the screen….”awwww – puppy!!”
Rolling his eyes, Apollo continues: “Thanks to Sayid’s recon mission last night we have the schematics of the building as well as information on what we are up against. As of last night Talet was located in the center of the building. He’s being guarded by a squad of ninjas. There are also at least 80 to 100 ninjas on each of the other floors. The front door is guarded by a single security guard and a female receptionist. The person responsible for the kid-er-dognapping is named Deville. We weren’t able to get any Intel on Deville other than that name has been connected with several pet abductions in the past.
There also appears to be a dragon on the roof of the building.” A picture of the dragon appears on the screen.
The Doctor: “Oh look at you. You’re beeutiful. That’s no dragon Lee. That’s a Dracheleute from the Nebula system. They’re normally a peaceful race – not sure why they’d be involved in this kind of thing….”
Apollo: “Doctor, are you saying that this is an alien?”
The Doctor: “Yes I am. You’re not planning on killing this thing are you? If I’m not mistaken (and I rarely am mistaken) this is one of the last of its kind. We can’t kill it.”
Apollo: “well Doctor what do you suggest we do? Talk to it?”
The Doctor: “It’s worth a try Lee.”
Apollo: “Okay here’s the plan ……”
HOW IT GOES DOWN
The single security guard just inside the entrance to the building is taken out by Buffy with several quick blows to the head.
Sayid enters the building through the front door, shirtless. The pretty young receptionist is understandably distracted and doesn’t signal the alarm. Sayid is able to disable both her (via chloroform) and the security cameras, and alarms (via cutting the power).
Buffy and Sayid join up and begin making their way up through the floors fighting ninjas as they go.
At the same time The Tardis lands on the roof of the building. Lee is waiting above in his Viper, weapons locked and ready to destroy the Dracheleute if necessary. The Dracheleute begins spitting fire at The Tardis and screeching horribly. The Doctor emerges from the Police Box and begins speaking to the creature is its own tongue. Several minutes later, the Dracheleute stops spitting. Having realized the creature was also being held against its will – The Doctor, using his sonic screw driving, releases the creature from its chains. The Doctor also uses his screwdriver to de-active a small round disc around the creature’s neck. The Dracheleute screeches at The Doctor and flies off into the sky.
Lee lands the viper on the roof. All the commotion has drawn the ninjas on the upper floors to ascend to the roof to investigate. Lee begins to fight them off and as they begin to overwhelm him the Dracheleute appears out of nowhere.
The Doctor: “Lee, cover your ears!!!”
The Doctor speaks into his communication device to Buffy and Sayid “If either of you are still alive you need to cover your ears right now!!”
Lee does so as the creature begins to emit a deafening high pitch noise. The noise shatters the windows of the building and several of the buildings around it. The ninjas on the roof as on the floors immediately below double over in pain grasping at their ears which begin to bleed. After several seconds they have been incapacitated.
Lee uncovers his ears and walks over to The Doctor.
Apollo: “Doctor – how did you convince that thing to help us?”
The Doctor: “You humans – always assuming violence is the only solution. She was being held against her will just like Talet – once I explained we were here to help she was most cooperative. She only wants to go home to her spawn.”
As he was speaking, they hear a noise coming from the stairwell door. Sayid appears, badly injured. Buffy somewhat less injured appears behind him, carrying Talet.
Apollo: “Is he okay?”
Buffy: “Yep. He’s fine. Aren’t ya boy?”
Apollo: “where is Deville?”
Sayid: “Deville didn’t appear to be here – only the ninjas.”
Apollo: “Okay. Well we better get Talet back to his owner and Sayid to a hospital.”
Team Moldy Oldy
Pilot: Cap Jack Harkness
Tech: Prof Farnsworth
Recon: Col Nick Fury
Martial Artist: Cohen the Barbarian
We join our team as Col. Fury is walking into the conference room.
Cohen " So you’re saying that this world is round?"
Prof. Farnsworth “Exactly”
Cohen “No elephants riding on the back of giant space turtle?”
Prof Farnsworth “Don’t be daff man.”
Cohen “What about magic?”
Prof Farnsworth “This isn’t some fantasy world.”
Col Fury “Quite down people”
Fury starts to discribe the mission and the last couple of days he spent disguised as one of the ninjas. “Well, there are a 100 ninjas and a Dragon on the top floor.”
“100 to 3 don’t sound fair” Cohen interjected, "The dragon might be a little bit of a challenge though.’
“That’s a 100 per floor Cohen” Col Fury Corrected.
“Well then that evens the odds”
Fury hands out a broken down plan to everyone.
“Why is mine all pictures?” asked Cap. Jack
“That’s Cohen’s, Jack”
Fury gives everyone a couple of minutes to go over everything. Then asked “So Professor do you think you can fix that hover bike thing and make it work? Oh, and the other things?”
“Oh sure, I started inventing that when I worked at Mom’s but never got everything right.”
“I don’t like this plan Col.”
“Well get used to it Jack, it’s the best we can do on short notice. Well lets get to it.”
Several hours later, Col Fury and a modified LMD (Life Model Decoy) dressed as Ninjas enter the building. They slowly work their way to the security room. Fury quickly takes out the 2 ninjas in there. “Okay Prof get to working.” Fury heads to the floor where Talat is being held while Prof Farnsworth hacks the system.
Mean while Cap Jack and Cohen circle on the Lawmaster waiting for signal. Col Fury makes it to the floor and flash welds the door to the stairs. “Ok Prof cut the security system and disable all but one of elevators. And get that vator to this floor. Everyone else go, go, go!”
Jack swung the lawmaster down to the roof. Dropping Cohen at the door. Then grabbing the Professor’s special package and a couple of flame resistant grenades, Jack booked to it the dragon. “Are you sure this is going to work Professor?”
“Oh yes, my research shows that it especially effective against dragons.”
Jack cracks open the bottle and dumps the contents over his head. “Wait! This taste like Ranch Dressing.”
“Oh yes, everyone knows that dragons love ranch dressing.”
The dragon eyes Jack, then roasts him and gabbles him up in one bite. The dragon looks for Cohen and sees him slip into the door. It smiles contently and waits knowing that the wiry man will be back. Everyone else has come back running followed by those nice fellows dressed in black.
A few floors down Col Fury rushed into the room. “Deville sent me to move the hostage to the basement. A team of heroes have attacked the roof.”
“I’ll have to call and check” replied the ninja guard. Just as he said that the phone rang.
“This is Deville, I am sending another ninja to move that mutt.” and the line went dead.
“Take it, all it does in bark and growl.”
Col Fury takes the dog and slowly walks Tatal to the elevator. As it raises to the top floor, Fury removes the costume. He starts to prep his weapon for the up coming fight. As the door opens he lets out a scream and jumps out to see a pile of dead ninjas and Cohen rolling a dog ear. “Well that was a great yell.”
Tatal runs over to Cohen who reaches down to pet her. “Gods help me!!! My back and that pretty boy has me lineament.” Fury puts a knee to the knotted back and pulls back hard. They walk up to the roof, Cohen moaning and groaning with each step.
The dragon sees the door open and licks it lips. Its head shoots for toward the door as Tatal runs out barking bravely. Just as it goes to snap up the noisy creature, it hears a muffled pop and then explodes. “Oh god that is going take a while to clean up and I don’t think this smell will ever come off.” Jack grumbles wiping of some lower intestine. “Why am I always have to be eaten be the mythical creatures? Why not Cohen he believes in them.”
“Knock it off Harkness and get us out of here. Ok, prof give us five and set off the F bomb (a bomb that will bombard the building with Professor Farnsworth’s experimental F-rays) in the LMD.”
Cohen takes Tatal climbs on the back of the lawmaster as Jack starts it. They lift off as Fury base jumps to the next building. “Good job people, see you all next mission” Fury radios as he fades out of sight.
Angs Story:
Ang was angered that someone would steal a dog. No one should be without their best friend and he felt for Sean at his lost for Talat. He would do all that was within his power to get that puppy back. He volunteered to take the roof. He figured that he could deal with a dragon. He was after all the Avatar and could deal with a little bit of fire. But he didn’t think that would be an issue. He was friends with a couple dragons from his previous journeys so he figured he would just explain the situation to the dragon and he would leave. Using his flying staff he flew up to the roof top to have a chat with the dragon. Unfortunately for him the dragon was not from his world and didn’t understand English. The dragon attacked on sight with a huge plume of fire. Ang easily diverted the flame using his firebending ability then used the the puddles from the recently fallen rain to form an Ice Muzzle and an Ice straight jacket to stop the beast from flying away. He hten used an Airburst to throw the dragon into a near by river. Having dispatched the dragon he was heading for the roof door when he heard Talat start barking in fear. He immediately went into Avatar mode….
Bugs Story:
Bugs had no love for dogs but he also had a dislike for Ninjas…seeing as both had a taste for rabbit. But he did have a great love for causing mischief. He figured it would be ok for him to cause a problem or too so the others could help out Seans dog. He started tunneling. After a brief detour in Albuquerque he was able to find the basement to the building. The Basement Ninjas were of course the new recruits thus unrepaired for his cunning. Bugs was easily able to convince them that it was in fact Ninja season and so they all started fighting and killed each other. He jumped in the elevator heading for the 50th floor where the vault that was holding Talat was located. The Ninjas of course all heard the elevator coming and were all poised to strike at the intruder when the doors opened…
Spikes Story:
Even though there was no bounty for Talats rescue Spike was willing to go all out to rescue him. You see Spike had a grudge to settle with Deville seeing as few months back Deville had stolen a bounty from him and it was time for revenge. All he had to do was get in drop of Syndromes retrieval ball, Kill Deville and extract Bugs. It should be a simple. He jumped on the Hover Cycle kicked it to life and speed off towards the building. As he approached the building he targeted the outside facing security cameras and took them out from a distance with the hovercycles gun. He saw Ang fly over and knew that the Dragon on the roof would soon be taken care of. He gunned the engine and took aim at the 50th floor windows….
Syndromes Story:
Syndrome had no issue with kidnapping but puppynapping was a completely different story. Even in his cold evil heart ht still had love for puppies. He had no problem helping out the “good guys” on this mission. Plus while he was helping to extract Talat from the vault he would also help extract all the gold and money from it as well. He went to work hacking into the Buildings internal security field and neutralized all the internal automated defenses. He cloned all the security cameras so no one inside would see what was going on. Then he set to work building the retrieval ball. He installed the Zero Point energy field generator the shrink wave nebulizer and the negative space storage unit. It was amazing all that could fit in a 4 inch ball. He gave it to Spike with the instructions on how to use it…
It all comes together:
The 50th Floor ninjas were poised to strike as the elevator doors opened. Just as they were about to leap out stepped the most beautiful lady ninja they had ever seen. All their hearts literally leapt from their chests, their eyes bulged from their sockets and they started hitting themselves on their heads.
“He fellas. Say do you know where a dame can get herself a carrot frick-a-see?” Lady Ninja Bugs asked.
In their desire to appease their new love all of the Ninjas on the 50th floor piled into the elevator to go to the stores and get the ingredients to cook up a tasty treat. AS they were leaving Spike crashed the hoverbike thru one of the windows on the 50th floor power sliding into a wall as he jumped off landing on is feet handgun drawn. He ran for the vault calling Syndrome on his throat mike asking for him to start cracking the vaults security. Just as Spike arrived at the vault the door was opening. Out stepped Deville with a rocket launcher slung over his shoulder and an assault rifle blazing. Spike dove behind the nearest desk bullets just grazing his hair. He fired back blindly emptying his first clip just winging Deville. Deville tossed aside his assault rifle while bringing up the shoulder fire missile launcher. Seeing this Spike ran for the Hoverbike hoping to get there so as to use the heavier guns but Deville beat him to the punch and launched his first round at the bike. The concussive blast knocked Spike back and Deville had just enough time to escape back into the vault jamming the lock closed.
Talat began to bark angrily at Deville.
Upon hearing the distress in Talats voice Ang became angry. Really angry. He immediately went into Avatar mode and embarrassing all the elements at once. He used his earthbending ability to punch a hole from the roof to the 50th floor . He jumped in surrounding himself in a fire tornado that spread out on every floor that he passed on his descent to the 50th floor. The Ninjas were either burned alive or flung out the windows. Ang landed and used his earthbending to rip the walls surrounding the vault off. He tried to cut thru the steel walls but it was just taking too long. He had yet to learn how to bend metal. He collapsed in anger and defeat not being able to save Seans best friend.
Bugs had a back-up plan. He reached into his nonexistent pocket and pulled out an Acme Brand Hole on the Wall kit. He told Spike to get ready and then tossed the hole onto the wall of the vault. Instantly a portal opened into the wall. They all saw Devilles surprise which was quickly snuffed out when Spike put a bullet in thru the bastards head.
Spike stepped thru the hole and pressed the button on the retrieval ball. A little ray gun popped out and started shooting all the money in the vault shrinking it first then picking it up in the energy field and tractor beaming it into the holding chamber. Then Spike did as Syndrome told him to do and tossed the ball out of the vault aiming for the open window thru which he crashed commanding Talat to “Fetch boy Fetch!!” Talat took off after the ball jumping out the window enjoying a brief moment of free fall before the Zero Point Energy field fired from the ball enveloped him. The ball using its integrated homing device flew back to HQ with a happy Talat in tow.
By Offler the Crocodile God, I love me some Geghis Cohen. Of course, no god really likes Cohen, because there isn’t a god’s temple he hasn’t sacked yet. One thing I love about Cohen, he can’t die. He’s gotten so good at not-dying that it’s impossible for death to take him.
NOT LIKE I HAVEN"T TRIED say Death
Yeah, I’m a Discworld Fan.