How would you rewrite the lord of the rings?

Television, Movies Games and Books Non Science Fiction
#1

So I’m walking in NYC and pass a sign for Wicked…which got me thinking…we pretty much rewrite everything in our culture. Gregory maguire took the wizard of oz and put a new spin on it and the rest is history. There isn’t a major story in western culture that hasn’t been rewritten at some point. How many times ha Pride & Prejudice been rewritten, for example?

Which brings up an interesting prospect…at some point in the future, the Lord of the Rings will finally enter the public domain, which means Some bright spark will take a stab at reworking the mythos, either by writing a sequel or retelling the story from the point of view of another character. How a writer of today go about it, do you think, retelling the great fantasy epic (the story from eowyn or arenas POV…an alternate ending where Sauron win.) Any ideas…and I don’t mean the usual fanfic, slash or otherwise…

#2

Place it in the Star Wars universe. Everybody wins.

#3

Two words: Eagle Delivery

#4

Gamers style: The DM of the Ring.

#5

Aragorn shot first.

#6

I’d probably give Dumbledore more powers, like some sort of laser spell where when you say it, lasers shoot out of your hands.

#7

I’d change the character of the lead fighting Uruk-Hai to Jar-Jar Binks, so we could watch Aragorn slice and dice him.

#8

Lord of the Rings: The Porn…

Legolas and Gimli…

Wait…it probably already exists…

Seriously, I wouldn’t change much except give Arwen more screen time.

It’s so long anyway, how about putting in Tom?

Cannot believe I missed you saying Dumbldore the first time.

#9

Tom Bombadil & Sauron decide the fate of Middle Earth via a game of kickball.

#10

#11

I’d like to see the whole thing from Sauron’s point of view. We don’t get nearly enough about his motivations, IMO.

#12

Actually, there is a LOTR porn out there…put out by some company in Europe. XXX with fake pointed ears and copious…er, swordplay.

#13

I want to see the Lord of the Rings equivlent of Season 5 of Babylon 5. What happens after the giants leave the playground, and leave their toys?
(Speak in code to avoid B5 spoilers)

#14

Comparing Babylon 5 with The Lord of the Rings? How odd! Certainly such an exercise has never before been undertaken… why, the two differ so greatly.

For example, when the Fellowship was racing through the deep pits of Za’ha’dum, when Gandalf fell into an endless depth and was somehow reborn… I just can’t see a connection. No sir. And when Gríma kept basically asking King Theoden “What do you want?”, there was nothing further from my mind than the CGI-fest of B5 with space ships and lasers and pew pew pew!

#15

Troi: I sense sarcasm!! Tremendous sarcasm!

#16

Here’s an idea…rewrite it as Warhammer Fantasy…or 40k! Like to see The Fellowship stand up to a greenskin horde…Sauron is a wimp compared to Ghazkhrull or Grimgor Ironhide…

WAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!!!

#17

I picture it as a Shakesperean comedy of errors ala, well, The Comedy of Errors. Where Saruman and Gandalf are long lost twin brothers whom everyone confuses for each other to much hijinks.

Or maybe as a Wagnerian music drama, just to take it BACK from where Tolkien got it. :rolleyes:

Or a Tarantino-esque ironic/self-aware retelling in which everyone swears like a motherSHUTYOURMOUTH…:eek:

OR…Badgerspoon’s signature .gif.

#18

He’s just talkin’ 'bout Sam!

#19

My first thought, as with so many adaptations, would be to make LoTR into a modernized drama set in high school.

ETA: Or…mix up the races in LoTR. Galadriel is now a Hobbit, Samwise is an Orc, Sauron is an Elf, Gandolf is a stoor hobbit (or whatever Gollum was?), and so on.

#20

Actually, that first one is brilliant…LOTR as Glee! you could have sue Sylvester as Sauron, with the cheerleaders and football players as the orcs, Mr Schuester as a younger, more cut Gandalf, Finn as Aragorn and Kurt as Frodo (which begs the question who plays Sam…)
In between battles they do cheesy cover versions of Journey songs.