FSL 3.0 challenge 4: No Time To Panic

So… it comes to this then. After this week you will have finished your Hero/Nemesis therapy workshop. But as you can see that will happen one way or the other. I have come to respect each of you in your own ways and I do believe each has a great deal to offer the world in general… (ahem)… especially right now.

It’s time for you to think of something larger than yourselves. We have no time for the usual hand holding this week, we are being invaded!

The galactic empire, unhappy with the indignity you handed them last week have come to Earth for a full on fight to subjugate the planet! We are under attack! Even as we speak imperial troops have entered the city, imperial troops have entered the city! There are imperial star destroyers overhead. AT-AT’s fill the street and are gunning down entire buildings. Tie fighters are mowing down our entire aircraft defense force! I believe they mean to do us in.

It’s no mistake that you are here at this time, destiny, kismet, karma whatever you like - it applies here, right now. Earth is saved or destroyed following your actions here today. You MUST put you’re silly squabbles with each other behind you today and repel this invasion. It’s a straight up battle. Eternal glory or oblivion?

What will it be?

PROLOGUE

Darth Vader’s advanced TIE fighter approached the massive, gleaming white Star Destroyer. The Dark Lord of the Sith reflected on the events of the past few days. The seemingly simple task of attending to the baseball tournament on Dagobah had led to the death of the Emperor and the theft of the Death Star. The human known as Moriarty had approached Vader with an offer to eliminate the Terran opposition - which the rules of the game prevented Vader from doing directly - in exchange for an audience with the Emperor. Moriarty had apparently gained biotic powers from the the terrorist organization called Cerberus that rivaled Vader’s own Force abilities. When Moriarty captured the Terran team and the Emperor arrived, Moriarty betrayed Vader and killed the Emperor on the spot. Vader barely escaped to the Death Star and ordered the planet’s destruction. However, Moriarty had followed him aboard. During their battle, Vader had torn out Moriarty’s biotic implants, but the creature called Goliath had snuck up behind Vader and pulled off his helmet. Goliath had threatened to kill Vader if he did not order his men to abort the firing sequence. Vader had given into fear and obeyed.

Now, the Death Star was in the hands of the combined Rebel Alliance/Cerberus fleet. With the Emperor dead, the Galactic Empire would crumble without fear holding it together. The Republic would likely be re-instated, and freedom and democracy would reign. The thought made Vader sick.

So Vader had come here, to the edge of the Unknown Regions, to seek help from one of the Emperor’s most trusted allies. As his fighter was tractored into the boat bay of the Chimaera, he hoped he had made the correct decision.

When he stepped through the airlock into the pressurized area of the boat bay, he was greeted by an older man in a captain’s uniform and a side party of armed Stormtroopers standing briskly at attention.

“Greetings, Lord Vader,” the man said. “I am Captain Pellaeon. If you’ll come with me, the Admiral is waiting for you in his command room.”

“As you wish,” Vader said curtly. He was annoyed at being forced to wait for an audience with a subordinate, but he let the insult slide.

Pellaeon led him to the lift, and from there they travelled up to the command level. When the arrived at the Admiral’s command room, Pelleaon ushered Vader inside.

The room was dark, but from the walls, various types of art was holographically displayed. One piece was a smiling woman in front of a landscape. Another was an abstract representation of the night sky. There were many more pieces, but Vader didn’t recognize any of them. Further back was a command chair, behind which a frame stood with several brown, lizard-like creatures clinging to it. A blue-skinned humanoid in the white uniform of a Grand Admiral sat in the command chair.

“Welcome, Darth Vader,” Grand Admiral Thrawn said coldly. “Have you come to beg for my forgiveness?”

Vader was taken aback by Thrawn’s icy tone. He had known the Chiss admiral at the Emperor’s court, and the two had collaborated on battle plans, but their interactions had always been cordial, if distant. The Emperor had viewed Thrawn as something of a protégé, so there had always been a competitive nature to their relationship. Vader tried to reach out with the Force to discern Thrawn’s true feelings… and was rebuffed.

Thrawn seemed to sense Vader’s confusion. “These creatures you see behind me are called ysalamiri. They’re sessile, tree-dwelling creatures from a distant, third-rate planet, and they have an interesting and possibly unique ability: they push back the Force. A single ysalamiri can occasionally create a bubble as large as ten meters across; a whole group of them reinforcing one another can create much larger ones.”

“Very interesting. Why are they here?” Vader asked.

“Because I don’t trust you, ‘Lord’ Vader,” Thrawn said coldly. “And why should I? You got the Emperor killed. You somehow managed to lose the most powerful weapon in the Empire. You are a failure. I should put you out of your misery. Isn’t that what you do when your subordinates fail you? You kill them, am I correct?”

“I am not your subordinate,” Vader growled. “I am the Dark of Lord of the Sith, apprentice to the Emperor, and I am in command of the Empire.”

“You are in command of nothing. You lost that right. I am the highest ranking member of the Imperial Navy, I command the largest fleet still in the field, and, in case I need remind you, I am the only one who responded to you distress signal. Your Force holds no sway here, and neither does the prestige our late Emperor mistakenly awarded you. I do not take orders from you. And what can you do about it?” Thrawn drew a blaster pistol from his hip and aimed it at him. “Nothing.”

Vader anger and frustration threatened to boil over. If he could of, he would have Force-choked Thrawn on the spot. He would have drawn his lightsaber and sliced the ysalamiri to pieces. He would have taken command of the Fleet and strike fear in the hearts of those who would dare to challenge the Empire. But he could not do those things, not yet. For now, he would have to bide his time, and try as different tack.

“I admit that mistakes were made,” Vader said, striking a conciliatory tone. “However, I believe that we can learn from those mistakes. We have an opportunity to strike at those who dishonored the Empire. We can avenge the Emperor’s death. Together.”

Thrawn took a deep breath, considering Vader’s words. “Very well. I will help you. But I will do it for the Empire, not for you. And we do it my way. I command the fleet, with you as my advisor.”

Vader nodded. He knew Thrawn to be a brilliant commander and tactician. He had no problem letting Thrawn control the military side of things. He had his own plans, and he knew that he would not need the Force to manipulate Thrawn. “Very well. I have an idea about how we might begin. We need to strike back at those who killed the Emperor. We need to destroy Earth to make an example to others that would defy the Empire.”

“I’d already reached that conclusion and have begun my… research,” Thrawn gestured to the holographic art displayed around the room. “The art of the Earthlings has revealed much to me about their nature. They are lazy, decadent, and weak. Some of their artists may have had brilliant minds - da Vinci, for example - but most of them were sentimental, self-absorbed failures, and they often died penniless and anonymous. Most humans appraise art by how much it is worth in currency, and measure an artist’s success by how well-known their name is. Pathetic.”

“So, what do you propose we do?” Vader asked.

“They are a weak and fearful people, isolated and alone in the universe. They will quail before the might of the Galactic Empire. We will attack them directly and occupy six of their major cities. If they do not yield, we will destroy the rest. We will enslave their people and use their planet’s resources to construct a second Death Star. Once it is complete, we will re-assert the Empire’s will across the galaxy… after we test it on their planet, of course.”

Vader nodded. “Good. I have unfinished business with the Earthlings… four of them in particular.”

TO BE CONTINUED

In-con-ceivable

“What a waste of resources,” the cloaked figure grumbled. He sat with a weary sigh on his black throne and used the joystick to turn it toward the ornate viewing window. A scowl was etched upon the grey features under the his dark cowl, the battle raging outside was not going well. His apprentice had reacted poorly to the loss his team had been handed at the baseball game, he had hastily sent a task force to invade and enslave the home planet of the offending team. Unfortunately the Earthians, is that what they are called? Anyways they had apparently foreseen such an action and had been laying in wait for them. The overly confident admirals had dropped their star destroyers out of hyperspace and right into a massive mine field without the benefit of having sent ahead any scouts, the wounded ships were easy prey for the highly unusual craft lying in wait for them.

And so now it was up to him to help the empire save face by bringing in his Death Star and personal fleet to finish the job. He sighed in disgust as one of the offending ships zipped by and sliced a trio of T.I.E. fighters into ribbons of scrap with its lighthawk wings, a sickingly cheerful telepathic ‘meeeeeeoooooowwwww’ rang in his head as it passed by his view. The mental sound brought to mind kittens jumping and pouncing on play toys, he rubbed his temples and spat out with a snarl,“That is just sooo wrong.”

Behind him a sound like angry bees erupted, it was soon followed by two loud thumps and then the smell of cooked meat wafted in his direction. The Sith Lord regally turned his throne around to see who would dare to enter his private santcum and disturb his meditation, such as it was. Vicious stood by the elevator door a readily recognizable red lightsaber in his hands and at his feet two crimson robed royal guards lay dead and smoldering, Palpatine lazily sent force lightening at the annoying man but it stopped a few feet from him. It was then that the Emperor noticed the two Ysalamir lizards draped around him like bandoliers, “Jupiter’s Cock how I hate those cursed creatures!”

Vicious turned off the saber and spoke, “I propose a challenge.”

“I am but a frail old man," the Sith pretended, “I cannot compete with you physically,” he smiled wickedly, "and rather doubt you are a match for my brains.”

“You’re that smart?”

“Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle or Socrates?”

“Yes.”

Morons.”

“Very well, I shall challenge you to a battle of wits.”

“For the Earth?”

Vicious nods silently.

“To the Death?”

Vicious nods again.

“I accept.”

The two are seated across from each other at a black table,Vicious swivels back around holding two goblets of red wine and sets them on the table one in front of himself and the other in front of the Emperor. Vicious offers a small smile, “And so the battle of wits begins, where is the poison? It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right… and who is dead.”

“But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a fool, you would have counted on it. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.”

"You’ve made your decision then?”

“Not remotely. Because Ixo-toxin comes from Nal Hutta, as everyone knows, and Nal Hutta is entirely populated with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.”

“Truly you have a dizzying intellect.”

“Wait until I get going! Now where was I?”

“Nal Hutta.”

“Yes, Nal Hutta. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder’s origin, so I clearly cannot choose the wine in front of me.”

“You’re just stalling now.”

“You’d like to think that wouldn’t you? You’ve beaten my Royal Guards which means you’re exceptionally strong, so you could’ve put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you’ve also bested my apprentice, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.”

“You’re trying to trick me into revealing something. It won’t work.”

“And it has worked! You’ve given everything away! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!”

“Then make your choice.”

“I will, and I chose,” the Emperor’s eyes widen in wonder as he looks past Vicious’s shoulder, “What in the world is that?”

Vicious turns and looks in the direction that the Emperor had been looking, while his back is turned the Emperor switches the two glasses. Vicious shrugs and turns back around, “I did not see anything.”

Palpatine shakes his head innocently, or as innocently as a Sith can look, “Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something.” He shrugs, “No matter.” Picking up the goblet in front of him, “First, let us drink. Me from my own glass, and you from yours.”

They both drink down the contents of their goblets and set them down firmly. Vicious looks at the Sith Lord sternly, “You guessed wrong.”

The Emperor’s face splits into a grin, “You only think I guessed wrong! That’s what’s so funny! I switched the glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool!” He slaps the table for emphasis and then leans closer leering, “You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous of which is ‘never get involved in a land war on Arrakis’- but only slightly less well-known is this: ‘Never go against a Sith when death is on the line’!” He leans back and laughs deeply and cruelly for a few moments until then suddenly he abruptly stops and slumps over dead in his chair.

Vicious rises and then walks over and pats the dead Sith Lords shoulder, “Sorry my friend but they were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up and immunity to Ixo-toxin.” He pulls a headset from a pouch on his belt, “Hey Spike how are you doing?”

A muffled voice answers, “I am almost finished placing charges on the regulators at the core,” after a few heavy breaths inside the helmet as Spike maneuvers in the suit, “I estimate two minutes to completion and another minute to work my way back to the Swordfish II.”

“Great work, once back aboard your racer set the charges for five minutes,” he glances at his watch, “that should give me time to get back to my boarding pod and rendezvous with Ryoko and reach a safe distance.”

“Roger that, Spike out.”

Vicious keys the communicator to another channel, “All ships this is Vicious, the battle station is going to blow in 8 minutes, repeat that is 8 minutes make sure you have reached safe distance by then. Please repeat back.”

“This is Nagi aboard Ken-Ohki, confirm 8 minutes.” “This is Ayeka aboard the Ryu-Oh, I confirm 8 minutes.” “This Kiyone and Mihioshi aboard the Galaxy Police cutter Yagami, confirm 8 minutes till boom!” “This is Ryoko aboard Ryo-Ohki, I will be sure and pick you and Spike up in a few and be clear before this beauty blows!”

The heroes and their allies get clear before the Death Star blows up beyond the orbit of Saturn, taking with it most of the remaining Imperial fleet.

PROLOGUE

PART ONE

David Xanatos stared through the rain pounding on his expansive office window at the midnight Manhattan skyline. Three months had passed since he’d returned from Dagobah, and yet the events of those few days still weighed heavily on his mind. He’d spent a fortune to purchase the Death Star - or Foxfire Station, as he’d renamed it - and his business empire was still feeling the effects. He’d had to make a hard decision to reconcile with his former rival - and father-in-law - Halcyon Renard, the CEO of Cyberbiotics, in order to absorb the responsibility of operating the station.

Cyberbiotics provided scored of advanced robots to help operate the station, while Xanatos Enterprises provided funding and infrastructure for the project. All knowledge and technology they gleaned from the Empire’s advanced technology would be shared equally between them. Xanatos hated having to ask for help, but the purchase of the station had stretched his resources thin, and he couldn’t hope to manage a station of that size on his own. The station itself seemed to rely heavily on automation, which was Renard’s area of expertise.

The station was currently parked in the shadow of Mars, where prying eyes couldn’t see it. Xanatos knew that the Empire might someday return to take revenge on Earth for the defeat they’d been handed on Dagobah. Foxfire Station was his insurance policy.

The doors opened behind him. Owen Burnett strolled in, followed by his expected guest. Xanatos turned to greet him.

“Ah, Goliath. Just the gargoyle I was hoping to see,” Xanatos said.

Goliath scowled. “I realize that our recent… adventure cast us as allies. However, I would remind you that we are equals in that regard, and I am not one of your employees to be summoned at your beck and call.”

“Of course. I apologize for the inconvenience. I thought that relaying an invitation through Detective Maza was the proper channel for setting up this meeting.”

Golaith remained impassive. “Get on with it,” he growled.

“Very well. Owen?” Xanatos said as his aide de camp dimmed the lights and activated a holographic projector. An image of Foxfire Station appeared, tucked behind Mars. “This is the station I purchased from the Cerberus/Rebel Alliance leaders. As you can see, I’m keeping it out of visual range of Earth. We’ve made a great deal of progress in exploring the station and figuring out how it works.”

Goliath nodded. “I’m aware of the progress you’ve made. Mr. Renard has kept me updated.”

“I see. I didn’t realize that you too were close.”

“We are… friendly.”

Xanatos moved on. “In that case, you’re probably aware that we’ve been exploring the database from onboard the station. We’ve uncovered a significant amount of information about the galaxy around us, including an encyclopedia of species from the known universe. We’ve made a discovery… a species that bears an uncanny similarity to your own.”

“Are you saying that there are gargoyles on another planet somewhere?”

“Perhaps. Perhaps they’re distant cousins. Remember the trolls we battled on the Citadel. Their species had once called Earth home. This might be a similar situation. Gargoyles may have originated on another planet somewhere, or perhaps your ancestors once ventured among the stars. Unfortunately, the database doesn’t contain much information. The coordinates of the possible home of this species is in an area known as the ‘Unknown Regions’ and the information is anecdotal, at best.”

“Where does the information come from? Someone must have told the Empire about a race of gargoyles,” Goliath said.

“The information was provided by a Imperial Navy officer, a former member of the Chiss Expansionary Force from the Unknown Regions. He had once encountered and reportedly conquered the planet. According to this Chiss officer, the ‘gargoyles’ fought bravely, but he was able to exploit their one weakness: they turned to stone during the day.”

Goliath growl became a roar. “I would have words with this ‘officer’ of the Imperial Navy! What is this coward’s name?”

Xanatos consulted his notes. “A Grand Admiral called Thrawn. Currently assigned to the flagship Chimaera in the Unknown Regions.”

“I will seek out this Thrawn and teach him to fear gargoyles, and then I will liberate any survivors and bring them back to join my clan. When do we leave?”

“I have a shuttle prepped and ready,” Xanatos said. “I’m going with you.”

“It seems we are allies once more,” Golaith said, extending his hand.


Sherlock Holmes sat in his armchair at 211B Baker Street, toying idly with an antique meerschaum pipe, carved in the shape of a roaring griffin. He had quit smoking, but it seemed like such an exquisite piece of art should not sit unused. John was out working at the clinic, Inspector Lestrade had no cases for him, and Sherlock was bored.

He’d had no contact from Moriarty after they’d returned from their adventure in outer space. Given the sacrifice that Moriarty had made to defend them and the planet Dagobah, Sherlock hadn’t had the heart to turn the comatose criminal over to the authorities. Instead, he’d dropped Moriarty off at a nearby hospital as a John Doe. John had used his credentials as an M.D. to check in on him, until, one day, he disappeared.

Of all the decisions he’d ever made in his life, Sherlock regretted letting Moriarty go the most. The criminal had shown an compassionate and courageous side, but that didn’t change who he was at his core. Sherlock had no doubt that he’d be hearing from him soon, probably in the form of one of his elaborate and puppeteered crimes.

A knock at the door startled Sherlock from his thoughts. Answering it, he opened the door to reveal a mild-looking man in a well-tailored Westwood suit.

“Hi-i,” Jim Moriarty said, in his high, lilting voice. “Surprised to see me?”


The Imperial Fleet cut through space like a silent, predatory beast. Eighteen Star Destroyers, led by the Chimaera, over two thousand TIE fighters, and a hundred thousand Stormtroopers were ready to lay siege to the planet Earth. They waited only for the Grand Admiral’s command.

On the command deck of the Chimaera, Vader stood beside Thrawn. The Chiss admiral wore his white uniform with a ysalamir on his shoulder and a blaster on his hip. He red eyes shone with a hunger that made even the Dark Lord of the Sith a little uneasy. He had underestimated Thrawn’s willpower and his desire for victory. The Grand Admiral had established himself as the supreme command of the remaining Imperial forces.

Thrawn had outlined a plan to Vader, of such scope and ambition that even Vader had not considered it feasible, given weakened state of the Imperial military. The Empire would launch simultaneous attacks on three targets with overwhelming force, with the goal of inflicting maximum casualties and destruction of two of them, and the capture of another.

The first target was the planet Coruscant, the former seat of Imperial power. With the Emperor dead, the people Coruscant had risen up and overthrown the Empire’s hold on the planet. The planet had become the seat of the nascent New Republic and a symbol of freedom from the Empire’s rule. Thrawn intended the reduce the surface to glass and ash as an example of what happens to those who defy the Empire.

The second target was as secret space station in the Horse Head Nebula, a major central base of Cerberus, the organization that joined forces with the Rebel Alliance. Called Minuteman, it was reportedly the headquarters for the current leader of Cerberus.

The third prong of the attack was actually the central objective of the campaign. The planet Earth was to be captured and its people enslaved by the Empire. Earth would become the new home planet of the Galactic Empire, and Vader would oversea the creation of a second Death Star, while Thrawn hunted the survivors of the attacks on Cerberus and the Rebel Alliance. Before them, the blue globe of Earth hung in space, ripe for the picking.

“Sir, we’re detecting a radiation spike from behind the fourth planet,” a lieutenant announced from the science station.

Before Thrawn could issue an order, a green lance of the energy shot of the darkness in the shadow of the red planet. It struck the lead Star Destroyer of the fleet, the Imperator, vaporizing it instantly. If not for the dampening effect of the ysalamir, Vader would have felt a thousand voices screaming out, suddenly silenced.

“It seems we’ve found your missing Death Star,” Thrawn said cooly to Vader. He turned to his communications officer. “Broadcast the code.”

Obeying, the comm officer transmitted a code that only Vader and the Emperor had possessed. The pulse activated a subroutine buried deep in the software of the Death Star’s computers that locked out all access to the station’s weapons, shields, and propulsion systems. Only Vader could reactivate it. The science officer confirmed that the station was no longer a threat.

Planet Earth was now completely defenseless.

Grand Admiral Thrawn smiled, his red eyes glowing even more menacingly than before.

“Begin the invasion,” he ordered.

TO BE CONTINUED

“Well, we’re done here,” Wolverine entered the briefing room smoking a cigar and cracking open a beer.

“That’s it, you’re just gonna give up?” Sabertooth was leaning against the far wall with a shadow cast across his face.

“No, I mean we won. You watched the Star Wars documentaries, once we got that Death Star, we won. Everything else will just sort itself out.” Wolverine finished his beer and cracked open another can.

“Your logic is problematic,” River stopped spinning in one of the office chairs briefly to speak, before resuming her fun.

“Does this mean my contract on this team is over?” The Blue Handed G-man was sifting through his briefcase in anticipation.

“Yup, this was our final mission, and we were done before we started, everyone gets to go home,” Wolverine punctuated this statedment with another drink from his beer.

River stopped spinning in her chair again to look up at Blue Hands with wide eyes. He shut his briefcase and stood up. River dashed for the nearest window, leaped up and crashed through the glass. She rolled off an awning below the window and took off running through an alley. Blue Hands looked up at the other two teammates, and then casually walked out the door.

“Hurry up and finish your beer so I can kick your ass,” Sabertooth still standing in the shadows, began to grin, bearing his teeth.

Wolverine chugged the last of his beer, threw his cigar to the floor and said, “let’s go bub!”

Team Angels & Attitudes

Heroine: Lt.Commander Lisa Hayes (Robotech)
Nemesis: Minmei (Robotech)
Heroine: Sara Walker (Chuck)
Nemesis: Heather Chandler (Chuck)

Cameo Compendium - Part 1

Sean’s Therapy Room:

Sean: “…What will it be?”

Instantaneously, like the transition from a Halo cut-scene to gameplay, the street outside Sean’s Therapy Room becomes a hot LZ.

President Whitmore leads a ragtag group of USAF and USN fighter jets against the Tie fighters mixed in with LtCol Cameron Mitchel’s F-302s. Overhead in the upper atmosphere a large Battlestar appeared out of no where, starts dropping through the atmosphere and is frantically launching Vipers and Raptors while both taking hits from the Star Destroyers and dishing out nuclear missiles and main battery punishment. The advancing AT-ATs and Walkers are being met by a host of Autobots led by Optimus Prime. Apparently Grimlock had decided to bring in the dinobots for a little exercise as well as he is seen munching on a large formation of cloned storm troopers. Colonel Johnny Rico adeptly advances his Roughneck Mobile Infantry units into the left flank of the Empire’s ground units. A single red-suited with gold trimmed humanoid flies into the fight and shoots energy pulses from his hands against the Empire’s speeders. Eureka’s Martha leads a wing of drones and is decked out in angry red, taking out anything the Empire has to throw at them. Agent K and Agent J wield a pair of Noisy Crickets and do mass damage to the right flank of the advancing Empire ground forces. In high earth orbit a spec that resembles a Starfighter joins in with the some of the Vipers and F-302s in kicking some Imperialistic ass.

The ladies race outside and find cover behind a small black Ford Ranger with a bed liner. Exasperated by the extent of the destruction the team is witnessing, they take a moment to absorb the events around them. Before they can make any plans two forces enter the street/LZ and secure the area. One force is comprised of two VF-1 Veritech squadrons led by Commander Roy Fokker and Lt. Rick Hunter. The other force arrives in more conventional Blackhawks helicopters commanded by Colonel John Casey in the first chopper. The second chopper contains more of Casey’s forces along with a battle suited Chuck and Morgan.

Roy (over his Veritech PA system): “Lisa! Minmei! Captain Gloval says play time is over and has ordered us to pick you guys up. Seems we have a little business to take care of.”

As Chuck runs over and hugs Sara, Casey: “General Beckman said if you two are done singing Kumbaya we could use Sara…and you can tag along too I guess if you don’t get in the way CHANDLER.”

Heather: “I told you that you can’t do anything without your nerd, Sara.”

Sara (hugging Chuck tighter): “Oh stuff it Heather.”

Morgan (with hand reached out to Heather): “Come with me if you want to live.”

Chuck, Casey, Sara, & Heather: groan

Roy: “Come on ladies! Up in the seats. Minmei, you can come with me and Commander Hayes will go with Rick.”

Veritechs and special forces alike fire and maintain the perimeter until the groups take off. As the groups leave the LZs a shot up Tie figher crashes into the truck. Inside the building a man is heard sobbing uncontrollably.

En Route in the Blackhawks:

Everyone is mic’ed up and able to hear each other.

Casey: “You ladies really riled up these guys with your little baseball stunt.”

Chuck: “And what’s this I hear about a victory party that we didn’t get invited to?”

Heather: evil grin “There wasn’t any time. Before we knew it the place was crawling with Wookies and Ewoks. We had to do something before things started getting nasty.”

Chuck & Morgan: “WOOKIES AND EWOKS?!?!”

Sara: “GUYS! A little focus here? WHERE are we going?”

Casey: “Alaska”

Sara & Heather: “ALASKA?”

Sara: “Why Alaska?”

Chuck: “Beckman wants us to go up there and reason with a one Admiral Donald Hayes. Apparently he’s got some sort of Grand Cannon that he’s refusing to use until some race called the Zentradi show up.”

Heather: “Canon?”

Casey: “Relax Ms. Thief. It’s a huge underground location. You’re not going to be stealing it or taking it anywhere.”

Sara: “What are we supposed to do if this Admiral Hayes refuses to use this super canon?”

Morgan: “GRAND cannon actually.”

Casey: evil crazy smirk “Then Beckman’s given us authorization to do whatever we need to do. This one comes from the top.”

Chuck nods while smiling and points a finger straight up.

Sara: “I just hope we get there in time to do some good.”

Everyone nods agreement.

En Route in the Veritechs:

Again, everyone is mic’ed up with headsets.

Lisa: “Commander Fokker, what’s the plan?”

Roy: “Same old, Same old Commander Hayes.”

Ben Dixon (the somewhat dimwited squadron member of Rick Hunter’s Vermillions): “Yea! Another Concert from Minmei!”

groans from everyone reading this story

Rick: “Yes Minmei, we need you to sing to give us any advantage you can. We’re terribly outnumbered and even though we fight better, the Empire still has many more ships and soldiers they can send at us. We are taking heavy loses. Will you please help us?”

Minmei: “I guess. But only this last time to save the Earth and because you asked me Rick. I’m tired of being used by everyone!”

Roy: “Alright! Let’s get you back to the SDF-1…Max, stop playing with that Viper pilot and come down here to help escort the nice ladies back to the ship.”

Max (cheerfully - as always, the best pilot in the Robotech Defense Force and member of Hunter’s Vermillion squadron): “Roger Commander. Talk to you later Starbuck!”

Max and Starbuck waggle their wings in mutual salute as they peel off their separate ways. Somewhere nearby Apollo is steaming with jealousy in his Viper.

Alaska Base, Grand Canon:

Casey’s assault group and the team arrive at Alaska base. They are immediately escorted to the main control room where they meet Admiral Hayes and…Daniel Shaw!

Chuck, Sara, Morgan, Casey and his team all draw their weapons on Shaw.

Sara: “I should have known the Ring had something to do with this.”

Admiral Hayes (Military head of the Robotech Defense Forces and father to Lt Commander Lisa Hayes): “Calm down Agent Walker…”

Chuck and Sara: “Bartowski!”

Heather: “Whatever”

Admiral Hayes: “…Agent Shaw is here to assist us in activating the canon with special Ring technology. Contrary to what General Beckman may have told you we haven’t used the cannon yet because we needed the targeting program the Ring was developing for us” The admiral holds up a special Ring device.

Chuck immediately flashes on the device and blurts out: “That device will target all the canon’s energy on a secret Ring satellite that will deflect the canon’s energy beam to Washington DC!”

Sara shoots her tranquilizer gun at the Admiral, knocking him out and the device falls to the floor. Shaw picks it up and ducks behind a console. One of Casey’s men throws a grenade at Shaw completely destroying the console, the device and Shaw.

Casey: “Great, now what are we supposed to do!”

Heather: “Come on nerds. Don’t tell me you never played Space Invaders.”

Morgan cracking fingers: "Right! It’s Saturday night. I’ve got no date, a two liter bottle of Shasta, and my all Rush mix tape. Let’s rock.

Chuck silly grin : “Oh yes. It’s all in the wrist.”

Heather begins to hotwire the canon.

Bridge of SDF-1:

Outside the bridge windows a hodge podge fleet is seen surrounding the SDF-1. There is a Battlestar, a few F-304 Starships, a Constellation class Starship, a flying Japanese space battleship and a few Athena Class troop carriers. The ships are surrounded by what’s left of the space capable fighters. Among them is a oddly shaped Corellian YT-1300 Freighter.

A great energy beam is seen enimating from Alaska and starts destroying large portions of the Empire’s fleet.

Captain Henry Gloval: “Finally, Admiral Hayes is finally playing ball. Signal all commands to attack! Lisa, tell Minmei it is time.”

Lisa: “Minmei, Captain Gloval says it’s time for you to start singing. Good Luck!”

Minmei: “Thank you Lisa. If we get out of this alive, I’ll never bother you and Rick again!”

Lisa: “Thank you so much Minmei! I know you’re making the right decision.”

And with that, Minmei starts into her most inspired version of “We Will Win” broadcast on all known communication channels. As expected, the song’s power completely disrupts the Empire’s clones and fleet personnel. The hodge podge Earth fleet begins to slice into the Star Destroyers from one side and the Alaska Base Grand Cannon continues to destroy the ships from the other dirction.

(CONTINUED IN THE NEXT POST)

Team Angels & Attitudes

Heroine: Lt.Commander Lisa Hayes (Robotech)
Nemesis: Minmei (Robotech)
Heroine: Sara Walker (Chuck)
Nemesis: Heather Chandler (Chuck)

Cameo Compendium - Part 2

Epilogue:

Colonel Casey and his troops lay exhausted around the control room. After the base took a few direct hits from Star Destroyers, the Alaska Base troops had fought the storm troopers bravely. A few elite Empire units broke through and engaged in a blaster/firefight with Casey’s assault team and Sara, allowing Chuck, Morgan and Heather to continue to operate the Grand Cannon until a Star Destroyer took a Kamikaze run into the canon itself.

Heather is slowly working on the sparking Grand Canon controls while Morgan is passed out on the floor. Admiral Hunter sleeps soundly on the floor and will for a few more hours. Chuck and Sara are slumped next to each other in the command deck chairs.

Heather: “It’s no use. This thing won’t be firing again anytime soon.”

Chuck: “That’s okay Heather. The fighting seems to have stopped so either we won or we lost.”

Casey: “We’re still here Bartowski. I’d say we won.”

Sara: “I am never doing another therapy session with Sean O’Hara again. WORST THERAPY EXERCISES EVER.”

Heather: “Not that I would like to do it over again, but it HAS been better than my CIA prison cell.”

Morgan: “No mommy. I just need 5 more minutes.”

Sara: “Too much Shasta?”

Chuck: “Too much Shasta.”


The SDF-1 settles into Lewisville Lake, Texas. It’s armaments exhausted. A few surviving veritechs escort the ship down. Most are in Commander Fokker’s Skull squadron or Lt Hunter’s Vermillion Squadron. On the bridge, Captain Gloval sits silently on his command chair.

Captain Gloval: “You all did extremely well today. I am proud of you. Especially you Lisa. That last Prometheus attack on the Super Star Destroyer really finished the Empire forces off.”

Lisa: “Thank you sir. But we wouldn’t have been able to pull off the approach without Skull and Vermillion squadrons.”

Captain Gloval: “Yes. Of course. Please send my compliments to Commander Fokker and Lt Hunter.”

Lisa: “Commander Fokker, Lt Hunter. Captain Gloval sends his compliments on a job well done. You may return to base.”

Roy: “Thanks Commander Hayes! Tell Lt. Grant I’ve got a great pineapple salad waiting for us in my fridge.”

Lisa: “Pineapple Salad?”

Claudia Grant, girlfriend of Commander Roy Fokker and 3rd in command of the SDF-1, snickers next to Lisa.

Rick: “Tell the Captain we said thank you. And…wanna have breakfast together?”

Lisa: “That sounds great Lieutenant.”

Captain Gloval hid a smirk while adjusting his pipe and pulling the brim of his hat over his eyes.

Captain Gloval: “And Lisa? Please send Minmei my thanks.”

Lisa tried contacting Minmei, but she was no where to be found. Captain Gloval ordered a full search with all hands that took the better part of a day but she was never found. Some say she merged with the protoculture in the matrix on board the SDF-1. Some say she was just tired of being used and assumed another identity. Some say she was just an angel sent to help Earth in a trying time. Rick and Lisa always thought that while Minmei did complicate their relationship, she did help save the Earth several times and they would remember her fondly for it. And that breakfast? It was a day later thanks to the all-hands search, but they did have it.


Sean took the note from the command courier and quickly scanned it. Something about dealing with a flesh eating Tribble invasion of Kronos and saving Solai from a Klingon retaliation kidnapping and rape. Not interested, he crumpled it up and threw it into the smoldering rubble of what was once a black Ford Ranger. He turned his back on it and started walking home.

THE END

authors note apologies to Mr. Kripke

Team going out like a smart ass

Dean: Winchester Hunter
Crowley: crossroads demon and King of hell
Anya Jenkins: former vengeance demon, entrepreneur Bunnies: godless killing Machines

Part 1 bunny song

The road so far

Cue music Carry on my Wayward Son by Kansas

Crowley pushing Olaf off the citadel tower

Dean Kicking Darth Vader in the nards

Anya burning a tribble with a flame thrower, kicking the flaming tribble into a horde of approaching tribbles. Turning her back and walking away as the pile of tribbles exploded behind her.

Crowley watching as Olaf fall snapping his finger the troll erupting into flames

Dean hitting Darth Vader in the face with the butt of his shotgun.

On September 20th 2009 the bunnies were born on a small farm in Gainesville Iowa. They were part of a littler of 20 in there was nothing special that marked them, for the future they would inherit. They were offered for free as pets to neighbourhood, all 18 of their brothers and sisters. Found homes that day they didn’t. I guess that is where this story begins and this is how it ends.

Agent Garfunkel dove under the blaster fire, crawling to cover. After a moment running across the street disappearing into the shadows of an alley. He hid behind a dumpster as a small detachment of storm troopers passed by him. He slinked out from the shadows disappearing into the bar across the street.

“Where the hell did you go?” He yelled at the three of them…

“What” Crowley asked?

“Were on it” Dean said. Anya pulling a white board from the back room.

“There are troopers on the streets.” The agent roared

“Calm down” Dean warned, Crowley stood up

“we played the deranged Irishman’s game and look where it got us?” The ground shifted as the AT:AT walked past.

“Okay” the agent said regaining his composure. Silence suddenly filled the room “so you’re going to help?”

“Relax chuckles Crowley said “we’ll save the day”

“Stop the invasion? The agent asked

“Its what I do” Dean said loading his shotgun.

“Im here because black britches out there hit me in the balls twice” Crowley said

“And I’m here for the money,” Anya said “unimaginable large piles of money.”

45 minutes later

“We really need a plan,” Dean said,

“Well there is that guy with god like powers you know. I’m sure he could kill all the white boots,”

“No” Dean and Crowley said together,

“Why “the agent asked

“Well Castiel wants me dead or bent over a table, Crowley said, and as for Dean; Well kind of the same really but with me it was professional dispute, its more of a personal thing with Dean.” Dean glowered at Crowley.

“We need help.” Anya said Crowley and Dean agreed silently,

“but no Angel s” they said together

“fine” she relented

Two hours and ten beers later.

“What about nipples?” Dean asked

“You killed nipples in a microwave.” Anya said taking deep drink from her beer.

“What about I raise like ten thousand demon zombies from hell

“No” dean said “you think I’m that dumb.”

“Actually yes, exactly that dumb.” Crowley snarked back.
“What about that slayer?” You know her right Dean asked Anya.

“She’s on another team… “they all looked to each other defeatedly.

“Come on you guys” the agent said, “you were the ones who killed trolls, destroyed an entire island filled with man eating tribbles. And you won, the fricken championship; well okay you didn’t win but stopped them from winning, you all can do this. We just need a plan.” They all looked to him unimpressed “okay how about you just start killing storm trooper and we can go from there.

“Francis” Anya said looking up to him

“That’s not my name” he said.

Bunny song part 2

The bunnies had rough time of life for the first years there were snares and traps, and dreaded incident with the fox. but none of that stuff was important , what was important was the nights they spent eating grass on the field, under the light of the stars. It’s the hardships in life that turns a boy to a man and bunnies to rabbits, but it’s the quiet simple moments that makes you family. The emperor doesn’t know or care what the bunnies name are, but he should.

All three looked to at the whiteboard and then to Anya. Then back to the board, The agent looked to Anya “its…”

“if” you say stupid she warned

“Well it aint smart” Dean under his breath to Crowley.

“ i was going to say inspired” he said, Dean and Crowley staring at him shaking their heads “don’t get me wrong you all will die in the attempt.”

“Hell I like it…” Dean said getting up loading his shotgun.

“ I’ll do it” Crowley said “I won’t die, I warn you all I may laugh as you die.”

“Fair enough “ the Agent said “Let’s get to work”

The small black robot rolled along the death stars halls No one noticed, as it turned the corner. The bunnies jumped at it knocking it over dragging it around the corner.

Dean spun around the corner of the brick building, shooting a storm trooper in the chest before any of the other had a chance to react. He bolted down the alley as they chased him now trapped. All of their weapons levelled at Deans Head. Crowley appeared behind them “gentlemen” he said the growl of hell hound rang throughout in the alley. “a minute of your time.” Crowley asked…

the last the storm troop was being pulled by the hell hound by his leg from the alley his armour dented and ripped apart. “Okay one last time, where the hell is Francis.”

The small black robot hopped along the death stars hall stopping to make sure that no one saw looking around it saw the sign for the detention centre, and continued to hop down the hall.

Dean snuck up behind the imperial officer knocking his hat off. As the officer turned Dean’s Fist knocked him to the ground. Climbing onto the speeder, dean looked around, “God i wish chewy was here” he said shooting at another parked speeder which exploded

imperial troops streamed from the command post as he sped away seconds later. 10 speeders followed him.

Anya and Crowley snuck into the command post Crowley snapping the neck of the last officer with flick of his wrist. Francis was sitting down looking at them.”Anya?” he asked

”Do you know how many people we had to kill to find you.” Crowley asked .

“ 56” Anya answered glaring at Francis.

“What do you want?” Francis asked. Anya and Crowley looked up at the death star,

” That” They both said together

The bunnies hopped out of the shell of the black robot. Unnoticed looking around the detention facility quietly sneaking past the guards and up the hallway slipping through the bars both diving into the trash compactor.

That’s nuts” Francis said “you think at a time like this they would … Even if I could convince them. “I’d be…”

“killed” Crowley finished for him “think of it this way ripped to little pieces by my invisible puppy. Or shot as a traitor. Ripped to pieces , shot. It’s an easy choice when you think about it.”

“Okay but they’re not going to listen to me.”

The door opened to the trash compactor the bunnies hopped silently followed by Wilma the trash compactor monster, down the hall.

“I’m telling you, you need to get the hell out of there.” Francis said over the radio “Are you kidding me three years no railing. Why are we working for these idiots? Come one join the union there will be force choking insurance for your family. The union, will put up a railing, and give you a chair with a cushion on it.” “What do you mean Vader will kill you… well okay I understand just give me second here” Francis covered the microphone with his hand. “What should i do their not going for it.” Dean walked forward shooting the microphone .

“ Boring conversation anyway.” Looking around with a big smile “what, come on. you all wanted to do it i just beat you the punch.” He said “we just go to plan B”

“Plan B” Crowley said softly, “There is no plan B he roared , unless you figure all of us dead constitutes a plan.”

Wilma and the rabbits entered the throne room the two imperial guards looked shocked for a moment Wilma wrapped around there legs tripping them , than wrapping around there bodies tight both unable to move.

The emperor stood up looking at the rabbits perplexed, “really?” he asked looking around “really?!?” Lighting shot out towards them, the rabbits hopping away to avoid the powerful blast of energy.

The star destroyer low in the atmosphere turned slowly as scores of tie fighters appeared from the massive ship . Heading their way. All three Looking horror at what was coming to kill them. “well at least we had fun in the strip club” Dean said.

“Hot dog was good,” she said “and i got a nice tan playing baseball.”

“Well” Crowley said “I would say it was a honour but it wasn’t , see you all in hell.”

Vader appeared walked up with a phalanx of troopers. “I am glad to see you made it this far cause my revenge is at hand.”

“Do me a Vader” dean asked “Say I’m just once”

“What?” Vader asked.

”Never mind.” Dean said shaking his head.

The emperor walked slowly around the throne room. “I can sense your feelings” he said “well I cant cause you’re a rabbit and soon to be my lunch.” He appeared around the corner to see one of the rabbits cowering in the shadows. Extending his hands out the crackle of energy started, when the rabbit straitened up starring him ferociously. Wiggling his nose. “No” the emperor said seeing the other rabbit to late Jumping at his neck. The emperor spun around but the rabbit held on. bite after bite into his neck until the emperor fell to the ground dead. both rabbits hopped next to each other. One covered in blood the other white as snow.

The laser blast the from the death star ripped the star destroy into two over the city. the massive ship fell from the sky into the city flames rose as high the skyscrapers . Vader stopped dead looking as the remains of the ship . “how is that possible?” Vader asked

The bunnies hopped on the chair, in the throne room their paws hitting the controls the view screen changed as the power level reduced and the target was acquired. The blood covered rabbit hitting the fire button . as its nose twitched.

One of the trooper, got off the radio. “looks like the emperor is dead. They have the throne room sir they can control the entire station.” . There’s a message here sir. It says surrender or die burning. “

“Who sent it” Vader growled , “not sure, but its from the throne room , They call themselves Fluffy and buttons.”

Six hours later
Cue music: Heroes by the wallflowers.

Agent Garfunkel led the a group of storm trooper all cuffed to one another Darth Vader looked to Dean angrily, “keep moving or you’ll find out what a shotgun full rock salt to the balls feel like.”

This is not over. “Vader grumbled

“Isn’t” Dean prodded?

“You shouldn’t egg him on like that.” Anya said,

“Sorry I can’t help it he’s douche “. Dean said

Anya, Dean and Crowley looked over the city the sun setting. The destruction complete, everything a vast wasteland. “And that Gentlemen Is why i am afraid of bunnies” she said wind in her hair.

“Agreed” both answered together…

So what does this all add up to. Our team went up against tribbles, and trolls, bad strip clubs and the empire itself, and I think they did all right. They did their own way. They choose to rise above their differences; well not really but they didn’t try to kill each other too much, there plans kind of failed but were all still here. So what the hell.

in : “Not without my anal probe!”

Sightings continued to pour in from around the globe. The skies were darkened by Imperial Star Destroyers as they that took positions over every major city and for style points over a significant landmarks.

“THEY ARE GOING TO STICK THINGS IN MY BUTT AGAIN!” Cartman screamed while covering his derriere adding, “AAAAAAAAAHH”.

Dr. Evil looked out the window at the invasion. “I wonder if those ships have” he paused to make finger quoteys, “lasers.”

Austin’s suitcase phone began ringing, “Wha? Right. On my way!” he hung up the phone quickly. “Lads, ta-ta for now, I have been called off as an old member of the RAF to help repel this invasion! Cheerio! It is not over until the fat lady sings!”

“What fat lady? What are you talking about” Cartman asked as Austin dashed out the door.

On the other side of the room Kyle stared at visible static and distortion on the TV. “Dr. Evil, what do you make of this?”

Dr. Evil stared at the TV, “Well, I could make a hat, or a broach, or a pterodactyl…”

“No!” Kyle gasped, “I think they are using our satellites against us!” Kyle pulled out his iPhone and quickly created a program to decipher the alien code. After a moment flipped the phone over and showed the countdown sequence to Dr. Evil saying, "and time. “There’s an app for that? Riiiiiiiight”

“Red leader standing by” crackled in Austin’s helmet. He chimed in, “Red Rocket standing by!” and with that the sky was a swarm of tie fighters. Austin’s F-14 veered avoiding three tie fighters swooping by. His plane was no match for their speed, but from the looks of things he had them nailed on maneuverability. Thankfully they were directly over Grand Canyon which provided the perfect opportunity to test this theory. An epic chase ensued as the tie fighter tried to keep up with his twists and turns. The tie fighter desperate fired wildly and out of blind luck clipped Austin’s plane. The blind luck went both ways tho as the shrapnel from the plane tore through the tie fighter. Both pilots ejected and landed close to each other. Austin marched over, gave the Stormtrooper a smile and said,

“Welcome to Earth, baby!” <punch>

“I think I know how to take down the shields on those ships!” Kyle exclaimed looking up from his iPhone

“MEHMEHMEHMEHMEHMEHMEHMEHMEH” Cartman chimed in.

“Shutup fatboy!” Kyle yelled throwing himself across the room tackling Cartman. Austin arrived dragging a Stormtrooper by his parachute. Dr. Evil went over to investigate the alien invader. “White on black uniform. How minimalist. And oooh! The face is all frowny! I am so scared! It makes me tremble in my little booties!”

“Like I was saying” Kyle continued glaring at Cartman, “I wrote a virus on my phone which I think if we were able to upload to the alien’s mothership might disable all their shields, power down those giant metal walkers”

Austin looked concerned, “Wait a tick, how can you write a virus on your phone? And how can upload the virus to an alien network? And how can you know what impact it will have? And…oh look, I’ve gone cross-eyed.”

“Yeah, it’s best if you don’t think about that.” Dr. Evil responded. He then looked directly at you, “I recommend you do the same.”

The plans were set. A giant worldwide coordinated offensive would ensue after Austin and Kyle delivered the virus to the Death Star from a recovered Tie Fighter. As they sat in the underground bunker making final arrangements the ragtag crowd of refugees milled around uncomfortable and unsure. Kyle elbowed Cartman, “Someone should say something.” Cartman glanced around and cleared his throat, “Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July and you will be once again be fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, oppression or from certain teachers who don’t like hilarious fart explosions in the middle of tests. We are fighting for our right to live and eat Cheesy Poofs! If we win the day we will declare with one voice, Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”

“Woah dude, that was sweet!” Kyle responded as the crowd went crazy. Cartman looked embarrassed, “Um, yeah…made that up. That was all me.”

Austin and Kyle broke the atmosphere and quickly approached the Death Star. “Look at the size of that thing!” Kyle commented staring giant station. “Oh, thank you, I am very proud.” “Wait, what are you talking about?” Kyle looked at Austin quizzically. “Oh, uh, sorry” Austin squirmed, “right. Station” he waved his arm at the windows, “Big.” Suddenly the radio on the console crackled to life, “Shuttle Tydirium, transmit the clearance code for shield passage” Austin and Kyle looked at each other and shrugged. “Transmission commencing” Kyle responded and pressed upload on his phone.

In the command center Admiral Piett furrowed his brow. Besides the inexplicable reason why an Admiral would managing the entry of individual spacecraft the clearance code was unlike anything he had ever seen. Darth Vader, the ultimate micro-manager strode over to him sensing his confusion asking, “Do they have a code clearance?” Admiral Piett fumbled, “Uh” he had to think fast, “It’s an older code, sir, but it checks out. I was about to clear them.”
Vader became impatient, “Let’s get on with it, I am hungry. I hear they are serving penne all arrabiata in the canteen.” Admiral Piett gave the nod to accept the transmission and all at once all the lights went off, all consoles powered down. The last thing Piett was able to mutter before Vader force choked him was “Balls.”

Austin cried out, “Let’s get out of here baby! I haven’t heard any fat lady!” Kyle rolled his eyes. “Forget the fat lady. You’re obsessed with fat lady. Just get us out of here!” Austin pressed the big red button and off they flew back to Earth. On the ground everyone was celebrating their triumph inexplicably in tree houses. People sang, used Stormtrooper helmets as bongos, all the normal things one does after repelling a massive alien invasion.

“Well lads, thank you a fun time. It’s been groovy baby” Austin said sincerely.

Kyle smiled, “yeah, we made a good team.”

“Maybe we can do it again sometime?” Dr. Evil offered.

Cartman sighed. "“Screw you guys, I’m going home.”

Does Vader even eat? I thought it was all suit food tubes and stuff.

Great story. I love the ID4 tie-in. I did it a little myself. =)

~Shooter Out

When is this one due?

Tomorrow 4pm Central, 5pm Eastern.

Team Freaky Fabulous in: Jedi Princeis the Worst Star Wars Ever

“Well, I’m not surprised,” Baba Yaga said, lazily examining the fingernails of one hand with her single eye. “This is what happens when you piss off an Empire.”

“Oh, is it? How nice to see that unlike some other Empires we could mention, they seem to be an actual technological threat.” Frau Totenkinder peered up from her chair, actually pausing in her knitting long enough to shield her eyes and squint upwards toward the Star Destroyers currently breaking in through the atmosphere. “And with such style.”

“Bite me, hag.”

“Too old by far for my tastes, dearie.”

“Ohgodohgodohgodohgod,” Megan squeaked, fluttering about just over their heads. “This is terrible. What are we going to do?! I can’t–we can’t–”

Illyana grabbed for Megan’s leg with the hand not currently brandishing a frak-off huge axe. “Shut up. We will not let them win. My brother is out there somewhere among those they wish to kill.” She narrowed her eyes, red light burning from the pupils. “We act quickly. Witches, no more holding back. My magic is near useless here. Yours is not.”

Frau Totenkinder narrowed her eyes. “I do not like being ordered around.”

Illyana swung her axe casually. “And I have no compunction about getting rid of those who get in my way. Ask Megan how she lost part of her soul someday. I’m sure she’ll be happy to talk at length about it, but for now we have places to be. Megan, your hallucinogenic dust is useless with air filters. You will teleport us instead and stay out of my way unless told otherwise.”

Megan nodded hesitantly. “I guess I can do that.”

“I don’t suppose, demon girl, that it slipped your notice that dear Frau Totenkinder has been stealing my magic every morning for so-called safety?” Baba Yaga said, watching a TIE fighter destroy a few jets overhead.

Illyana smiled darkly. “If you live through the next few days, this shouldn’t be a problem. If you don’t… well, you would have been in the way.” Before anyone could respond, Illyana grabbed Baba Yaga’s arm and teleportation discs appeared around them, with only Illyana reappearing a second later.

Frau Totenkinder raised an eyebrow.

“Limbo?” asked Megan. When Illyana didn’t answer, Megan nodded. “Yeah. Time’s funny there. It feels like hours or days have passed in minutes.”

“Hmph. Well, on your own head be it.” Frau Totenkinder stood from her chair and stretched her back. “We should hurry. Nearly all of those mundy jets are destroyed now.”

Illyana seemed to reach the end of some silent count while they discussed the rest of their plan and teleported away and back again, with an extremely haggard and pissed-off looking Baba Yaga in tow. “You…” she snarled at Illyana.

“I got you your magic back. And if you attempt to betray any of us, I will drop you back there and upon my return, I will not be merciful. Limbo is my realm, witch. Remember that.”

Baba Yaga snarled at Illyana for a while longer before shaking out of her grip. “Let’s get this over with, then.”

“Okay,” Megan said, visibly shaking. “Sihal novarum chinoth!”

Pinkish light enveloped them and they vanished, reappearing in a gray-white hallway. Nothing happened for a handful of heartbeats, since the stormtroopers and officers present were not expecting anybody to just show up out of nowhere, and Illyana took advantage of the situation by rocketing down the hallway on her goat legs, swinging her axe and spraying the Empire’s finest everywhere. Megan screamed, puffing out her pixie dust in reflex, and the non-masked officers were suddenly in a very happy place, seeing happy round pastel banthas bouncing around the walls. Behind them, Frau Totenkinder and Baba Yaga had somewhat transcended physical form and were currently monstrous things destroying anything in their way.

This isn’t what heroes do, Megan thought, trying to avoid the slaughter. Instead of joining in, she grabbed one of the hallucinating Imperial officers, the nearest live one with the most impressive looking stuff on his outfit, and 'ported him into what she was pretty sure was a broom closet. “Hi,” she said as brightly as she could manage.

“Pretty bubbles!” he said.

“Yeah, pretty bubbles. Listen, who’s in charge of all this?”

“Wha–purple whaladon?”

“IN CHARGE. OF THIS.” It was like talking to a cat, really. She tried patting him a little on the face, since that sometimes worked in movies. Except that was usually slapping, so she tried a little harder.

“Ow. Huh?”

“WHO IS IN CHARGE?”

“Don’t shout,” he mumbled, rubbing at his head. “We’re here with Trioculus.”

“Where’s he at? How can we recognize him?”

“Three eyes. Can’t miss him. On the Nostril of Palpatine.”

“Thanks! Um.” She puffed some more pixie dust at him, and he was babbling happily when she 'ported out. “I’m gonna go find their leader,” she said to the group.

“But we had a plan,” snapped Baba Yaga, wiping blood from her mouth. “Kill them all until they go away.”

“Yeah, no. I found out who their leader is.”

“So we’ll kill him,” said Illyana.

“No! Jeez, no more killing. Not unless we really, really have to. We get him to leave and try not to kill anyone else.”

“Yes, that’ll work,” said Baba Yaga, rolling her eyes.

“Either we do it my way or I’ll drop you all off somewhere really nasty.”

“Just get on with it,” said Frau Totenkinder. “This has taken too long as it is.”

They found Trioculus in a big fancy room, with his Moffrence and the Prophets of the Dark Side and his fake robot of Princess Leia (turned off to save power, but still creeping everybody out.) Once inside, Megan puffed out her pixie dust and incapacitated everyone, and it turned out that Dark Side prophets and Moffs seeing happy fuzzy things was kind of creepy.

Trioculus seemed convinced that his dinner was a pet dog and was petting it and getting sauce all over everything when Megan went to talk to him. “Look, you have to leave,” she said.

“I can’t go! I have to make my dad happy!” he said.

“Your father?” asked Baba Yaga.

“Palpatine! Except he’s not really my dad. I just say he is because people won’t really listen to a three-eyed mutant if he doesn’t have a big prophecy about him. Isn’t my dog pretty?”

“You’re a mutant?” asked Megan. “So am I! So is Illyana! Kind of.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! If you don’t think they’ll accept you here, you should totally come with us. The people we hang out with are mutants, and if you just stop invading the Earth, they’ll like you just fine, I know they will!”

“They might,” said Illyana, looking unimpressed.

Trioculus burst into tears. “I just want to be accepted!”

“We know,” said Megan, patting him on his back. “Just give the order for everyone to stop attacking and go away and we’ll get you where you belong.”

And that is how Trioculus defected from the Empire to the X-men, except he ended up being drawn into the background of panels for a few issues because nobody could figure out what to do with him, and he was forgotten about completely until he died and came back to life a few times.

When Worlds Collide

Our team of heroes and villains looked at each other in complete silence for a minute after reading the note about their last assignment.

ANGELUS: A Star Destroyer? Son of a bitch! You want us to do what? Godd–

Out of nowhere, our team collapses, holding their heads as visions ram their way into their brains.

*Angelus sees himself in a suit, holding an FBI badge and flirting with a woman in a lab coat.

*Faith is in a scientist’s office, complete with the scariest dental chair ever imagined, although curiously, she is not afraid of it.

*Druitt finds himself on a plane, apparently ready to shoot some youngsters for not renouncing their monotheistic views.

*Helen is running through a field, shooting at baddies and getting shot at, while wearing Army fatigues and sporting some awesome blond hair.

Just as quickly, the visions were gone.

FAITH: What the hell was that?

HELEN: Something’s not right.

She stumbles to her feet and looks at Angelus for an uncomfortably long time.

HELEN: It’s you.

Angelus steps back from the team, shaking and muttering something about “bones” that no one understood.

HELEN: Of course, why didn’t I see it before? You can’t be here; vampires, Tesla excepted, have been extinct for millenia. And yet, here you are.

FAITH: And I’ve been in the monster business for a decade now, and I have never even heard of the Sanctuary.

DRUITT: (to Angelus) And how come I’ve never met you before, even if we were supposedly slaughtering people around the same time?

ANGELUS: We’ve become pawns. (grabs a chair and throws it against the wall). Goddammit, I hate being a pawn. (muttering) Stupid rock monster.

FAITH: Something, or someone, has been playing with us…and they are so going to pay. Now, point me to 'em, Magnus.

HELEN: It can’t be an accident that that ship up there shows up and we all begin getting visions of…those other lives.

DRUITT: I can get us up there, but how do we find…what are we even looking for?

HELEN: It’s going to have to be something powerful to create such a paradox, universes overlapping and whatnot.

At the Sanctuary, Henry concocts a machine to pinpoint unusually large power usage…but at price.

Since the Imperial Star Destroyer is going to have a lot of powerful equipment on it anyway, this detector can only work within a short radius.

So our team is going to have to search the ship, deck by deck, and hopefully find the power source.

ANGELUS: Just tell me I get to kill people. Stormtrooper blood is mighty tasty.

After a quick download of the ship’s schematics from a fan site (“Another thing that shouldn’t exist here,” Helen said. “Where the hell are we?”), Druitt teleports the team up to the ship, where they are immediately surrounded by harried-looking stormtroopers.

After a quick pummeling (“Man, these dudes can’t aim for shit,” Faith said.), the team heads into another corridor, then another, and another, but with Faith and Angelus acting as bodyguards, Druitt and Helen are able to track down the source to an unguarded room on Deck 8.

As they open the door, a rainbow glow surrounds a small table in the center of the room. As the team approaches, the item soon becomes clear.

FAITH: A laptop? It’s a goddamn laptop? What a fucking letdown.

As they approach the table, more flashes hit them, as if the laptop is aware of their intentions.

*ANGELUS is kissing that woman in a lab coat.

*FAITH is dressed in a dowdy gown, punching and kicking some baddie in a church.

*DRUITT is taking a beating from a young girl on a plane.

*HELEN is getting the moon eyes from an admittedly quite handsome military man.

But back in reality the team is again on the floor in pain, but Faith and Angelus have been thrown back to the room’s entrance, far away from their teammates.

HELEN: We have to fight it. Destroy that thing and our worlds will be right again.

With Angelus and Faith are pinned to the floor and out of reach, Druitt moves closer to Helen, and teleports them the last few feet to the laptop. Drained of energy, he collapses as Helen lifts the laptop above her head and throws it to the ground…and the world goes white.

EPILOGUE

The world is saved. The paradox machine destroyed, the Imperial Force vanished and returned to it’s own universe to reek havoc on those unsuspecting rebels. As for our team…

*In his lair, Angelus holds up the helmet of a stormtrooper and lets the good memories of the fight (and the food) wash over him as he briefly smiles.

*In her apartment, Faith holds a stolen (and sterile) tribble to her chest and she giggles with delight as it keep shaking against her.

*In his lair, Druitt plays with a baseball, one of the umpteenth he caught to stop the Empire from winning the game.

*In the Sanctuary, Helen absentmindedly fiddles with a coin lifted from Chora’s Den and smirks as she remembers her brief stint at evil.

[b][b]Team Three Doctors and a Captain

Indiana Jones (Dr Henry Jones Jr) * Dr. Rene Belloq / Dr. Horrible * Captain Hammer
[/b][/b]

Earth – Not so Long Ago. Not such a Far Away Galaxy

When we last left our heroes,
Darth Vader had mistaken Indiana Jones as Han Solo
and captured him. Vader had Jones frozen in
Carbonite…again…and built him into a desk.
Meanwhile Darth Vader has launched a massive
invasion against the people of Earth. Team “Three Doctors and a Captain” are all that stands between the Earthlings and utter destruction.
Belloq has made his way onto Darth Vader’s Command Cruiser in hopes
of negotiating for Indy’s release. Meanwhile Dr. Horrible has a built a weapon
even more powerful than the dreaded Death Star. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell
certain victory for Indy, Belloq, Capt Hammer
and Dr. Horrible and–if all goes well for the small band of Rebels–restore freedom to the galaxy… …

— THE END –

Damn. I had some ideas, but nothing concrete enough to make a cohesive solution. One of the highlights was going to be Chloe wondering why aliens always attack Metropolis first. :stuck_out_tongue:

PROLOGUE

PART ONE

PART TWO

“What are you doing here?” Sherlock asked, staring at his arch-nemesis standing on his doorstep.

“I knew you’d ask that. You really are very predictable, Sherlock,” Moriarty said. “In any case, I’m here with a warning: they are coming.” With that, he turned on his heel and left.

Sherlock bounded down the stairs after him. “Wait! Who’s coming?”

“The people we defeated in that sham of tournament, the Empire. Cerberus just got word to me that one of their main bases are under attack. They suspect the Empire is searching for their missing planet-killing space station. Once they realize that neither Cerberus or the Rebel Alliance have it, Earth will certainly be their next target. They may be on their way here already.”

They were out on the street now, where a black towncar was waiting at the curb. Moriarty opened the door and climbed in.

“Are you coming, or not?” he asked the detective.

“Where are we going?”

“We need to get out of the city. This will be one of the first places they attack. I have a base in the country, with a few surprises for them.”

Over the running engine of the car and the noise of the street traffic, Sherlock heard a high-pitched roar.

“It’s too late,” he said. “They’re here.”


“There’s something wrong, sir,” Owen said from the weapons console in Foxfire Station’s control room. “All weapons systems have gone offline, and I’ve been locked out of the computer control systems. Our shields our down as well.”

“The same thing has happened to our propulsion systems,” Preston Vogel, Owen’s counterpart at Cyberbiotics, announced. “We’re completely powerless. The enemy fleet broadcast a pulse transmission a few moments ago, which probably triggered the lock-out protocol.”

Xanatos and Goliath stood beside Halcyon Renard on the command deck. They had watched the Imperial fleet enter the Solar System, and had fire on the lead ship the first chance they got. Goliath had urged them to broadcast a warning and ask the fleet to surrender, but Xanatos didn’t want to give up the element of surprise.

“What about our communications?” Xanatos asked.

“Still operational. All other systems appear unaffected,” Owen said.

“Renard, how many of the fighters were you able to equiped with your automated control package?”

The elderly man looked frail in his powered chair, but his mind was still sharp as a razor. He realized at once where Xanatos’s plan was going. “We have over two hundred fighters at our disposal. We can launch them all within fifteen minutes.”

“Get started. We can’t be completely defenseless when those ships arrive. Owen, Preston, find out how they locked us out of our systems and fix it. I trust you’ll be able to perform some kind of magic. After all, our home planet may depend on it.”

“And what to we do?” Golaith asked.

“We find out exactly who we’re dealing with over there,” Xanatos said, gesturing at the communications console. “And try to buy ourselves some time.”


The invasion was preceding as planned. Six Star Destroyers had already peeled off from the fleet and were entering Earth’s atmosphere, disgorging scores of TIE fighters as soon as they crossed the thermal boundary. They were each bound for one of Earth’s major cities, Vader couldn’t recall all their names. Four more Star Destroyers remained in orbit around Earth, prepared to fire on the planet’s surface from space, in case the humans needed a demonstration of the Empire’s capabilities.

The remaining eight Star Destroyers, including Chimaera, were headed for the Death Star. Without weapons or shield, the station could be boarded easily. Once on board, Vader would restore control of the Death Star and have his revenge on the Earthlings. It would be a great shame if Thrawn’s forces were still on the planet when that happened, but so be it. In the confusion and shock following the planet’s destruction, Thrawn’s command deck would be in disarray. Even the ysalamiri would be unable to protect Thrawn from the weapons officer Vader had met with earlier. A simple Force suggestion, and the officer would be compelled to draw his blaster and gun the admiral down, even at the cost of his own life. All too easy.

Thrawn stood on the command deck of the Chimaera as the squadron approached the station. His communications officer spoke up from the pit. “Sir, we’re receiving a transmission from the station.”

Thrawn’s mouth drew into a predatory grin. “I assume they’ve called to surrender?”

“Er, not exactly,” the comm officer said. “They say they’ve been able to restore power to their main weapon, and our demanding that we surrender to them. They also appear to be launching fighters. Two hundred so far.”

“Impossible,” Vader said. “They could never have broken the encryption.”

“Of course they’re bluffing. We’d detect the power spike if they weren’t. They just want our attention,” Thrawn said. “Put them through.”

The bearded man that Vader knew as Xanatos appeared on the command deck, in holographic form.

“Greetings. I come in peace!” the Earthling said. “Well, not entirely. I’m sure you don’t come in peace, either. David Xanatos. To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?”

“I am Grand Admiral Thrawn of the Imperial Navy,” the Chiss said calmly. “You have something that belongs to us.”

“Bought and paid for,” Xanatos said. “Would you like to see the receipts?”

“Nevertheless,” Thrawn said. “We’re taking it back.”

“You’re welcome to try. We have over two thousand fighters on board, ready to launch at my command.”

“Launch them. I have fighters of my own.”

“I was hoping that we could avoid any unnecessary loss of life. Obviously we could slug it out with our fighters, but I doubt you’re willing to risk damaging the station. We can’t fire on your ships directly, but our fighters won’t let you through. It appears we’re at an impasse. I believe I might have a solution.”

Thrawn appeared to consider the Earthling’s words. “You make a valid point. though your fighters are little threat to me, I’d rather not see them wasted. What to you have in mind?”

Xanatos stepped out of view and the holoprojector refocused to allow for a much larger creature to be displayed.

“I am Goliath. I am given to understand that you once encountered members of my race.”

“Yes, a long time ago on a planet far, far away,” Thrawn said. “I killed the last of them with my bare hands.”

“A mistake you will regret. I challenge to you to a Trial of Vindication. You and I shall face each other in single combat.”

Vader knew little about Thrawn’s society - in fact, no one knew very much about his race - but he knew that they took matters of honor very personally. That they would engage in duels to settle matters of honor did not surprise him. In fact, Vader respected it.

“We are not on Csilla, and you are not Chiss,” Thrawn said. “The Rules of Vindication do not apply.”

“You committed an atrocity against my people. You seek to destroy my home. You are in the wrong, and by the Words of Chiss and the honor of your House, you must be called to account.”

Thrawn seemed to be taken aback. He clearly had not expected Goliath to challenge him with the sacred words of Chiss culture. “Very well. I accept your challenge for single combat. I believe I have the right to choose the weapon?”

“That is your right… if you are afraid to face me unarmed.”

“I’m not afraid, I’m just not a moron. I choose swords.”

“As you wish. If you can defeat me, you will be absolved of you crimes and free to do what you wish. If you are defeated, you must agree to leave this planet alone, and never return.”

Vader could not believe that Thrawn would agree to such terms, knowing the gargoyle’s straight and speed, but he did.


Detective Elisa Maza rushed into the clock tower above the 23rd Precinct. It was just after sunset, and the clan had just awoken from their stone slumber. Brooklyn, Lexington, and Broadway had already gathered around the television to play video games, while Hudson had settled into his armchair with Bronx at his feet.

“Turn on the news!” she shouted. “Where’s Goliath?”

“He went with Xanatos to that infernal artificial moon,” Hudson said. “What’s going on?”

“The military says that there are some kind of spaceships entering the atmosphere. They say we’re being invaded by aliens!”

“Sure,” Lexington said. “And they’re riding on flying pigs.”

Hudson stroked his beard. “Golaith mentioned something about an evil Empire that might someday return to take revenge for the defeat they handed them on that planet. Could this be them?”

A high-pitched roar filled the tower. Elisa and the gargoyles rushed outside to see the sky had filled with square-winged ships. Further above, they saw an enormous white wedge descending through the clouds.

“I’d say that’s a safe bet, Hudson,” Elisa said grimly. “Boys, it’s going to be a rough night.”

TO BE CONTINUED

A DARK NIGHT FOR THE DARK KNIGHT

Team Clay Dragon
Batman
Clayface
Morrigan
Flemeth

Batman looked at the grisly images on his monitor in the Batcave.

BATMAN: I have never faced anything this catastrophic. This is a far, far larger threat than I’ve ever faced with my greatest nemisis – The Joker.

CLAYFACE: (annoyed) Sorry.

BATMAN: No offense, Clayface.

CLAYFACE: (grumbling) None taken.

MORRIGAN: Perhaps, boys, it’s best to stop this drivel and get on with the show. You know before countless more innocents fall to their death. Not that I really care about them either. I just want to get past this so I can get away from her.

FLEMETH: Yes, let’s commence with the killing, shall we? Nothing like a good fiery show.

So our heroes and villains worked out a plan as best as they could. Already, a lot of innocent people had died. And, Batman knew, a lot more would die before the night was through. That didn’t sit easy with him.

Flemeth transformed into a dragon and, from above, concentrated on most of the minions with her dragonbreath. She also battled some of tie fighters. Though it was a tough fight.

Because Darth Vader likely had fire resistance (hey, the guy survived a volcano), Batman decided it was best to take on Vader himself. So it was the Dark Knight versus a Dark Lord.

To start with, Clayface transformed into an AT-AT and was attacking other AT-ATs and stormtroopers. Then he also transformed into a stormtrooper and attacked other stormtroopers, causing much confusion among the ranks and leading to much infighting among the invaders.

Meanwhile, Morrigan was on the ground, casting area spells, also trying to stop the AT-ATs and stormtroopers.

Batman’s battle with Darth Vader was going well. He’d given the Dark Lord quite a beating, but as Vader lay there whimpering, Batman couldn’t deliver that final blow.

BATMAN: Promise me. You’ll surrender. Leave Earth and never come back!

DARTH VADER: You wouldn’t dare.

Batman pulled out a knife and held it to Vader’s throat.

BATMAN: Try me, Vader. You’ve killed too many this night. And too many of your own soldiers have died. Give up. Go home.

Darth Vader looked at him and Batman saw fear in his eyes – his threats were working.

DARTH VADER: Fine! I surrender!

Batman nodded and turned around, leaving the pathetic Darth Vader to cry over his defeat.

But the Dark Lord hated humiliation. He pulled out a lightsaber and using the Force sent it flying to impale Batman from behind.

Batman fell to the ground, screaming. Clayface heard the screams of his new partner. He transformed into a giant ogre and charged after Vader, picking him up and breaking his back.

With Vader dead and much of the army already defeated, the invasion was called off. But not without the deaths of many innocent (and not-so-innocent) humans.

Clayface turned the dying Batman.

CLAYFACE: No, Goddamn Batman! You can’t die. (looking up to see Morrigan and Flemeth, trying to play it off) Not unless it’s by my hand!

But Clayface couldn’t fight the tears any longer. As much as he’d hated to admit it, he learned something with these team-building exercises.

BATMAN: It’s over. Clayface, promise me… promise me…

But Clayface never did hear the request.

FLEMETH: Typical. Couldn’t just finish his thought before he gave up?

MORRIGAN: Pathetic really. Another do-gooder done in by his own silly honor.

Clayface shot her a dirty look, but then out of the corner of his eye, he saw the bat signal.

CLAYFACE: Gotham needs Batman.

MORRIGAN: Guess they’ll be waiting a long time.

CLAYFACE: No. They must not know.

Clayface transformed into Batman and ran off.

FLEMETH: (shrugging) So, it’s back to Ferelden, then?

MORRIGAN: You’ll never find me, Mother. (MORRIGAN disappeared)

FLEMETH: I wouldn’t bet on that. (FLEMETH disappeared).

PROLOGUE

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

The TIE fighters swept low over London as the sound of air raid sirens that hadn’t been used since the Blitz filled the air. Sherlock and Moriarty watched as they filled the skies.

“We need to move,” Moriarty said. “Once they land ground forces, we’ll be cut off from my base.”

They jumped in the car, which sped off down the street. As they crossed the Thames, they saw the massive white wedge of a Star Destroyer fill the pre-dawn sky. TIE fighters were still streaming from its launch bays.

“There’s no way the military can stand up to their technology,” Sherlock said. “I’ve seen what their weapons can do.”

“The military has nothing that can stand up to them, yes,” Moriarty replied cryptically. “But I do.”


Elisa and the gargoyles arrived at the Eyrie building, Xanatos’s castle-topped skyscraper, just as the massive white ship came to a stop above Central Park. From their vantage point on top of the world’s tallest building, they could see dozens of four-legged machines being lowered into the park by some invisible force. Once on the ground, they began to march outwards down the city streets.

“Probably tractor beams of some sort,” Lexington said.

Owen Burnett, Xanatos’s aide de camp, strode up behind them. “They’re made contact with the United Nations and demand that they surrender the planet on behalf of all Earth governments. They’ve said that they will not attack unless fired on by the military.”

“The U.S. government won’t let the U.N. surrender,” Elisa said. “We have to evacuate the city.”

“I’m afraid it’s too late,” Owen said. “They’ve taken all the bridges and tunnels. Manhattan is cut off from the rest of the world. And they clearly are air superiority.”

“For the time being, it seems,” a cold female voice came from the shadows. Red eyes and red hair shone as blue wings unfurled. “Their arrogance will be their undoing.”

“For once, Demona, I’d have to agreed with ye,” Macbeth’s thick Scottish brogue came from the other side of the courtyard. The two arch-enemies stepped into the light, eying each other warily.

“Sorry to be late to the party,” Fox said, stepping out from a tower doorway, “But I see you haven’t started without us.” Xanatos’s wife was followed by the rest of the Pack: Wolf, Dingo, Jackal and Hyena.

“I’m spoiling for a fight,” Wolf growled. “But I’ll wait until I’m finished with these losers.” He jerked a thumb at the warship hovering over the park.

A flap of leathery wings drew their attention to the tower above them. Elisa’s brother, Derek - Talon, as he called himself now - and the other Mutates - Fang, Claw, and Maggie - were perched there.

“Hiya, sis,” Derek said. “Thought I’d find you here.”

“Isn’t that special,” a familiar voice said. “The whole town showed up to pitch in,” Goliath’s clone, Thailog, said from a tower across the courtyard. He carried a large laser rifle and sported a devilish grin.

With the roar of rocket boosters, a dozen Steel Clan robots landed on the parapets. A huge, silver-winged shape landed beside Owen: the cybernetic gargoyle known as Coldstone.

“It seems that fate has cast us as allies,” Coldstone said in his deep, sad voice. “Fell deeds shall be done this night.”

Elisa looked around the castle at the dozens of closest friends and worst enemies that had gathered to defend the city. They were nothing if not a very dangerous bunch.

The Empire may have expected to take the city easily, perhaps without even suffering casualties.

Boy, were they in for an unpleasant surprise.


The duel took place in the hangar deck of the Death Star. Vader accompanied Thrawn and Pellaeon aboard, assigned to act as Thrawn’s “second” in the duel. Goliath chose the human Xanatos as his seocnd. Should both Thrawn and Goliath fall in combat, Vader and Xanatos would battle to settle the score.

Thrawn had chosen a thin, elegant blade of composite steel, sharpened to a razor edge. He still wore his immaculate white Grand Admiral’s uniform, clearly as comfortable in that as in anything.

Goliath held a massive broadsword, as tall as Thrawn was. He held it one-handed as if it were a lightsaber.

The two combatants took their places, surrounded by a platoon of Stormtroopers from Chimaera and fifty of Xanatos’s droids. They bowed at each other, and, pleasantries satisfied, began to circle.

Thrawn darted in faster than Vader thought the Chiss capable of moving. Goliath parried the slash and swung his tail, which Thrawn leaped over easily, tucking into a roll and coming up swinging. Goliath’s broadsword sliced the air, inches from Thrawn’s jet-black hair. At it they went, a blur of white and purple, Thrawn’s speed and skill against Goliath’s size and strength. Sparks flew as blades met, but neither found flesh.

Finally, Thrawn knocked aside Goliath’s blade and spun in, sword arcing overhead for a killing blow - only to be caught bareharded by Goliath, who wrenched it from the Grand Admiral’s grip and tossed it aside. He swung his sword, stopping it inches from Thrawn’s throat,

“Yield,” the gargoyle commanded. “Yield and be gone.”

Thrawn stood his ground. His blue palm opened behind his back, towards Vader.

The Grand Admiral had not brought his ysalamiri with him to the Death Star. The Sith Lord had full command of the Dark Side of the Force. With a thought, he sent his own lightsaber flying into Thrawn’s waiting grasp.

The Grand Admiral flicked the blade on and swung it at Goliath’s neck. It sliced through the metal of the gargoyle’s broadsword, arcing towards the gargoyle’s throat.

A massive hand closed on Thrawn’s wrist. With a savage jerk, Thrawn was pulled from his feet, the lightsaber he held falling from his grip as Goliath literally yanked his arm from its socket.

The Chiss Grand Admiral gave a cry as an enormous fist flew at his face, smashing through his nose and driving bone and cartilage into his brain. His skull caved in on itself as the gargoyle’s punch followed through, sending Thrawn’s body soaring to collapse a broken heap on the deck.

Vader’s lightsaber flew through the air, blade whirling. Goliath raised his hands in defense, helpless.

A blaster bolt struck the lightsaber in mid-air, an instant before it sliced Goliath in two. Xanatos blew the smoke from his pistol and trained it on Vader.

“No cheating,” he admonished, and pulled the trigger.

TO BE CONCLUDED