Craaaaaaap!!!
No time to post this week! And I LOVE this challenge!!
GWCers are the ossim writers!!
frakadoodledoo!
Team Wild
Pilot/Driver: Maj Don West (Lost in Space)
Tech Expert: Louis Nichols (Robotech)
Recon Expert: Laura Croft (Tomb Raider)
Martial Artist: Xena: The Warrior Princess
Challenge 4: Double Trouble (A.K.A. The Parent Trap)!
(Note: I would like to thank Shooter Jr, Little Shootette and Sean for the creative exercise this week!)
As Team Wild finishes receiving briefing in the GWC conference room (all decked out as a glass fish bowl now just like in “Sneakers”), they contemplates this week’s challenge.
Maj West, “Time is running out!”
Xena, “To complete the chellenge?”
Maj West, “Well yes, but I was referring to the author to finish writing the solution for us.”
Louis, “If I correctly calculate the airspeed of the Canada Air CRJ 50, the location of the plane during its trip from OMA to CVG, and the prevailing tail winds, I think he might just have a shot at pulling it off this week.”
Lara, “For the sake of that adorable clown, I <absolutely> hope he does.”
And then the team goes to work…
Having done some recent research into Eden Prime’s global events, Team Wild ascertains that there is some extreme upheaval amongst parents planetwide over little trinkets in something The McDonald, trusted broker of understanding and happiness, provides called Chicken Nugget “Happy Meals” causing extreme obesity in children wherever the Golden Arches are found. Those parents had diligently lobbied the governments of Eden Prime to force The McDonald into no longer including the trinkets in the “Happy Meals.” This caused a radical group of entertainment geek collectors called “H.X.D.ers” to hold The McDonald hostage until the trinkets were returned to the “Happy Meals.”
Lara, placed on Eden Prime by the expert piloting skills of Maj West in the Normandy, finds the central distribution center of the trinkets, loads a the heavy transport at the distribution center full of trinkets, drives to the summit/fast food restaurant location, and backs the transport up to the main doors. Xena, also placed on Eden Prime by Maj West, jumps out, opens the rear loading doors and piles of trinkets fall out of the transport. The HXDers race out to grab as many trinkets as they can. While outside the building, Xena arranges a barter: releasing The McDonald in exchange for full ownership of the trinket storage location. Since a major HXDer event at a south-westerly warm ocean city location was to take place the following week, something called SDCC, the HXDers agree as long as they can set up a booth to sell the trinkets at an extremely inflated price. The agreement was reached and peace and tranquility returned to Eden Prime as everyone awaited the outcome of the giant rock hurdling at them.
Maj West, after dropping off Lara and Xena, continues to the asteroid. He drops off Louis in the Mako on the asteroid surface and continues on in search of the gun. Louis drives the Mako to a pre-arranged spot and drills to the center of the asteroid, placing a very large explosive at the bottom of the hole.
Maj West, using the Normandy’s Stealth, travels to the last known location of the USS Kelvin. Once there he finds several dozen shuttle craft and wreckage of the USS Kelvin. Taking aboard the survivors he learns the asteroid gun used against Eden Prime was just a test and that the real target was a planet full of pointy eared brainiacs without emotion. Maj West swings back to the asteroid, picks up Louis and they detonate the explosive causing the asteroid to break up into many small harmless rocks of no further threat to Eden Prime.
Maj West swings back over to Eden Prime and pick up The McDonald, Lara, and Xena and travel to Vulcan to await the arrival of the asteroid gun. When the gun appears, Maj West opens all communication channels.
The McDonald, “Greetings unidentified vessel. I offer a better solution. I will give you complete ownership of all of my Vulcan fast food franchises. Once located strategically on the planet, parents on road trips will have no choice but to stop at your restaurants and eat there. This will cause addicting dependency on the food in the children. It will make you very rich. And it will drive generations of Vulcan parents insane.”
The asteroid gun stops and the commander agrees to The McDonald’s terms. Apparently, The McDonald, using his powers of mind control, has made the asteroid gun crew forget why they wanted to destroy Vulcan in the first place. They dismantled the asteroid gun, turning it into Vulcan McDonalds planet headquarters building and lived out the rest of their lives in pursuit of profit.
The McDonald, says goodbye to Team Wild on the planet surface in a grassy field (hard to find on the hot, dry planet). When all important things were said and all of Team Wild’s eyes were averted, The McDonald suddenly vanished and Team Wild continued to wonder where he had come from for the rest of their lives.
Many HXDers on Eden Prime had their theories about what The McDonald actually was and had strong opinions on how the challenge actually ended. But their theories were never proven or disproven, leaving them to endless debates on their internet forum.
~Shooter Out
You can DEEEEEWWWWWW EEEEEETTTTT!
I am in the midst of writing under the wire. Post will be up shortly.
No! Work! Stop bothering me! Can’t my employers see I have an important mission to explain minute detail?!
—This is the deadline. Thank you everyone. ----
As per Pike’s Request.
I’ve come to a conclusion. My scenarios need more boobs. Ergo, this week will be the phone-a-friend challenge.
Following the successful relocation of humanity, the team found themselves once again whisked away in a flash of white light. In that moment they find themselves once more in the nether-world apartments Q had left them in. Suddenly, a large screen tv appears in a flash of white light, and Q appears on the screen.
“Good morning Angels.”
“Now wait a minutes, we’re not-” Duo said, rising out of his chair.
“Not you, you insolent twit, the Angels. Look behind you” Q said from the monitor.
The team turned to look behind them, and there were four holograms. Each team member recognized a woman from his own time and place. Batou saw the Major, Kenshin found Kaoru, Jim groaned as he saw Aisha, and Duo slapped his forehead when he found Relena in front of him.
“Since your solutions have been less than…spectacular, and as several of the other Q are running ahead of me in the stakes, I have decided to give you a little backup this mission. You will find these girls in the course of your mission, and you’ll have to protect them as you go. Still I think they may be of some help in completing your mission.” The screen blinks off, and the holograms disappear.
Batou looks back at the other guys as asks “Who the hell are they?”
Jim groans again and hangs his head. "The cat girl was Aisha Clanclan of the Ctarl-Ctarl empire. She is the most clumsy and incompetent alien I ever saw. She wolfs down enough food for five people and turns into some weird wolf creature when she’s pissed.
Kenshin looks at the others. “That is Miss Kaoru, that it is. She’s a teacher of swordsmanship, but I’m afraid that this future world will be too much for her.”
Duo pulls his cap on and digs his hands in his pockets. “The girl’s Relena. Great advocate of total peace or something like that. Really she’s pretty useless. Heero was always running around to save her tail.”
“Well, I don’t know how he got his hands on the Major, but she’ll be able to take care of herself,” Batou says, leaning back. “We’ll just collect her on the way out after saving your chicks.”
With another flash of light they appeared on the bridge of the Normandy. Duo falls to the controls and brings up their mission briefing. After scrolling through the briefing, Duo puts forth his suggestion.
“Look guys, working with you is grand and all, but I think I can take this meteor thing on by myself. I’ll just deflect it enough with the ship’s weaponry and it’ll miss the whole planet. Then I can cruise on to find the meteor gun and mission solved. I’ll just drop you guys off on the planet so you can find the clown and save the peace accords. Oh, and watch out for Relena, she’s probably in with the Peace delegates.”
Batou grunts, while Jim and Kenshin nod vigourously. Duo drops them off planetside, and heads into space.
DUO’s Story
It is indeed easy to deflect the comet. Partway out, Duo realizes he doesn’t even have to fire any guns. All he needs to do island the ship on the meteor and fire the engines. After altering the object’s course he plots its trajectory backwards to find the meteor gun.
After a few hours of travelling at top speed, Duo finds the facility that was shooting the meteors, now owned by the Bartim coorperation (watch Gundam Wing for explanations) After the old fashioned ‘Operation Meteor’ didn’t work on Earth, Bartim took a more literal method. Luckily, this time, they don’t have any mobile suits defending the base, and Duo easily infiltrates, kicks ass, takes names, and blows the facility (That Gundam terrorist training is useful). Then he begins the trip back to the planet. Only too late does he realize that there were two meteors, and that he missed the second one. It’s now on direct path for the system, and he can’t get there in time. He sends a broadcast down to Jim and puts the engines on full, hoping that he can find some way to do something in time.
THE TEAM
Once planetside, Kenshin suggests they get some grub. In a local beef hot-pot restaurant they meet the new waitress, a girl with furry ears and a lot of prominent cleavage. As she plops down their food, she looks Jim in the eyes (he’d been unsuccessfully trying to hide his face so she wouldn’t recognize him).
With a shout that is half squeal, she yells out “Jim Hawking! What are you doing here? Gene’s been trying to find you for weeks. In the meantime I was called back to the Ctarl-Ctarl Empire to negotiate in the peace accords with you puny earthlings. Why the mighty Ctarl-Ctarl Empire should negotiate peace with you primitive humans is beyond me, but they re-instated me as ambassador.” Then in an instant her manner deflates and she slouches low. “But not my salary. So instead of attending the peace conference I have to work off my travel here in this dive. Mreowth.” At just that moment the manager yells out for the new girl to get her tail back into the kitchen or it’ll be the cat in the kettle after lunch.
Both Jim and Kenshin let out heavy sighs. Batou just looks at them and asks “So where do you think we’ll find McDonald?”
“On his farm? E-I-E-I-O?” Jim says, weakly. When Batou glares at him he buries himself in his handheld and starts searching through the local net connections for information. Some time later he looks up.
“Well, the most I could manage to find is that there’s going to be a ultimate fight contest tonight. After looking through the backers information, it seems like it might be a front by the terrorist group to evaluate potential threats or new members. There will be a protective shield over the arena to keep all attacks non-lethal, but otherwise, it’s anything goes. I think if we get Kenshin into the competition, that will give both of us access to explore the facility, and see if we can find out where McDonald is being held.”
“Sounds good to me. Find any information on Relena, Kaoru, or the Major?” Batou asked.
“Seems like Kaoru’s entered the competition. Relena’s slated to attend the peace conference, just like Duo predicted. No word on any Major.” Jim replied.
“Well, like I said, I’m sure she’ll take care of herself.”
Kenshin looks up from the empty pot.
Around the corner, they miss hearing Aisha snicker.
THE FIGHT RING
The team has no problem getting Kenshin registered, and he goes to wait with the other competetors. In the mean time, Jim holes up in the manager’s office with his computer and pulls out a wireless headset. Batou begins to sneak through the facility, following Jim’s directions.
As the fights go on, four competitors rise to the top. A red haired swordfighter, a woman who only fought with a wooden sword, and a strange masked wrestler named Firecat. In a quarter final round, Kaoru finds herself facing off against Firecat. During their battle, Karou hits Firecat over the head, tearing away her mask, revealing her to be… Aisha.
Aisha flies into a rage over being revealed and begins to rage out about how Ctarl-Ctarl aren’t allowed in the arena because they are too strong. Kenshin hops into the ring and manages to fight off Aisha long enough for Kaoru to escape. Then he flees from the crazy girl as her clothes fly off and she transform into a giant wolf beast who proceeds to destroy the arean (Things Go Boom, 1).
While exploring the facility, Batou gets a message over his internal comm array. It’s the Major, and she’s been sent to try to find McDonald as well. She meets up with Batou, under cloak.
“So, why don’t you turn the cloak off, Major?” Batou asks when they finally get together.
“All they had left over was the older model. You know, the one that doesn’t work with clothes.” The Major replies.
“I see.” Batou says.
“You don’t. And that’s the point. Anyways, I’ve found out that the terrorists are holding McDonald in an agricultural complex outside of the city. We can head out there now to rescue him.” The Major uploads a map with the important information to Batou. Suddenly guns click and lower, taking the Major and Batou unawares.
“I hate that I have to do this,” the Major says. An instant later, Batou hears in his head “When I give the signal, run. You’ll have to rescue McDonald, I’ll take care of things here.”
“Wha-how?” Batou asks.
“Men are pigs.” Suddenly the major deactivates the cloaking device. All the men with the guns stop and stare, giving her the moment she needs to launch a full frontal attack. Explosions begin to echo from the arena as Batou runs for the exit. He sends one last message to the Major “You better get out of this one, Kusanagi.”
THE FARM
“E-I-E-I-O my ass.” Batou says, when he meets up with Kenshin and Jim at the farm. “The Major’s information says he’s inside the big red building over there. Kenshin, head for the the far entrance and try to draw their attention. Jim, you’re with me. Cover me.” Batou says as he hands Jim a gun.
“Cover you? You’re five times my size. I’ll go first and you cover me.” Jim says, running ahead with his computer in one hand and the pistol tucked into his pocket.
“Oro” Kenshin says, and shakes his head. Then he heads off for the far entrance to the barn.
Jim makes it to the door without incident and begins to hack the lock. The password is unusually simple. 5-9-5-9-15 (that’s the numerical value for E-I-E-I-O for those of you not paying attention). Jim slaps his head. “Terrorists are too easy.” The doors open, and Batou charges in, Standard Issue Big Gun blazing. Terrorists fall, and he makes it to McDonald. “Tell me this isn’t yours.” he says, waving at the building.
“Well, the chicken has to come from somewhere.” The clown says, and shrugs.
The Peace Conference
McDonald has just been restored to the peace conference and the delegates have gathered on the building’s front steps when Jim’s computer beeps.
“Um, guys, Duo says he missed one. A meteor’s just beyond the atmosphere. He took out the meteor gun, but this one slipped his notice somehow.”
A blonde girl steps up to them and puts her hand on Jim’s head. “Don’t worry. Does that thing transmit?” Jim nods and hands it to her. “Duo? Rebroadcast this to everyone in the system.” Relena tosses her hair and then looks into the computer’s webcam. “I am Relena Peacecraft, representative of Earth at these negotiations. Violence in never the answer, and I decry the actions of those who would launch a meteor to destroy those who gather in the name of peace…”
As Relena goes on, Duo sees a new blip appear on the sensors. Out of nowhere, a small fighter-sized spacecraft rockets for the path of the meteor. Just in front of the meteor, the fighter transforms into a Gundam, pointing a buster cannon at the meteor. As they begin to enter the atmosphere, the cannon fires, vaporizing the meteor. Little pieces begin to skip across the atmosphere, but none are big enough or on the correct trajectory to destroy the planet, giving the peace delegates and the people on the planet a brilliant display as the Peace talks begin.
Duo hears just one word over the ships comm system before the strange blip disappears.
“Relena”
Summary
We through in boobs in a desperate bid for ratings.
Duo destroys the first meteor then takes out the meteor gun. He misses the second meteor.
Jim, Batou and Duo run into Aisha in a restaurant. They find out about a fighting competition that’s a front for the terrorists and decide to enter.
Aisha and Kaoru are participants, although Aisha’s in disguise (They wouldn’t let Ctarl-Ctarl enter) Kenshin interferes to save Kaoru from Aisha, who goes beserk and destroys the arena.
In the meantime, Batou searchs for info, runs into the Major who’s cloaked. She gives him information, then decloaks to attack the numerous male guards while Batou escapes. (cloaking device is an older model that doesn’t work with clothes).
They make it to the farm where they rescue McDonald (E-I-E-I-O)
Relena makes a big announcement before the assembled, which tips off Hero to fly in and blow the second meteor with the buster cannon, saving the day and proving pretty fireworks.
Team meets all objectives (Duo diverts the challenge’s meteor, the second one is destroyed more spectacularly), and the team rescues McDonal without actually depending on the girl’s help, though it adds a little comedy.
I do believe the appropriate response here is that she is raping my childhood…
He’s raping my adulthood…