The team finds themselves momentarily dazed as they are beamed down to the arena, moments after their mission briefing ended.
“God, I hate last-minute missions!” Faith said.
She looked up and saw the line of enemies before them, and with a ‘Hell ya’ look at her team, she ran toward the Predator, her assigned enemy for the fight. With lots of hair-pulling, name-calling and biting, Faith clawed and scrapped her way to victory in hand-to-Predator combat. Not even a predator could take out a Slayer of the Vampyres.
Of course, the other fights didn’t go quite that smoothly.
Topher, with his super-brain and lack of a moral center, challenged Scorpius, who promptly cornered Topher and put a chip in Topher’s brain and implanted himself in Topher’s conscious to overpower him from the inside out.
However, due to his recent mind-download of “Farscape” last time around, he knew what to expect from that rat bastard; Topher steeled his brain and transported mental-Scorpius to his Dollhouse lab.
There, Topher, with the help of Ballard and Echo (“Man, she looks a lot like Faith,” he thought), they wrestled mental-Scorpius into the chair and wiped him while also implanting a personality that has Scorpius’ backstory but without the evil or animosity.
With now-docile Scorpius on his side, Topher found himself back in the real-world arena, with his trusty remote-wipe gun hanging from his belt.
With a gasp, the real Scorpius finds himself with no personality (a vast improvement); Topher, putting his arm around the empty-headed guy’s shoulder, points him toward The Slurm Queen, telling Scorpius she has yummy treats inside her. Scorpius climbs into her mouth and is promptly digested (the bastard).
After her fight with Predator concluded, Faith saw Gollum hanging back, turning himself invisible, then visible, then invisible again, over and over, oblivious to the fights going on around him. A rage unknown since a certain Slayer stabbed her gripped Faith, and she walked up to Gollum, grabbed the chain around his neck and broke it, taking the one ring for herself and throwing it down the throat of the Slurm Queen.
“You want it,” Faith seethed, “go and get it.”
Gollum, seized by the spirit of his inner-Berserker, looked at the Slurm Queen holding back his precious and attacked. With nothing but claws and teeth and feet, he dived into her flesh, determined to get his precious back. The Slurm Queen tried to fight back by rolling over him, but he just kept attacking her body, clawing through the layers as if they were cotton candy and he was a hobbit at the fair.
Eventually, this strategy got him down to her organ layer, where he attacked her stomach with increased fervor. After pushing back some bone and leather fragments left over from her Scorpius lunch, he recovered his precious. He retreated to a corner, once again appearing, then disappearing, as his fellows fought for their lives.
Up last was Tom Paris; he was tapped to face Skeletor, a fight he was woefully unprepared for, but there was no one left. He stepped into the hover chariot, grabbed the reins…and quickly decided on another method.
With a cocky grin, he walked toward Skeletor, with his hands raised in a submissive position. “I just want to talk,” Tom gulped, his fear not quite erasing his charm.
Tom slowly pulled out his trusty iPad, standard issue amongst nefarious no-goodnicks like himself, and gestured for Skeletor to come closer. “Look Skeley, can I call you Skeley?, this shiny box is a window to whole new world of entertainment that might help keep your mind off those evil impulses of yours. See, look what happens when I click on this part of the screen.”
Skeletor’s eyes lit up and glowed as he watched two scantily clad women embrace each other with increasing passion. “I thought this material was unavailable on Apple products; Steven Jobs is co-director of the Evil Overlord Committee, and he assured us-”
“Hey,” Tom interrupted, “What Jobs doesn’t know won’t hurt him. And this jailbreaked baby can handle all sorts of apps. So, I have a deal for you; switch to our side for the rest of the battle, and she’s yours.”
Skeletor looked at the screen, then down at his hands, which were itching to blast Tom and his whole team with lightning but would inevitably destroy the precious iPad. Back on the screen, the ladies were beginning to disrobe, and his decision was made. “I’ll join with you, but I want that…box now!”
“A deal’s a deal,” Tom smirked.
With Skeletor’s defection, the fight was over, the Earth was spared, and our heroes were left to go their separate ways.
Tom, back in his century, prepped for his first Maquis mission, sure that this would be the start of a new chapter in his charming, darin’-do life.
Faith, after burning off some steam at a local dance club, rejoined her inmates, sure that this time, she would get to watch “Toy Story” instead of “Glitter.”
Gollum, returned to his cave, where he played with his precious all day and all night…with not even one visitor.
And Topher, back at the Dollhouse, looked at Sierra after another day of her pretending to be some rich dude’s girlfriend, and smiled at his toys.
