So. Normally, I work nights. However, this week, and for the next three, I’m working days. I use my cell phone as my alarm clock. I remembered to change the time, but forgot to change the days. Since I normally work Sunday night through Thursday night, my alarm didn’t go off this morning. I was supposed to be there at 7:30. My coworker called me and woke me up at 8:40. So, I’m futzing around getting ready when it suddenly dawns on me, there’s a rush hour parking ban in my neighborhood. I quickly throw on some close and run down to the front door of my building. Yup. My car’s gone. Frakkity frak frak frak! So, I call my boss and let him know what happened. I walk to the bank and then to the police station. Thankfully, they provide a free taxi to the tow lot since it’s several miles out of town. To make a long story short, after about 2 miles of walking and $125 out of pocket, I’m sitting at home (I ended up taking the day off) eating lunch. I want a nap.
Thanks, guys.
I like that rule!
A good friend of my brother’s accidentally killed himself on Tuesday. A bright, talented 17 year old playing with a handgun. What the frak? The poor kid was one of the people who got his senators’ support for a West Point application, and he’s dead. The worst part is, he was video chatting with a friend, who saw but couldn’t help. It’s such a stupidly wasteful death, and my poor brother is really upset. I don’t know what to say, because I am clueless as to how 17 year old boys deal with grief.
I am truly, truly sorry to hear that. I really don’t know what words are appropriate at a moment like this… it’s just shocking when you lose someone so young, and for such a stupid reason. I’m at a loss. I hope you’re brother’s okay.
Wow. That’s so… wow.
Condolences to everyone. I can’t imagine how tough that is.
Wow. I’m so sorry. It’s always so much worse when someone young dies. My thoughts are with your brother and you.
Thanks, everyone for the kind thoughts! If anyone has some advice on what to say to an almost-grown-up boy, I’d love to hear it. I never met the friend or his parents, but I just hope that they are getting the support they need from their friends and family. It’s scary how little you can do to protect your kids, ultimately.
All I can tell you is to make sure he knows he’s allowed to talk about it. It’s hard when you’re 17 to deal with new emotions, and with a death, the emotions might be pretty convoluted. When I was a senior in high school, a girl I didn’t like committed suicide 2 months before graduation. Along with the grief, I got a huge dose of guilt because I had really not liked her. Being able to talk about that with friends made it easier to deal with. If you’re close with your brother, just let him know that when he’s ready to talk, you’re there. And tell him it doesn’t have to be you, but he should talk to someone he trusts.
I agree with the above. Also just keep an eye on a change in your brother’s behavior. Teenagers think that they are invincible. When reality hits hard some just want to gain control. Hopefully the family or the young man’s friends will get together and have some type of teen memorial. Kids are great support for each other even when us old adults have no clue.
Holy frak that is awful, Stabuccaneer. I am so sorry to hear this.
It’s been a long time since I was 17, but when I was a month shy of 15 my father passed away suddenly of a heart attack. At that age, grief is a strange animal, but, if I think back correctly, it mostly took shape as fear. Eventually, I think, I ended up running away. I mean, not LITERALL, but I’m sure that, psychological, my asking to go to boarding school for the last two years of high school had a lot to do not just with wanting to study music more intensely but also with simply leaving home and moving on, as it were.
Thing is, one never moves on, really. One only learns to cope and deal and live life, but every now and then, even 20 years later, the grief has a way of coming back from time to time.
I have never, thank God, lost a friend and cannot imagine what your brother is going through. If my story helps you understand what he’s going through, even though it’s a very different experience, I’ll be glad. If there’s anything I can do to help (and remember-we live in the same town), please, by all means, let me know.
One thing I would do is encourage your brother to talk to his friends and spend as much time talking to them about his and their grief about their common loss. I can’t tell you how helpful it was to have my school friends help me cope with my dad’s passing. Also, and this may not be so much of an issue anymore, but back in my day, in Puerto Rico, it wasn’t always kosher for young men to cry, so I sometimes had to be reminded that it is. Mostly, having someone to talk to is incredibly helpful, especially if they can provide an unpatronizing, truly sympathetic ear.
Good luck. My heart really goes out to you and your brother. I am so, so sorry to hear about this.
Can’t improve or add to the great advice already given, but my thoughts are with you and your brother SB. I’m glad we have this thread to reach out to each other.
That blows. As a 19 year old male virtually anything you say is gonna be blown off immediately and possibly met by annoyance. Don’t hold it against him. He’ll prolly be angry, might punch some holes in the wall, throw things, that kinda deal. If he’s got another friend he really trusts or maybe a sibling (I dunno how that’d work, I don’t have any siblings) he’ll likely start talking about something related to him, dove tail into his own life, and finish off with a hard cry.
Don’t bring up the last part to him again later, you’ll totally ruin any trust if you do.
Really sorry to hear that. Hopefully time will help your brother.
I’m having a bad day because my Mum has decided to put our dog down in two weeks. He is old and sick, and has trouble breathing, and he is blind and deaf and she is going overseas for a month. I don’t know whether to go with her to the vets or if that would be more traumatic than it would be beneficial to provide some closure and be there for him so he doesn’t get scared. He is the only dog I wasn’t scared of, and my Dad bought him. Dad died nearly a year ago, and he loved that dog.
That is awful. And at 17, your brother probably has no idea of how to deal with this. And it may be awhile before he’ll even speak meaningfully on the subject, or his feelings, but don’t let it keep you from bringing it up. I’d suggest reading up on the subject a bit, maybe a trip to Borders to get a couple of books on grief, etc., so you have a few tools at your disposal. Listen. Be there. Let him know it’s ok to be mad as hell, sad, and that it’s ok to cry. Probably the most important thing. Watch him for any serious emotional changes. That’s a tough age to lose a friend, and without guidance can lead to acting out self-destructively, etc… Sounds like he has a great support system in place already tho…YOU !
And is anyone looking after the poor kid who was online with the victim? He will need some real counseling. What an awful thing to have to experience at that (or any) age.
Oh man, that sucks the big one. The hub and I have a 12 year old chocolate lab and he’s had arthritis for the past few years. Every day it seems like he has more trouble standing up and doing the stairs than the day before. I absolutely dread the day we have to do something. The last time my family had to put a dog down, it was our (actually, it was my brother’s) 12 year old german shepherd. She had a heart condition and my dad went out one morning and she wasn’t able to stand up. He called to tell me that he’d had to take her in and have her put down and could I please call my mother and tell her (she was traveling for work and was in the town where I live). It was worse than having to call and tell her my great-aunt passed away…
Within the last 24 hours everybody (but me) has bailed on the Boston meetup. I was psyched that the New England Crue was finally gonna have some kind of get together, but no dice. And I’m not going to drive into Boston to meet myself. I already know me, and I’m not that interesting.
Craaap. Frak. Felgercarb.
As a disappointed bailer myself, let me just say, that though this is only a postponement, a mere setback…
Craaap. Frak. Felgercarb. are my sentiments too. 
The NYC crüe is having a meet-up @ 1pm on Thursday in Manhattan. You’re more than welcome. Looks like the weather is gonna be craaaapy, though. Y’know for a 17 hour drive
If it wasn’t a four hour drive I’d go up myself! Maybe Pike and I should get together again. That’s the closest we’ve yet come to a DC/Baltimore meet up.
If it wasn’t an eight hour flight, I’d be there!
Maybe Pike and I should get together again.
When did you guys even split ?