GWC Writers Thread

Come one, come all and post your random musings, plot bunnies, the things you just can’t get out of your brain. If you want constructive criticism post to that affect. If you don’t and just want to get it out there that’s cool too. We’re the friendliest people in SciFi after all =D

'Onto the train on the street?  No it's stopped can't go there.  Down the subway?'  The sides bulge inwards along steps.  A ceiling beam collapses across the stairs but doesn't obstruct them.  'Subway' The dash across the street is interrupted by a line of eruptions to the right sending dirt and concrete in the air.  'Keep moving.  Gotta keep moving' 

Taking the steps three at a time he reaches the station.  He looks around wildly, 'Right?  No, not getting past that wave of people....Forward and down?  Good...."Ryan?!"  

The young man in a gray business suit rushes up to him "What do we do in an Earthquake?!  Should we stay here?!  Yeah we should stay here!"  

He gestures towards the steps to the right that lead up to the ticket counters.  The men sit down, looking out towards the street entrance.  "Ryan listen...there's something I have to tell you about the Earthquake.  I don't think it's normal, it's moving in lines and it turned-"  

The entrance of the subway station suddenly fills with a golden reptilian form.  It's mouth opens and a jet of fire erupts.  Ryan throws them down, an arm over Nick's shoulder blades, keeping him face down.  The weight of his cousin pressing down on him lessened as the flames turn him into a jet black toddler sized figure and then into nothingness.  

The dragon seemed to smirk as Nick looked up "Have a nice day" and it was gone.  Images flash in his mind, a green dragon covered in spikes and crests, distinct blue eyes,  it didn't make sense but he knows who the it is.

6 months later

Bound, they bring him up the stairs to the command post. The tyrant children stand there in ballistic masks looking for all the world like they’re trying to hard to be tough. “They have two dragons. We will have two dragons as well! You will do it!”

  A gun much to large for the boys hands is brought up and aimed at Nick.  “Release me,” The second of the tyrants nods and he's cut free from the zip ties.

  “You need to get us another dragon. It is outlined here,” a folder is passed to him  “No.”  The hammer of the pistol falls with a metallic click.  He raises an eyebrow.  It falls again.  Bringing the folder up he smacks the boy on the mask with it vertically once.  Twice.  

“You need to stop doing that, you're going to shoot somebody”

Sometime later

The memory comes to the front, a man holding up a dollar bill length bullet with a milky white tip, “This is a .50 Caliber Raufoss round, it’ll stop a semi dead, has enough firepower to take out a small tank, and it’ll down a dragon.”

  The shriek tears through his thoughts as a young red dragon flanked by attack helicopters come in to view.  Resting his cheek on the stop he looks through the sight taking aim.  He has the shot.

  A scream stops him, his head coming up to see the sniper forward and to the right of him rolling in agony.  'Dragon'll wait.' Crawling forward he dresses the man's wound and drags him back down the hill.  

Feel free to criticize, it’s not exactly coherent I realize it was a dream I had that I’ve since modified a little bit. I blame that on why the middle section is kinda weird. If I decide to write more on it I’ll fill in that 6 month gap to show why those in charge would be willing to take his crap.

Hey- I liked it. Play around with it, slow it down a bit, I think there’s a good story here and definitely an interesting world. Looking forward to more.

I liked it DP, what I read made me want to read some more. Flesh it out and give us some backstory.

After a few trips in the NYC subways I can totally picture a dragon in there!

Okay so this has inspired me to flex some long ignored muscles. First of all thanks second of all i wouldn’t mind some constructive criticism, as it has been a long time, so please be nice… third of all if too long feel free to delete to the mods…

don’t have title just thought of a general outline and a few things.

'The bus’s engine sputtered and stopped, as it slowly pulled to the side of the icy road. Seemingly endless fields of snow surrounding it. The doors opened with the screech of un-oiled hinges, a moment later. The overweight driver stepped off the bus he cursed loudly as opened up the engine, steam rising through the cold air. Another string of curses and a loud crash. His head popping back through the door. “Sorry folks” the man said “but the beast is dead. Its about 5 miles to the next town.” The scattering of passengers grumbled.

“Well I know what i’m going to do. take a hike to the middle of BF nowhere cause i decided to save a few hundred dollars.” One passenger said under his breath;

“god help us when even the blackberry fails us. Another passenger in a business suit swore pulling his bag roughly from the overhead storage smashing the woman next to him in head.

“Hey” she protested woozily.

“sorry sweetheart” he said barley even looking to her.

“Are you okay?” a soft voice asked,

“Except for pompous blackberry wielding retards”, i’m peachy.”

“Nice to meet you peachy” he answered getting out of his seat. She saw the voices face as he moved past her seat. His smile growing when he saw her belly, than the worry hit him. “You’re really not up for five mile hike on snow and ice are you?”

“Well you could carry me Galahad,” she offered, with a smile. The bus drivers looked impatiently at them,

“you two want to hurry it up, fighting for daylight here.” She was about to respond the anger growing behind her eyes, but he spoke first.

“I think we’ll stay here a wait for some help.”

“Its probably not going to be here till morning. before we get back and its gonna get cold .”

“Never the less” he said calmly walking towards the driver. After a short hushed conversation the bus driver looked apologetically back to her “sorry ma’am we’ll get you some help as soon as we can, you two going to be ok here?”

“We’ll be fine” she answered “there’s food and water and plenty of blankets.”

“Still I’ll be back before daybreak” he said the sun’s rays dying behind him. Moments later he was gone now only the two remained silently.

“So Galahad how is it I find you this far north?”

“Fate” he answered this time with complete seriousness.

“I’m going to have to be careful with you.” A shadow covered his face for a moment. “Nothing bad Galahad, just saying last time Someone flashed there pearly whites and made with charm little Katherine came” she said rubbing her belly. Then the cute smiley guy disappeared. My grandma told it was the only magic trick every man knows.

“So all it takes is a smile and some charm? He asked amused,

“Well that a considerable portion of a bottle tequila.”

“Damn it I left the mescal in my other suit, so I guess you’re safe.” She smiled again. “You want to go snooping through peoples stuff?” he asked ,”thought you would never ask”

The snow blew harder in the dark night. Obscuring everything, both sat next to each other a pile of chocolate bar wrappers and empty, chip bags around them both wrapped up in blankets. “So what’s your real name? She asked

“funny thing its actually Galahad” he giggled as she poked him in ribs.

“Ok Galahad, so why you heading up to middle of nowhere, up here in the arctic circle?”

“If I told you you’d think me crazy.”

“Well now you have to say” she said with a smile,

“Guess” he teased

“CIA mind probes, alien abduction bum probes, your international journalist slash super spy come to save the world from a giant freeze ray.”

“Wow your good, you got it with the alien bum probes, hoping they won’t find me.”

“Seriously though” she asked. Her had grazing his for a second the seriousness filling both of their faces. But neither spoke for a moment. “Well I’ll go first” she said to break the silence, “As you no doubt suspect I am in fact the princess of Belarus,

“Well of course” he answered, “can’t say I remember Belarus actually having a princess,”

"just imagine me with a tiara and in a ball gown” he waited for a second, for effect

“oh that was you?! “

“Bow to me a Galahad” she said smugly, “but anyway this princess was deflowered by a charm smiles and malt liquor,”

“happens to the best of us” he said raising a pop can in a toast to her.

“well, this forced the princess, to go back home and live with her parents. cause diapers, food, strollers cost a lot more than waitress even a princess waitress could bare. Now come on your story can’t be any more embarrassing than that.” He took a deep breath,

“okay well my story starts out when I was on class trip a radioactive spider bit me,” she started to tickle him so he continued to stop the assault, “last son of a dying planet.” She just stared at him for a moment. “I was meant to be here”. He said softly “I can’t explain it, it makes no sense but ever since I can remember I knew I had to find this place.”

“Most desperately try to get out of this place.” She said

“Its at the base of a mountain, surrounded by a snowfield a large white mansion with a red door.”

“Hate to say it but there isn’t any mansions around here.”

“All I know is I’m meant to be here he repeated.”

“I think you are.” she agreed wrapping another blanket around them resting her head against his shoulder. Right here…

I like Boomer, I felt like it was gonna go “people walk into town and get picked off one by one by monsters” type dealies and then it zagged into comedic dialogue. I was smirkin through most of it

DP- Intriguing! Your pace is a bit rushed, and it’s hard to figure out at the beginning who’s talking to who since you don’t use names very much. Flesh it out a bit. Once you slow it down a little, you probably won’t even need to give away the names. (I think that was the effect you were going for, right? Not giving away too much?) The content is fun, and I’m curious to see where it’s going from here! Awesome job!

NB- Aw, Galahad! I like it! A bit more info about setting might help. You say “this far north”, but you don’t establish it before hand, so it’s a little awkward in the conversation. A little more detail about the main characters would be helpful, too. What do they look like? That kind of thing. Your pacing gets a little choppy through the heavy dialog part, so give us a little more exposition, and that should smooth out. Wonderful!

Fantastic first efforts, guys! I want to know the rest of the story in both cases, and that’s great! You’ve hooked me!

The first part is supposed to be very frantic. ’ ’ to me, I guess it’s not more widely recognized, represents thoughts. I’m not happy with the name Nick, I don’t even want to use it but it’s hard to just use pronouns, gets repetitive. Maybe I’m just stressing over nothing, iunno.

Also I usually write in past tense so this was a bit of a departure for me.

I guess you need to illustrate the frantic-ness. Also needs more expo…paint the (fictional) sky with words… Where are the characters, really? what’s the weather like? that kinda stuff… which is not necessarily narrative

You could also integrate action with the speech bubbles… then the action and speech are used to imply emotion without saying anything… action could be a character fiddling with his pockets, or making faces at another character; that kinda stuff…