Fun with Helo and Gaeta

Television, Movies Games and Books BSG-2003
#1

(Interior Galactica CIC). Helo walks over to Gaeta who is at his DRADIS station. Helo has a clipboard with a DRADIS System Maintenance Report for Gaeta to sign.

HELO: Hey Felix. How’s it going? I got a DRADIS SMR I need you to sign for me.

GAETA: Oh…um…Sure, fine. …um….you got a pen?

HELO: Yeah, sure thing. Here you go.

GAETA: Thanks. (Gaeta looks over the report, and starts initialing it in the proper places)

HELO: So dude, remember a while back, we were here in the CIC and I said to you “Weather’s changing, Felix. There’s a storm coming”. I totally called it dude!! Look at all the stuff that’s happened since I said that. Starbuck coming back from the dead. The Demetrius mission, capturing the Cylon baseship, the battle at the Hub, Lee becoming President, finding Earth. Wow man, was I right or was I right? I am the MAN.

GAETA: Well, a lot has…

HELO: That sucks about Earth, huh? Being all destroyed and all? Know what I say, dude? I say get over it. It’s all good. I survived for months on Caprica when it was all nuked and stuff, and I did fine. Even hooked up with a hot piece of cylon trim, if you know what I mean. I tell you, dude, I am the MAN. Am I the man or what? Even with a wounded leg, I got around. Toasters chasing me every frakin day, but I kept ahead of them—fleeing that cylon tyranny, right? See what I did there? A little play on words. That’s what I’m saying man, Positive attitude. I mean, I got around but I “got around”, if you know what I mean. Glowing backs, man…there’s nothing like it. Oh, yeah, I meant to tell you. I know you’ve been singing a lot, and that’s cool and everything. And, like I know it helps you deal with the whole peg-leg thing and all, but I need you to stop it. Yeah, thing is, Hera’s been having trouble falling asleep lately and we think the singing might be keeping her up.

GAETA: Listen, …

HELO: Yeah, so on the baseship, there was like a bunch of cylon model 8s—Sharons. And they’re like all totally in to me. Roslin’s like, “you are not married to the whole production line”. But I say “frak that”, I could have any of them. I bet they’re all like totally hot in the sack just like Athena. I mean they’re identical, right? Sex every night of the week for me, my friend, if you know what I mean?

GAETA: Helo, I really don’t….

HELO: I’m telling you. Cylons rock, man. Like, take Anders for example. I never realized what a cool guy he is. He and I are starting up a new Pyramid league. It’s gonna be like a special exclusive league for players over 6 ft tall only. It’s gonna be killer competitive, man. You should come watch. I mean you couldn’t play or anything cuz you too short and you got the one leg and all, but…. Weird all that about Anders being a cylon and all, but I tell you something. Doesn’t bother me at all. Frak, I’m married to cylon. I get along with ‘em great. I know it’s kinda fraked up me going on about Anders seeing as he shot your leg off, dude. But you shouldn’t hold it against him, man? Get to know him.

GAETA: Please! Just leave me alone….(hand grips pen)

HELO: Dude, you gotta be more like me. Think positive. That’s my motto dude. Think positive. Don’t get all bummed out, just because you don’t have any friends or a love life like mine. You got your career man, focus on that. You’re an awesome CIC officer, Felix. Kinda weird though, come to think of it, that Adama has never tried you out as XO. I’ve been XO, I’ve done everything, dude. XO of the Galactica. XO of the Demetrius. I was in even in command of the Demetrius too for while there. And I rocked, dude. I saw that mission through—didn’t let the trivial stuff phase me man. Like I said, you gotta think positive.

GAETA: Enough, okay!..(hand grips tigher on the pen)

HELO: Oh yeah, one more thing. Did you hear? On the podcast, Audra said she’d totally be a Helobine. She’s SO into me dude.

GAETA: AHHHHHHARRRGGGGHHHHH!!! (Gaeta leaps out of his chair and stabs the pen into Helo’s neck).

End of Line.

#2

Thot, you’re the man, not that Helo guy. :smiley:

#3

Well I must say that you are both the man. I like Helo a lot so do not take that badly. :smiley:

#4

Well, this is unique. Well done bit of fan-fic.

#5

Thanks. That story has been rolling around in my head for more than a week. I’m glad I finally put pen to paper on it.

#6

Hahah, great read. It is pretty funny how some characters seem to get things handed to them and other just have everything taken away. Such is life.

So it goes.

“Say Lavie?” :stuck_out_tongue:

#7

Great job!! Who wants to pick up on this?

You got Helo with a pen in his neck and Gaeta standing…um…perhaps leaning over him with a bloody pen in CIC. You could have Baltar enter and say, “Finally got one. Huh, Butterfingers!!!”

Or Tigh, “Cut the crrraaaappp you too. Take that toaster-lover…oh wait…whatever…take Everyjob to sickbay so Cottle can patch him up. Who’s going to do all the work around here?”

Or Adama, “Mr. Gaeta!! <<grumble grumble>> Get a mop.”

#8

LOL

Funny

Helo always reminds me of one of those preppy kids everyone went to school with. YKWIM. The guys that were always so full of themselves.

#9

(Interior Galactica CIC). Helo walks over to Gaeta who is at his DRADIS station. Helo has a clipboard with a DRADIS System Maintenance Report for Gaeta to sign.

HELO: Hey Felix. How’s it going? I got a DRADIS SMR I need you to sign for me.

GAETA: Oh…um…Sure, fine. …um….you got a pen?

HELO: Yeah, sure thing. Here you go.

GAETA: Thanks. (Gaeta looks over the report, and starts initialing it in the proper places)

HELO: So dude, remember a while back, we were here in the CIC and I said to you “Weather’s changing, Felix. There’s a storm coming”. I totally called it dude!! Look at all the stuff that’s happened since I said that. Starbuck coming back from the dead. The Demetrius mission, capturing the Cylon baseship, the battle at the Hub, Lee becoming President, finding Earth. Wow man, was I right or was I right? I am the MAN.

GAETA: Well, a lot has…

HELO: That sucks about Earth, huh? Being all destroyed and all? Know what I say, dude? I say get over it. It’s all good. I survived for months on Caprica when it was all nuked and stuff, and I did fine. Even hooked up with a hot piece of cylon trim, if you know what I mean. I tell you, dude, I am the MAN. Am I the man or what? Even with a wounded leg, I got around. Toasters chasing me every frakin day, but I kept ahead of them—fleeing that cylon tyranny, right? See what I did there? A little play on words. That’s what I’m saying man, Positive attitude. I mean, I got around but I “got around”, if you know what I mean. Glowing backs, man…there’s nothing like it. Oh, yeah, I meant to tell you. I know you’ve been singing a lot, and that’s cool and everything. And, like I know it helps you deal with the whole peg-leg thing and all, but I need you to stop it. Yeah, thing is, Hera’s been having trouble falling asleep lately and we think the singing might be keeping her up.

GAETA: Listen, …

HELO: Yeah, so on the baseship, there was like a bunch of cylon model 8s—Sharons. And they’re like all totally in to me. Roslin’s like, “you are not married to the whole production line”. But I say “frak that”, I could have any of them. I bet they’re all like totally hot in the sack just like Athena. I mean they’re identical, right? Sex every night of the week for me, my friend, if you know what I mean?

GAETA: Helo, I really don’t….

HELO: I’m telling you. Cylons rock, man. Like, take Anders for example. I never realized what a cool guy he is. He and I are starting up a new Pyramid league. It’s gonna be like a special exclusive league for players over 6 ft tall only. It’s gonna be killer competitive, man. You should come watch. I mean you couldn’t play or anything cuz you too short and you got the one leg and all, but…. Weird all that about Anders being a cylon and all, but I tell you something. Doesn’t bother me at all. Frak, I’m married to cylon. I get along with ‘em great. I know it’s kinda fraked up me going on about Anders seeing as he shot your leg off, dude. But you shouldn’t hold it against him, man? Get to know him.

GAETA: Please! Just leave me alone….(hand grips pen)

HELO: Dude, you gotta be more like me. Think positive. That’s my motto dude. Think positive. Don’t get all bummed out, just because you don’t have any friends or a love life like mine. You got your career man, focus on that. You’re an awesome CIC officer, Felix. Kinda weird though, come to think of it, that Adama has never tried you out as XO. I’ve been XO, I’ve done everything, dude. XO of the Galactica. XO of the Demetrius. I was in even in command of the Demetrius too for while there. And I rocked, dude. I saw that mission through—didn’t let the trivial stuff phase me man. Like I said, you gotta think positive.

GAETA: Enough, okay!..(hand grips tigher on the pen)

HELO: Oh yeah, one more thing. Did you hear? On the podcast, Audra said she’d totally be a Helobine. She’s SO into me dude.

GAETA: AHHHHHHARRRGGGGHHHHH!!! (Gaeta leaps out of his chair and stabs the pen into Helo’s neck).
Funny, Helo!..Funny, how you seemingly forgot to mention…I got shot in the leg!..ohhh and Doc Hacks-a-lot took it off…OH NOoooo let’s not mention that…Let’s no mention it until you wanna talk about your LEAGUE, with the freakeshly tall and toaster-like…So here…take your pen…(stabs Helo yet again)…And your stupid report…and stick it…IN YOUR DRAD-ASSSSSS…(Lets Helo stumble away from him. Then very calmly)…Great gods, where’s the aspirin?

#10

:slight_smile: All this Helo hate. I wouldn’t regard him as preppy. Former football quarterback maybe, but not a preppy.

#11

Just let me go on record to say, I meant no Helo hate. My purpose was for a few laughs—and a little “what if”. And obviously none of that stuff is what Helo would say for real. But, on the other hand, I’ll bet Gaeta in some moments of pondering—might just possibily IMAGINE Helo saying all that. Maybe.

#12

I would also add that my comment is in the same silly spirit. Helo is actually in my top ten BSG character list.

#13

(looks around)
Uhh…ThotFullGuy stabbed him first!

#14

i loved it when i first read it, and helo is one of my favorite character. (any character that loves the 8s is down with me XD)

there’s no helo hate, but if helo does sound like that, Gaeta should give a good ol’one foot kick in the butt.

#15

ha ha ha.

I definitely got some cognitive dissonance with the view of Helo as a frat boy… he’s too nice and right and moral (compared to the stereotype).

And dude, the 6 ft and taller Pyramid league? genius.

#16

How tall is Seelix? It would be interesting know who else in the BSG cast is over 6 ft. Even though I have tons of other far more important things to do day, I will dedicate my day to researchng this question. :eek::eek:

#17

You’re dedicating your day to researching how TALL everybody on the BSG cast is???

#18

Yes. What? You got a problem with that Jersey boy?

It won’t be difficult. I just need to fly 'em in to Boston. Line them up, and measure 'em. What’s so hard about that?

#19

:eek: What if they don’t want to display all their tallness?

#20

Hmmmm… good question. Maybe I’ll stand at the airport gate, and as they each get off the plane, I’ll be standing there with a pole held out at six feet. Anyone who has to duck to get under it, I know is at least 6 ft.
And if Jamie Bamber tries to jump up or wear high soled shoes, I ain’t letting him get away with it.