Why is Iron Man better than Darth vader

Television, Movies Games and Books Other Science Fiction
#1

I09 had this, pretty durn funny…adn partly true

  1. It didn’t take six movies for Iron Man to kill his evil mentor
  2. Iron Man’s got way better luck with the ladies
  3. Iron Man’s armor, you know, does stuff.
  4. Black Sabbath
  5. Iron Man has never had a kinda-racist CG sidekick (Boooo Jar-Jar)
  6. Tony Stark eats fast food.
  7. Darth Vader has never used a foursome as a cover for heroic derring do. (now that’s true)
  8. Iron Man has Paul Bettany whispering into his ear. Darth Vader’s just got a chorus of dead younglings.
  9. Crazy facial hair.
  10. Superheroic guinea tee.
  11. Tony Stark has a chauffeur. Vader’s gotta fly his own TIE fighter.
  12. Doesn’t breathe funny. (ouch!)
  13. Tony’s better-looking than Vader, he’s a better dresser than Vader, he had more hair, he told funnier jokes, and he could dance the pants off of Vader!
  14. Doesn’t remind you of barbecue. (OUCH!!)
  15. Tony Stark is not a tool of the government. (well…there can be some miild debate there IMHO)
  16. Tony Stark can build his own armor, thankyouverymuch. (Yeah! Anakin was supposed to fix crap - why didn;t he give himself an upgrade???)
  17. Tony’s parental issues are paternal. Like a man. He’s not a momma’s boy.
  18. Oh, and Tony is not the result of some bullshit space-bacteria-related immaculate conception. (ZING!)
  19. Capes suck.
  20. If you push the buttons on Iron Man’s suit, you’ll probably die. If you push the buttons on Darth Vader’s suit, he’ll probably die. (ZING!! Part 2, teh Sequel)
  21. Tony surrounds himself with assistants like Gwyneth Paltrow and Scarlet Johansson. Darth’s got Admiral Piett and IG-88. (ok that was just mean)
  22. Darth’s spaceship has a big barometric-chamber sphere for him to rest in. Tony’s private jet has a stripper pole. And strippers. (awesomeness)
  23. Someday, a woman will be Iron Man’s downfall. But it won’t be because she’s a dutiful wife and expectant mother.
  24. “Noooooooooooooo!”
  25. Sam Jackson hasn’t tried to kill Tony Stark. Yet.
  26. Vader’s finest forces got their asses kicked by stuffed animals. That always bears repeating. (get it? Stuffed animals…bears…heh heh )
  27. Tony Stark’s best friend is a suave black dude. Vader’s best friend is a craggly bald dude.
  28. Tony’s got a number of suits of armor. Vader’s only got the one…which, let’s be honest, probably smells a bit.
  29. When Tony’s done with a suit of armor, he shares it with his friends. Rolling with Tony is profitable.
  30. Tony can make it rain, bitches.
  31. Tony Stark doesn’t “swan.”
  32. When Tony designs an artificial intelligence, it’s not annoying as shit. That’s right, C-3PO, I’m talking about you. (hey hey hey–leave Threepio out of this…)
  33. Iron Man can fly. At best, Vader simply falls with style. (that was cold man)
  34. AC/DC
  35. Tony Stark drinks. To excess, sure, but he’s a fun drunk.
  36. Tony has a thing for redheads. Which is never a bad thing. Darth Vader has a thing for…um…well…genocide?
  37. Iron Man’s boots shoot nuclear fire. NUCLEAR FIRE!
  38. Darth Vader has a pink lightsaber. Oh, he’d have you think it’s red. But it’s pink. (it’s not pi—aw hell)

I’m sure the Hivemind has more…

#2

I LOVE Iron Man … but …

THE FORCE doesn’t need firmware. There is no upgrade.

Batman would like to have a word with you about this…

You would have a Dark Side choke hold on your so fast before you got anywhere near a button.

#3

point taken

#4

You had me at nuclear fire

Really this has convinced me that iron man could single handedly destroy any Sith or Jedi possibly all of them

#5

Like I said, I LOVE Iron Man … but …

“The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force.”

#6

how about a poll? iron man vs vader.

#7

but… but… stripper pole :confused:

They talk big but i’ve never seen any jedi harnessing any sort of power even close to what stark could bring to bare.

besides and i think this is the crux of my argument stripper pole

#8

If you are talking who I would want to BE, then Tony Stark is at the top of that list. If it is who would win in a fight, Vader is at the top of that list. Lucas didn’t show it, but we know girls dig the bad guys and the like confidence and power. I’m sure the galexy was full of hot girls with black helmet fetish.

#9

To be fair, we didn’t know he was an evil mentor until Episode VI. ahem Neither did the writer.

  1. Iron Man’s got way better luck with the ladies

No argument there. It’s difficult living the secluded, under protection life of a Queen / Senator. Padme didn’t have many options.

  1. Iron Man’s armor, you know, does stuff.

A real missed opportunity for the Star Wars folks. Then again, Vader’s armor does deflect blasters and parts of it block lightsabers.

  1. Black Sabbath

Dude. John frakkin Williams!

  1. Iron Man has never had a kinda-racist CG sidekick (Boooo Jar-Jar)

Messa agree

  1. Tony Stark eats fast food.

Come on! That’s not even fair. OK. What about all the commercials for Burger King and McDonalds and Pepsi that Vader and Star Wars toys have been involved in. Gotta count for something.

  1. Darth Vader has never used a foursome as a cover for heroic derring do. (now that’s true)

shrug

  1. Iron Man has Paul Bettany whispering into his ear. Darth Vader’s just got a chorus of dead younglings.

I don’t think Vader had a second thot about that.

  1. Crazy facial hair.

Really? Vader’s mask is cooler, though.

  1. Superheroic guinea tee.

Got me, there.

  1. Tony Stark has a chauffeur. Vader’s gotta fly his own TIE fighter.

Personally, I rather drive then be driven. iykwim AND, it’s a frakkin TIE fighter!

  1. Doesn’t breathe funny. (ouch!)

It’s menacing, not funny. If you met Darth Vader circa end of Star Wars (or A New Hope, ugh) you would wet your pants.

  1. Tony’s better-looking than Vader, he’s a better dresser than Vader, he had more hair, he told funnier jokes, and he could dance the pants off of Vader!

Vader’s style ain’t that bad but yeah Stark trumps him here.

  1. Doesn’t remind you of barbecue. (OUCH!!)

You deserve a force choke.

  1. Tony Stark is not a tool of the government. (well…there can be some miild debate there IMHO)

Not even touching that.

  1. Tony Stark can build his own armor, thankyouverymuch. (Yeah! Anakin was supposed to fix crap - why didn;t he give himself an upgrade???)

Yeah. I totally had a problem with that. I was hoping for a scene after the battle with Obi-wan where Anakin would repair himself, build the suit, etc. I thot that was why they created that whole plot point (building C-3P0 and podracer) in the first place. Instead, the Emperor takes him to the Fix-A-Sith shop.

  1. Tony’s parental issues are paternal. Like a man. He’s not a momma’s boy.

You are speaking of the Emasculate Vader Prequels. hums to self

  1. Oh, and Tony is not the result of some bullshit space-bacteria-related immaculate conception. (ZING!)

Once again, PREQUELS!!

  1. Capes suck.

Capes do not suck. Think of a better way to leave a room looking cool.

  1. If you push the buttons on Iron Man’s suit, you’ll probably die. If you push the buttons on Darth Vader’s suit, he’ll probably die. (ZING!! Part 2, teh Sequel)

Who knows what those blinky lights do?

  1. Tony surrounds himself with assistants like Gwyneth Paltrow and Scarlet Johansson. Darth’s got Admiral Piett and IG-88. (ok that was just mean)

OK. Now I’m dreaming of ScarlettJo. Gimme a moment.

  1. Darth’s spaceship has a big barometric-chamber sphere for him to rest in. Tony’s private jet has a stripper pole. And strippers. (awesomeness)

It’s all that bull-stye the Jedi taught him, those repressed frakkers.

  1. Someday, a woman will be Iron Man’s downfall. But it won’t be because she’s a dutiful wife and expectant mother.

In the beginning/end, women are all our downfalls. Ask Adam. ducks

  1. “Noooooooooooooo!”

Yeah. Thanks for the reminder. pffft

  1. Sam Jackson hasn’t tried to kill Tony Stark. Yet.

Sam Jackson will kill every motherfrakker in this motherfrakkin…well, you get the point.

  1. Vader’s finest forces got their asses kicked by stuffed animals. That always bears repeating. (get it? Stuffed animals…bears…heh heh )

giggle Just giggle

  1. Tony Stark’s best friend is a suave black dude. Vader’s best friend is a craggly bald dude.

Master and friend are totally different things.

  1. Tony’s got a number of suits of armor. Vader’s only got the one…which, let’s be honest, probably smells a bit.

Ewww.

  1. When Tony’s done with a suit of armor, he shares it with his friends. Rolling with Tony is profitable.

Once again, the Jedi did not bring Anakin up correctly. Shmi said Anakin shared with everyone.

  1. Tony can make it rain, bitches.

Vader never really had that opportunity.

  1. Tony Stark doesn’t “swan.”

Whut!?!

  1. When Tony designs an artificial intelligence, it’s not annoying as shit. That’s right, C-3PO, I’m talking about you. (hey hey hey–leave Threepio out of this…)

Yeah. Yeah. PREQUELS!! Ugh!

  1. Iron Man can fly. At best, Vader simply falls with style. (that was cold man)

When you can blow up a planet, you don’t need to fly.

  1. AC/DC

Huh? I’m sure Vader uses Alternating Current and Direct Current. Oh. You meant… Nevermind.

  1. Tony Stark drinks. To excess, sure, but he’s a fun drunk.

Imagine Vader drunk. That would be priceless. Well, unless we bring the PREQUELS into this. He’ll probably be a whiny little baby crying about his past, etc. Um, check please!

  1. Tony has a thing for redheads. Which is never a bad thing. Darth Vader has a thing for…um…well…genocide?

MMmmm, redheads!

  1. Iron Man’s boots shoot nuclear fire. NUCLEAR FIRE!

Lightsaber. All I’m saying.

  1. Darth Vader has a pink lightsaber. Oh, he’d have you think it’s red. But it’s pink. (it’s not pi—aw hell)

Well, I have a pink lightsaber. IYKWIM.

#10

Have you seen the size of the Death Star?
There has got to be Burger Kind and a Taco Bell.
I bet there is even a Waffle House for early morning recovery after partying all night in the Cantina.

#11

ripping off Whedon some, but i just got to

i’m sure good old dad has some midlife crisis transport. black and shiny shaped like a penis.

#12

Like…the Super Star Destroyer? (:

It’s not black, but it was shiny and…overcompensatingly huge!

#13

Every time i read that all i keep thinking of is SpaceBalls. You know the where Col Sanders says he didn’t see him playing with his dolls again.:smiley: