From my experience, you dont relize loss till much after it happens. One day a few weeks later you will go to call them up, but then it hits you. Its sorta a state of apathy. You cant really quantify loss, and you just ignore it. You simply froget, and have certian moments of relixation when you finally see the loss.
The disc we got today from Netflix is broken. Like, cleanly broken in half.
I’m blaming our mail carrier, who stuffs things into the little mailbox (we’re in an apartment) in such a way that half of our letters tear open as I try to get them out.
Netflix is cool about this sort of thing, but it still sucks, because we wanted to watch that this weekend, and now the earliest we’ll get it again is Tuesday.
Harumph.
Grief can be felt or even not felt in so many ways. You also have the loss of an opportunity not just a loss of a person. So do not try to make sense out of it. If you feel like contacting your family to say you heard about your fathers death do so if not don’t. You are having confusing emotions but so did I when my father died. We had a wonderful relationship, but a good part of me could not come to grips that he really died. Crying did not come at first since at some level I would have to admit he was gone. I cry about him at odd times when memories come to me.
Not crying does not make you a horrible person. Your concern for your behavior shows you are a caring person. Talk to your “second” family or a friend for help coping. It may be what ever made your split with your fist family is also messing with your emotions.
Virtual hug
Life has taught me one thing, that the old adage, “Time heals all”, is true. One always needs time. Time to sort out feelings and thoughts. Time to forgive others and oneself. Sometimes this happens when all the participants are alive and accessible. Many times, it does not, and you’re left with the feeling that important matters are still unresolved. The only road to a peaceful heart that I know, is to fiercely look into one’s heart, own up to mistakes, etc, then forgive yourself, and you try to forgive others. You just feel the pain, until you don’t. Time will take care of that. Best wishes, my friend.
I’m finally getting around to doing our taxes and our tax software says we owe a significant amount of money. How can people who can barely make ends meet owe this much money?
I’m starting again and itemizing my deductions. Goram taxman!
Armando. Ouch.
Every year my employer has managed to somehow screw up my withholding. Like the year that they withheld NOTHING for state taxes…
As someone also on a tight budget, ouch. I haven’t done our taxes yet (I keep trying to get spouse to do them, since he did 2 years of an accounting degree, albeit in another country), but I admit I wonder what they did wrong this year.
Well, I decided to start again after that and managed to squeeze EVERY OUNCE out of our deductions to get us a nice little refund. What gets us this year is that I have more money coming in from freelance work, on which there’s no witholding, than an actual paycheck AND we lived in two states in 2008. Thankfully the states add up with the small federal refund into enough money to guarantee we don’t starve in July.
Whew!
First: I’m so very sorry. {{{hugs}}}
Secondly: It most certainly does NOT make you a horrible person. How can you not have conflicted feelings? Emotions are not right or wrong, they just are. And there’s no time table as to what you have to feel when. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Lastly: At the risk of echoing everyone else, you have to give yourself time. Time to process. Time to adjust. You’ll get through this, I promise.
For now, you’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Just wanted to say thank you all the concerned people out there. The worst is passed, while still considerably stressed out it dosent seem as bad this week. I managed not to lose anymore time. I’ve remembered to eat on a regular basis. I’ve limited my caffeine intake to 1 or 2 cups. My insomnia is on its downward phase, I’ve been an insomniac for well over a decade and it escalates and declines in phases for me. I’ve had no luck on the counseling yet but I hold out hope that my doc will find someone.
Special thanks to Apollymy for coming down this weekend and stopping me from crawling into a bottle. I’ve battled alcoholism for almost long as I’ve battled insomnia. THANK yOU, THANK YOU, and THANK YOU again.
But of course.
My turn to moan!
This weekend I was visiting my parents and friends in my hometown. Sunday afternoon, I left my tennins shoes in the den while I was wandering around barefoot. My mom always sprinkles powder in my dad’s shoes for him, and when she saw my shoes sitting there, she thot she’d be nice and do the same for me.
Fast forward to tonight. I’m sitting here at work and all of a sudden, I realize my feet are on FIRE! I start running through all the possible reasons in my head: fibromyalgia, neuropathy, blood clot… Finally, it hits me. My dad uses mentholated powder in his shoes. I’ve changed my socks and shoes, now, and tried to wash my feet in the restroom here at work, but apparently, I’ve absorbed enough of the menthol that my feet are gonna be uncomfortable all night.
Lords of Kobol, let this night pass quickly!
Are you sure its not fungus?
I am quite sure, thank you Mr Nasty. Imagine rubbing Icy Hot all over your feet and then putting on socks and shoes! This is driving me MAD!
I don’t make fun of you fetishes don’t make fun of mine!
Dear lord no you’re not a horrible person, never think that. I am terribly sorry about your father. I myself have not spoken to my father in over a decade. One day soon he may die, and i’ll be damned if i’ll know how to deal with his passing. Or understand how I should respond. I have no answers for this, but in my experience, real family blood or not will be there to support you when you need it the most. That being said i’ve always hoped for one day I’d reconnected to my other family, even though its not really realistic.
all I can say is you will be in my prayers to find your way through this time.
and may god bless you.
Sounds like a recipe for a pretty kinky evening to me. Rrrrow! 
Let me just echo everyone’s sentiments when I say that YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON. It sounds to me like your family life is beyond complicated and I can’ even imagine what you’re going through. Have you tried talking to your adoptive family about this? Also, is there any possibility of using this as an opportunity to reconnect with your birth family or is that pretty much a closed door?
Hang in there, TNM. Come by and rant as often as you need to, buddy. 
Dude, are you sure you’re only a teenager?
TNM: I just realized that I’d missed your post while posting about my tax issues. SHEESH! I feel like a jackass for doing that. I’m very sorry. 
Apollomy, that sounds frickin’ horrific.
Naughiest Monkey, I think one of the Ugly Truths That Nobody Tells You And People Like To Pretend Is Not True is that families really can by completely wrong. And sometimes you’re better off in a healthier environment. Hang in there. Sorry for your troubles.
At least your feet aren’t mentholated.
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a closed door. If they had tried to contact me at all, I might feel different, but they didn’t, so that’s that.
I’m not the same person I was then, I’m better than I was, and really don’t need 'em!
This message brought to you by Codine and the audiobook version of The Stand.