Took me a bit, but I think I hear ya. When you’re sitting with someone, talking, you should give them your undivided attention. That’s only polite. I personally haven’t noticed this one, but I’ll keep it in mind when I’m eating or whatnot with someone.
Oh, just explained your position to my wife. She agrees, it’s rude.
Today was going to be a lovely day. I had a haircut scheduled, and time to stop by the public library to pick up Contact and do some Christmas shopping, to boot. The rain wasn’t going to stop me!
I take the bus get off by the public library. I casually notice that someone else is getting off too, but that’s not uncommon. I cross the street, go up the ramp to the door, and notice that the person is dawdling on the steps, waiting for me to go in. Curious and somewhat sketchy, I think to myself.
I go inside, and this stranger follows me in. There’s a second set of doors, and as I walk through it, I feel someone squeezing my sorryBarb. WTF?! I whirl around and grab the guy’s sweatshirt and say something along the lines of, excuse me but what did you just do? Why did you do that? In what universe is that accepted behavior? My yelling got the attention of most of the library patrons, who just watched, and the library staff, who came to my aid. The hapless idiot who grabbed me is trying to get away (I’m still holding his sweatshirt) and just looking at me saying “I’m sorry.” I’m so furious that I just don’t know what to do. He can’t be sorry he did it, or he wouldn’t have - he’s sorry I noticed and stood up for myself! Unfortunately the guy got free and away (though the library staff went after him), and my last comment was “you wouldn’t do that to your mother!” And then I got to file my first ever police report. One of the library staffpersons suggested that I should have clocked the guy with my umbrella… but violence isn’t the answer, right?
On the one hand, I’m very proud that I didn’t just let it go. I was angry and outraged and shocked, but I stood my ground and made it clear that the behavior was entirely out of line and unacceptable. On the other hand, I still feel violated, angry, and at random moments want to burst out in tears of frustration. My body is my body! No one can just come up and touch it if they want to. Everyone I spoke to - the librarians, the police officer, my hairdresser (who I was late to because of this whole bit) kept apologizing, which was odd because, well, it wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t my fault. It’s that guy’s fault. I’m not going to stop taking the bus, going to the library, or walking around town because some jack-sorryBarb thinks he can just touch women’s behinds if he wants to. No, sir.
We got a pretty good description of the guy, and one of the librarians said she had seen him before. If he comes back, they’ll call the cops, and he’s banned from the library.
Sorry this is so long but it’s really disturbing, and kind of difficult to process. I know that I can’t be the only person to have had this experience - I know when I get catcalled I get very angry (because it’s not a compliment. It’s not about me as a person. It’s about someone exercising power) but rarely get up the nerve to shout something back. This time, I certainly shouted back. And anyone who got this far… thanks for reading it, it feels good to write it all out.
'Cas - in case you missed it on Twitter -
You go girl!
Way to stand up for yourself. I hope that it never happens again but if it does, do the same darn thing!
Damn girl, well done!!! Kudos to you for taking a stand.
I’m with Splats on this one!!
And a Cosmic Mallet to the Junk (which I wish were IRL) to the disgusting creature who molested you!
Damn straight! I hope they catch this creep. Who the frak does something like that? You were right to avoid violence, making as much noise as possible getting others involved. I wish they had come to your aid sooner. Were there any cameras at the library so the police could go over the records?
Thanks all for your support 
There are, but the guy’s face isn’t in any of them, just the back of his head. When library appropriations come up at the city council, I’m definitely going to advocate that they get money for a camera on the outside of the front door…
You did a perfect job in a surreal situation. Next time the only thing you could possibly add is to channel your inner Cartman and, “kick him squa in the nuts.”
Well done Casilda.
Good going Casilda! Hermione would approve.
So he gets off the bus, follows you across the street and into the library, just to grab your rear end? Wha?
Pathetic…
Good for you, for standing up to that creep.
I think these kinda asshats think that can get away with that craap because they think the person they do it to will be too embarrased to make a scene.
Well, I’m gonna put the Bat-signal out away, so that Batman can find him and kick his SorryBarb.
Well, on behalf of enlightened men everywhere, let me just say, GOOD FOR YOU for stading up to that (sorryBarb)hole. I know it doesn’t make your feelings of violation any better, but I was really cheering you on while reading your description of grabbing the guy by the sweatshirt and telling him what’s what. Fankly, I wish I’d been there to see it.
Just feeling generally teh sucky today. Could be the rain; could be that I’m homesick (I get homesick a lot this time of year. I miss the ocean and the mountains and the clear sky); or it could be that I’m still waiting for a better lot in life than working my ass off for peanuts. Either way, it’ll pass soon, but I’m feeling it and I wanted to complain.
Hrmph.
I know the feeling. Tropical Storm Ida and the one-two punch of cold rain and 30+ wind gusts wasn’t exactly an upper for us East Coasters. At least we get nice weather this weekend. And you have that Dutch Consulate thing to look forward to, right?
I was really glad it was a short work-week for me because I just couldn’t fake the sincere smile over the phone for much longer. All my inferiorities just seemed to be brought into sharp relief recently. Being overweight and single in an office full of younger, skinnier, prettier girls who are all married to doctors or computer engineers. Not bringing in the same October revenue numbers as my predecessor (yeah, that’s my fault, not the economy). A friend in northern Virginia buying a new townhouse whose “upgrades package” costs as much as my condo. Several friends posting Facebook photos of their new babies. Learning that a fellow student is working on a film in Romania with Rachel Weisz.
I just feel like I’m 32 and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I mean, if I’m going to be a spinster, I want to at least be an exciting one. PetSmart had some really cute kittens for adoption; maybe I should start there.
yeah, cause spinster with cats? totally original. (just kidding, sweetie!! hang in there!!)
I’m 32, and up until this year I’d done next to nothing with, well, anything. For me it took major surgery to give me any confidence to try to do anything. So it’s possible to do other stuff, it’s just a pain to break out of habits.
That said, if you HAVE to get pets, don’t get cats, raise wolves instead, THAT’S exciting!
I feel that. I’m 36 and living with my in-laws. AND I just got an email from the guy who was running one of the commission consortia that I had going on (on which money I was counting to, you know, FEED MY FAMILY) to tell me that he’s getting so much studio recording work in London that he’s “retiring” from chamber music. So, “wish me luck” and good luck to me, but the project’s dead. Meanwhile, I have one meeting coming up about it and have been trying to drum up interest among various quartets. And, I was counting on that money. What the frak?
And the biggest thing is that the guy’s in England, so I can’t even call him up to chew him out over the phone, let alone punch him in the face, which is what he deserves.
Seriously, I was counting on this money and looking forward to writing the piece.
Nah. She should totally get cats. HUGE, jungle cats. Like tigers. They’re good against raspberry ladened assailants!
Wow- sorry to hear that Armando.
Gotta let the old timer chime in here- At 37, I finally decided to get serious about pursuing my writing and began talking classes and got into a creative writing program. Now I’m 42 and still going. When I attempted writing in my twenties and early thirties, I sucked. Being older has helped me. We all bloom under different conditions.
I don’t think the age you start matters, just that you start.
The 360 has red ring of deathed on us 
Yey has gotten out of our match for the WWE title with his sneaky heel ways…
I started the music thing when I was 12; pursuing it seriously (as in with the goal of having a professional career) at 16. I’ve been at this for 20 years :eek: !!! :eek:
And mostly, I don’t regret it. I know how unhappy I’d be if I’d gone into a more “normal” field where, sure, I’d have more security and better income, but I’m happy an fulfilled now. But there are days…
(Today’s gripe doesn’t make me feel that way. Just makes me feel mad at other people’s inconsiderateness. I know that if I take over the quartet commission project from this guy I can still make it happen, so just want him to give me the contacts he developed and let me handle it.)