Part 1: Everyone’s a Big Damn Hero in their Own Way
Steven Moffat stared out the window into the gray. It had been a dreadfully long day. Outside the chill in the air mixed with the incessant fall of rain dampening his mood. Caroline Skinner, the other executive producer of Doctor Who sat next to him flipping through headshots. They were in the unenviable of trying to catch lightning in a jar once again and find someone into the most giant character shoes there were.
“Right. Who is next?” Stemo asked hoping for some improvement to never ending line of disappointment that had been cycling through his office. Daniel Radcliffe had just left after having reprised a rather shocking scene from Equus that left them both slightly uncomfortable.
Caroline glanced at the call sheet and furrowed her brow, “This can’t be right. We said no Americans.”
Stemo glanced over, “Who is it?”
At that moment the door flew open and a ruggedly handsome man strode in and shook their hands confidently with a wry smile on his face.
“Hey. Nathan Fillion, how do you do?”
Stemo and Caroline looked at each and simply blinked. “Fine,” Stemo managed to stammer out “but you’re…”
“Nathan Fillion, yes. And I am the man to captain the ship!” he said putting his fists on his waist and striking a pose
“Erm, sorry” Caroline interjected. “Captain?”
“Of course!” Nathan said, emboldened. “I will Captain the ship with a fine compliment of a crew.”
“Crew. Um , hold on a moment…” Stemo tried to interject, “The T.A.R.D.I.S. doesn’t have a crew. The Doctor has a companion.”
“Aha! A companion! Perfect, I know the perfect actor.” He paused dramatically stroking an invisible goatee, “now, about this crew…who fixes her when she is broken? Who is the pilot? What if someone gets hurt? What if we need to weave a tale using religion as an allegory for the broken nature of the human soul? What if we need a bad-ass little girl?”
“Wait. Stop.” Caroline said leaning forward. “Do you know who Doctor is?”
“Who is this Doctor? Duh.” Nathan rolled his eyes. “Simon is the Doctor, trust me I know this material really well.”
Stemo shook his head. “Wait, who is Simon?”
“Simon? Simon is the Doctor that’s who!” he said patting himself on the back for that turn of phrase.
“Look, I’m sorry” Stemo interjected, “There has been a terrible misunderstanding”
Nathan looked perplexed, “My agent told me there was huge role available that centered on a man flying a ship. That’s all I needed to know, I dropped the phone and came straight here.”
Stemo rubbed his temples. “Look, this isn’t what you think, the Doctor…"
Nathan gasped, “Oh no. I’ve made a terrible mistake.”
Caroline looked empathetic, “No worries, we all make mistakes.”
Nathan gathered himself up and began to sing, “It may not feel too classy begging just to eat. But you know who does that? Lassie! And she always gets a treat!”
Stemo looked agast. “Erm, what?”
Nathan continued, “So you wonder what your part is 'cause you’re homeless and depressed. But home is where the heart is
so your real home’s in your chest!”
“STOP! STOP! STOP!” Stemo pounded the table in frustration. "I appreciate you taking the time but this isn’t going to work.”
A wave of disappointment washed over Nathan’s face. “Was I not horrible enough?”
“I wouldn’t say that” Stemo responded clearly exhausted.
Nathan reached into his pocket and put a big red button on the desk. Stemo peered at the button and asked, “What is the button for?”
Nathan said solemnly, “If your miracle doesn’t get here, you just pound this button once and it will call me back” and with that he spun around on his heels and left the room.
“Well, that was fun.” Stemo said not holding back any sarcasm. “Who is next?”
“No way…” was all Caroline could utter before a knock came at the door.
“HELLO, HELLO!” Eddie Izzard said brightly while walking in.
To be continued.