Fantasy Sci-fi Voting Round 2 - Helms Deep

In honor of the recent arc, your teams find yourself in Helm’s deep. The orc armies are advancing. You are limited to the technology and weapons of the time. Ammunition is not infinite. Your goal, survive and limit the loss of human life.

  1. You may vote once a round
  2. You may vote for as many or few characters as you like
  3. Votes will not be public
  4. Poll closes on January 15th

The categories by team will be:

Originality, Entertainment, Teamwork, Thoughtfulness

defined by:

Originality: Is the solution unique and unexpected and cool?
Entertainment: Did the solution make you smile/laugh/fall on the floor?
Teamwork: Did it effectively utilize the entire team?
Thoughtfulness: Was it well planned out, do you believe it will work?

in before the poll

aka first

aka Vote Team Sean

Note to all: the Crue mentioned that next week they would pick their favorite community solution and share it…so sharpen those quills and get your creative mojo on!

Alrighty… as promised in the cast “Vote Team Sean” gear is now out in the store.

A trendy yet durable Tee

And a Vote Team Sean Campaign button

and remember, when you’re not sure what to do - Vote Team Sean!

I should get these just to confuse the hell out of everyone I know.

Thank you to all of you who’ve voted for my plan: a plan that creatively uses my entire team and actually solves the problem effectively – with the added humanitarian bonus of transporting all non-combatants to safety before the battle. You rock.

Just remember: with your help we have an ongoing chance, even against the AA (Audra’s Army) and Sean’s massive marketing efforts. Woot!


Scientist - Reed Richards
Robot - GORT
Alien - Del’enn
Warrior - Worf

By using the local flora and vegetation, Richards creats a Orc virus, capable of killing them and not affecting humans or elves.

Del’enn at first opposes the use of such a weapon and confronts Richarsd about it’s moral implactions (or lack thereof). He says that the Orcs and Mordor are much like The Shadows. Del’enn agrees and gives a rousing speech to all the warriors (Human, elves, etc) that they much fight to allow Richards to prepare the virus delviery system.

Worf take the lead in the battle, sayign the Orcs “are withotu honor” and that “today is a good day to die” and sings Klingon opera as he does the hack and slash on the Orcs.

GORT makes his way into the fray. The orcs attack but cannot penetrate the metal body. Once in the center of the charging Orcs, GORT self destructs killing many Orcs and beginning to spread the virus (Turns out GORT was the delivery device).

The Orcs die and during a tearful funeral, Richards and Del’enn talk about GORTs sacrifice and Worfs says that songs will be sung of him.

…and then they all eat PIIIIIEEEEE

just for reference.

Scenario: Your teams find themselves in Helms Deep. The Orc armies are advancing. You are limited to the technology and weapons at the time, and ammunition is not infinite. Your goal, survive and limit the loss of human life.

Team Audra:


  1. Sam Carter and Data together in Helms Deep and goes into lab in the castle and develop a poison to poison all the Elf Bread. All the Elves in preparation for the battle eat the bread and die.
  2. Aragorn and Sy Snootles carts all the elf bodies to 500m away from Helms Deep to create a giant wall, Thermopylae style.
  3. As the Orcs try to push through the elf wall, Aragorn with Sy Snootles sitting backwards on his shoulders , Pole vault back to the castle. Since Aragorn can’t see with Sy covering his face, Data shouts directions at them as they escape.
  4. With the extra time they’ve bought with the elf wall, Data bends down on all fours carries Carter, Aragorn and Sy on his back, and gallops out of the castle like a horse, through a secret tunnel in the castle to the other side of the mountain.
  5. And the humans also escapes through the tunnel as well.

Team Sean:


  1. Dr. Jonas Venture Jr. enlist the help of Sam Carter, Bender and Ana from Audra and Chuck’s teams to approve and recommend the following plan.
  2. Conan heads straight into the Orcs and starts hacking them down.
  3. BumbleBee unable to transform and unable to shoot, grabs an orc or an elephant and starts beating orcs with them.
  4. Liara as the Helms Deep protector, uses her nature bionic powers, such as bionic throw to help the battle and block the gate. The team will fight close to the gate so Liara can help them.
  5. Dr. Jonas Venture Jr. blocked from the lab and tech, utilizes his knowledge of Greek warfare, and makes a bunch Greek Fire. And the Elves fires Greek Fire via bow and arrow into the orcs.
  6. The team defends Helms Deep.

Team Chuck:


  1. Team Chuck also enlist the help of Sam Carter to approve and recommend the following plan. Sam Carter suggested time travel.
  2. Dr. Brown builds an arrow time machine using tech of the time and elf magic.
  3. Legolas shoots the arrow time machine over 88mph, and sends a note to his future self.
  4. Future Dr. Brown contacts Future Anna, and converts her space ship into a time machine.
  5. The two will fly to Master Chief land, and loads her V ship time machine full of Halo weapons such as the scorpion and beers.
  6. The ship will travel back in time to middle earth 3 months before the attack on Helms Deep, evacuate the civilians and trains everyone else to use the weapons.
  7. When the Orcs arrive, they will meet a superior force. Bender will drive one of the scorpions and together with the rest of the gang will defeat the orcs.

As I have said on the twitters. It is not who is on your team or how much cooler you are then the competition (even if you are so cool you throw the round to make your friends feel better :p). “Sam Carter approved plan” is BS IMO. Sam does not guarantee victory! She is like Dumbledore, when she messes up she does it on a planetary scale.

One must embrace their team and use them completely (Bender getting hammered is not “teamwork” IMO. May I also suggest that Doc Brown building a time machine is by definition “uncreative”. Last weeks results were due to bad communication. “Going all Master Chiefy” is entertaining but lacks the explanation required to sway those not familiar with that character. I have not played Halo but I know it has tech that could blow up a meteor. Explaining those details effectively is the key. You were much better with that this week but I feel you jumped outside the spirit of the rules a bit. None of the solutions this week were necessarily creative IMO (like Audra’s was last week). Using the characters abilities in a way that is unexpected like if you said Doc used his modeling skills to plan out a battle strategy and an organizer trap system it would have been far more creative.

I will also say that with this voting system it doesn’t matter how much you win by but that your solution works in others minds. To win you must play the system. I think the voting so far has been very logical and free of emotion or bias. I have faith that Team Chuck will secure victory in the weeks ahead, but for now. (Vote Team Sean!!! :D).

My robot has a holo-projection built in so can I still use that?

Edit: Never mind just occured to me if bumblebee can’t transform than I can’t use the holo-project feature.

Bender requires alcohol to operate effectively, so keeping Bender “hammered” is absolutely teamwork. Remember, there’s nothing sadder than a robot not-drunk.

I’m gonna have to just, um, go ahead and disagree with you there. I don’t think we have to ignore our team’s capabilities in order to “be creative.” In my book it’s all about applying one’s team’s strengths in creative ways – like building the time machine into an arrow, which with Legolas’ help can push through the 88 mph barrier.

Gotta disagree with you there, too. In no way did the spirit of the rules suggest a ban on tech this week – only a ban on starting tech. IMO, using existing tech to bring in add’l tech is creative. If Solai had intended a total ban on all past and future tech, he’d have created a field that nullified it. And those of you who disagree should consider the fact that a true tech ban would eliminate Bumblebee and Data altogether, rendering both Team Sean and AA’s plans unsuccessful.

Thankfully I’m not that kind of creative, because Doc knows little about battle strategy. I suppose I could’ve pandered for the “oddball is the only creativity” vote by suggesting Doc put on a chicken hat and dance the “my hound, he has three balls” dance*. But it would’ve been just as effective.

But hey – your vote counts more than mine anyway. :slight_smile:

  • Yes, there really is such a dance. It’s what happens to “my hat, it has three corners” after too much German gin.

First Bruce Banner is put on the front lines then Zeta gives him
a good SLAP! and runs off in the direction of the Orcs (That
should take care of at least 50% percent of orcs).

The Guyver takes care of most the Orcs that get through alive. Zeta has gone
around the long way and fights off the stragglers that get through The Guyver.

Abin Sur (since I’m guessing he can’t use his ring) Takes up arms with a shield and sword (along with others that want to help) and protects against the few that get through everything else. Though I think the ones that get through should get an “Attaboy!” rather than a sword to the gut.

I am taking into account that after all that some orcs will
go “You know, this just isn’t worth it. I made this sword so I
can make my own ring too.” :smiley:

again…showing how much you rock!

<cracks his knuckles>

Obviously I cannot be considered for best scenario solution, but I also can’t turn down a creative writing exercise and I’d like to see how my team would do.

In the distance the faint drumbeat of the approaching orc army could be heard. Along the parapets warriors and Elven archers stood side by side…the Elves appearing slightly on edge after it had been revealed that one battleplan strategy involved them being leveraged in a very disturbing way.

“Har! Har! Har!” Grig laughed jovially as he surveyed the landscape.

Ender looked at him skeptically, “Hold it! There’s no fleet? No Starfighters, no Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator? A bunch of Elves who think they are about to become a fleshy barricade and no plan? Just you, me, that droid, a confused Martian with a brush on his head and that’s it against ten thousand orcs?”

Grig looked at him and beamed. “Exactly! Classic military strategy, surprise attack.”

Ender blurted out, “It’ll be a slaughter!” Grig responded, “That’s the spirit!” to which Ender retorted, “No, our slaughter!”

Ender closed his eyes and mentally walked through his team’s assets: One working gate guarded by 60 men, a holocaust cloak from Miracle Max, a wheelbarrow and not much else.

“Do you think the orcs would be afraid of the Dread Pirate Roberts?” Ender asked R2-D2. “BLEEP” R2 responded. “I didn’t think so.”

As the orcs drew nearer a bead of sweat ran down Ender’s neck. In Battle School he had faced similar types of situations…outgunned, outmanned he had always managed to find the solution. Suddenly a thot crossed his eyes, “Theoden King!” he exclaimed, “A word!”

“No time for idle prattle boy, I have a keep to defend!” Theoden said impatiently as he glanced around not entirely sure what to do.

“What is this history of Helm’s Deep?”

“What?” cried Theoden, “this is no time for a lesson!”

“Is it named Helm’s Deep because this valley was created unnaturally by a dam?”

Theoden blinked. “Nice try youngling” he said, “but that is the solution the Ents will use on Sauroman’s tower. Try again.”

“FRAK!” Ender cried out. “Grig!”

“Hoh! Hoh! Hoh!” Grig laughed."

“Grig, you are our scientist. Is there nothing you can make with what we have here?”

“Eh, well…” he glanced around and picked up a piece of parchment, “I could make a hat. Or a broach. Or a ptera…”

“The orcs are nearly here!” an old man wearing ill-fitting armor cried out.

“No one has ever successfully taken Helm’s Deep” Ender thought to himself. “The orcs must have some means to do so. They can’t overtake it by force, nor by scaling the walls…in order to breach the gates they will have to…” Ender breathed in, “destroy the wall. But how?” There was only two way to destroy this wall…tunnel under it and destroy the foundation or hit it with a giant blast of some kind.

“Marvin!” Ender yelled out, “You know something about excavating, yes?”

“Whhhhhhhy yeeeeeessss,” Marvin replied, “innnnn orrrrrrrrder tooooo buuuuilllllld prrrrrrrrroper founnnnnnndations foooooor my weaaaaaapons to destroooooooy the Eaarth…”

“Stop that” Ender chided,

“Sorry…Mel Blanc never cared for me.” Marvin blushed as best he could. “Anyway, yes I know of excavating techniques.”

“Look at the base of the main wall and tell me if there have been any excavations! I need to know if how this wall is going to fall!”

Marvin ran along the top of the wall yelling, “Coming through! Make a hole!” as he carefully inspected the base. After a few moments he returned to Ender. “Nothing sir. With the technology of this time there would be clear indications that tunneling had occurred.”

“Damn.” Ender whispered to himself. It was only going to be moments until the attack began. “If they aren’t going under then…” he paused a moment, “Grig” Ender looked at the oversized iguana who was studying an old man’s shoddy bow, “is your sense of smell better than human?”

“Why yes” Grig responded handing back the bow to the owner. “I can see a wider spectrum, pick up on distinct chemical compounds hear slightly better than a normal human.”

“Great, do you smell a concentrations of sulfur, charcoal, and potassium nitrate coming from the orc army?”

Grig closed his eyes and breathed in deep. “Strange” he said to himself. “I think,” he breathed in deep. “I think the compound is…” the orc armies were now 100 yards away, chanting, beating their chests. For a moment all was quiet. An older man half crazy with fear and trepidation near Grig held his bow string back quivering, sweating and shaking.

“THERE!” Grig pointed.

“EEK!” the old man shrieked letting loose his arrow into the swarm of orcs.

“Did I err?” Grig asked as the orcs paused while watching their fellow fall.

“Blond Elf!” Ender commanded. Every elf near him turned. “No, Blond Elf in charge!” a slightly taller slightly more angular blond elf stepped forward. “See that group of orcs there? Take a squad of your men and concentrate all your fire on them. Do not let them approach”

The battle commenced. As the grunt orcs rushed the main wall a specially trained orc unit finalized their preparations.

“Blark!” one specially trained bombardier orc said, roughly translating to “they will never know what hit them”

“Blark” another specially trained bombardier orc responded, roughly translating to, “Blark” as their was an arrow firmly lodged in his throat.

“BLARK!” the orcs cried as the tripped over each other finding they had come under special attention of the archers. The last thing they would recall was a blinding white light as the bombardier unit collided with the ignition courier carrying a blazing torch.


Five days later Gandalf arrived over the crest of a hill looking proud. “I am here to…” as he looked down he saw no orc army. He was greeted with what he could only describe as, nothing. Piles of orcs were piled on each other and ablaze while bands of warriors collected armaments, weapons and supplies. Theoden rode out proudly to meet him.

“What has happened here?” Gandalf asked quite amazed.

“Oh, well…” Theoden responded, “I led our people to victory.”

“How?” Gandalf demanded, politely.

“…erm…” Theoden glanced over his shoulder at Ender, Marvin, R2D2 and Grig, “well m’lord…they may have helped. A little.” :smiley:

Okay, I will compromise. Bender is to Alcohol as Doc Brown is to Time Machine. That means either “teamwork” or “creativity”. :stuck_out_tongue:

I don’t want to effect votes with my response so I will hide. Please vote your instincts:
[spoiler]For me this is more of a logic problem. 1)Legolas isn’t on your team. 2)We know you need at min a Flux capacitor, 1.21 gigawatts of power and 88 mph. Even in 2015 it would weigh hundreds of pounds and couldn’t be shot fast enough. A time machine at Helm’s Deep would be massively huge so I choose to believe that Legolas can shot an arrow thru a machine at 88 mph to get a message to the future. 3)How long would it take him to build it, after all the orcs are advancing in this time line. 4)I’m just saying!:smiley:

[spoiler]That’s why I said “spirit” not “letter”. Solai - “Originality: Is the solution unique and unexpected and cool?”. I’m just saying that if you look “time machine” up in the dictionary there is a pic of Doc Brown right there. It isn’t the tech I have a hard time with it is if the time travel could happen in the first place. I did give you the silver medal so it’s much better then a Data ride of Elf wall. [/spoiler]

I’m not saying he is, but Master chief is and together they could make an kick nuts plan for the battle that is well laid out and everyone can follow. You said it as a joke but is was creative to me. Besides, “oddball” is entertaining and “creative” is hip, fresh, happening. But it is much easier to be creative after the fact. Do you guys listen to the scenario live during the cast or do you get a chance to think about it during the week?

Finally, a good victory dance will always get you an entertainment vote.

P.S. Vote Team Sean

Team EVIL:

Robot: Lore
Scientist: Saruman
Warrior: Darth Vader
Alien: Ba’al

Well, I’ll start off by assuming I can’t just have Saruman order the army to stop attacking.

Before the battle, Ba’al would look for weaknesses and spot the drain. They wouldn’t have time to block it off, but they’d know it was a weak point. Meanwhile, Vader would kill Theoden and Eowyn and declare Ba’al the king of Rohan.

Saruman and Lore would mix up some explosives and have the Rohirrim set them on the sides of the ramp to the main gate, but not detonate them yet. they’d also make a few smaller explosives similar to hand grenades.

Now, the army arrives. Vader would be waiting at the bottom of the ramp with a sword and hold off the orcs for a while, then use the Force to push them back and retreat up the ramp and behind the gate. When the orcs bring the battering ram up, Saruman would shoot a fireball into the explosives, setting them off and blowing up the ramp. This would prevent the orcs from getting in that way.

Afterward, Saruman and Vader would take positions along the wall and use their respective telekinesis to push down any ladders the orcs manage to get up.

When they spot the sappers bringing up the explosives, Lore would throw the grenades at them to cause them to prematurely detonate. At that point, the two most vulnerable points of Helm’s Deep’s outer wall will be secure. Lore will still watch for further attempts at the drain, but he’ll also use a bow and arrow to take out any of the large siege ladders by shooting out their ropes (a la Legolas).

A few orcs may make it up to the rampart, but Vader should be able to take out any the Rohirrim don’t get.

Yeah sorry Chuck but I’m gonna have to agree with Uch on this one =/ Silver medal though def. Sorry Audra.

Vote Team Sean.

Default Team:

Hm. How’s this gonna work.

McKay identifies the structural weakness of the drain and stations a contingent of elf archers behind the drain to shoot through it at any orcseses that try to take advantage of it. Plo Koon creates a dense fog about 50 feet behind the enemy front line to effectively blind the orc crossbowmen. He’s also going to guard the front gate/ramp with a combination of long sword and force powers to knock the orcs off it.

Marcus Wright starts out on top of the wall with the heaviest strength pull bow he can find and just wrecks all with Elf like efficiency. Should any Orcs get on top of the wall he’s gonna pick up the heaviest warhammer he can find and a big shield and just get bloody. Asuma, Asuma, Asuma. The man with the knives is gonna go for it full bore and jump off the top of the wall and spits out a cloud of super heated ash over the orc front line before busting out his knives and extending the edge with his wind chakra magic. Using his mad ninja skills he just cuts a swatch through the orc lines.

After identifying the drain weakness McKay gets to work making gun powder and fashions grenades that are thrown from the top of the wall. Late in the battle he completes his own gorn cannon using the signal horn and the crystals from the Glittering Caves beneath helms deep.


Wrecks everything by himself and destroys Helm’s Deep in the process but doesn’t give a Funk or Wagnall

Thanks to Uch for the graphix

I vaguely remember that dance being discussed on a previous cast. Followed by an argument between Chuck and Audra over who had the most German blood.
In any event, If Doc Brown had worn a chicken feather cap and danced the ‘My Dog Has Three Balls’ dance I would have voted Team Chuck.

i voted for Chuck, becaues i really think he had the most solid, entertaining and outside the box plan this time around.

though the meat wall and sy snootles face ride were very entertaining as well…

Such awesome replies for this weeks scenario! Im lovin this game, great stuff! :smiley: