The Wanderlings of South Jude - by Stroogie

GWC Community GWC Writer's Forum
#1

Greeting, Alpacas! Welcome to storytime with Stroogie!

What would you do if you went out one night looking for your missing dog, and then found you couldn’t even find your way home through your own neighborhood? Such is the conundrum faced by my hero Seth in my screenplay The Wanderlings of South Jude. Interested?

I’ve been working on this particular screenplay for far too long, so I’m taking tough measures to get it finished. Starting this weekend, I’ll begin posting The Wanderlings piece-by-piece in this thread. Read, enjoy, and please critique. I thoroughly trust the community here to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of my project in a civil and insightful manner. Anything you have to say will help me craft this story into a strong script that I hope to get produced (and yes, there will be a big fat Special Thanks to the GWC in the credits should it finally hit the screen).

You should get a new “chapter” every Monday and Friday, about 10-15 script pages worth. By the end of October, the whole thing should be up. And I will have accomplished a big personal goal.

In the meantime, here’s a teaser image:

Look for a few short teaser pages on Thursday, followed by a full batch on Friday. Thanks, all!

#2

Looking forward to it, Glim.

#3

Hi, everyone. The past week has been a little catastrophic, so I have pulled a Skiffy and delayed the debut of my script. Very sorry. Fortunately, while convalescing, I was able to fix some errors in the script, so perhaps it will work out for good in the end. Check this space for soon-to-come pages. And thanks for being interested.

#4

Glim, you darn tease, Ive been waiting on both needles and pins. :mad:

#5

Good news, everyone! Last night at 1am, I finished the script, and very shortly, I’ll be picking up my car from the shop. I’m mobile once again, and borrowing my brother’s netbook to stay connected.

Look for the first pages this evening.

#6

Make with the pages, Strugar!

:rolleyes:

#7

The first 12 pages of The Wanderlings of South Jude begins now:
(Apologies in advance for the necessity of multiple posts)

Music: Evening Over South Jude

[b]FADE IN:

EXT. SOUTH JUDE - EVENING[/b]
Late spring, early summer. Above a street crammed with old
houses, the sun sinks down in the sky.

MONTAGE - EVENING IN SOUTH JUDE
Our tour of South Jude in the sunset shows that one street
may be manicured and gentrified; the next shifty and urban;
another gone to seed and nearly rural.

A few stops along the way:

EXT. DINER: A beat-up red-and-gray pickup pulls up to a
diner at a busy urban intersection. A construction worker
gets out and heads inside.

EXT. THOTT COURT: On a nicer street, a man mows his
lawn and waves to a police car passing on its patrol.

EXT. PLAYGROUND: A young mother with groceries in one
arm walks her two little ones home hand-in-hand. They get
rambunctious and start skipping along. She skips to keep
up, tired but laughing with their game.

EXT. O’HARA STREET: A guy in a wife-beater works on an
old yellow car in the street. He shoos a mangy cat off the
engine.

EXT. BAYOLO ROAD: Suburban teenagers prance up a
flower-lined walk, carrying snacks and drinks. A teenage
girl waves them in the front door.

If you’ve ever lived anywhere, you’ll find your street in
the county of South Jude.

#8

EXT. GREY FEATHER ROAD - EVENING
The houses that line this street were built in the early 20th century; two-story, narrow brick houses with big gray stone porches.

Here stands the Jarvis house, old like the rest of its neighbors but holding itself together with pure force of charm.

INT. JARVIS HOME, THE ATTIC - EVENING
The attic door stands shut at the top of a flight of wooden stairs, leaking warm lamplight from underneath. If the stairway were allowed to grow a few cobwebs and collect some dust, it might look properly creepy, but it’s well kept.

A woman in a cross-stitched sweatshirt and old jeans walks up the stairs. Her name is MRS. JARVIS. She knocks.

MRS. JARVIS
Seth, wake up, dinnertime!

A voice comes from behind the door.

SETH (O.C.)
I’m not asleep.

MRS. JARVIS
Then come down for dinner, honey.

SETH (O.C.)
I’m almost done with my
homework. I’ll be right out.

MRS. JARVIS
Seth, it’s Mikey’s birthday. Come
join the family. Please.

SETH
I’ll be out in a minute.

Mrs. Jarvis sighs, then gives up and leaves.

#9

INT. JARVIS HOME - EVENING
Seth’s noisy family sprawls throughout the house. His father MR. JARVIS, a tired, balding man with glasses, sits on the sofa next to GRANDMA, an old woman with Alzheimer’s. They both watch TV wearing the same glazed-over look.

Mrs. Jarvis enters the kitchen and returns to her work, tossing a salad. She calls to AUSTIN and TANYA, a pair of 10-year-old boy and girl twins.

MRS. JARVIS
Austin, Tanya, see what everyone
wants to drink.

Austin and Tanya scout the rooms, passing bits of Jarvis family moments as they go.

UNCLE ED, one half of a bubbly couple that includes AUNT PENNY, talks to Seth’s older brother RICK (mid-20s), who’s wearing a worn baseball cap and a mechanic’s shirt with “Rick” stitched on it.

UNCLE ED
How’s the work going there, Rick?

RICK
Not bad, sir, not bad. I got one
of my buddies gonna put in a good
word for me down at the Grease
Monkey…

UNCLE ED
They do good work there. They pay
well?

RICK
If they got any sense at all.

And in another corner, Aunt Penny plays peek-a-boo with one-year-old baby MIKEY. His mother, Seth’s 19-year-old sister STACY, wearing a black spaghetti strap top and a red streak in her hair, holds him up to his aunt.

AUNT PENNY
Where’s Mikey? There’s Mikey!

Mikey giggles, but Aunt Penny giggles harder. Stacy kisses him on the head. Austin and Tanya scurry up to Aunt Penny.

AUSTIN
Aunt Penny, what do you want to
drink?

AUNT PENNY
Anything that starts with Triple
Sec and ends with me in a good
mood.

She giggles at her own funny.

#10

Down the hall, a door opens, and Rick’s waifish wife KELLY emerges carrying her own bundle of joy. She meets Mrs. Jarvis in the kitchen.

KELLY
Mrs. Jarvis, can I help you with
anything?

MRS. JARVIS
Thanks, honey, I’m almost done with
this salad. Can you get everyone
to the table?

KELLY
Sure.

Kelly heads out into the family fray.

KELLY
Gather round, everyone!

The family starts herding toward the dinner table. Aunt Penny swoops in on Kelly and the little one.

AUNT PENNY
Oh, another baby!

UNCLE ED
How old is she now?

RICK
Almost three months.

AUNT PENNY
She’s beautiful.

TANYA
She screams if you don’t hold her
all the time.
(melodramatic)
I haven’t slept in days.

AUNT PENNY
You poor thing. Maybe you should
move in with me and your Uncle Ed.

Tanya brightens at this idea. Mr. and Mrs. Jarvis, meanwhile, help Grandma across the room and into a seat at the table. Everyone sits down, and Stacy straps Mikey into his highchair.

MRS. JARVIS
And for our guest of honor…

Mrs. Jarvis puts a birthday hat on Mikey. Stacy coos.

STACY
That’s my birthday boy!

Dishes of Mrs. Jarvis’ cooking get passed around the table as conversation rises to a chattering roar.

Outside the kitchen window, the sun drops lower in the sky, turning it orange and then violet.

#11

INT. JARVIS HOME, THE ATTIC - EVENING
The sounds of the family drift up the stairs. A shadow passes across the lamplight, and then the door opens. A pair of booted feet steps out and tramps down the stairs.

INT. JARVIS HOME, KITCHEN/DINING ROOM - EVENING
There’s a birthday cake in front of Mikey with a big white candle in the shape of a number 1. Everyone’s cheering on Mikey, who has no clue what he’s supposed to be doing.

In the middle of it all, SETH enters. He’s 15, and wears hiking boots and cargo shorts, but not as a fashion statement. They’re worn and dirty, proof that he gets real use out of them.

He sits in an empty seat between his dad and Grandma.

Stacy blows out the candle for Mikey, and everyone applauds.

Cake and ice cream get passed around, and the chatter continues as everyone digs in.

Seth’s Grandma leans over and asks him quietly:

GRANDMA
Where did Ronnie go?

Seth either doesn’t hear her or ignores her at first.

GRANDMA
Where’s Ronnie?

SETH
He isn’t here.

GRANDMA
Where is he?

SETH
He isn’t here, Grandma.

GRANDMA
Do you know where he is?

SETH
Grandpa isn’t here.

GRANDMA
Does anyone know where Ronnie is?

The rest of the family hears her now.

MR. JARVIS
Dad isn’t here, Mom.

GRANDMA
Where is he?

MRS. JARVIS
Ronnie died two years ago, honey.

GRANDMA
Oh. You know, I loved him very
much…

Stacy lip-syncs with Grandma–

GRANDMA
…but sometimes I could just kill
him.

Mrs. Jarvis pats Grandma on the head to comfort her. The party goes quiet except for the scraping of spoons in ice cream bowls.

GRANDMA
I didn’t, did I?

Stacy’s the first to crack. She laughs, and Aunt Penny and Uncle Ed join her. Mr. Jarvis cracks a smile, and everyone starts howling. Even Grandma laughs, though she’s not sure why.

Seth doesn’t laugh. He gets up and sets his dish in the sink and leaves. No one notices him go.

#12

INT. SETH’S BEDROOM - LATE EVENING
Seth sits on the floor of his room, sharpening his pocketknife on a stone.

Outside, the sun has finally set and left the sky to darken. DISSOLVE TO:

NIGHT. Outside, in the distance, a white-blue light flashes, but it’s at ground level, not up in the sky like lightning. It’s a single burst, filling Seth’s window frame for a moment, and then it’s gone.

Seth’s asleep on the floor like a forest animal, unaware of the weird flash outside. He wakes, sits up. The house has gone quiet.

EXT. JARVIS HOME - NIGHT
The backyard gate swings back and forth in the late-night breeze. A sign tied to the gate reads: BEWARE OF DOG.

The back door of the house opens, and Seth runs out, carrying a leash. He sees the open gate, calls out:

SETH
Goose? Goose?!

Seth runs to the gate, calls again.

SETH
Hey, Goose!
(to himself)
Stupid dog.

Seth leaves the backyard.

EXT. GREY FEATHER ROAD - NIGHT
Seth crosses his front yard, gripping the leash like a weapon. Up and down the street, all the houses share the same architecture, so that a view down the street from the side of the house looks like a tunnel of identical porches.

Seth walks up his street, calling for Goose the whole way. Up and down Grey Feather, lampposts burn in every front yard, and street lights stand at attention every few houses, lighting the way into the night.

At the top of the street, Seth comes to an intersection. There’s a fire hydrant here.

INSERT - STREET SIGN
The street sign clearly shows Grey Feather intersecting with Wolf Street.

BACK TO SHOT
Seth turns onto Wolf Street and continues his search.

#13

EXT. WOLF STREET - NIGHT
Part of Wolf Street runs along the edge of the woods.

Headlights approach from behind Seth. A GREEN JEEP blasts by, and its teenage passengers scream at Seth, startling him. The kids go whooping and howling into the distance.

Seth glares after them.

He hears BARKING in the distance and runs toward it.

SETH
Goose! Goose, come here!

GOOSE, an unkempt hunting dog (probably a Chesapeake Bay retriever), runs out of the trees toward Seth.

SETH
Come, Goose!

Goose gets to within a few yards of Seth, then turns and runs back the way he came.

SETH
Hey, come here!

Goose barks and keeps running. He gets to the edge of the trees and waits for Seth. He barks as Seth approaches.

SETH
Where do you think you’re going?

Seth gets a few steps away, and Goose takes off into the trees.

SETH
Get back here!

Goose stops a few yards into the trees. He looks back at Seth and barks for him to follow, Lassie-style.

SETH
We’re not going on a hike
tonight. Come back and we’ll camp
out this weekend. Promise.

Goose goes a little farther into the trees. He barks again
for Seth to follow.

SETH
I’m not going after you. You can
stay out all night if you want.
With no one to feed you. No one to
rub your belly. All alone. In the dark.

Seth walks backward as he speaks. He finally turns and walks away. As he walks down the street, Goose comes up beside him. The dog whines apologetically.

Seth snaps the leash to his collar and pulls him to heel.

SETH
Let’s go home.

#14

Music: Lost In My Own Neighborhood

EXT. INTERSECTION - NIGHT
Seth and Goose return to the intersection that should be Wolf Street and Grey Feather. The fire hydrant is there, but the sign is wrong. It reads Wolf Street and Keara Creek Road.

Seth doesn’t notice the changed sign, but Goose whines and pulls on his leash.

SETH
What’s your problem?

He pulls Goose to heel.

EXT. KEARA CREEK ROAD - NIGHT
They continue down Keara Creek Road (which Seth thinks is Grey Feather). But the houses here are different, one story ranch houses, not the old brick and stone boxes with the identical porches.

Seth stops suddenly, confused. He looks around, sees the unfamiliar houses. He turns and leads Goose back the way they came.

At the top of the street, they come to the intersection again. But there’s no fire hydrant. Seth checks the sign.

It reads Grey Feather Road and Lady Lane.

Goose sits quietly while Seth stares at the sign, confused.

SETH
Someone’s screwing with the signs.

Seth takes a compass out of one of his pockets. It’s beat up and tarnished, but he can still read it.

INSERT - SETH’S COMPASS
The compass reads South.

SETH (O.C.)
Our house is south of Wolf Street
on Grey Feather Road…

BACK TO SCENE
Seth orients himself, compass held out, finger pointing south down Grey Feather.

POV - SETH
Seth sees his house down the street on Grey Feather.

BACK TO SCENE - GREY FEATHER ROAD
Seth flips the compass shut and pockets it. He tugs Goose’s leash.

SETH
Heel.

They head down the street toward Seth’s house. Behind Seth and Goose, at the top of the street, a BIG BLACK TRUCK pulls up to the intersection. It turns onto Grey Feather.

The Truck is shiny all over, like it just rolled off the assembly line. Its engine growls like a big, smooth cat. Its big bright headlights gleam down the street from either side of the grill like a face. Every window is tinted, so we can’t see the driver. There may not be one.

Seth gives the Truck a glance over his shoulder. It’s following slowly behind them, several yards back.

Seth tugs Goose to heel and jogs, and the Truck keeps pace.

Seth breaks out into a run, and the Truck guns its engine and gives chase. Goose barks in excitement and runs.

Seth drops Goose’s leash and makes a mad dash for his house. Halfway across the yard he trips and falls on his face.

#15

EXT. NOT THE JARVIS HOME, FRONT YARD - NIGHT
Seth rolls to a stop in the grass. He sits up. His feet are tangled in Goose’ leash. Goose is gone. The Truck has disappeared, too.

SETH
Goose?

There’s no sign of him. And the house Seth is lying in front of isn’t his house. And this isn’t Grey Feather.

SETH
Goose! Where are you?! Goose!!

A light flips on in the unknown house. Seth yanks the leash off his ankles, gets up, and runs away.

EXT. STREET SIGN INTERSECTION - NIGHT
Seth runs back to the intersection and flips out his compass. There’s no fire hydrant this time, and the street signs read Badger Drive and Furpey Court.

Seth spins in circles with his compass held out.

SETH
This is impossible…this is
impossible…

Seth picks a direction and runs.

EXT. KIMBERLY’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Seth stops running in front of a house with a flower-lined walkway. He walks up to it and knocks on the door.

No one answers at first, so he knocks again. There’s a commotion inside, and the door is flung open by a groggy, old, GRUMPY MAN.

GRUMPY MAN
What the hell is this?

SETH
I was looking for Kimberly. I
can’t find my dog.

GRUMPY MAN
No Kimberly here. No dog.

SETH
I…

Confused, Seth turns around.

EXT. GRUMPY MAN’S HOUSE, LONG SHOT - NIGHT
Seth finds himself standing in front of a completely different house than the one he walked up to. Instead of a walkway lined with flowers, there’s a shabby lawn and a broken jockey statue out front.

EXT. GRUMPY MAN’S HOUSE, FRONT DOOR - NIGHT
Even the door of the house has changed. It’s as shabby as the lawn in front of it and the old man holding it open.

Whatever Seth was about to say trails off in his bewilderment.

GRUMPY MAN
Go home and sleep it off ’fore I
call the police.

Slowly, Seth steps backward off the porch.

GRUMPY MAN
Go on! Get outta my yard!

Seth runs.

HANDHELD/STEADICAM SHOT
Seth runs, and the world rushes past him. Streetlights, signposts, houses, and trees flash past in the background, all too fast and out of focus to recognize.

Then Goose BARKS in the distance.

Seth slows to a jog, frantic and out of breath, and turns in a circle to catch the direction of the barking. Goose BARKS again, and Seth runs toward the sound.

#16

Boys and girls, that’s our first installment. I did my best with the formatting to make it readable. Any suggestions you have are welcome–or if you know a good way to post links to a .pdf file.

Look for more Wednesday. I’ll be posting more often that originally planned at first so that I can catch up on the schedule.

Thanks again, everyone!

#17

Great stuff, Stroogie! Can’t wait for the next installment. :slight_smile:

One question, though:

Did Grandma kill Ronnie? :eek:

#18

I was going to reserve comments until I’d read the whole thing, but I really like this page and the joke in it. It’s a surprising bit of snark in what could otherwise be dangerously saccharine (in the wrong hands. I think there’s some irony under the surface, which you’ve brought up, briefly, here, which makes the whole scene so far that much more interesting. Makes me want to see what it is you’re setting up here…).

EDIT: okay, I’ve read all 12 pages now. Some of the set ups at the beginning seemed a tad hokey, to be honest, though I sense that you’re going for that (also, what’s with your street names? I get O’hara and Badger roads, but Bayolo? What the frak is that, some made up, crazy Hollywood language?). Reminds me a bit of the first half hour or so of E.T., which is fine for 1982, but a little too sentimental for 2009. Maybe. BUT…you’ve gone all weird on us by the end of this installment and it throws off EVERTHING in that set up, so it appears that you know EXACTLY what you’re doing. (Besides, the snarky joke at Grandma’s expense and the young, Juno type 19 year old mother started hinting that not everything was honkey dory and that this isn’t some 1980’s version of the 50’s but a more contemporary vision of the “American dream,” as your description of the neighborhood suggest too. I’m being overly critical, is what I’m saying.)

I’ll tell you what I really like, though: the sense of tension you’ve created by the end of this installment. Like Badger, I can’t wait to see what happens next and what is going on. I wasn’t too sure about figuring it out from just the road signs, but I went with you and man, is it paying off. Very cool!

#19

I have a feeling Grandpa is coming back! :eek:

Great job, Stroogie! I found it odd for Seth to just happen to have a compass, though. You might want to preface that being his grandfather’s or something earlier on. Then again I never was a ‘semper paratus’ (always prepared) kinda guy. So it’s probably just me. I may also be making connections I shouldn’t. (RE: Grandpa).

You’ve got me intrigued. Can’t wait for the next installment.

#20

Thott Court, O’Hara Street, Badger Drive, Furpey Court, Wolf Street…guess that means Grumpy Man = Pike (get the frak off my lawn)! LOL

Enjoying it so far. But hey I’m not a literary critic and don’t know shit about script wtriting…so no critism here.