Struggling with depression

GWC Community Off-Topic/Other
#1

Hi everyone. I’m writing to ask for your help and good vibes. I’ve been dealing with clinical depression most of my life, and it’s struck again in the midst of what has otherwise been the best time of my life. I’m getting help, but it’s going to be a long road, complicated by fibromyalgia and sleep problems.

Although I haven’t been posting, the GWC community has been such an oasis in my life since I discovered the podcast a couple of years ago after a bad divorce. It helped me get my geek back on and you’re all such kindred spirits. Every cast is like hanging out with really good friends, which means so much more now that I’ve become so isolated.

So anyway, sorry to ramble - I’m hoping that some of you, if you’re comfortable doing so, might either send me a PM or post your own stories here of how you or those you know got through it.

Thanks, y’all.

#2

My wife struggled with post partum depression after the birth of our daughter. She is normally a happy outgoing person but the ppd hit her very hard for almost a year. We visited a great therapist who explained and listened.

One thing we did do to cope was to drive though DVD sets of sci-fi TV series. Buffy, Angel, Star Trek ( ToS, STNG, Enterprise) as well as West Wing, Law and Order, Murder She Wrote, etc.

I would ask her the details of the episodes she watched, and she would slowly talk about them. At first I was worried the content of particular series or shows would be depressing due to story, but in reality I think she simply needed something to focus on.

She would at first watch them in bed with a portable DVD player. Next she would sit at her desk and watch on her computer. Finally she was spooling them up on the TV/DVD player and watch there. I began to feel she was back when I saw her feeding baby in high chair while talking on her cell to my mother-in-law while re-reading an Asimov paperback on her lap and singing a Jewel song off key :slight_smile:

The therapeutic value of conversation, art, familiar things and repetition are the theme of my post I suppose.

GWC seems a great place for you to discuss “scifi and other cool stuff” ™.
To me, the main word in that sentence would be “discuss”.

Peace.

#3

I haven’t ever been officially diagnosed with depression, but that’s more a matter of not really talking to the right people about it. I did talk to one of my doctors about it, but all he did was prescribe meds and say “off you go”, so I don’t really consider that official.

I think my biggest problem is work/life balance (mostly the fact that I work and don’t really have a life :wink: ). And a big part of that is the fact that my nearest family members are over 2 hours away. Obviously, that’s not all of it, but it’s probably a pretty big part of it.

#4

What I always thought was depression turned out to be sleep apnea. Get a sleep study.

And while it is hard, try to get out with friends as much as you can, even for just a half hour.

If nothing else, talk to your doctor.

#5

My experience and advice is similar to Oddball’s. I dated someone who struggled with depression and he seemed to do better when he had something to focus on and keep him going. He played baseball and during season when he had practice and games every day, he handled everything a little better. GWC is a great place for discussion and common interests and maybe try finding something like a discussion group or interest club that might get you out and about, interacting with other people. Good luck and know that you have GWC and good thoughts with you!

#6

Try getting 7 hrs of sleep daily. Go for a swim. Take a cold shower.

Also, I find that fruits like strawberries, oranges & green apples put a natural smile to one’s lips. Most importantly, DO NOT skip breakfast, eat a reasonably light lunch and go crazy for supper.

Walk the walk & talk the talk - do not wear drab clothes and keep your back straight & head up high. :cool:

I know these things sound ridiculously simple, but it’s something that even Leonardo da Vinci profoundly understood as being key one’s well being.

PS Try listening to my all-time-favourite band, “Save Ferris”. That never fails to make me smile :smiley:

//youtu.be/HCzWPBR30Nk

//youtu.be/ZZ4S-UiNmzo

#7

I was afraid to say anything, because I don’t think I am qualified. But I feel Oddball said it perfectly.

The therapeutic value of conversation, art, familiar things and repetition, those things also helps me when I am extremely depressed… oh, and outdoor and exercise if you used to enjoy those things.

I also found scifi shows extremely therapeutic… that’s why i love them so much.

oh… and this site cracks me up a lot…

http://damnyouautocorrect.com/

#8

So anyway, sorry to ramble -

Rambling is what Internet Forums were made for. You should do it more often here. :slight_smile:

#9

Good for you Fifinella for making the choice to talk about your situation. Oddball made some good points.

Post on the forum, join the frak-parties - you are not alone. Do those things that feel good. My thoughts are with you.

#10

Good vibes being sent your way!

I know that in the past I’ve had to force myself to get out of the house and do something small that I would normally enjoy, like going to a movie or park or meeting a friend or two for lunch. The key for me was to start small, and then I started thinking bigger as things felt easier.

It’s great that you’re getting help and that you’re talking about it. Regardless of whatever else you do, those are the most important things, which I’m sure you already know. Keep talking to us, and let us know what else we can do, OK?

#11

I’ve been fighting depression a good part of my life too. It’s good to know that there are other out there who are facing the same issues. I find it hard to talk about my problems as I always feel that I am burdening others.

Being outside helps me cope, the further away from town the better usually. Trouble is that it takes some effort for me to overcome the barrier of depression that just keeps me moping around the house doing not very much. Once that barrier is passed and I’m out I feel better, and I know this, yet every time it resets.

Indecisiveness is also another killer. I may have a few hours to spare, but since I can’t make my mind up what to do I often waste this time. Then I feel guilty for not doing anything and wasting the time I had. The only way I’m finding of getting round this is to write the options out and draw one at random. This also works for deciding which DVD to watch!

So, know that you are not alone, that people do understand what you’re going through. And yes, listening to GWC and reading the forum does help, thanks to all involved for that.

Sending positive vibes your way!

#12

Outside definitely helps… more so now that our weather is nicer…my biggest outlet has been goaltending (not a sport or a position for the sane though)… but maybe find a softball or volleyball team to join… being a part of a team and hanging out with people for a sport is good too… and you’ll find too if you get into the sport you’ll live a bit healthier wanting to get better for the team, least I found it helped a LOT with me (and I lost a bunch of weight this way)…it’s not perfect, but it at least makes sitting in on a Sunday with a bunch of DVDs better because I killed myself playing hockey this morning and got some oohh’s and aaahhh’s for some stops I made!

It’s all about finding that little something that gives you something to look forward to each week :slight_smile:

#13

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and taking the time to help. It really means a lot to me!

I won’t post massive missives after this one, but I wanted to share what came out of my last appointment. After waiting quite a while, I finally got in to see a doc who listened to my history and thought that while yes, I was clearly very depressed, I was also a textbook case of ADD. Having grown up in the 80s, that term still has some stigma but I confess I’m profoundly ignorant about it. I remembered that hyper kid in our homeroom class and wondered what my lethargy and memory problems could possibly have to do with ADD. What’s next, Ritalin?

“I’d like to try a course of Ritalin,” said the doctor, who had been talking the whole time but whose words had not registered because I was thinking about the kid who couldn’t pay attention.

Hmm.

Anyway, as loath as I am to add another chemical to my system, especially if that chemical is a stimulant, I’m game to see what happens.

Have any of you, or people you know, had experience with ADD?

Thanks again for all your kind thoughts (and for reading this far),

Fi.

#14

I’m asthmatic myself and I fight living to rely on a puffer more then life itself, so I feel you not wanting to need “happy pills” to help… have a friend on the West Coast, she’s bi-polar and said her meds helped her with it, hopefully it does the same for you :slight_smile:

The hardest and most important thing you need to find…is something to get you start liking yourself…not always the easiest thing to do…

#15

Hey Fifinella. Welcome aboard.

First off, I’m no expert. Without writing a wall of text about my family’s personal experience, I will say that my wife was diagnosed bipolar in 2002 after the birth of our second daughter and throughout her life battled with depression but was silent about her struggle. She experienced a major manic episode in 2002 and was hospitalized. It was a distressing experience and an incredible life changer. Since then, she has found a wonderful team and med cocktail (and this took some time) which have increased her quality of life. (Message here: Meds do help.)

Once my wife was released from the hospital we started to note odd behavior in our first born. Long story short, over the course of her life she has been diagnosed with everything from the full spectrum of Autism, ADD, ADHD, depression and more recently pediatric bipolar disorder.

Many symptoms mimic each other, especially in children. It is difficult to diagnose many of these illnesses/disorders. That’s my experience and me not a doctor. I can only stress that you find a good team (doctor and therapist) that can help you isolate your triggers (the things that kick off an episode of depression, in your case). This will help alleviate the transitions between mental states. They will also be able to monitor your med interactions. Be sure to notify them of any out of the ordinary emotional states. Finally, and this is a tough one, trust the ones you love around you. If they notice something out of the ordinary and express it to you, make sure the doctor is aware of it.

OK. Maybe that wasn’t my final thot. One more thing, surround yourself with people that make you feel better. We all have to deal with stressful relationships, it’s part of life. Just make sure you balance that with folks and activities that really make you feel good.

Alrighty. Hang tough. (((((hugs)))))

#16

I liked how it was put in the episode of Glee, Born This Way.

Emma finally seeks help for her OCD. She was very resistant to taking meds, saying it will change who she is. And this is what her doctor says “OCD is treatable with medication and behavioral therapy. Mental illness is stigmatic, given its difficulty to diagnose so its severity isn’t understood.”

The doctor asks Emma if a student came to her with diabetes, would she give them insulin or say “that’s how you’re supposed to be?” and followed with “OCD is not what you are, it’s stopping you to become who you are.”

frakkintalos said it’s important to find good doctor and therapist, that will help you find the right dosage and combination of meds. Hopefully these meds are widely used because they do what they are supposed to do when prescribed correctly.

#17

I’m going to go ahead and be pretty straightforward here because I hope it will make you feel better. It’s kind of shocking to me that I am comfortable posting something so blunt here, but that is why GWC is magical.

When I was 7 my parents had a messy, terrible divorce. My father had multiple serious mental illnesses and he got pretty violent when he opposed the divorce. His legal parental rights were terminated 2 years later and my family ran away from Massachusetts to Florida for a fresh start.

Around age 15 I had my first bouts of serious depression, which became chronic. Thankfully, my mom understood that I was in a bad, dark place and put me promptly in therapy and had me see a psychiatrist.

I saw therapists for about 10 years before I felt like I was done talking through my sh*t. It was wonderful. Therapy helped me get to know myself in ways that I otherwise never would have. It can be difficult to find the right person to work with, but once you do, the relationship that develops is unique. I was never emotionally “close" with any of my therapists but I trusted the good ones totally.

One of the best things I learned in therapy was how to recognize when I was starting to have symptoms of another round of depression. I learned behaviors and coping mechanisms to help address problems early and also to let my support network of friends and family know I needed their love and attention more than usual. It’s hard to ask for help, but if you have chronic depression, you need to learn how to do it. Giving in to the feelings of isolation that accompany the blues creates a nasty feedback loop.

I would be careful about seeing a psychiatrist. They’re not bad people, but I have found that that the focus is on getting you medicated as quickly as possible and simply making sure that the meds aren’t hurting you or making you feel worse. They don’t do much to get to know you most of the time. That said, I had one fantastic psychiatrist who really did work to understand my exact issues and monitor the improvement of my depression symptoms.

The bigger issue is not with the doctors but with the medical science. I truly believe that our grandchildren will look back on the current practice of psychiatry with the same horror that we look back on 18th century trepanning. Right now, we understand that antidepressants act on serotonin and norepinephrine (and a few other neuroreceptors) but not why they work. I have been prescribed 2 antidepressants that were pulled from the market because they killed people. I had meds that killed my sex drive, meds that caused weight gain, others that caused weight loss, chronic fatigue. Some that worked for 2 years and then stopped working. I don’t think I’ve needed antidepressants in several years now but the one I am on is highly addictive. One of the biggest problems that patients who come off of it report is called “the brain shivers.” I really need to find another good psychiatrist with whom I can work to slowly get off of Effexor but so far I haven’t done it.

In short: try therapy first and if that is helpful but not helpful enough, try medication. Be persistent—don’t give up if your first solutions don’t work out. Do NOT think of yourself as broken because while you might never fully overcome depression, you have a lot of power to improve how you feel and how you live. Keep your friends and family close. Don’t be ashamed of feeling depressed because it’s a common problem and no reflection on the strength of your character or the quality of your spirit.

Feel free to PM me. I’d be happy to talk to you more.

#18

Thanks, everyone, for being so candid. I didn’t mean to give the impression that I had a problem with meds, therapy or mental illness as a whole – in fact, I have compared depression to diabetes more times than I can count over the years. When I was talking about ADD, I had just been shocked at something so totally unexpected, and also shocked that I still had any stigmas left. Humility’s a powerful thing.

I too believe that meds can nearly never be the only answer, and I’m definitely among those who need therapy too when things go a little… ka-ka. (See what I did there? Quantum Leap reference. This is GWC, after all.)

Like you, Starbuccaneer, I can feel when I’m about to hit a pothole – or a sinkhole, as this one is. It’s a real energy thing, like whatever’s holding me together just sinks through my solar plexus and into the floor. When I got hit with it 18 years ago and it would happen all the time, my mom used to say she could see the exact moment I would check out - it was like the lights went out and my soul just left. That’s pretty much how it was: a total absence of feeling.

I had a major coup at work yesterday, something I’ve been working towards for two years, and I feel nothing. I only want to cry about how badly I performed in the presentation. I know a certain level of self-absorption can’t be helped when you’re in a hole, but it’s not in my baseline nature. Depression is nothing if not tedious.

Star: I was on Effexor myself for a while and while it was exactly what I needed at the time, I admit it was rough coming off it. I’ve had the brain-shock thing with several meds, and it’s at the point where I weigh side effects before even going on something. Oof, that’s rough. I really feel for you! HUGS! I’ve tried so many drugs on the market (not off the market, mind you) and I agree that even my daughter’s generation may be aghast at the willingness with which we dumped chemicals into our heads KNOWING we had no idea how they worked.

Hansioux, I love the Glee quote. Thank you.

Talos - your wife and children are so very lucky to have you. Thank you for sharing your story. Depression runs deep in my family too, though it’s the clinical kind like mine, sprinkled here and there with alcoholism. I’m grateful to have exactly the kind of boyfriend one would want in the middle of depression: unconditionally supportive and nurturing, without losing his wonderfully wicked sense of humor. :slight_smile: My mother lives nearby, and she’s been with me on this journey from the start. And she’s been sober 30 years, so there’s that.

So much for shorter posts. Ah me.

I’m lucky to know you all. Thank you.

#19

I can kinda feel alot of the pain in here too… my parents had the nasty divorce too when I was about ten… my father disappeared into West NJ, to basically reboot his family and screw up my four half-siblings (I’m 38, the oldest of the new 4 is 17…I met them last year for the first time, they all came to see me win the hockey tournament I won (with the picture)…coming back from massive deficits in both games…it added to the emotion of the game to hear my half-sister yell OH MY GOD THAT SAVE WAS BEAST on my biggest save in the 3rd period)…but still for the most, and then some my father is pretty much worthless and less then a non-factor in my life… my mother took her own path after the divorce, and me and my sister pretty much raised ourselves from that…I never went to therapy, I never took any meds for things…I still have strong emotions that overwhelm me…but I took after my gramma alot, just be stubborn and bull through stuff (probably not the best way either)

The best advice I can give you…find something that feels comfortable and is best for YOU, if you don’t feel right on the pills, don’t take the pills, if the therapy helps (lord knows I’ve had some late night soul searching IM’s with people that worked like therapy), then go with it…what I find is the best thing that helps me, is being involved with something (no I don’t mean a relationship), a group…a sports team, even a bunch of people you play D&D with once a week…something…damn me and since I’m a fix-it guy with computers I always try to give an answer :stuck_out_tongue:

Something out there will feel right and good for you, just go with it and don’t be afraid of that or to try something wacky that helps :slight_smile:

#20

This MetaFilter thread may be of interest w/r/t psychoactive drugs.