Write your own Star Wars Prequels

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#61

Skywalker Ranch
5858 Lucas Valley Road
Nicasio CA, 94946

November 13, 2011

Re: Notice to Cease and Desist

Mr. Frakkintalos,

We have tolerated your “#Occupy Skywalker Ranch” protest for three weeks now, and we respect your right to assemble
(assuming that you consider yourself and several action figures an assembly). We have allowed you to pass out your prequel re-writes
to our employees, and we can assure you that everyone has a copy now. We do not consider slowly waving your hand and repeating
“This is the script you’re looking for” as threatening; however, holding a toy lightsaber to your crotch and screaming “Suck it Lucas!”
is behavior we cannot allow to continue. We respectfully ask that you pack your tent, your toys, your bunny ears and leave.
We do not want to have to involve the authorities.

Sincerely,

Ed Thompson
Head of Security, Skywalker Ranch

#62

November 17, 2011

Hey Ed,

I know you’re just doing your job. We’ve had some good times over the past 16 years. Haven’t we? Remember the golf cart chase of 2002? I think the first few weeks were the toughest, though. It was so kind of your wife to knit that sweater for me and the afghan blanket for my first Christmas outside the Ranch. George never even offered to build a canopy. He knew I wasn’t leaving. Bastard!

I find it surprising that he has put up with me for so long and only now has decided to sick his lawyer dogs after me. Is it the Blu-ray release? Is it the People Vs. George Lucas documentary? Or is Star Wars about to enter public domain? Or is it because the exact amount of time has past between when the original trilogy ended and the prequel trilogy began (1983-1999 ; 1995-2011)? Hmmm…

Anywho, unlike those folks on the #Occupy front, I have not made any headlines. No one even knows who I am or that I’ve been camped outside the Ranch for 16 years. My protest has been peaceful, indeed. I have not disrupted the lives of Lucasfilm employees or the production of any of those shiver Prequels.

All this time, do you know what I wanted, Ed? A comment, a criticsm, anything. My work is craaap. I know that. Steven Spielberg told me so. I’m a helpless, desperate, insecure fool. I’m not ashamed to admit that.

Thank you, Ed. For your kindness and patience.

Farewell

#63

Mr. Frakkintalos,

Has it really been 16 years? Wow, time flies when you’re having fun. Sorry about the “cease and desist” notice (and coming off like an ass). The staff and I actually read your re-writes. The consensus is that the cloak and dagger stuff within the force is an interesting dynamic, and the final scene with Vader watching the construction of the original Death Star is brilliant, we even asked ourselves how that was not in the actual episode.

Good luck with your writing career, and don’t forget us when you’re rich and famous.

Ed

#64

November 20, 2011

Wow Ed!

You’d be happy to know that “cease and desist” letter has changed my life. I’ve left Marin County and travelled this great country of ours. I haven’t thot about the Prequels, or Star Wars, or George Lucas for a whole week. I don’t remember a time when that was true. I’ve learned so many amazing things. Did you know there is a Native American reservation in the Grand Canyon? The Hoover Dam is 726 ft high and weighs 6.6 million tons? And Prehistoric Las Vegas was a virtual marsh of abundant water and vegetation?

What have I done with my life? I’m glad you liked my prequels but I wish you had kicked me out sooner.

Well, I’ll talk to you soon. I going to see the Flaming Gorge in Utah tomorrow!!

Happy and Star Wars free,
frakkintalos

#65

Where ever you go, the force all around you, is.

Ed

#66

November 26, 2011

Ed,

First off, thank you for the care package and money. It made for a very Happy Thanksgiving. I can’t believe how expensive things have gotten over the past 16 years.

I tried contacting my family and it wasn’t pretty. Allow me to explain. Back when I decided to camp outside the Ranch sixteen years ago, I required a source of income. My family had already disowned me and labeled me a loon. They didn’t hold with my ideals and thot I should have stayed at home and not gotten involved. I knew if I took a stand against the tyranny of Lucasfilm, I would do it alone. So, I created a clone.

Before they cloned Dolly the sheep, they cloned frakkintalos. I know. Shocking, isn’t it? Anyway, this clone took over my “life”. He would send me money every now and then and keep me abreast of my family’s affairs. Around 1999, when Episode I was released, I stopped receiving coorespondence. As you know, this was a very trying time for me and I was abandoned by the one person who was supposed to help. It’s not entirely clear why. All I’ve been able to ascertain is that he married my High School sweetheart and has two lovely children. They bought a home and live in New York City. He is an active member on a site called galacticwatercooler, where I have guessed his password and created this thread.

Last Sunday evening, I impersonated my clone and entered a Google+ Geek panel. I did my research about my clone before joining. This clone has an unhealthy ahem I know that is a strange thing to same coming from me but…anyway…he has an unhealthy obsession with William Shatner. So, during the panel I made sure to stress that obsession. Meanwhile I plugged my prequel scripts. Surprisingly, they wanted to perform them. I was taken aback. First of all, they aren’t even scripts. There’s no dialogue, no structure, it’s basically a summation. I can’t believe I never worked on these during all that time sitting outside the Ranch. Hrm.

Oh well, I’m not sure how this Geek panel thing will play out. It has the potential of being after-dinner theatre played out through stings and tin cans. My next stop is Steven Speilberg’s. I’m going to ask if he can help hashing out the dialogue for the script.

–frakkintalos

#67

Meesa so lonely!

Meesa only want to be a star!

Nobody ask Jar Jar to conventions! Meesa started the Empire! A Senator Jar Jar is! Is that no good?

Everybody wants that ol’ chick in the gold bikini! Nobody Jar Jar Binks!

Mebbe I change my name to Jar Jar Kinks and start a web site?

Me ol’ floppy ears can be bouncy, no?

Jar Jar Jedi with tongue!

Nobody dress as me at Con, but meesa have sexy legs like bikini chick!

Meesa hi-rez, baby!

Yousa all write screenplays! Yousa make movies! Jar Jar becomes a star without you!

Meesa be behind camera and in front! Jar Jar do it all! (Well, meesa no do jawas. Nasty! Blecch! No wampas neither! They tie up Jar Jar Binks!)

Yousa write your montages! Binksy has combinations

Yousa have bunny ears! Jar Jar has Playboy Bunnies!

—or meesa will….

You’ll see!

Meesa so lonely…

#68

And that’s that.

#69

Back in my day screenplays have we did not!
The will of the force! Lifting rocks and robots! All we had!

Know what did they, back then! Nothing! But knew I did! Sure I was!

But listen, did they? No, they did not!

“Yoda, you’re short on knowledge! Yoda, peyote isn’t a vision of the future!”

What did they know

You think easy it is, being wrinkly and green and a Master of the Force?
Tell you I will it is not! Uphill both ways it is!

And Kermit! What did he ever do? A theater, he had! A temple I had! An Order! I tell you!

I’m sick of mynocks!

Here in the Force I have to hang out for eternity with Hayden Christensen!

Who this Lucas fellow, who constantly changing things is?

Keep my counsel on what is to be changed!

Yours, Master Yoda

#70

#71

Made my day!

#72

From “A Look Back: Princess Leia Organa’s Revolutionary Recollections”

…After the Battle of Endor we all were celebrating. There were happy people everywhere, but there were some resentments, nonetheless. The Ewoks did try to eat us at first. Threepio didn’t care, he was a god to them. The rest of us? We didn’t care. I, for one, got really high and tried to call my father on Alderaan, which didn’t make any sense, but hey, such were the times. But back to Artoo, well, had had so many tools at his disposal. I suppose we should have seen it coming.

Han and I went looking for him in the woods. Threepio came along to translate. (There went my plans for some high forest-sex. I wonder if Artoo could’ve recorded with that holocron?) It wasn’t hard following his treads through the foliage. When there was a tree or stone in the way there were scorch marks from his rockets (who knew?) and soon enough, there he was.

It was like a scene from Jabba’s palace. Well, maybe the sarlaac pit would make more sense. There were bits of flesh everywhere and the smell of cooked meat. Artoo was surrounded by arrowheads and the charms the little teddybears wore. There were strange bottles of alcohol. (What is Romulan Ale, anyway? It must come from a galaxy far, far, away and after this, should be made illegal.) There shreds of the skin garments the ewoks wore and he was just babbling in that machine language of his. In his claw he held a spit over one of the rockets in his legs. There was a large furry arm on the spit.

I asked Threepio what he was saying. As he listened, Han poked around to see what he could find. Using a stick he lifted up a charred bandolier, a look of worry in his lovely eyes. (Really, he’s dog-faced now. We broke up sometime later, no matter what you’ve read. He was, last I heard, herding nerfs with people called “Indians” and Olivia Wilde—that star-hussy!)

“He’s saying, over and over: “These ewoks are Chewie! These ewoks are Chewie!”

Han shot first, thought afterwards. That was it for Artoo.

Things were never the same after that.

#73

I’ve been working on a treatment for a completely revamped version of episode one called Son of the Suns for some time now, hopefully to be the first of three completely rewritten prequel stories (with A Galaxy’s Fury and Broken Forces to be written later). Given its length I’ll just link you to the forum I’ve been posting it at: [http://originaltrilogy.com/forum/topic.cfm/CWBornes-Prequel-Treatment-Omnibus-Thread/topic/14170/

F](http://originaltrilogy.com/forum/topic.cfm/CWBornes-Prequel-Treatment-Omnibus-Thread/topic/14170/)eel free to give me some feedback.

#74

Had a thot this morning. In the Episode I that I wrote, the Lars family gets in trouble with Jabba the Hutt. I was thinking of adding a scene where Palpy manipulates Jabba enforcing his Force mind powers to the audience. So when he turns Anakin, it doesn’t come out of no where.

Then later in Episode VI when Palpy tries to control Luke, Luke breaks the spell when he looks down at Vader’s oozing limb and realizes his greatest fear is to become Vader. The Emperor has lost, he cannot turn Luke. When Anakin faces Palpy in Episode III, Anakin wants power. He falls right into Palpy’s trap.

#75

Glad you bumped this thread, cuz I realized I never even read all of these—cuz I’m poopoo head, jerkface :slight_smile:

#76

Looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

I read this a while ago. I’ll comment soon.

#77

In other news, the kobo app on iphone us has free Star Wars ebooks now. They look like prequels. You have to to register & sign in to get them.

#78

I am still reading Act I. I like that Beru is Anakin’s sister. It’s an interesting solve to the Skywalker / Lars connection. I like that the Jedi have already faded into myth. It makes more sense. Twenty years is not enough time for something like the Jedi to fade into obscurity. I like the addition of the Mandalorians.
I am up to the part where Darelda arrives on Nar Shadda.

Thanks for sharing.

#79

Thanks. Been slow on working on as of late as act three is largely a big action sequence and I have no real intuitive skills with action bits.

#80

I’m curious frakkintalos, did you ever finish the rest of it? Still pretty unsure how the second act is working pace and character wise.