FSL 2.0 Challenge 3: You got to know when to hold 'em

GWC Community GWC Fantasy Sci-fi 2.0: Black Ops Edition
#61

Team J-Bob

“Space… It’s kind of boring” Alex remarks as he waits for Data to compile the next list of planets for the team to survey. “By the way, how the hell are we flying around in a giant dandelion seed?”

Data replies, “I find it is better to leave these kinds of questions unanswered. You would find the explanation given by its creator unsettling.”

Brock and Wreck Gar return to the bridge after surveying the last planet. Brock, covered in green goo flops down into one of the chairs, “This one’s no good, carnivorous plants. They tried to eat me. They found out that they didn’t like the taste of me.”

Wreck Gar belts out a commercial jingle, “Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea. Yeah Pepto-Bismol!” Everyone stares at him.

Alex, “You’ve found something wrong with every planet we’ve looked at. What was wrong with that last one? What was it called, Endor?”

Brock, “Those little creatures, they were like feral Care Bears, creepy.”

Data, “What was your reasoning for declining Salusa Secundus?”

Brock, “The natives freaked when they saw Wreck Gar. Something about ‘not making a computer in the likeness of the human mind.’”

Alex, “What was wrong with Caprica? They said there were 11 other colonies we could have spread out on too.”

Brock, “That place gave me the willies, like something bad was about to happen. I met a blonde chick in a red dress, had to get out of there, she was getting kina clingy. What’s our next stop?”

Data looks over the list, “The next planet is called Magrathea.”

The ship settles down on Magrathea, Brock and Wreck Gar set out to survey the world. The promptly run into Slartibartfast. They explain the situation to him.

Slartibartfast, “Well you can’t settle here, besides you wouldn’t want the place. It’s infested with mice. I suppose we could build you a new planet, find a nice warm sun to put it around. What do you think of that?”

Brock, “We had to pay the Spacing Guild to move our people, a new planet might be out of our price range.”

Slartibartfast, “I guess you’ll be wanting to look at our previously owed planets then.” He takes them to the showroom. “I have two planets that are right up your alley, very Earth like. This little darling was owned by a little old species that only drove it to church on Sundays. Still has that new planet smell. The continents are a little irregular though, built on a Friday,” he adds with a wink. “The other one was owned by a family man, traded it in on a bigger model, needed more room for the kiddies. It’s got all the bells and whistles, varied climates, temperate zones, ice caps, and room for 12 billion people. Which shall it be?”

Brock, “We’ll take the second one.”

Slartibartfast, “Alright then, now all that’s left is the price.”

Wreck Gar steps up to haggle, pushing Brock aside. He assaults Slartibartfast with a tirade of late night infomercial slogans. Slartibartfast is overwhelmed, quickly losing his place in the banter between himself and the robot. He finds himself saying “Agreed” and shaking the giant robots finger. He has a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach. He replays the conversation in his head. He realizes that he has agreed to selling them not one but both planets for 3 easy payments of $29.95.And that he has promised to find a habitable sun to place the planets around, at no additional charge. Tears stream from his eyes, his salesman days are over, he committed the ultimate sin, he promised ‘free delivery.’

Brock and Wreck Gar return to the ship, bill of sale in hand.

#62

That was HILARIOUS!!! I can totally picture it too.

:smiley:

#63

Just got to throw out there that the majority of this solution is being written after something like fifty hours without true sleep, at least 30 of which has been spent in/travelling to and from airports. But I must make an entry now, or I won’t be awake to meet the noon deadline. And we will not surrender!

The Scenario

Floating in the darkness of the once-solar-system, Jim Hawking, Kenshin, Batou, and Duo Maxwell crowd around the console of the Starship of Discovery, having appeared there in a flash of light following the successful completion of their last mission. The screen briefly lights up, and the words of their mission appear onscreen.

“Great,” Jim says, “And I thought only an idiot like Gene would go and bet the sun. You think we could raise the money to buy it back? There’s a spaceship race out near Heifong, but I don’t suppose they’ll be holding it for a couple thousand years.”

“Oro,” Kenshin says, his eyes spinning as he looks at the spaceship.

Batou merely grunts while Duo pokes around on the computer system.

“Hey guys, there’s a whole database of planets right here. Why don’t we just look through the ones they have mentioned and pick one?” Duo asks, resting his hand on the ship’s computer.

“Look, there’s even a map here of interstellar civilizations in this Encyclopedia Galactica. We can just search through them all and-“

“Ah, too boring.” Duo says, slamming his hands on the controls and picking a planet at random. “Chulak. Looks like it’s got possibilities, people live there, and um, they fight with a bunch of alien snakes in their heads and stomachs who think they’re gods…”

“Next planet.” Jim says hurriedly.

In the meantime, Kenshin has found a model of the spaceship and is poking it. Batou just stands silently behind the boys.

“Wait,” Batou says, clicking on some of the attributes on the screen. “Look, it’s the planet on the net of expanded planets. Says there’s a gate of some kind on the world that connects to this whole network through wormholes. Even if the snakey-people have all the worlds in the green network, look at this red one that connects here.” He gestures to the map. “Similar technology, scattered human civilizations, a galaxy away and no snakes.”

“Yeah, just a bunch of life-sucking aliens bent on consuming humanity.” Jim’s face was a deadpan. “We can’t go there.”

“Wait, look at this one out here. It’s on the edge of the gate network. Planet of some people called the ‘Furlings.” Duo enhanced the image on the screen. The planet’s inhabitants were not pictured, but it was clear they had an advanced level of technology.

“It’s worth checking out,” Batou said, pulling Kenshin away from the viewscreen with another “Oro?”

An instant later (well, not quite an instant, somebody had rewired the Starship of Imagination to not travel between planets without first playing “A Glorious Dawn”) they had landed the Starship of Imagination on the planet’s surface. Batou, Duo and Jim start trying to make a plan while Kenshin just wanders off the ship, looking at the pretty green field under a nice yellow sun. Half a klick away, while Duo and Batou are still arguing over who will lead the away mission, Kenshin sees a brown, fuzzy, and not-surprisingly cute figure just under the trees.

“Hello there, Furling-sama, I am a wanderer from Earth, that I am. Someone in the government bartered away our sun, and we need a place to bring our people to so they don’t freeze. Our ship told us you have many worlds, is there one we could have?”

Taking a step out from the trees, the Furling looked Kenshin up and down. “Well, this planet was kind of the rustic spa world. It isn’t very popular any more since we created an interconnected web of consciousness that connects all minds in subspace and lets us talk to each other without leaving the comfort of our own homes. So we don’t really need it. I guess you can have it. You seem like a good soul.”

Kenshin smiles and goes to bow, but then falls forward on a rock and ends up rolling to the alien’s feet. A huge lump appears on his head and his eyes spin. The Furling looks at him and shakes his head. “Yeah, you guys are harmless.”

“Mostly Harmless” Duo says, running up. “Who the hell are you?”

“Calm down, Duo,” Jim says. “We’re explorers from Earth-“

“Yes, yes, and you lost your sun. I’ve already talked with this earthling. We’re tired of roughing it here. You can have this primitive planet with its cities and solar power plants and forests and beaches. We’re going back to the ‘net. There’s a new group, the GFC* and I’m missing out talking to you primitives. We’ll make sure you’re taken care of.

Batou looks at the retreating fuzzy creature then coughs and looks away.

Three months later the last of humanity is dropped off on a world that looks surprisingly like Vancouver, but with clean energy and nice cities. Before there is too much chance to ruin it, a bunch of Area 51 Greys appears, steals Kenshin and gets him to help them negotiate some treaty to keep the snake-people away. Then they beam away the planet’s fashionable stone ring until the people of Earth have learned how to keep their kids from prank calling and drunk dialing the gate.

*Galactic Furlings Convention

(And apologies it’s disjointed. No sleep and writing in an airport at 4-5 am does not high quality make. Still, for your amusement…)
Summary: They use the Starship of Imagination’s computer to do what SG-1 could never do: Find the Furlings. Kenshin immediately connects with them due to their fuzzy and good natured personalities. Turns out this world isn’t used by the Furlings anymore. It had kind of been the rustic ‘roughing’ it planet, so they have…Earth technology. The Furlings contact the Asgard and have the abandoned world that is quickly added to the Goa’uld/Asgard protected planets treaty. Then they take away the Stargate until Earthlings have learned how not to make prank phone calls.

#64

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

#65

[COLOR=“Orange”]Team Thot
[COLOR=“Yellow”]Driver/Pilot: Speed Racer, Tech: Dr. Daniel Graystone,
Recon: Racetrack, Martial Artist: Kwai Chang Caine[/COLOR]

DR. DANIEL GRAYSTONE and DR. CARL SAGAN

Daniel Graystone stepped into the control room of the Ship of the Imagination. He admired the complex control panel and the huge viewscreen and its breathtaking view of the Milky Way galaxy.

Graystone: Activate hologram.

Instantly a hologram of Dr. Carl Sagan appeared.

Carl Sagan: Please state the nature of the medical emergency.

Graystone: Huh?

Carl Sagan: Sorry. A little Star Trek Voyager joke.

Graystone: Ah, Star Trek, well…

Carl Sagan: I, and my Ship of the Imagination are at your service. I understand that Team Thot has been given a fascinating FSL Black Ops challenge. Earth’s primary star, or Sol as it is otherwise known, has disappeared. Now, we’ll overlook the fact the humanity and most of the Earth’s biosphere probably would not survive the extreme drop in temperature. Our challenge is to locate a suitable replacement “Earth” that has roughly similar oxygen/nitrogen atmosphere, gravity and average temperature for humans to survive. Now, let’s first review the Drake Equation, and thereby calculating what the approximate odds are for the ….”

Graystone: Wait. No, I don’t really care about all that. There’s something else wanted to talk you about actually.

Carl Sagan: Something more significant than the survival of the human race?

Graystone: Yes…I wonder if I can ask you a morality question. You see, I’ve been deeply involved in the science and technology of interfacing man and machine. It started out with my hugely successful Holoband technology, which has become a multibillion dollar industry.

Carl Sagan: In other words, billions and billions?

Graystone: Uh. Yeah. So aside from Holobands, I’m now involved some advanced cybernetics development. Anyway, my question Dr. Sagan is this: Is there anything immoral about interfacing man with machine? Are there certain lines that shouldn’t be crossed?

Carl Sagan: Not at all. Humans are tool using creatures by nature. We think and reason and by doing so find ways to manipulate the world around us to our benefit. When a person wears eyeglasses or a hearing aid, for example, he’s essentially using machines and tools to better his situation. Humans are very clever. And through the use of books and now computers we’re able to pass on knowledge between us and pass that knowledge from one generation to the next. Even the advances in personal consumer electronic devices have been incredible stunning in recent years. Someday in the future perhaps by the year 2000, advances in computer chip technologies will enable devices capable of storing hundreds, even thousands of songs in device no bigger than a toaster.

Graystone: Hmmm…a toaster you say?

Carl Sagan: Precisely. Now, shall we talk about finding a new home for humanity?

Graystone: No. Nope, I’m good.

SPEED RACER and DR. CARL SAGAN

Carl Sagan: I, and my Ship of the Imagination are at your service.

Speed Racer: Wow! This space ship is cool! How fast does it go?

Carl Sagan: Well Mr. Racer, first let’s review a number of key concepts. Determining the velocity of a ship like this is extremely complex— much more so than knowing the velocity of a gasoline fueled internal combustion engine like your Mach 5 race car. There are the laws of astrophysics and the theories of special relativity to be considered.

Speed Racer: The Mach 5 is the most powerful race car in the world! My Dad, Pops Racer designed and built it!!

Carl Sagan: Yes. On that subject, I have viewed the animated television program about you and your race car, and there are a few problems I should point out to you. Many of the stunts your Mach 5 is depicted doing are in violation of the laws of physics. Also, some of the contraptions your vehicle posses are simply defying basic laws of action versus reaction and gravity. All that said, I commend it as a pure work of imagination. It is by exercising our imagination that we—and especially we scientists—are able to stretch our notions of reality. And then we apply reason and look for evidence to determine fact from fiction.

Speed Racer: So……How fast does this ship go?

Carl Sagan: (lets out a sigh). It goes really f$@king fast.

KWAI CHANG CAINE and DR. CARL SAGAN

Carl Sagan: I, and my Ship of the Imagination are at your service.

The Carl Sagan hologram stood patiently, waiting….and waiting….and waiting for the Shaolin priest to say something. Finally, Sagan grew impatient and said:

Carl Sagan: I’ve noticed that you don’t talk very much.

Kwai Chang Caine: When…one’s words…are no better …than silence, it is better …to remain silent.

Carl Sagan: Not precisely. A human’s ability to communicate knowledge to another is an essential part of who we are as a species. Also, there’s are many examples in modern society and culture of individuals that enjoy the sound of their own voice—for example William Shatner, Rush Limbaugh, Howard Stern and of course myself. When the first apes—the evolutionary cousins of home sapiens—first began crude sign ……

Kwai Chang Caine: If …you don’t mind. I will go sit cross legged in the corner now and play my flute.

RACETRACK and DR. CARL SAGAN

Racetrack: Okay. So this is your Ship of the Imagination, huh? Let’s go. Let’s go find a new Earth.

Carl Sagan: Outstanding. And may I say it is refreshing to hear you say that. The other members of Team Thot seemed ….a bit unfocused on the problem at hand. Now, let’s first break down the problem. The problem is that there are Billions and Billions of stars from which to choose. Those worlds in space are as countless as all the grains of sand on all the beaches of the earth. Each of those worlds is as real as ours and every one of them is a succession of incidents, events, occurrences which influence its future. Countless worlds, numberless moments, an immensity of space and time. And our small planet at this moment, here we face a critical branch point in history: what we do with our world, right now, will propagate down through the centuries and powerfully affect the destiny of our descendants. It is well within our power to destroy our civilization and perhaps our species as well."

Racetrack fiddled with the control panel trying to figure out what was what.

Racetrack: So, does thing have Nav-map?

Carl Sagan: Um. Yes. That green button to the left will call up a map of the surrounding local stellar community. I suggest we analyze each record first though and cross reference with Encyclopedia Galactica. It will help is determine not only the PHYSICAL characteristics we’re looking for, but also the SOCIAL state of each planet. Then comes the moral questions of interfering with an existing native species. We are on the Shores of the Cosmic ocean right now, Ms. Edmondson. The water is enticing, but we must move cautiously or—to extend the metaphor—humanity could drown as a result of a rash choice. Because there are Billions and Billions of star systems, it will likely take YEARS—perhaps GENERATIONS—to discover a world that is suited to needs of Earth’s six Billion inhabitants. Let us now examine the Drake Equations. By considering its variables we will gain an ….

Racetrack had stopped listening. She looked hard at the Star Map on the Ship of the Imagination’s control console. Suddenly she pointed to a star in the 37 Geminorum is located about 56.3 light-years from Sol.

Racetrack: Let’s try this one.

She plugged the system’s coordinates in the Ship of the Imagination’s Nav Computer and spooled up the FTL for jump.

Moments later the ship appeared in orbit around a stunning blue/green world with thick band beachfront land mass surrounding its equator.

Racetrack: Well, here we are. Hey, don’t look so pale Mr. Sagan. All your pretty science words were cool and stuff. But, I frakking do this kind of thing all the time.

Carl Sagan: (frowns) I hate you.[/COLOR]

#66

ThotFullGuy, that was…AWESOME.

#67

Time Travel Solution

The Rebel Leader Sean O’Hara left a message to our team; we need to find a new planet for our Earthling.

Hal: Those damn scientist, I should never had led them to that table. I figured easy fish to cash. I guess the aliens thought the same thing.

Blade : And now we have a bigger problem, Vampire are running free night and night.

Q: maybe we could build…

Hal: That would cost to much forget it; we need to be more creative than that.

T-1000: Let’s go back in time, I do know how that technology work, and kill the scientist before it happen. I tried it before.

Q: Yeah that’s how we acquired you. Thank’s to my reprogramming your liquefied inside.

Hal: Ok good plan but let’s just warned them ok.

Q: what do you need for time travel.

T-1000: Get naked and let me do the rest.

Hal: Wooow, naked, I don’t think so.

Q: Ok then let’s just find the ship a go around the nearest sun.

Hal bring them to the ship with an Imaginary drive and everybody start to take place when the ship seems to start. T-1000 being a robot as no imagination but Hal as enough for the whole team since is ring works with the same kind of tech. Hal start to think about time travel and going around the sun. Hot as he was now the other melted in a grey goo just to be frozen to flour for a moment. Hal pick them up with is ring but they were so tiny we could only see the sound of there voice. The letter became sound and space became time and at the same moment Hal tough about the moment where he found the ring the got to the past.

T-1000: That’s an incredible technology is there anyway to create a wireless CPu out of that ship.

Q: Of course the tech work like a charm.
While he said that a wireless IPad that can connect to any Radio-Wave is form in the hand of T-1000.

They get back to earth with Hal’s ring and leave the ship in orbit. At the same moment the Lantern that gave Hal is ring crash on Hal construct and Destroy Abin-Sur and is ship. Hal construct disrupt and he disappear ‘’Back to the future” style.

Our 3 other team member look at each other.

T-1000: I could not have done a better Job myself.

Q: yeah but we lost our leader.

T-1000: Don’t worry about it is futile.

Let’s find the mothers of the scientist and kill them now so our problem is gone.

Balde: How are we gonna get back to the ship.

T-1000: Don’t worry about that.

They stole a truck form an army base and go find the national record of birth-certificate.

After a Road trip of 3 days in 1969 and a fight with an alien name Teal’c, they get to Washington. Q then starts hacking the world of cpu trough their wireless radio wave I pad. When the job is done T-1000 take control of the Missile control system and with is newly acquired knowledge of the scientist mothers now in is possession he proceed to nuke all city’s where the are.

Blade suddenly start do disappear to.

Blade: Stupid Robot you killed my mother.
And he vanished.

Q: Ok we need to go back and undo what you just did.

T-1000: no we wont, you have 2 choice, die where you stand or construct a super-cpu and help me design first generation TERMINATOR.
……………………………

Back in 2010 years later the world is Rule by Skynet BUT we still have our Sun and some pocket of humanity are still surviving lead by The leader of the Rebellion: Sean O’Hara.

The End

#68

Seven: “This is exacTly why I limit my interactions with you humans.”
Sarah: “Must I point out that you are human also?”
Seven: “I am Borg. The perfect blend of the biological and the technological!”
Starbuck: “I agree, your figure is frakkin perfect, even if your personality isn’t.”
Seven: “Should I consider that a compliment, insult or pick-up line?”
Starbuck: “There’s a difference?”
Conan: “Ladies, we have been called again to save the collective asses of all mankind…and Angelkind. It doesn’t matter how we got here, we just need to fix it so we can get paid and get first dibs on land masses.” :wink:
Boarding the Starship of the Imagination, Seven is impressed by the simple layout and apparent capabilities of this mysterious ship.
Seven: “What should we set for a course? It appears to run on auto pilot. Sorry Kara.”
Kara: “I don’t think this ship really fly’s like a traditional ship.”
Beatrix: “Should we just set course for the nearest planet capable of sustaining human life?”
The viewscreen went blank, the engines power cycled and on the screen appeared a planet.
Sarah: “That looks like earth!”
Seven: “It is”, she said reviewing the readings on the main console.
Beatrix: “Anyone got a better idea?”
Sarah: “What about the best quality planet for human life?”
The same thing happened as before.
Seven: “We are at Earth but based on these readings it’s about 150,000 B.C.”
Starbuck: “Anyone else getting a feeling of deja vu?”
Beatrix: “We may want to keep this place in mind for a retirement plan but we can’t fit humanity in this ship.”
Starbuck: “What about a planet for refugees?”
The engines cycled again but this time the screen was filled by a massive multicolored sphere.
Seven: “This says it’s an artificial sphere approx 500 million miles in diameter.”
Viewscreen: “May I help you?”, an unfamiliar voice said.
Beatrix: “We are Human’s from a planet called Earth. What is this place?”
Viewscreen: “Millions of years ago, many races gathered together to create this sphere. They were all stranded by a race that has been winning their planets in games of chance.”
Starbuck: “Sound’s familiar!”
Viewscreen: “Ted! Look like we got another. Pull up a membership application for these Humans. If your race joins us you will be assigned a area below that is terraformed for your species. We will absorb your culture and share it with the rest of the Sphere. You will also be given access to all the other races knowledge and culture. Selfishness will not be tolerated. Everyone contributes to the benefit of us all.”
Sarah: “Is there any catch.”
Viewscreen: “Nope, your races will just have to develop a self sustaining ecosystem and economy, then share it with the rest of the Sphere so we improve each other. Also, if you have any special or unique talents you would be expected to use them for the greater good.”
Beatrix: “I can’t speak for all humans abilities, but our team is the best of our race in the area of Black (or Covert) Ops. We are Conan’s Angels!”
Viewscreen: “This Conan must be an amazing man. If you want to send a message to him and let him know you can begin transporting your race here. Now then, let’s discuss how you Angel’s can help take care of these d-bags who did this to us. By the way, my name is Bill”
Montague of the exodus from Earth, strategy meetings and eventually the termination by Conan’s Angels of every member of the Hut’s organization. :cool:

#69

Mission 3: Finally Not Quite Capture Just Yet Not Really
GO TEAM 80’S!!

After getting their mission orders, Team 80’s loads Max into the Ship of the Imagination and boards for the voyage ahead.

Max bristles, “So many planets! So many new species to interact with and examine!”

College student Sean Barker, bearer of the Guyver biosuit, is less enthused, “okay, everybody, can we PLEASE try not to get captured this time?”

“Okay!” Johnny Five chimes in, chipper as always. “Where should we go first?! I could scan through the computer and–”

Indy cuts J5 off, “How about here? It’s populated, and it says the planet has 1.8 billion museums on it. Sounds good to me.” And with the push of a button, the ship transports the team to orbit around a planet covered in a global city – Coruscant.

Once landing, the group blends in on the most diverse planet in the universe. Scouting goes well, with Johnny Five reading through the Imperial Library for background info and Indy venturing into museums to examine the culture’s anthropological and cultural atmosphere. However, in another building, Sean Barker is identified by a passing trooper, “Hey! That’s the guy that killed the emperor! I was there! I saw it!” With a physics-bending thought, the trio are returned to the Ship of the Imagination.

“That didn’t work out like we’d hoped. Maybe we should try something further away,” Sean Barker recommends.

“Let’s go here!” Johnny pushes a button on the console and the ship finds itself floating above the Vancouver Countryside-like planet of Chulak.

On the planet’s surface, Sean Barker is less than enthused at the sight of an Egyptian-style pyramid. “Oh yeah, this place looks like a whole lot of fun.”

Indy is too busy grinning to say very much before making his way over, “best kind of fun…”

Suddenly from behind them, the group hears, “KREE!”

The group turns to see a stoic man in Jaffa armor pointing a staff weapon at them. “Bow before the temple of Ba’al who has claimed this world!”

Johnny five rolls over toward the Jaffa with his hands out, “what a cool walking stick!”

“Wait, Ba’al? I’ve read about a couple different Ba’als in–” Indy gets cut off.

“I know about Balls too, Indy,” Sean Barker interjects. “Here’s a good one: ‘two Amish women are havesting potatoes one day–.’”

“KREE!” The Jaffa shouts, and begins to fire his weapon. Just as the bolt leaves the staff, the group is transported back to the Ship of the Imagination.

“Please try to stop getting nearly killed or captured. We actually do have a job to do here,” Max reminds them.

“Oh yeeeeeah,” J-5 says before rolling over toward a window.

“Okay, your turn to pick, Sean,” Max says.

“Finally! I was hoping we’d get to this one!” college student Sean Barker rushes over toward the primary console and with the push of a button, the group is transported over a brightly-colored planet. “I am so ready for this!”

Once on the jungled ground, the group approaches a cluster of over-sized huts in a clearing and begins to look around. “Anybody home?” Indy shouts.

Out from one hut comes a nine-foot tall woman scantily clad in a leopard skin and sporting a purple mohawk. Her jaw drops to the ground as she explains, “Males!” before saying it again, alerting her fellow Amazonians. “We take them to leader. She know what to do.”

As the group is escorted to the throne room, Sean Barker tells his companions, “you guys are gonna love this!”

“This our queen,” one of the Amazons says. “She say your fate.”

“Men not allowed on Amazonia!” the queen says. “Decree you to death by Snoo-Snoo!”

As Indy looks around to figure out what ‘Snoo-Snoo’ means, he sees a small pile of human bones with crushed pelvises and lets out a small smile.

“YESSSS!!! AWESOME!!” college student Sean Barker yells exhuberently He says the word that equips him with an advanced biomechanical suit of alien armor, increasing ALL his human abilities, strength, and stamina. “I AM READY TO GO! SNOO ME ALL NIGHT! WHOOOOOOOO!!!”

Johnny Five’s eyes go wide at the series of events, “Snoo-Snoo is… Ooooooohhhh.”

Suddenly the group is transported up to the Ship of the Imagination. “Okay, new rule, gang,” Max says. “No more poisoning Johnny’s innocent mind.”

The Guyver responds, “DUDE! That was gonna be the lay of the CENTURY!”

“… Right. My turn to pick,” Max says. “I think I’ve got one right here that will suit 2010 humanity like a glove.”

Suddenly the group is transported over a planet covered in rain storms and bright vegas-style lights.

“Ooooh, shiny!” Johnny Five says. “What’s this planet called?”

“The file says it’s called ‘Ferenginar,’” Max responds.

“Does it have museums and culture?” Indy asks.

“This planet is host to artifacts and rare items from all across its galaxy,” Max replies. “And for you, Guyver, there are myriad massage parlors aimed at relieving the tensions of cranial structures.”

“Sweeeeeet,” Guyver says as he points at the phallic-shaped protrusion on the head of his armor.

“Mission accomplished!” Johnny five throws his arms up in the air and spins around. “And we didn’t even get taken prisoner the whole time! I love this ship! Let’s go get humanity!”

The ship whisks away just a half moment before a tractor beam would have locked onto it. “They’ll be back. That’s when we’ll get them then, Grand Nagus!”

Zek soffs, “We had better! That ship will be worth a fortune!”

#70

—This is the deadline. Thank you everyone—

#71

A continuation of Part Two…

PROLOGUE

Clark Kent nonchalantly walked up to the team as they were leaving Venture Industries. Lois Lane turned on him, asking pointedly, “How did you get back here, Clark? You were in another galaxy in the distant past. Oh yeah, and the space station you were on crashed into a moon,” she glanced angrily at Troi, who pretended not to notice, “and you didn’t have a clone here. So how did you survive? And how did you get back, Clark? Or, should I say, Superman?”

Clark was visibly shaken by her tone, as well as her knowledge of his secret identity. “Uh, no. Superman saved me. Again. And he brought me here, just now.”

“Give it up, man!” Dr. Venture said, “She’s on to you. About frakkin’ time, too.”

Just then, the sky turned dark and the temperature dropped dramatically. Where the sun had stood in the clear sky, there was now nothing but a dark emptiness. Momentarily distracted and oddly weakened, Clark tripped and fell to the ground.

“Get up, Superman,” Lois chided, “You’ve got some…” She didn’t finish the thought, as she noticed the rip in Clark’s pants near the knee. “You’re bleeding? You’re bleeding! Oh, Clark! I’m so sorry. How could I ever think that YOU could be Superman? I mean, you’re so clumsy and mild-mannered, and he’s so… super. Hey, where’d the sun go?”

«««•»»»

The briefing was quick, but sobering. Earth, the birthplace of humanity, was soon to be abandoned, leaving behind a cold, dark husk. Once the mission was revealed, Joxer jumped up angrily, “What? We’re just leaving? We’ve got to rescue him!”

“Who?” Lois asked.

“Apollo, of course!” The others stared at him blankly, having no idea what he was talking about. “He rides his shining golden chariot across the sky each day? And now he’s gone? Seriously, don’t they teach basic science in school anymore?”

“OK, all in favor of not letting the ancient Greek guy talk anymore?” Dr. Venture asked sarcastically.

“Ancient Greek? Apollo?” Troi mused aloud. “I think I have an idea.”

«««•»»»

“Why the hell is she driving again???” Dr. Venture asked incredulously, “Earth is a dying planet. Those clones are useless to us if we die again!”

“It’s the Starship of Imagination,” Troi responded, “As long as I don’t imagine crashing…” Without missing a beat, the ship started plummeting toward the blue-green world below.

“Holy craaap, lady!” Lois bellowed, “You’re a menace!” Clark sat beside her, noticeably frightened, for the first time she could ever remember.

Suddenly, a huge green hand appeared before the ship, stopping its forward momentum. The viewscreen turned on and…

“Apollo! You’re safe!” Joxer beamed, “We were so worried about you!”

“Fear not for me, my beloved children,” the laurel-wreathed man on the screen said, “I told my brothers and sisters that mankind would someday venture forth from Earth to find us, and now you are here. We welcome thee!”

“Viewscreen mute,” Troi said, “I didn’t expect this. Kirk’s logs said… oh, of course. That’s centuries from now, in an alternate timeline. We need to get away from…”

Apollo’s booming laughter interrupted her, “Thou cannot mute a god, my child! I see that Earth is still mother of the most beautiful women in the universe. That, at least, has not changed.”

“My mother is from Betazed, actually. My father was from Earth, though.”

“Ah, Betazed! My sister Athena made a chalice there long ago. Well, she called it a chalice, although I always thought it was more of a moldy clay pot,” he chuckled.

“Your sister…? Rixx was your sister? The Sacred Chalice of Rixx is in my mother’s house!”

“Then it is destiny, my dear!” Apollo said “Come down, my children, and we shall be thy gods once more, as we were of old.”

“Thanks, Apollo!” Joxer said, “Do you mind if we bring everyone else here too?” The others looked at each other nervously. “Well, it’s not like we’ve really got much of a choice, do we?”

«««•»»»

EPILOGUE

Guild heighliners filled the skies over the planet Pollux IV, innumerable shuttles ferrying their human cargo down to the garden world day after day. With so many people there, the other gods, Zeus, Hera, Athena, Artemis, Aphrodite, and all the rest reappeared from whence Apollo thought they could never return. Under their benevolent guidance, humanity entered into a new golden age of peace and prosperity.

And all it cost them was gathering a few laurel leaves.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it, Clark?” said Lois, sitting on a grassy hillside overlooking a collonaded temple.

“Yeah,” Clark Kent responded glumly, “it’s great. Just great. :(”

Together, they watched their new sun, Beta Geminorum, rise over a distant mountain. The (decidedly not yellow) orange giant star bathed the sky with its warm glow.

Clark absent-mindedly rubbed his still-injured knee.

#72

Ack! Just missed it! :frowning:

#73

After the team boards the Starship of the Imagination, redubbed the Sagan, Riker decides to put it through its paces by making the infamous Titan’s Turn a few times… with his eyes closed. Meanwhile, Dr. Kleiner roots around under the floor of the bridge, observing how in the hell the ship moves and powers itself. Fiona spends the time looking through the ship’s onboard Encyclopedia Galactica by pointing at the holographic floor, searching for suitable worlds with civilizations that haven’t managed to blow themselves up and add a Neutron and Gamma Ray Doses approach lethality for dominant organisms footnote to their entries. Pai Mei… meditates and complains in Cantonese about how it was likely an American who lost the Poker game that cost us the sun. Riker retorts that it was indeed stupid to go all-in on pocket deuces.

After the fourth spin around Titan, Fiona remarks she’s found a possible candidate. Riker puts the ship in park and Kleiner comes out from the ship’s engine compartment to stare at the floor. It appears to be a planet remarkably earth-like, with blue oceans, plenty of land mass, and organized roads and structures from the satellite imagery. Plugging the world’s coordinates into the Sagan’s navigational computer, Kleiner modifies the engines to provide them with an instant wormhole, thus reducing the travel time, while the ship itself prevents the time-dilation effect from occurring. Pai Mei continues to lurk.

The ship arrives over the planet, and find there are eleven other hospitable worlds in the system, but no radio traffic, satellites, or signs of humanoid life on them. In fact there appear to be organized cities on these planets, but they are silent and dark. Opting to investigate this lush, colonized world first, Riker brings the ship down into the planet’s atmosphere where he lands, and they make contact with the inhabitants.

Interestingly enough, the locals are also human, albeit a bit more cautious than expected. They also speak English, or some ridiculously close cousin of the language; for some reason the team hears the occasional drop of the word “frak.” The initial meeting didn’t go so well after some very gung-ho military types harassed the team after disembarking, prompting Pai Mei and Fiona to kick the crap out of them. But after some Riker-brand diplomacy with the soldiers’ female captain, they are granted an audience with the natives’ president.

In their meeting with the president, they find that the planet has rebuilt after a massive war that befell all planets in the system about 150,000 years ago: a cybernetic race came and wiped out almost all of humanity on the dozen planets in the system. (Riker and Kleiner each comment they’ve had their own experiences with cybernetic aliens.) The inhabitants’ ancestors, what few there were, regrouped on this planet after the cybernetic invaders suddenly departed the system. Over time, the population grew and rebuilt their fallen cities, deciding to stabilize their civilization on this planet before expanding out to the other eleven.

The president, and his cabinet, pleasantly surprised that there are other humans in the galaxy, happily invites the Earthicans to resettle on their world and join their population, stating there is plenty of room on Caprica.

#74

I’m pretty sure Sean will read it bro.

#75

This one may not be as outright BA as the first one, but I’m still super happy with it. Definitely took the longest! (Thumbnailed this time for the smaller monitors. Click for full size!)

#76

Now, I’ve got a new desktop background. Thank you.

#77

I love how jubilant Johnny Five is.

#78

stands up and applauds You nailed Sagan (and not in an IYKWIM way).

#79

I guess I spent too much time skyping my GWC homies and not enough time getting my girls to work!

Tweet me your skype I’d if you want to join in, next time!

Gotta catch up on all the team efforts!

Good Hunting, everyone!!

#80

Good Luck everyone! Some of these solutions are hillarious!