I’d get the Beatles to star in it. And get Stanley Kubrick to direct. Oh wait, this ALMOST HAPPENED! :eek: http://blastr.com/2010/11/little-known-sci-fi-facts.php
mindblown
Call it lord of the rings but just make more arrested development…
Gandalf: “Yeah, the wizard wearing the 400 silver robe is holding the door for a hobbit that doesn’t make that in four months, COME ON.”
–
Gimli: “Okay, who’d like a banger in the mouth? Ha! Right, I forgot, in the shire, you call it a sausage in the mouth.”
Sam: “We just call it a sausage.”
–
Legolas: “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Ooooh… THAT’s what Lost was about.
Boromir: “Well, I’m afraid I’ve shot my wad prematurely and now I have a bit of a mess on my hands.”
Aragorn: “Tell you what you do: you get yourself a tape recorder, buddy, and tape yourself throughout the day…”
Wasn’t JRR himself against it? Though it would have been cool…can almost Imagine (get it?) the soundtrack now…
Speaking of which…here’s an idea. Remake it like Flash Gordon…complete with a Queen soundtrack. “FRODO! AAHHH! BEARER OF THE IMPOSSIBLE!” (Cue blistering guitar riff…)
Starring Brian Best as… everyone? I would watch that, everything he says sounds FASCINATING.
How about a LotR where two mild mannered guys from New Zealand and their friends act out all the roles?
Oh, wait, that’s been done already.
I wish Peter Jackson had broken ‘The Return of the King’ in two parts and included ‘The Scouring of the Shire’.
When I was a kid, I imagined a ‘Heavy Metal’ type movie with the sound track done entirely by Rush. (I think it was the Longbottom leaf)
We saw the Scouring in Avatar…
Your love for the halfling’s leaf has dulled your senses. 
Courtesy tanstaaflWDM from Twitter:
Middle-earth according to Mordor
A newly translated Russian novel retells Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings” from the perspective of the bad guys
http://www.salon.com/books/laura_miller/2011/02/15/last_ringbearer
I’d Abercrombize it. The below is kind of a First Law spoiler so if you haven’t read it but would like to, pass on this.
[SPOILER]All of the hobbits end up dying of cancer contracted by their proximity to the Ring, Aragorn is revealed to be a buffoonish puppet-king of no honor and false might, and Gandalf no sooner celebrates the defeat of Sauron than he executes a long-held plot to become the new Dark Lord of Middle-earth[/SPOILER]
The above text is how Leo Grin, some kind of conservative critic, lambasted Abercrombie’s work. I think it makes a fantastic new Lord of the Rings.
Cracked.com took a…well…crack at it too.
http://www.cracked.com/article_18417_the-lighter-side-dark-side-5-villains-who-were-good_p3.html
"#1. Sauron (The Lord of the Rings)
The “villain”:
Oh, come on. Sauron is like the archetypal evil overlord. He’s got massive armies of monsters. He has a flaming eyeball. He has a helmet made of spikes, people, come on. And, he did… you know, he did all of those… things. And…
Hold on a minute there:
And what exactly? Please tell us, because throughout the entire 2000-hour run of the Jackson trilogy, we couldn’t find a single reason why everyone demonized Sauron like he was a debt-collecting pedophile. Yes, he was building an army to advance on Middle Earth. But who was in that army? What were they fighting for?
…
We hear a lot about freedom, and the free peoples of Middle Earth standing up to Mordor. What do we mean by “free?” They’re certainly not fighting for Democracy – each kingdom is a monarchy where the people have no say over what the leader does as long as that leader possesses the right genes. And overwhelmingly it seems like what those leaders like to do is shit on the Orcs, and the countless other minorities who Sauron was able to recruit onto his side.
What you were seeing in these films was not an unprovoked act of aggression, undertaken just for the hell of it. You were seeing generations of pent-up frustration by oppressed minorities, harnessed by a leader they could get behind. What Sauron did was nothing more than try to cut out a piece of that Middle Earth dream for himself and his followers, and find land that doesn’t require them to live under a continuously erupting volcano."
I think it’s a bit more like archetypal evil overlords are like Sauron.
The rest is fairly spot-on, except for the whole part about him almost destroying the world once before in the past.
EDIT: 100th post! 10% of the way to Alpaca Prime! Let’s see, I joined in February so I should be there in about 18 months.
I can whole-heartedly agree with that. Heh.
Huh. This popped up to my list for some reason.
Well… Here’s how I rewrote The Lord of the Rings
Nine Rings in Mordor (what if TLotR was written by Roger Zelazny)
The Czar of the Rings (what if TLotR was written as a Doc Savage adventure)
The Amazing Wraiths (what if TLotR was a Reality TV show)