FSL 2.0 Challenge 2: Take Out The Trash

GWC Community GWC Fantasy Sci-fi 2.0: Black Ops Edition
#21

Team Summers

“No! I refuse!” Orwell protests angrily “I am not taking another delivery van. I was promised the best by the authorities, and that’s the Millenium Falcon. Not the… what’s it called… Planet Express crap.” Bennett Halverson shrugs “We will just have to make do. Besides, this Planet Express ship is a lot faster.” Orwell still isn’t convinced “It looks like a yacht, how are we going to slip pass enemy perimeter?”. Bennett relies looking over the blue print “I think with a few adjustments it will do just fine.” “What modifications? Like giant net for fishing?” Orwell says bitterly. “Actually the Planet Express already has a giant net for catching giraffes.” Cameron chimes in. Orwell concedes “Fine… who the heck is going to pilot this thing?”

At a entrance to a local bar, Tess Doerner and Bennett Halverson are stopped by the despot’s white helmeted henchmen. “Halt, let me see your IDs.” Tess raised her hand and waved in the face of the helmeted trooper. She says “We are not the ones you are looking for.” “Wait, you are not the ones I am looking for, go ahead” says the man in white armor. As they walk into the smoke filled bar, Bennett asks “Tess, since when do you need to wave your hand to mind control someone?” “well, I don’t need to, just thought the occasion calls for it.” Tess replies.

Tess spots someone pilot looking with full head of flowing hair hanging out by the bar. She walks up and waves her hand “You will come and pilot the Planet Express for me.” The man mumbles “I’ll go and pilot the…” Suddenly a perplexed look creeps up on his face, “wait, what? who the hell you think you… hmm… hey~ how you doing?” The man finishes with a smirk on his face. As Tess blushes and lowers her head, Bennett sighs and wipes the pilot’s mind with her remote. “Hey!!! What you do that for?” Tess protests as the pilot’s smirk fades into a dollish grin. “Don’t fall for man like that sistah, you will just end up getting punched in the face,” say Bennett “I’ll just program him to pilot for us.”

After modifications to the ship and a great treatment for the good looking stranger, the Planet Express heads into the Hawking Hole. When they emerge from the other side, they are taken aback by the giant metal planet in front of them. Orwell gasps “Ok, I saw the plans of this death star online, but it looks so much bigger now we are here.” Bennett asks “Where do I tell Hotel Sierra to go to avoid detection?” Orwell checks the computer and replies, “I don’t think we can avoid detection in this ship, not for long anyway. Speed is our only advantage. Let’s just gun it and head straight for the landing bay.”

As soon as Planet Express enters censor range, a bunch of sandwich looking fighter turns into an intercept course. Orwell yells “Cameron, man the turret on top of the ship.” “I’m on it” Cameron answers in her usual calm voice as she turns and walks into the hallway. Lasers exchanges in space, Cameron being the cyborg shoots down the flying metal Hs quickly before they can get out too many shots. The Planet Express crash lands in the landing bay without taking too much damage. Cameron stays at the turret and yells “go on! I’ll provide cover fire!” as she opens up on approaching troopers and keeps them at bay.

Orwell, Bennett and Tess starts running and screaming in terror through a sea of laser fire. After running through 3 hallways, Bennett stops behind a pillar and murmurs “statically, we should have been hit by now. Unless they are trying very hard not to shoot us.” “You are right. How is that possible?” Orwell peeks her head out lasers begins flying but none at her. Orwell grows bolder and walks in the middle of the hallway, even more lasers fills the narrow hallway, still she was not hit. “er… maybe their hearts just isn’t in it?” Tess scratches her head as she joins Orwell in the middle of the hall way. “Forget about getting to the pasty old man, I think I know a safe way out of this!” says Orwell.

Under a spectacular laser show, the three girls stroll into the command center. The commander runs up to them, “Thank goodness you are here. The Emperor is weird, but Vadar is just intolerable. We just want to go home. Please save us!” Orwell offers her plan, “Set a course for the Hawking Hole, and lead your men into the Planet Express…” A trooper interrupts, “Sir, Vadar is on the line, he wants to know if he should come out of the throne room and choke somebody.” “Tell him that we’ve found a short cut to Alderaan, we will begin testing our death ray in a couple of minutes.” The Commander says calmly.

As the Death Star slowly approaches the Hawking Hole, Team Summers and most of the Death Star crew flies out of the landing bay on the Planet Express. Rest of the crews crammed into other space crafts and follows them. Bennett watches half of the Death Star enters the Hawking Hole, and powering up its superlaser at the same time. The Hawking Hole cannot withstand that much energy and collapse onto itself, crushing the Death Star along with it. The following explosion and space distortion was more spectacular than the laser show. Cameron smiles and say, “yep, that’s my kind of firework.”

#22

The cats get their next assignment. So then we have a montage as they rig up the Planet Express ship with super weapons and such, but as we will see, it don’t matter.

They pile into the ship, with Toonces taking the controls since none of the cats have quite realize about Toonces and didn’t realize last week’s challenge wasn’t a fluke.

They fly off, and slowly approach the Death Star. When they get close, Krosp calls over and gives them some security codes. The Death Star clears them to land, but right as the ship is about to land, it crashes into the side of the hanger bay and explodes!

Fortunately, our team is thrown clear and survives.

Whew.

The bad news is that Vader is nearby and hears the crash. He and a squad of elite stormtroopers rush into the hanger bay and surround the cats.

The cats raise their hands and surrender. One of the stormtroopers says, “Aww, cute kitties!” Giving Krosp an idea.

Krosp whispers to Puss in Boots, who then turns to Vader, looking as cute as possible, and says, “Can my friend fly the Death Star? He loves to fly and it would be really cute and you could make a video of it and put it up and everyone would love it and ignore that ‘dry in a rain forest’ guy.”

Vader thinks it over while all the stormtroopers go, “oh please,” and “come on!” Finally Vader agrees and they all go to the helm.

Meanwhile, the Emperor is reading “Safety Rail Monthly,” and laughing mockingly at it in his throne-room.

Soon Toonces is driving the Death Star! But, oh no! He’s too close to Endor! Everyone rushes for an escape pod as the Death Star bunks into Endor (luckily an uninhabited polar region).

Everyone but the Emperor. When the floor shakes, he falls into a pit leading to the heart of the Death Star. On his 80 kilometer fall he wonders:

[LIST=2]
[li]Why is there a pit 80 kilometers deep in my throne room?
[/li][li]Maybe safety rails are for Siths also.
[/li][/LIST]

Epilogue

Hovercat is grumpy he got no air time.

#23

Frakkin AbsoCromly Brilliant!!!

#24

Team J-Bob

The swirling blue vortex opens again, depositing our team on a platform next to a battered green spaceship. The voice booms out with their instructions. “A DESPOT MUST BE ELIMINATED; HIS REMOVAL WILL ENSURE THE SAFETY OF AN ENTIRE DIMENSION. I HAVE WAYLAID AN IMPORTANT DELIVERY OF A KEY COMPONENT OF HIS SPACE STATION. YOU WILL REPLACE THE DELIVERY TEAM ALLOWING YOU INSIDE THEIR DEFENSES. THERE IS A TEMPORAL ANOMOLY CALLED A ‘HAWKING HOLE’ AT THE COORDINATES I HAVE PROVIDED, IT WILL TAKE YOU TO THE DESPOTS SPACE STATION. GOOD LUCK, MY CHAMPIONS.” The vortex closes behind them.

Wreck Gar crams himself into the cargo hold and the rest of the team boards the ship and launches. Alex pilots the ship to the provided coordinates and enters the ‘Hawking Hole.’ The ship emerges from the other side and sets course for the space station.

“So, what’s this key component we’re supposed to be delivering?” asks Bock.

Data picks up the manifest and scans it, “It is an armored hatch cover for a thermal exhaust port two meters wide.”

“Let’s hope they don’t really need it,” Brock smirks.

“Guys, we’re approaching the coordinates,” Alex says, “help me find this space station.”

Brock peers out the through the front windows and points, “Maybe it’s over there by that moon.”

Data looks up from the sensors, “That is not a moon. It is the space station.”

Alex banks the ship toward the giant space station. He receives instructions from the stations flight controller, “Cargo vessel, put down in docking bay 36 and make your delivery. I’ll send you the coordinates.” Alex lands the ship.

“Let’s go find this guy and take care of him,” Brock snugs a cap with the delivery company’s logo on it on his head and heads for the hatch. With a clipboard in hand he strolls down the ramp. The quartermaster is waiting at the bottom for his component. “Ok, just need a signature and I’ll go get your part.” As soon as the quartermaster takes the clipboard Brock drops him with a roundhouse right. He calls back up, "Let’s go” The cargo hold opens and
Wreck Gar climbs out as Data and Alex come down the ramp.

Pulling out his tricorder Data goes to the nearest computer access panel. “I am attempting to download the schematics for the station and ascertain the most likely location of the despot.” The tricorder beeps, “Follow me.”

The team sets out, following Data through the corridors of the space station. Data turn the corner into a group of patrolling Stormtroopres.

Stormtrooper 1, “Halt! Identify yourself.”

Data, “I am Data, an android.”

Stormtrooper 2, “Is this the droid we’re looking for?”

Trooper 1, “I don’t know, maybe.”

Trooper 2, “Is android the same as droid?”

Trooper 1, “I’m not sure.”

Trooper 2, “We have to be sure after what happened on Tatooine.”

Trooper 1, “That wasn’t my fault.”

Trooper 2, “Vader was pissed.”

Trooper 1, “I know. I’m surprised he didn’t choke me.”

Trooper 2, “Is this same droid?”

Trooper 1, “I don’t think so. That one was gold, this guy is kinda yellow.”

Trooper 2, “So?”

Trooper 1, “This isn’t the droid we’re looking for. We don’t need to see his identification. He can go about his business.” The stormtrooper signals his squad to move out. Turns to Data and says, “Move along.”

The team stares flabbergasted as the squad move down the hall away from them. “This guy might consider getting some better security,” Alex quips.

The team heads toward the despots inner sanctum avoiding patrols. Wreck Gar bypassing security doors, and surveillance along the way. The team enters the despot’s chamber. A large chair sits framed before a large window.

The despot’s voice calls to them, “I have been expecting you.” The chair pivots around revealing a wizened figure in a dark hooded cloak. “Who are you? I was expecting the Jedi.”

Brock grabs his bowie knife and hurls it at the despot. His hand jumps up, fingers spread. Brock’s knife stops in mid air. With a casual flick of his hand the knife clatters to the side. The despot stands up, and starts toward the team, arms extended, lightning crackling between his fingertips.

Wreck Gar shout, “He’s a witch! Burn him!” The giant robot scoops up the despot and flings him across the room. He hits the wall and bounces off. He skids across the floor and into a hole in the floor. His screams echo up from the hole.

Alex looks to Data, “How far down does that go?”

Data opens his tricorder, “According to the schematics it is a main ventilation shaft that runs all the way to the center of the station.”

Alex hesitantly looks over the edge. “Maybe they should have put a safety railing around it or something. Let’s get back to the ship and get out of here.”

The team makes its way back to the ship and leaves the station. They pass back through the ‘Hawking Hole’ returning to their own dimension. On the other side the swirling blue vortex opens again. The voice returns, “YOU HAVE ONCE AGAIN PREFORMED ADMIRABLY. REST NOW, MORE CHALLENGES LIE AHEAD.”

#25

Team Nerd

Challenge 2: Kill the Emperor

As soon as General Sean O’Hara finishes telling the team about their next mission, Chuck Bartowski and Sheldon Cooper begin jumping around and engaging in lightsaber fights with their iPhones. Ben Linus looks at the two of them, rolls his eyes and wonders how the hell he ended up here instead of Purgatory like all the other folks from the island. ‘Why, why, why…?’ he mutters under his breath as he puts his head down on the table.

Honor Harrington looks at all three of them before walking over to the old rusty Express Delivery Airship to get a closer look. ‘Old Earth is a strange place,’ she says quietly. Nimitz chitters his agreement while the other three quiet down and fall in line behind her and start working on their plan…

It is a little known fact that most despots are failed artists with rage issues. As a young man, Palpatine was part of a legendary performance group called the Super Incredible Talented Homeboys, or SITH for short. They were the most popular group in all the inner systems. Unfortunately his dream of becoming the next David Blaine met with a tragic end when young Palpy sneezed during his levitation act and accidentally electrocuted half the audience; His career never recovered. The touring group kicked him out and left him planet side on Naboo with nothing but a holocaust robe to keep him warm. It was on that day that he vowed to seek his revenge! He vowed that he would find his way back to the stage, even if he had to rule the galaxy with fear and tyranny in order to get people to watch!

Team Nerd knows this through Sheldon’s copious amounts of useless factoid knowledge. They’ve turned the Express Delivery ship into a talent scout ship for a fictitious show called ‘Imperial Idol’. Using Honor Harrington’s bank account and connections to the Basilisk terminus, they begin buying up advertisement time on all the holobands. It isn’t long before Emperor Palpatine hears of the new show and personally invites them to hold tryouts on his new Death Star.

When the team arrives at the Death Star, Chuck and Sheldon (wearing their 501st full battle dress) manage to mingle in with the real Storm Troopers. The two of them begin sowing discontent with all the Imperial government workers about their health care and benefits packages, causing the completion of the Death Star to grind to a halt. Once their mission is complete, they head back to the Planet Express ship.

Meanwhile, Ben Linus (as a Simon Cowell entertainment type) meets with Lord Vader and flatters him with complements on his deep baritone. He convinces Vader to compete in ‘Imperial Idol’ against Palpatine. Palpatine is not pleased and the two Sith begin to fight back and forth. Palpatine in a fit of rage admits to being the one that killed Vader’s son Luke. Vader and Palpy force choke each other out and Ben throws them both down the garbage chute.

Back at the Planet Express ship, Honor, Sheldon, and Chuck hack into the Death Star’s super computer and trigger the evacuation code and set the self destruct sequence. Ben reaches the cabin just in time for Planet Express to lift off and reach minimum safe distance before the Death Star explodes!

#26

cradles sploding head in hands

:eek:

Too much good stuff!!

You guys are really bringing the ossim!

I can’t wait!

cocker spaniels

#27

This week’s Team Dyno-Mite shameless GWC crew plug is brought to you by the letter ‘C’.

Good luck to everyone and I hope the fun continues for a long time because you guys are awesome in your story telling.

#28

OMFG!!! That is just outrageous XD

#29

This is hard, I tend to want to write long essays, so as usual, I’ll do the short version and then beome the next Tolkien with my next entry.

  1. They use the Starship Express to pose as Pizza Delivery guys

  2. While Reed Richards is delivering the wookie surprise pizzas thus distracting the guards, the others gain entry

  3. Forge goes to the project room and using his powers of technical intuition, he knows all the strengths and flaws of the current project. He even advises that the best equipment to fix the flaws and complete the project on time would be found on Alderaan. In the end, after discussing TPS reports, estimates and the cost/value ratio of the coffee they drink, he manages to postpone the project due to audit regulations (as all government projects are prone too).

  4. The others are making their way to find the despot - They find him and DV in the central control room shooting the breeze

  5. They fight, with gunfire, shaman magic, and force powers going everywhere but it’s a tie, no side is clearly winning.

  6. They decide on another form of contest, a rap battle. You even hear DV talking about not having to ‘Choke a bitch’.

  7. However, they are still evenly matched, so they decide to play Tekken 6 and Soul Caliber 6 (with DV and Yoda as bonus characters) . Still no clear winner

  8. Both sides are knackered, so after a brief break, they decide on the ultimate contest - A Dance off.

  9. This is a problem for our heroes, as DV was a CRUMP/Street dancing champion back on Tattooine.

  10. The room is crowded with Storm troopers who are cheering on the ‘Dark side crew’. Both crews are in the middle.

  11. Reed Richards is popping and locking with his powers of elasticity, DV is crunking. In the end, it comes to palp and riddick who both pull out their signature move. Riddick does a somersault then lands on his shoulders which then goes into a fast windmill, it slows down until it almost looks matrix like before he freezes in a L kick. The despot tries to do a handstand walk finishing with a head slide but ends up crashing into the nearby wall.

  12. Defeated, they are both removed from power and get sent to a remote prison where there are some big wookies who haven’t seen affection for AGES. Wookie love awaits. In the prison, you can hear the words

'“I’m looking forward to completing your training. In time, you will call me Master.” -Big Wookie to the despot.
“If you will not be turned… you will be destroyed!” - DV’s cell mate to DV.

  1. There is much celebration, and they turn the Death Star into a stripclub where the patrons lean forward and lean back. They can also buy a drink or walk away.

  2. They all go home through the Hawking Hole

Not my best work, I prefer to flesh out the characters, so my long version is probably going to be a bit darker. Plus I’m enjoying myself just thinking of the solution.

#30

Oh my crom I am crying with laughter. Way to step it up hive! Pure unmitigated awesomeness all around! I would point out individuals, but seriously, each entry has had a moment where I have laughed out loud.

Sean’s frakked. :smiley:

#31

I’m so tempted to write some lyrics for the rap battle and actually link me speaking it.

#32

dooooo eeeeeeeeet!!!

#33

Well let me think of some decent words :slight_smile:

#34

I offer you…

A Fist in the Hole is worth two in the Bush
or

Holey Crap what did you Hawking up?

On the journey home from their solution the team members attempted to wind down…

After many moments of mumbling and scribbling coming from the Professor’s workstation at the far corner of the ships reacreation deck, Wesley looked up from his ‘imaxipad’ to see what the noise was about, “Yo, Professor; what has you so worked up?” Seltzer peeked above his monitor at Wesley, “I have been studying the readings from that portal the drunken robot used to escape from the Endor system, I believe it was one of those ‘Hawking Holes’ I have heard about.” Hit girl paused her game and turned to face him, “You mean that blue swirly thing that that opened up?” He nodded, “Indeed, I think with the right parts I may be able to design a generator that can create them…” Wesley scratched his head, “What did you call them again?” Fox walked into the lounge area just as the Professor replied, “A Hawking Hole.”

Fox perked up, “Oh, I had those once,” she shivered and clasped herself, “I had to go on heavy antibiotics to get rid of them…. nasty.” All heads turned to look at her in silence, she felt self conscious under their glare, “What?” Hitgirl made a woosey face, “Too much information… Girlfriend” Fox glared at the little troublemaker while the Professor fidgeted, “no no no no, Hawking Holes are a spacial anomaly…” Wesley waved dismissively and cut him off, “Sorry Professor but I find ‘Fox Holes’ much more fascinating than ‘Hawking Holes’.” Hitgirl threw down her game controller in disgust, “That’s it." She waved to Wesley as she began making her way toward the exit,"I’m outta here…”

Fox’s face grew a mischievous grin, “Now that I think about it perhaps ‘oozing’ would have been a more appropriate word than ‘hawking’…” Hitgirl’s face drew up in repulsion, “Eeeew, enough already.” The ebony woman’s grin grew more malevolent, “Kind of a yellow…" The preadolecent began to look pale. “Squishy, runny.” Hitgirl looked queesy as she glared at the tall black woman, but Fox continued goading her on. "Smelly puss like fluid…” Hitgirl screamed, shoved fingers in her ears and ran from the room chanting ‘la la la la la la’. The Professor sighed, “Well, that was rather juvenile like behavior Ms Fox, I hope you are proud of yourself.”

The Fox ignored the verbal jab, she slinked over and sat on Wesley’s lap and purred, “So, you find my holes… Fascinating do you?” Wesley broke out in a wide grin and his eyebrows did a Groucho impression. The Professor groaned and did an eye roll, “Oh brother,” he powered down his workstation and prepared to leave, “I shall continue my research somewhere with…… less distractions.” As he left he muttered loud enough for them to hear, “That is a leather sofa, please indulge yourselves elsewhere…. Leather is a bitch to clean.”

As the door closed the last sound he heard was, “MEOW!”

#35

I might do a more detailed version later, but I wanted to start with a simpler version that wouldn’t take the crew too long to read if it gets selected.


Mara used one of the codes she learned as Emperor's Hand to get the team onto the Death Star.  On the way in, she confirmed that Vader was still on the Executor, making their Plan A possible.

Mara started toward the Emperor's throne room, with Tom and Sarah dressed in Imperial uniforms a couple minutes behind her.  Rodney stayed on the ship and used his computer to start trying to hack into the superlaser control systems.

Upon arriving in the throne room, Mara told the Emperor that she found a Sith artifact.  He dismissed his guards so they could talk privately, and when they exited the lift, Tom and Sarah killed them.

Mara attacked the Emperor and maneuvered him so that his back was to the lift when Tom and Sarah arrived.  Tom blasted him in the back with a wide beam blast from his phaser.  While it didn't kill him, it distracted him enough for Mara to cut off his head with her lightsaber.

By the time they returned to the ship, Rodney had managed to access the superlaser control system and reprogram it so that the first time they attempt to use it, the superlaser would backfire and destroy the Death Star.
#36

And 5/6 of a solar system.

#37

Nah. Considering that I can’t bring in a puddle jumper, an Arcturus would be out of the question :wink:

I probably stretched things to the limit by saying that human Jedi have the ATA Gene (which reminds me that I should write my team intro (and maybe some mission interludes) over the long weekend).

#38

Palpatine’s Rap Flow

My name is Emperor Palpaltine
I’m the bro that no-one’s seen
At my side is D to the V
choking bitches while drinking hennessy

I love the Dark side of the force
corrupting homies with no remorse
I came up through the senate, bro
in the shadows, cackling, yo

#39

Well, I’d say that Fenatic, Cackleberry, Devastron and I have distinct advantages in this one

Crap, I’m going to need to do the mission and avoid getting killed by my own team…
(She has the word “Emperor” in her title!)

#40

Team Thot
Driver/Pilot: Speed Racer, Tech: Dr. Daniel Graystone, Recon: Racetrack, Martial Artist: Kwai Chang Caine

Dr. Daniel Graystone stepped out of grandly decorated front entrance of the Coruscant Central Bank into the noon sunshine. He paused and lit a cigarette. He took a few puffs, enjoying the frenetic view of the hyper-urban world through his black sunglasses.

The Mach 5 race car pulled up, with Speed Racer at the wheel. Racetrack was beside him in the passenger seat, with Kwai Chang Caine in the backseat.

As Graystone opened the car door and crawled into the back seat he said. “Well, we’re all set. As of 11:30 this morning, my company Graystone Industries has purchased and taken ownership of the Death Star. Turns out the Emperor was in pretty deep debt financing his war efforts. All of the Death Star’s civilian employees are now also under my payroll and military personnel will be evicted–though I don’t expect either of those groups to be alive for very much longer.”

“That’s great, sir,” exclaimed Speed. But Speed Racer’s thots immediately turned back to the only thing he ever thot about: his desire to be a professorial race car driver.

Kwai Chang Caine turned pale thinking of all the deaths, but said nothing.

Racetrack, seethed silently and tried to conceal her contempt for Graystone—the creator of the Cylons that would (did) eventually murder most of the human race—but she said nothing.

“I’ve had them turn off all the heating, lighting and power systems aboard the Death Star and removed all the escape pods to be ‘upgraded’”, continued Graystone. And he smirked before adding. “Had the air turned off too.”

“The Death Star is a beautiful machine. I plan to fully automate its every operation—including a hybrid ‘cylon/machine’ navigation/control individual—and I’ll replace the military onboard with cylon soldiers. The Death Star will then be essentially immortal. I’ve always wanted to be part of building something that will last …,” Graystone’s voice trailed off as he pondered the aesthetic beauty of the whole thing.

And with a satisfied sigh he said “You guys hungry?” he said “Obi Wan said there’s a decent diner around here somewhere.”

With nods of approval all around, Speed hit the gas and off they drove.

The End

EDIT: Added the bit about automating the Death Star