100,100th GWC podcast --a transcript

(credit for the idea for this goes to Boxy who started a thread call the 1000th podcast. Naturally I took that idea and drove it off a whole new cliff…)

CHUCK: Hello, and welcome to Galactica Watercooler. My name is Chuck 471. And I’m here with Audra 253…

AUDRA: Whooot!!

CHUCK: And Sean 768.

SEAN: Whaaazzup!

CHUCK: …and you should know that we do not discuss spoilers on Galactica Watercooler, but we do feel free to discuss anything from previous episodes up to and including the currently brain-inserted episode which is ….

(Plays recording of Boxy’ voice) “The most recent episode is ‘Hera & Nick Go to the Prom’ “

CHUCK: That was awesome. Thank you Boxy for calling in the name of the “episode that shall not be spoken. Oh, and by the way, if you’d like to call in, you can network to our holosphere link to us at Alpha 40005-3333V1-G586, and set resolution to 11999.5. ‘Gram us, and we may play your hologram back in an upcoming podcast.

AUDRA: And I just want to say, we’ve been getting some really great holo-calls lately. Keep them coming!! This current nine year hiatus between season 14.5 and 15 of the New New Reimagined Battlestar 2380 is starting to wear on everyone I think.

SEAN: Well, can you believe it? We actually made it to the 100,000th podcast. Time has just flown by.

AUDRA: I know! And it’s incredible to think that we first started Galactica Watercooler it was inspired by a reimagined version of Battlestar Galactica where beings called cylons download to new bodies and…

CHUCK: and now we are all machines…Ooops. Sorry to interrupt. I was just gonna say, who would have imagined back then that we would become exactly like the “skin jobs” as they used to call them on that original show. I’m telling ya, these past 1,923 years, and 236 downloads, have just flown by though.

SEAN: Have you gone back and watched that Ron Moore version recently?

CHUCK: No, have you? It didn’t think it was available in Holo-Def.

SEAN: Well, I bought an old-fashion 21st century DVD player from an antique store and watched the show. And it’s not too bad. It’s in 2D TV, with no brain-jack of course which is really weird. And Starbuck was a human woman in the Moore version of show, which is also pretty weird. And it’s funny seeing Jamie Bamber back then before he became so anti-Galactica.

AUDRA: I know, he led all those protests against the New New Reimagined Battlestar 2380 version of the show that’s on now. And now, look at him, playing Hot Dog’s nephew in the new series.

CHUCK: Hey, you guys want to take a call?

AUDRA: Yeah, cool.

(Playing holo-recording) Hello, Chuck, Sean and Audra, this is Solai. I just want to say Congratulations on getting to your 100,000th podcast. You’re the best. I love listening to the podcast when I lightbeam to work each morning, and it really makes my Monday. Just want to remind you I’ll be holo-calling in from the Brain-Gaming Con on Europa Colony next Thursday and that will be combined with a Meet-Up of the local Jupiter moons GWC crew. Thanks guys.

SEAN: Awesome. Solai always comes through for us.

AUDRA: And he still has that great silky smooth voice.

CHUCK: I know. Remember back in the early days of GWC when Solai was a human?

SEAN: Oh, you mean before he became a disembodied voice energy being? Yeah, it’s cool how his voice is still the same.

CHUCK: That reminds me, we have to talk about the latest Mass Effect brain-insert game……

(…if anyone wants to pick it up from here, feel free!!)

SEAN: Yeah, now that we actually have blue and green skinned women, I gotta agree that blue is much hotter.

CHUCK: I know. Remember way back when, when that really bothered me? Well now I am pretty cool with it all.

AUDRA [singing]: Blue skinned women make the rockin’ world go 'round.

CHUCK: HA! That’s great!

SEAN: Though, I am mostly over the women trying to kill me being hot thing. Yeah, I know we download now and all, but getting killed just make me all ooky for a few days.

AUDRA: Is ooky a word?

SEAN: Probably not but it doesn’t matter since we can transmit the feeling.

AUDRA: I know. I just felt the goo.

Laughter ensues

SEAN: Yet again. Not me.

CHUCK: Anyway, so I’m jacked into Mass Effect and they put all these priority scans in now. The Control Center is all Microsoft’d…

SEAN: Remember when that was a dictatorship!

CHUCK: Yeah. So CC is getting all this flack about content so they put in all these priority scans. Haven’t they learned by now that hack is the same as breathing?

AUDRA: I know. You’d think by now we’d be allowed to enjoy something without having to answer to a committee.

CHUCK: “Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax…”

[b]Crew bursts into laughter

Corner of your mind plays the 1998 film ‘The Big Lebowski’ clip with quote[/b]

SEAN: Whoa that shook something loose. Haven’t recalled that in a while.

CHUCK: Dude, you need to have your brain-insert PC looked at. Have you been taking your Anti-Virus serum?

SEAN: What you talking about? Are you kidding? I go no where near a PC. My brain-insert is a Mac, dude.

CHUCK: I stand corrected. Virt-Real graphic artist Sean…I forgot that you artist types still love the Mac.

SEAN: Damn straight.

AUDRA: Oh, Chuck, we gotta take that special live holo call, remember?

CHUCK: Yes, thanks Audra. We gotta try to…Here’s the thing. GalaxyRanger has been trying to catch us from Alpha Centauri and he’s called before, but I don’t know how well this is gonna work because it’s always a questionable connection it seems like, especially with the time relativity and stuff. But we’re gonna give him a shot here …and…GalaxyRanger, if you are still there, you are live with GWC.

(GalaxyRanger’s Hologram image appear (complete with Cowboy Hat), but his image is patchy and intermittently failing.)

GALAXY RANGER: Hello Galactic <static> <static> tercooler, Galaxy Rang<static><static>calling in from Alpha <static><static><static>lations on 100,000<static><static> podcasts. <static><static><static>guys rock.

CHUCK: i…[/i]and I can tell that connection is gonna work wonderfully.

Crew bursts into laughter

GALAXY RANGER: Can you <static> guys<static><static>, okay? Don’t <static> me—a bad <static>conn-<static><static>again?

CHUCK: Damn, …oh well. Galaxy Ranger, you’re coming pretty choppy.

AUDRA: Yeah, and your holo image is pretty broken up too, we can only see your left arm, your lower right leg, the top of your head. And also, well….Galaxy Ranger, are you wearing any clothes? Can’t really tell.

SEAN: Okaay, Audra. Too much information…also not me.

CHUCK: GalaxyRanger, can you give us your one sentence impression of the New New Reimagined Battlestar 2380 so far?

GALAXY RANGER: It took <static><static> get- <static> used <static> Ashley Tisdale as the <static><static> …mander Adama. <static> plays the <static>…rand Moff of the Pegasus, <static> I can’t <static><static> with all that algae.

CHUCK: I couldn’t make out a single word of that. Sorry, Galaxy Ranger. I’m gonna have to mute you. Better luck next time.

AUDRA: Well, GalaxyRanger thanks for calling in, sorry the connection didn’t work out, but it’s good to hear from you anyway. That’s too bad.

SEAN: Totally. I don’t know what problem was. Alpha Centauri is a local call.

AUDRA: Maybe he’s calling from a dorm room. He’s still in college, correct?

CHUCK: Oooo. …That’s cold.

AUDRA: No! I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Some people take a little longer than others to get through college. Typical Master’s degree program is about 40 years. In fact, I think now he’s only going school part time now that he got that job as an actual Ranger in the Galactic Ranger Corps.

SEAN: I know but…I don’t mean to be mean or anything, but it’s been about 1,923 years. That’s a looong time. All I’m sayin’

CHUCK: Well, regardless. I still feel bad that we can never connect with him Remember back in the Ron Moore BSG days, GalaxyRanger used live on Earth to go to college in Russia. Even back then we got a staticy connection with him.

AUDRA: No, I think it was Germany, right? I can’t remember…I just downloaded a week or so ago, and my memory is still a little iffy.

CHUCK: Actually, I think your right. I saw something on the History Channel brain-insert last night about how, back then EuroAsia was all divided up into separate countries, so Germany and Russia were separate countries then.
Anyway, we’ve got more recorded calls we’ll be playing later—from EmilyFromMoonBaseOhio, RonMoreUsedToHaveHair and GrampaBoxyTheBoxed. Everyone standby.

1 Like

I prefer the term elderly :stuck_out_tongue:

By your command :smiley:

AUDRA: Why is it that I always need to steer this Titantic Mark II discussion back on topic?

CHUCK: Topic?

AUDRA: The episode “Hera & Nick Go to the Prom”…

SEAN: Em. We have been talking about it for five years…do you have a new idea or angle?

AUDRA: No…but it is my job to keep us on topic.

CHUCK: Funny thing tho, we do have a call with some new ideas…guess who it is?


EMILY: Hellogalacticawatercoolerwoahidrankthat

SEAN: God I love that woman.

AUDRA: Has she tried to kill you?

SEAN: What?

AUDRA: You find women attractive when they are deadly, right?

SEAN: Emily is the exception. She can pop into my conciousness whenever she likes.

GALAXYRANGER: If you <static> what I <static>

AUDRA: Did you forget to disconnnect the call?

CHUCK: Whoops. Sorry GR.

This is my new favorite thread…:smiley:

CHUCK: We actually have another call from Emily.


EMILY: Tori still sucks.

and the scary part is…I really do talk like you typed it haha

oo I tried to read it Solai, is this a knock at me for being 18 hahaha.

As long as everyone just understands “Tori still sucks”

CHUCK: Okay, thanks for calling again, Emily. Bye now.

AUDRA: Emily rocks. And I actually understand what she was saying that time? Well sort of. …I heard what she was saying, but who is Tory?

CHUCK: I dunno. I think she was prostitute in original Ron Moore BSG. Sean, help us out? I know you’ve been watching that old version of BSG in 2D DVD.

SEAN: Yeah, but I’m still on season 2. There’s a character named Billy who’s like the President’s assistant. And when he dies this chick named Tory takes over that job. But, yeah, I think you’re right. In Season 4 she becomes a prostitute or something.

CHUCK: Oh, that reminds me. We have a very special live call we need to take. Topgun, who is current President of Earth, is calling in.

AUDRA: Woot!! Wow, that’s so cool.

CHUCK: Mr. President, you are live with Galactica Watercooler. How are you Sir?

PRESIDENT TOPGUN: I’m very well, Chuck. On behalf of the Government of Earth, let me wish you all congratulations on your 100,000th podcast. You know, the First Lady and I listen to every podcast, and we really enjoy it. The Second Lady does too, in fact. We even listen to it when I’m traveling aboard Space Force One, so we never miss it.

CHUCK: Wow. I’m speechless, Mr. President. That is so kind of you to say. You know, in preparation for this podcast I went back and put together of sort “Best Of—GWC podcast Moments”—which I’ll play later—and I came across the intro you did for our 100th podcast—from way back in…I think it was 2018 or 2008…I can’t remember cuz it was before the Stardate system.

SEAN: Yes!! I totally remember that? Topgun…I mean, Mr. President, you did this awesome bit with the original BSG theme music and Darth Vader voice. It was outstanding.

PRESIDENT TOPGUN: Why thank you, Sean. I was really a different person back then. Now I have the seriousness of my Office as President occupying all my energy, so I really don’t have time for that sort of silliness anymore. The Earth has been really used up. So think it’s time to bring the outer planets under Alliance control so we can use their resources. I see that as the Prime Directive of my Presidency.

(awkward silence)

AUDRA: So, Mr. President, I can’t help but ask: I’m looking at your hologram image in front of us here, and I notice your wearing blue gloves. May I ask why?

PRESIDENT TOPGUN: I’m sorry Audra, but the reason is classified. But I will tell you that as of this morning, the new policy is for all government officials to wear blue gloves like these.

AUDRA: Oooookay. Thank you, sir. I was just kinda curious.

PRESIDENT TOPGUN: The Pentagon…I mean the Octagon …has also been under secret orders to build a time machine. And we have sent some of my hand picked, blue-glove wearing government officials back in time at key strategic points—at airport security lines, etc.—, so that I can bring the past under my dominion. The team is called the TSA. And fortunately I didn’t say any of that out loud just now.

CHUCK: Actually, you did say it out loud.

PRESIDENT TOPGUN: I did? Oh craaap.

SEAN: Sir, mind of I ask you what TSA stands for. Is it Transportation Security Authority?

PRESIDENT TOPGUN: No no no. TSA stands for Topgun’s Security Agency. Listen, it was great talking to you folks, but my duties require me elsewhere. Good bye, GWC Crew and congrats again on 100,000th podcasts.

CHUCK: Bye. Thank you Mr. President.

SEAN: Wow, that was…different.

AUDRA: Totally cool that he took time to holo call us. Sean you were saying earlier about how you recently went back and watched the original BSG 2D TV series? I always found it confusing how they had episode where they had a….I think it was called an “election” or something? It was weird, they would have everyone vote and the person who had the most votes becomes President?

SEAN: Yeah…I didn’t understand it. Seemed kind of unfair—in that kind of system only someone very popular could become President.

CHUCK: Well actually that’s just a reflection of that time period. Apparently back then a lot of countries used to hold “elections” as a means to choose their leaders. Keep in mind, back then people couldn’t resurrect and download. Today we’re all essentially immortal, which is why we have the system we have today where the President is selected randomly every 10 years—that way everyone eventually gets a chance.

SEAN: Audra, did you know that Chuck has never been President?

AUDRA: Really? Wow. Sean, you have right?

SEAN: Yup. A couple decades ago. But I’ve never served Jury duty.

AUDRA: Hey, wasn’t that interesting what President Topgun said about how they’re building a Time Machine? That’s pretty neat.

CHUCK: Actually, it’s not that big a deal really. You can buy kits to make them. Last weekend I actually built one. Oh, that reminds we have another live holo call we need to take. (presses a few buttons). Hello Future Chuck, you are live on GWC. Future Me!! How are you?

FUTURE CHUCK: Hello, Galactica Watercooler. Great to be talking to from 5 years in he future. Congratulations by the way on your 100,000th podcast. I remember it well.

CHUCK:Thanks Future Me.

AUDRA: I like the brown coat, Future Chuck. Very stylish.

CHUCK: Yeah, that coat is cool. If you don’t mind me asking, what am I up to 5 years from now?

FUTURE CHUCK: Well, I’m captain of a small Firefly class space ship, and I’m uh…ya know…just doing some jobs here and there. Tryin’ to keep a low profile. You know how it is. I don’t want to say too much, don’t what to spoil it for ya, but things aren’t not so great 5 years from now. I would stay away from the Core planets if I were you.….anyway, I reckon you’ll find out for yourself soon enough.

(A little song, courtesy of KMehthas:
http://www.rantingtech.com/downloads/GWCFirefly.zip )

They’re still not discussing spoilers. That’s just awesome.

They might reveal the 200th Cylon.

At this point in time, they’re revealing humans.

CHUCK: Coming up next, we have a very special call. Some of you may remember Him as Anders in the old Battlestar Galactica, but most of us know Him as the founder and spiritual leader of the world’s one true faith…

SEAN: No. Way. You mean…?

CHUCK: Yeah, seriously. Ladies, gentlemen, et cetera, it is my honor to present His Supreme Holiness, Michael Trucco.

MICHAEL: Hey there, Watercooler, congratulations on your 100,000th podcast. And what an amazing 100,000 podcasts it’s been. Who could have known when I called in for your 100th show those many centuries ago that I would one day unite all peoples under my benevolent leadership? Well, I could, of course, I am all-knowing. i[/i] Anyway, I’ve got to get back to making the sun shine and keeping the planets in their orbits, so I just wanted to wish you 100,000 more. May the blessings of Trucco be upon you.

SEAN: That was unreal. I can’t believe that he remembers us.

CHUCK: He is very mysterious and powerful.

SEAN: And His mystery is only exceeded by His power.

CHUCK: True.

AUDRA: He still has a great voice. Too bad He doesn’t have arms any more.

SEAN: He’s leaving the arm porn to lesser beings now.

CHUCK: You know, He’s right…

SEAN: Well, that goes without saying.

CHUCK: Yeah. But who else could predicted that His taking the role of Anders and eventually shooting Gaeta in the leg was all in accordance to an ancient prophecy?

AUDRA: You mean “Anders Knows Best”?

SEAN: Didn’t that come after BSG? They sure got that title right.

(all laugh)

…end of line.

Best line:

AUDRA: He still has a great voice. Too bad He doesn’t have arms any more

Bravo! :smiley:

I sound way smarter in these futuristic conversations- I like this!

You’d almost have to be after 1923 years. :slight_smile:

CHUCK: Let’s take a minute to talk about the upcoming Jupiter meetup. We tried to keep it local since we’ve got a few Southies and some on the outer rim who called in…

AUDRA: Ha, ha - remember the whole “Eyeball of Jupiter” or whatever it was from the old 2D series…

SEAN: Something about getting boned…


AUDRA: Ah, good times. Who knew Jupiter would be officially designated the Sci-Tru meetup capital of the SolSystem?

CHUCK: Yeah! Anyway, it’s karaoke night at the Anti-grav bar, so eat light and drink hard! We’ll be there around 39:00 on Glorpsday.

SEAN: Sa-weet!

AUDRA: Uh Sean, you actually gonna be there this time?

SEAN: Uh, yeah, sure…maybe…

CHUCK: What the frak? You’re bailing out AGAIN? Even after Emily replaced her corporeal body with a jar of light so she could afford to transport to the last meetup?

SEAN: Well NO, I love Em! I just, you know…I got a thing.

AUDRA: I just hope Tamoh Penikett XXII is fully there this time…

CHUCK: What, the whole “I sent my torso, what more do you want” thing didn’t do it for you?

SEAN: (laughing) Well, for her it was the best part…

AUDRA: Well, YEAH…but it was kind of weird just floating there, disembodied. At least wear a towel so I can imagine the rest. Sheesh…

CHUCK: I dunno, with all those jobs he’s got to be everywhere at once.