Spambot Terminator Report: Sunday Oct 16, 2008, 1250 hours.
In the Spambot Defense Strategic Planning Room, Chuck and Solai were deeply engrossed looking over an array of diagrams, code lists and and sim reports spread out over the room’s large planning table. They had been at it for hours developing the latest in series of defense strategies designed to thwart the rampant influx of spambots attacking the GWC Forum.
Chuck: This plan is coming together nicely, Solai. Good work.
Solai: Thank you, sir. I think the element of surprise should work in our favor.
Chuck: You’ve run the sims?
Solai: Yes sir. They’re reporting 97% probability of success.
At that moment, Solai’s communicator buzzed. Checking the ID code, Solai saw the that calll was from Pike. He and Pike worked together like a well-oiled machine. And as a result, Solai usually knew what Pike was calling about before he even called. When he didn’t, that usually meant something was amiss. Solai frowned …
Solai: Excuse me sir. I need to take this call from Pike.
Chuck: No problem. Take the call in my Ready Room if you like.
Solai went off through the door at the side of room. There he leaned against the desk and acknowledged the call.
Solai: Solai here. Pike, I’m in a meeting with the Supreme Commander, so I hope this is worth the interruption.
Pike: Yes, sir. I…sorry to bother you with this, sir.
Solai: Pike, I know that tone in your voice. It means your about to tell me something that’s gonna upset me. Just spit it out, Commander. No no, let me guess. It’s about ThotFullguy, right?
Pike: Uh, yes sir. Well, the thing is…He’s on tour, sir.
Solai: <long pause> I’m sorry, did you just say ThotfullGuy is on tour?!
Pike: Yes. He’s …well apparently he’s infilatrated the cast of the Monty Python musical Spamalot. He says he thinks they’re Spambots and he’s gone under deep cover in order to bring them down.
Solai: No, no…No, No, No, No, No…This is NOT happening…
Pike: I guess when he discovered that Clay Aiken was part of the cast, ThotfullGuy got suspicious. He figured if Clay Aiken was hiding the fact that he’s gay all this time, what else could the Spamalot cast be hiding?
Solai: That’s…that’s Insane!! Doesn’t he realize that Spambots aren’t actually people in real world…that they’re programmed entities on the Internet?
Pike: <sigh> What do you want me to say? He’s a moron—this isn’t news.
Solai: Pike, you were supposed to keep an eye on him. I mean, this couldn’t have just come out of the blue? Did he hint at any of this during any of the Monty Python Movie Community Frak Parties?
Pike: No sir. I mean actually he hasn’t participated in ANY of the Monty Python movie Frak Parties. He said …well, he said he thinks those Frak Parties are all part of the Spambot Conspiracy. He thinks RonMooreHasPrettyHair is their Spambot leader.
Solai: Great. That’s just lovely. So what are we gonna do about this, Commander? We just can’t risk him bring further embarrassment to the GWC community
Pike: Well, I do have a plan, but it involves you. The next tour date for Monty Python’s Spamalot: The Musical is Oct 18 at the Eisenhower Hall Theater in West Point, New York. I figure you could go there—perhaps bring Frakintalos and Yorrick along for muscle–and apprehend him before he embarrasses us all.
Solai silently mouthed the words “mutha-frakkin-son-of-a-bitch”.
Solai: Fine! I’ll look into getting tickets. Solai out.
Chuck: Everything okay, Solai?
Solai: Uh…Yes sir. We have a Situation, but it’s under control sir.
<to be countinued>
