FSL 3.0 challenge 2: Den of Trolls

GWC Community GWC Fantasy Sci-fi 3.0: Nemesis / Invasion
#21

Team Chosen Ones in:
A Wizard, a Prostitute and Half Dozen Trolls Walk into a Bar…

Hero A: Phédre no Delaunay de Montreve (Kushiel’s series)
Nemesis A: Melisande Shahrizai

Hero B: Harry Potter
Nemesis B: Draco Malfoy

En route to the Citadel

Melisande took the lead immediately. “Between you and I, Draco, we have more than enough hard currency to buy off the trolls and hire a local mercenary outfit to hunt down their ship.”

“I daresay you have forgotten General O’Hara’s challenge, Melisande. We are to role play one another. You’ve got to defeat the trolls and save those poor dancers my way,” Phédre replied.

“Well then, Phédre, if I am to play at being you, I suppose I should start by taking off my clothes.”

“Stop blushing, Potter,” Draco said, smirking.

Chora’s Den

Harry cast a Concealment Charm and the team slipped through the door to Chora’s Den, unnoticed by the bouncers, a pair of trolls even larger and uglier than usual.

Inside, the scene was horrific. The club’s owner was tied up behind the bar. Several trolls were menacing Chora’s usual dancers. A few apparently uncooperative guests were strewn about in bloody pieces. The trolls had changed the music to Ke$ha.

Melisande leapt onto the bar and announced, “Good evening. I propose a new entertainment. Let me dance for you, for I am the finest courtesan in all of Terre d’Ange.” As she slipped off her clothes, guests and trolls alike were mesmerized.

As soon as everyone was distracted, Draco got to work. Damn, this is the perfect opportunity to practice my Imperio curse. I could take over the bouncers and force them to do the hard work for me. Stupid Potter would never use an Unforgivable curse.

“Wingardium Leviosa,” he whispered, pointing his wand at a club fallen to the side of a troll menacing Chora’s dancers. Draco sent the levitating club smashing into the head of the other troll. The trolls began to brawl.

Phédre snuck through the crowd, palming diamonds into guests’ hands and urging them to be ready to cause a distraction. She noticed the bouncer trolls’ eyes flit away from dancing, naked Melisande toward their brawling brethren. “Now!” she hissed. The neatly bribed patrons of Chora’s Den put on a spectacular show, a truly quality bar fight. The bouncers waded into the fray.

Phédre ducked under the partition and crouched on the floor behind the bar, trying to be inconspicuous. The original brawling trolls had knocked one another out. Draco was sneaking up on the bouncers. But why had Melisande stopped dancing?

“Merciful Elua, no!” Phédre gasped. The female trolls were advancing on Chora’s dancers to get revenge for their fellows’ misfortune. The girls would be killed!

“Melisande! Help them! I would help them escape,” she pleaded.

“Then help them,” Melisande quipped.

Phédre was torn between the desire to obey O’Hara’s orders to act as Melisande would and her need to help those dancers. Finally, she sprang into action. Using the Cassiline defenses taught to her by her lover Jocelyn, she easily evaded the rampaging lady trolls. She rounded up Chora’s dancers and ushered them out the door, left unguarded as Draco battled the bouncers.

Back at the ship

Harry and Draco bounded through the hatch, Melisande between them. “Go! Go now!” Draco shouted. They could hear the sounds of angry trolls in pursuit.

Phédre had prepared for this. As soon as she got them safely away she turned to her teammates. “Well? I daresay you took long enough. What happened?”

“You’re the one who broke character. You know damn well I would have let those girls fend for themselves, Phédre.” Melisande’s voice was hard.

Draco explained, “After you got the dancers out, I had to deal with the females. They saw me trick their fellows so I couldn’t use the same move. It was hand-to-hand combat on all three. And of course, as Potter, I was limited to ‘Protego!’ and ‘Expelliarmus!’”

“I seem to recall defeating a mountain troll with nothing but expelliarmus when I was eleven, mate,” Harry retorted.

“Stuff it, Potter. There were three of them and one of me. At least I took them out without shoving my wand up any troll nostrils.”

Melisande added. “Once you went back to being yourself, Phédre, I thought I had best do the same. I offered the owner a handful of gems in exchange for the deed. He was glad to take it.”

“What are you going to do with an intergalactic den of iniquity?” Harry asked, genuinely puzzled.

Phédre snorted, “Doubtless she’ll use it as a base from which to plot her takeover of the Citadel.”

Melisande smiled. Smiles hide knives, Phédre thought.

“What about you, Harry?” she asked. “I didn’t see you inside.”

Harry grinned. “I thought like a Malfoy and made sure they can’t follow us. I used my Cloak of Invisibility to sneak aboard the trolls’ ship, cast hexes over everything. They’ll make it out of system just fine but I doubt they’ll get far beyond that. Engines should fail within a day.”

Draco could only look impressed at Harry’s cunning and willingness to exact vengeance. Perhaps he had underestimated the speccy git…. Nah.

Why was Phédre looking at him like that? Draco wondered if half the things he’d heard about her were true. Did she really know the true name of god? Was it even possible to be that kinky? He had several days to find out.

#22

The shuttle door slid closed after four sets of boots stepped through onto the dock plate. Travel weary eyes took their first glimpse of the Citadel and a sigh was heard as Crichton resolved himself to the exercise ahead. He mustered up his most horrid British accent and said “Come along Scorpius, we have trolls to dispatch.” Scorpius shot him the stinkeye, “The doctor said role play, not butcher, John. But yes,” he paused, and in a pseudo Texas drawl he bellowed “let’s git 'er done boys!” The quartet headed for the Citadel rapid transit station as Miranda rolled her eyes and Jack trailed behind, as if plotting her escape.
“Hey baby,” Scorpius drawled as he swooped in close to Miranda “wadaya say after we git them trolls rounded up you and me giddy on up to a room and play ourselves a little bit of cowboys and cowgirls?” “I DO NOT TALK LIKE THAT!” Crichton snapped, shoving Scorpius forward towards their destination. “very often, anyway” he muttered. “John, this is a role playing exercise. Not only is it designed to put us in each other’s position, it also serves to reveal what it is about us that causes the other such…irritation. If only you had not resisted the Aurora chair so much, I would have been able to learn so much more about you. Possibly even eliminating the need for this” Scorpius paused in search of words that properly reflected his frustration “hopeless charade!”

“Aurora chair?” Miranda queried. Crichton shot back “NO!, You can’t have one. That’s just what we need, Peacekeepers Lite running around screwing up an entire new galaxy.”

“Miss Lawson, I spent some time reviewing the files on Cerberus, and I must say, our two organizations are not so different. When this is done we should discuss the possibility of a mutually beneficial arrangement between us.”
“And just how would that work? We’re pro human, and you don’t look human at all.”
“I am somewhat of a special case, not representative of Sebaceans in general. Sebaceans and humans are very similar, having 99.7% of their genetic code in common. We both serve to further the cause and advancement of our species, and combining our technologies” Scorpius’ sales pitch is interrupted by Crichton.
“Role play not recruitment, Scorpi. C’mon, strip club’s this way. I’ll buy you a lap dance, you can lean forward to your shriveled little black heart’s content.”

They rounded the corner and started up the ramp to Chora’s Den. “Ok, we need a plan. What do we know about these trolls?” Scorpius drawled.
Jack started prancing around like a cheerleader and in a grotesquely exaggerated Australian accent said
“I know all about these trolls, Cerberus did lots of experiments on them.”
Miranda snapped “Those trolls only had a 38% mortality rate! The studies were invalub…”
“WHAT!?! Seriously? What haven’t you dissected?”
Jack rushed for Miranda as both their hands were engulfed in a blue glow.
“I should burn you right now, you Cerberus bitch!”
“Go ahead and try, freak!” Miranda warned as Crichton and Scorpius moved to keep them separated.

“John. Hey, pssst, John.”
“Not now Harvey, I don’t have time for this.”
The dumpster door swung open and Harvey brushed his shirt off after vaulting out and onto the ground.
“John, this is important. We haven’t much time, so listen carefully.” John walks down the long hallway from the locker room to the stadium, carrying his football helmet. Harvey turns his coach’s whistle around between his fingers as he walks Crichton to the door, and as they approach Crichton starts to hear the roar of the crowd.

“Your exercise is falling apart, John. I am not confident that you’ll be able to hold it together, but you can still complete the mission. Everyone is thinking about what they want, Scorpius, Miranda, Jack even you. However, there’s one thing none of you have considered.”
“And that is?” Crichton asked.
“What do the trolls want?”

Amidst the fracas Crichton yells “Hold on, I’ve got it! Everybody settle down, I know what to do”
Scorpius drawled “Stop the presses cowboys, time for another master plan”
“Ok, we need money. Everybody cough it up, I know how we can get the trolls out.”
Everyone except Jack reaches into their pockets and they make a pile on a nearby shipping crate.
“That’s it? C’mon Scorpi, surely you get paid better that that.”
“John, do you see any pockets here?” Scorpius replied, gesturing to his cooling suit.
“I don’t have many loose credits” Miranda said “I really prefer using a chit”
“I don’t really have any, if I did I probably stole it from you and I’m not going to admit to it” Jack said.
“Eh, it’s ok, I think we have enough for this to work.” Crichton said after pooling everyone’s cash.
“Alright, it’s partay time!” Crichton yells, as heads into Chora’s.
Throwing money up on stage and waving his arms wildly, Crichton attracts the attention of every single troll in the house. Our therapy group then forms a conga line, corralling all the dancing trolls who are eagerly following the trail of cash thrown out by our heroes. The conga line slowly winds it’s way out of the bar, and into the waiting detachment of C-Sec officers. Chora seals the door and the trolls realize they’ve been had.

“I have to say, I’m pretty disappointed in all of you.” the doctor said. “This was a fairly simple exercise, and you weren’t able to complete it. You all have a long way to go. I’m going to have to schedule an extra hour for next week.”

The group shuffled out of the doctor’s office, Scorpius walked close to Miranda and said softly “Why don’t you accompany me to my command carrier, I have a wonderful chair to show you.”

#23

[b][b]Team Three Doctors and a Captain

Indiana Jones (Dr Henry Jones Jr) * Dr. Rene Belloq / Dr. Horrible * Captain Hammer
[/b][/b]

Location: Space Station Citadel: Chora’s Den

[i]Captain Hammer strolled into Chora’s Den and looked around. He usually liked to see who was looking at him when he entered a room. I mean, he knew he was awesome, but it’s always nice to see who else thot so too.
The team had just arrived at Citadel and the others had already headed to Chora’s Den. Hammer stopped first to run some water through his hammer. Hey, it was a long space ride.

Hammer walked over to where Dr. Horrible was sitting at the bar and tapped him on the shoulder. The Doc flinches. Almost spills his drink.[/i]

Capt. Hammer: Hey, What’s up doc? Mind if I join you.

Dr. Horrible: W…what?! You startled me. Please …don’t sneak up on me like that.

Capt. Hammer: i [/i]How come you flinch whenever you see me?

Dr. Horrible: Because… every time we meet you either beat me or dislocate my shoulder …up or steal whatever girl I’m interested in? And…there’s that one time you THREW A CAR AT MY HEAD, so… yeah. Those are the reasons.

Capt. Hammer: Ha! The car. Ha! I remember that. Good times. Anyway, let’s try to get along, ‘kay? We’re suppose to try that new Nemesis Therapy technique were we role-play each other, right? You must be excited about that. I mean, look at me. You see these arm muscles? (flexes his arms).

Dr. Horrible: i. [/i]Fine. How’s this: (puffs out his chest). I’m Captain Hammer. I see you’ve gotta a crush on that nice girl over there with the …lovely hair. Well, I’m gonna take that little cutie back to my place. Show her the command center, Hammercycle, maybe even the Hamjet.

Capt. Hammer:: i.[/i] I totally don’t talk like that!

Dr. Horrible: You so do. Okay, now you role-play me.

Capt. Hammer: Okay. How’s this: Ouch! OW! Not my shoulder again!! Put down that car, you superstrong dashing superhero!!! i[/i] Pretty good, huh?

Dr. Horrible: Ugg. (considers). Well … come to think of it, we haven’t had a ton of conversation where I’m doing any talking.

Capt. Hammer: People do get speechless in my presence. Mostly it’s the chicks though, when they’re drinking in my awesomeness, know what I mean?

Dr. Horrible: (sigh) This nemesis therapy isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes I don’t even feel like the villain. What is wrong with me?

Capt. Hammer: Huh? Sorry, I wasn’t listening. Hey, where’s our two Architect comrades at?

Dr. Horrible: They’re archeologists, not arc…(sigh) whatever. Over at there behind us at the other section of the bar.

— THE END —

Note: To translate any of Belloq’s french profanities, chick here http://www.youswear.com/index.asp?language=French

#24

For Whom the Belle Trolls

Part Three

An unfortunate man wandered into Chora’s Den, he was quite taken back at the sight of gyrating mountain trolls.[1] He turned to leave but a wall of blue meat blocked his exit,[2] the troll looked down at the quaking man and extended an open palm, “Five credit cover charge.” The man nervously uttered, “But I just want to leave.” The troll chuckled, “That will cost you twenty credits.” After paying him off the man was allowed to escape the club, he fled screaming into the night the image of gyrating trolls forever scarring his mind. Ayeka turned from the scene back to Ryoko, “Anything?” Ryoko set the communicator down on the bar, “Nah, nothing. Something in this station is scattering the signal or somethin, I can’t get nuthin.”[3] “I hope they are alright.” Ryoko lifted her chin, “Those two can take care of themselves, something must have come up and they are running behind schedule, that is all.” “Well in that case,” Ayeka whipped out the workbook from the doctor’s office, “we should do the exercise we were assigned.” Ryoko recoiled from the book as if it were a snake, “Ah come on, ya can’t be serious?” Ayeka frowned, “Enough stalling, we have nothing better to do while waiting for the men to get back.” Ryoko crossed her arms and pouted, “Fine, what are we supposed to do?”

“We are to role play,” her eyes darted back and forth as she read, “we each act as the other, taking on speech, mannerisms and behaviors.” Ayeka lowered the workbook her face pale, “Oh dear, that would mean me acting like a loose unladylike drunken floozy and sleeping with half the men on this station.” Ryoko burst out in riotous laughter, slapping the bar as she did so. She laughed so hard tears began streaming down her face.

The princess’s face lost all animation, “What is so funny?” Her voice deadpan. Ryoko struggled to bring her laughter under control, “I would pay good money to see you try that.” When Ayeka’s face flushed it triggered a second bout of laughter. The princess sputtered angrily, “I, I , I never.” The pirate wheeled on her, “And that is the problem your highness.” There was an awkward silence as they both avoided looking at one another.

Ryoko leaned back in the stool, “But I am big enough to admit you are partially right, I do act unladylike, I do like to drink and I am not afraid to flaunt my sexuality.” Ayeka’s expression softened slightly as she listened. Ryoko stared off into the distance, “As a woman I had to be twice as tough, twice as ruthless as anyone else I competed with," Ayeka was now watching the pirate intensly as she spoke, "and if using my sexuality helped with that, then so be it.” Ayeka asked, “And the lying, scheming and manipulation?” A corner of Ryoko’s mouth curled, “That is how I stayed alive, when you live your life on the run and all your business partners may sell you out at the drop of a hat. Your whole existence is built upon weaving better schemes than your competitors.” Ayeka’s brow furrowed as she digested the information.

“But as far as sleeping around…” Ryoko smirked, “It’s never happened.” An eyebrow shot up on the Jurian princess’s face, “But the stories, and your reputation.”

“All false.”

Ayeka’s eyes widened in horror, “And you just let them lie?” The pirate shrugged. The princess stammered, “W, w, w, why don’t you defend your honor?”

“Why would I want to when it works in my favor?” “Why? Why? Arrrgh,” the princess was almost apoplectic with confusion and frustration, “Because, because it, it, it isn’t right!” Ryoko sighed and shook her head, “Alright, let me see if I can explain this,” after a deep breath, “say I am going in to meet a fence, a guy who will buy my stolen goods.” Ayeka attempted to calm down and listen.

“Now let’s say I am wearing a skimpy little number when I go to met him, and I keep leaning forward showing off my cleavage and flirt with him while we negotiate how much he will pay for my goods.” Ayeka looked on the verge of becoming ill but said nothing. Ryoko continued, “Now then, his mind is not going to be entirely on business now is it? Now add to that my ‘reputation’, if this weasel actually thinks he has a shot at getting me in bed I can wrap him around my finger and get a really great deal.” Ayeka started to develop a nervous tick, “Eeeeewwww.”

Ryoko slid off of her stool and stood on the floor stretching, “Now then, I guess it is my turn.”

“Oh joy.”

“You started this.”

Ryoko stood erect and folded her hands in front of her as if wearing a formal kimono, her face became taut and regal. She spoke in an approximation of Ayeka’s clipped and cultured tone, “I am the princess Ayeka. I am overly idealistic and have lived such a sheltered and protected life within the royal court that I have no empathy for the common folk. And I am utterly naïve and incapable of conducting myself socially among ordinary people.” You could fry an egg on Ayeka’s scalp she was so pissed as she watched Ryoko walking around in little steps pretending to look down her nose at everyone.

“And if I were ever to do anything wrong, there would be no consequences. Because my…” Ryoko’s voice faltered, and she stopped walking. Ayeka turned to look, her face puzzled. Ryoko tried again, “My Da… Da, *ahem.” Ryoko sniffed and hid her face. Ayeka blinked, she had never seen the pirate show weakness before. Ryoko swallowed and rasped out, “My-- Dad-dy -will… fix …it.” She teetered over and sat down hard into a chair and slumped forward her hands covering her face. As much as she despised her Ayeka could not help but go to her, she sat beside her and searched her heart for the right words. After a respectful pause she tried to reach out to Ryoko.

Biting her lower lip, “It is all an act isn’t it? The whole ‘tough girl’ thing.” Ryoko rubbed her face and then looked over at her with bloodshot eyes, she sniffed and then slowly nodded.

Ayeka reached over and placed her hand on the pirate’s and softly said, “So is being a princess.” They shared a smile.

“I must confess,” Ayeka cleared her throat nervously, “one of the things I always envied about you was your freedom.” Ryoko blinked in bewilderment. A smile crept onto Ayeka’s face, “The freedom to go where you want, to do what you want, and to say what you want. As a princess I have none of those freedoms, and the responsibilities of my position dictate my conduct and how I address everyone.” Ryoko chewed on that and then offered her own confession.

“And I often envied your naïveté, your bright and optimistic view of the world.” She shook her head, “Having clawed my way up from the gutter my view is so dark and jaded, I sometimes wish I could forget what I have seen and view the world the way you do.”

Ayeka squeezed Ryoko’s hand to show support, and then her eyes widened a little, “I just realized something, you have no family do you?” Ryoko hung her head and her voice was a whisper, “No. I was created; not born. Washu was the closest thing to a parent I ever knew.” Ayeka shuddered, “A megalomaniacal mad scientist as your mother,” so that is why Ryoko choked up when mentioning her Father; a thought came to her, “and Tenchi?”

“He was unlike anyone else I had ever known, he was so……… normal. He made me think that maybe, just maybe I could have a normal life. Have a,” Ryoko swallowed, “family.” They sat in silence for long moments, each of them having seen a side of the other they had never known. Ayeka’s communicator chimed indicating it was now the top of the hour, she pulled it out and read the time, “Goodness it is getting late, where are those two? They should have been here two hours ago.”

Ryoko stood up and smoothed out her clothing, “I have an idea, why don’t we go rescue the dancers?” Ayeka looked at her warily. The pirate tugged at Ayeka’s sleeve, “Come on, we know where they are. And if we wait too long they may move them to a different location.” Ayeka pursed her lips, “I am not sure that is such a good idea.” Ryoko rolled her eyes, “There are only a couple of guards, and we can handle them easily.” Ayeka wavered, “I don’t know….” Ryoko beamed, “Think of it as a ‘bonding exercise’.” “Oh,” Ayeka mumbled as Royoko led her toward the front door, “alright, but I am sure I am going to regret this.” “Nah,” She grinned wickedly, “this is gonna be fun, exciting,” the troll watching the front door moved to block them, “this is gonna be,” she fired an energy blast that sent the troll through the wall and into the common area outside, “a blast!”

Ayeka smiled weakly while waving goodbye to the bartender as they stepped through the hole in the wall, “Sorry about the wall…” The bartender waved back shaking his head slowly and then returned to cleaning the bar, “Helluva day.”

[1] wouldn’t you be?
[2] A wall of meat is different from a ‘meat wall’, just ask Audra.
[3] Maybe Citadel Station uses AT&T… Just sayin…

#25

Team 3000

Hero: Flexo
Nemesis: Bender B. Rodriguez

Hero: Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth
Nemesis: Dr. Ogden Wernstrom

“Good news everyone!” The Professor walked into the Planet Express meeting room. “Our next assignment is taking us to a strip club-“

“WOOHOO!” Bender jumps out of his seat, does a little dance, grabs a bottle of booze and cigar from his chest. He chugs the booze, belches flame to light the cigar and puffs on it happily. “Finally a mission worth while!”

“Oh wait,” the professor finally continued, “a non-stripping strip club.”

“What!” In a fit of anger Bender flings the bottle at the wall and sits down, angrily puffing his cigar.

“A non-stripping strip club? That’s a brilliant idea!” Flexo adds. “Nah, I’m just joshing ya, that’s idiotic!”

Wernstrom sniffs, annoyed at the robots antics. “So what exactly are we supposed to do at this non-stripping strip club?”

“Uh, yes, it seems its been taken over by mountain trolls…”

“That’s impossible! The Mountain trolls of Sigma Epsilon 7 were wiped out in a war with the Large Hill Gnomes of Beta Gamma 9 back in 2736!” Wernstrom interjected.

“Well apparently they didn’t get all of them,” Farnsworth continued. “Anyway they have take over the stage and the bar and are taking all of the money and tips for themselves. We have to remove the trolls, save the staff and….oh my.”

“What? What is it you doddering old fool!” Wernstrom snatches the paper from Farnsworth. “while role-playing your nemesis?!..oh lord.”

Sometime later, the Planet Express Ship docks at the citadel, its crew disembarking and head to Chora’s Den. Bender has attached his magnetic goatee to his chin while Flexo has wrapped a fashionable scarf around his neck. Wernstrom exits wearing a bald skull cap and a pair of ridiculous glasses. Farnsworth walks out wearing a giant afro wig, unable to clearly see how much hair his nemesis truly has.

The team strolls into the club, splitting up. Flexo begins casing the place, looking for the best way to rob it. Bender walks up to the nearest male dancer. “Hello, my name is Flexo, and I’d like a private dance.” Once they are alone he promptly knocks him out with a baseball bat and disguises himself, poorly, as a troll. He takes his place and begins raking in tips from the poor deprived clientele who are excited to see anything that isn’t a troll. “Everybody loves that new Troll dancer, Flexo!” he exclaims to anyone who will listen.

The professor promptly heads to the middle of the club. “Look at me! I’m a young youthful idiot! Watch me dance!” He attempts a stumbling shuffling dance until there is a loud and ugly snapping sound. “Ohhhh! I just got those hips replaced too!”

Wernstrom heads straight to the bar and talks to the bartender. “Excuse me, I’m a doddering old idiot and don’t know what’s going on. Why have you trolls taken over this establishment?”

“We are the last of our kind. We’re tryin’ to raise funds to raise an army to get revenge on those no good gnomes that nearly wiped us out!”

“Oh, is that all? Well I’m senile and don’t really know what I’m doing, but I do have an assortment of doomsday weapons. I could give you one if you leave this bar and return the staff to their jobs safely.” With a deal struck Wernstrom provides the Trolls with a doomsday weapon as the Professor is carted off for his 15th hip replacement.

Before the staff can retake their positions Bender tears off his Troll disguise. “Hahah! It was I, Flexo, taking all of the tips all along! You’ll never catch me!” He makes a mad dash out of the club, running over to the real Flexo who has stolen the money from the register in his attempt to imitate Bender. Bender ditches his fake goatee, hides his stolen look in his chest and rips the scarf off of Flexo. He points at Flexo and begins yelling at the Trolls and security rapidly approaching. “Look! It’s the thief! Flexo!”

The Trolls grab Flexo as the robot drops the bag. “I’m innocent! I mean, I’m sort of innocent! I was only pretending to be the real thief, but I guess I stole the real money, but I was gonna return it!”

A chuckling Bender adds Flexo’s loot to his own and walks away whistling.

#26

Team “The Time Graduate”
The Doctor, David Tennant (Doctor Who)
The Master, John Simm (Doctor Who)
Captain Jack Harkness (Torchwood)
Captain John Hart (Torchwood)

Captain Jack: I love this new activity!
Jack can’t stop greaning while the Doctor and the Master are still reviewing the parameter of this new activity. John stays really silent in the corner.

The Doctor: I have no idea how I’m gonna be able to do this one? Seriously, I never understood your need to rule my dear Master.

The Master: Isn’t that the point, anyway the toughness part is to be the goody to shoes. You have nothing to worry about. Let’s get into the ship.

John follow them silently has they embark into the transport vessel with their therapist and some other not so random people. During the trip the Master is bickering at the Doctor constantly while Jack is hitting on Sean the therapist and John keeps to himself. Has they arrive on the citadel the Doctor start to go on with his usual background:

The Doctor: Ahh, The citadel! Pentacle of galactic civilisation it…

The Master looks at him with an evil eye.

The Master: That would be my job. Remember I’m supposed to be you.

The doctor: Then go on.

The Master: Pentacle of the galactic civilisation, it was build has a trap to every organic being so they can be gathered and harvest by the Reaper, a race of sentient Starship that destroy the Galaxy every couple of thousand years. They will be destroyed May 6th 2012 by a guy, or a woman, name Sheppard. Am I right Doctor.

The Doctor: you were supposed to expose the positive nature of thing if you’re me.

The Master: I tough that was positive.

Jack: Can we proceed to Cora Den, I want a pint and some strippers! Oh and before I forget, I would like to borrow your Vortex manipulator.
John: Of course you do! (While unstrapping what looks like a watch) You go guys; I have a pit stop to make first.

Has they proceed to a Rapid transit point John cross a bridge and get in a little entrance where there is a beautiful Asari at the entrance. They get to Cora Den pretty fast and 2 huge Montain Trolls are standing as bouncers.
Jack: I’m gonna take care of this guy, the John Hart way.
He approaches the Trolls slowly while putting his hands inside his coat.
Trolls : You shall only pass if you have a lot of tipping money! Show your hands and credit.

Jack: But of course look at my 2 mountain of cash.

He woops up 2 big guns and shoot the 1st Troll straight in the head while pointing the other one.

Jack: You can either die right here or run and call your mommy so no more of you comes here!
The troll does not move still frozen by what happened.

The Master: Run you full while you have the time!
And the troll execute himself and run like a little girl.

The Doctor: Do we have to kill living thing.

The Master: You should not care, remember you are me. Wtich makes me think let’s exchange screwdrivers.

The Doctor: That is brilliant I have a great idea! Just let me check that troll corpse I’ll see you inside.

The Master and Jack get into Cora Den. Jack push a button on his wrist watch and the music stop. The Trolls stopped their dancing routine while the customer seems relive for a moment. Jack starts walking around the bar that is at the center of the room and point at people.

Jack: You go. You go. You go. You go. (he look at an Asari customer) you stay. You go. Go. Go stay. Stay. Go. Go. Go.
The trolls look puzzle for a moment. The Doctor enters the bar and takes a seat in a boot. An even bigger troll at the bar looks at Jack.
Big Troll: Who do you think you are?

Jack: Your biggest fan. I don’t want any of those low life here while I watch the show. (Jack lean over the bar and grab a bottle of blue alcohol and drink half of it.) You want tip money, I have some and then more. Do a show Sexy.

He winks at the Troll bartender and starts the music again. Blur “Song 2” start and all the trolls start doing their act. Jack keeps looking at the bartender with penetrating eyes. While clients start to slowly get out John comes back with a beautiful Asari. She sit with the Doctor while John go to see Jack.

John: You know you can’t get him. He’s mine.

Jack: No is not. I was here first.

Jack kisses the troll who is mesmerised. The dancing trolls stop dancing watching the weird scene. At the same moment the Asasi makes a hand move and create a singularity that lift all the other trolls in a ball in the center of the stage. The Doctor shot with the Master Laser Screwdriver and ages all the trolls. In less than a minute all the trolls are in a geriatric stage and fall on the stage. Jack stops kissing the Big troll and the Master comes at the bar.

The Master: You have a choice now. Either you go your own way now and take our ship back to your planet OR I let Jack and John have the time of their life with you. Let’s face it, your band of old aged troll will not help you anymore.

The Master takes the ship ticket out of his pocket and put it in the hand of the big troll. He takes it and leave with his band of old troll.

John: I present you my friend the Asari consort. She owed me a favour. I figured let’s do it the Jack way and get your friend to help. Now where are those Asari dancers? I also got a couple of N7 armor and I really wanna lean forward, sit back and tip at one of those non stripper in armor!

The Doctor: Hey where is Sean? Did we leave our therapist in the ship where we sent the trolls?

The Master: yes we did.

Epilogue: Sean the Therapist is reading a PlayAsari in the ship when a bunch a geriatric trolls gets in. He tries to blather is way out of the ship but a big horny troll comes sit right beside him and put his hand on his hips.

#27

Scott: “Alright! Let’s kick these troll’s asses! Woo!”
Todd: “I do not sound like that.”
Scott: “That wasn’t supposed to be you. Wait, did we start yet?!”
Todd: “We’re supposed to be role playing right now.”
Scott: “But you’re not role playing me right now!”
Todd looks to do the side for a moment
Todd: “Uhhh… lets go kick some troll ass.”
Scott: “That sounds nothing like me!!”
Scott, pauses a moment.
Scott: “I mean… I’m vegan and way better then you.”
Larry and Adama are watching, looking slightly amused.
Larry: “I’m Bill Adama, a meatbag who crashes ships and beats people with pipes.”
Adama: “You know it’s a good role play when you have to say the person you are.”
Todd: “Say it in his voice.” Pointing to Larry
Adama: “Let’s just get going. Meatbags.”

The team arrives on the Citadel, thanks to a lift from the Normandy. After an excruciatingly long elevator ride, they arrived outside of Chora’s Den. The door was locked.
Todd: “How do we get in!? If only one or more of us were really strong either telekinetically or physically! I wish I wasn’t the most useless person here!”
Scott: “At least I’m not the biggest ass here! Oh wait, I am as YOU!”
Larry rips the door out of the wall.
The teams walks in carefully, expecting an attack from the Trolls at any time.
Trolls: “STFU! Tits or GTFO!”
Yelling, screaming is heard. The trolls turn to the team, and point and laugh.
“THAT IS THE GAYEST TEAM IN EXISTANCE! Wtf! Lol!” One of them yells.
“Four white guys, or a robot who is obviously white. Obviously gay, which is to say CANADIAN!”
“The robot is obviously a JEW! How you can you people not see it! LulZ!”
The team looks at each other, confused. They duck behind one of the booths for a little cover from the noise.
Adama: “What the frak?”
Larry: “They’re trolls. In the truest sense. I know them from my video blogs.”
He then remembers to add, “Grunt, mumble… do your job.”
Todd: “I don’t think you’re supposed to say ‘grunt, mumble’ in role play.”
Adama: “Have you ever heard a Cylon mumble?”
Scott: “Shut up! How do we deal with these guys?”
Adama: “They don’t look so tough. You brought a gun this time, right Larry?”
Larry: “Of course, I’m role playing you.”
Adama: “Alright, everybody, on three. Three!”
Adama and Larry jump up and start shooting. Todd rises off the ground and energy starts blasting from his hands. Scott whips out his guitar and starts playing. Scotts music starts driving the Trolls back. Adama fires carefully, and headshots each troll he aims for. Larry sprays bullets everywhere, hitting everything in his general direction.
Adama, yelling over the battle: “You going to try to aim that thing?!”
Larry: “I’m spamming them, spamming is way stronger than trolling!”
The trolls are being driven back, but more and more keep pouring in all the entrances to Chora’s Den.
Todd: “They just keep coming back! Like all my girlfriends exes!”
Scott: “Shut up! We need a new plan!”
Adama: “I’ve got an idea… meatbags! We just a distraction.”
Todd: “I’ll handle it!”
Todd levitates to the center of the bar. “Jesus! Republicans! Lesbians! Bush! Racism!”
All the trolls turn and start going after Todd.

Larry: “All the trolls are distracted!”
Todd, yelling across the room: A bright vortex of energy glows brightly around him. “Can’t hold out much longer!”
Adama: “Larry, Scott, get over here.”
Adama opens his backpack, and whips out a few odd looking items.
Scott: “What’s that?”
Adama: “It’s how we are going to beat them. Mods.”
Scott: “What?!”
Adama: “The only way to get rid of Trolls is with the help of Mods. For me and Larry, weapon modifications. Kinetic Stabilizers, Frictionless materials, Scram Rails, and Combat Optics. For you Scott…”
Adama reaches into the bag again. “A Guitar Mod.” Adama hands some weird cabling and some lights to Scott, who attaches them to his Guitar.
Larry: “Let’s do our jobs! Mumble, mumble.”
Todd From across the room: “Whatever you are going to do, do it now!”
Adama: “Open fire!”
Adama and Larry fire on the Trolls. Scott blasts his music.
Scott: “It’s working, the Mods are driving the trolls away!”
Adama: “Let’s finish these meatbags off!”
They continue to fight, driving the trolls off. Finally the last of the Trolls are defeated as Todd collapses to the floor.

Only one troll remains alive, on the ground injured. Adama calmly walks over to him, and points the gun at his head. “Tell 4chan the Mods say hello. Meatbag.”
Troll: “For the Lulz!” The troll mimes cutting his throat, and vanishes.

Scott goes to help Todd up off the ground.
Scott: “You alright?”
Todd: “I think I’ll survive being you.”
Scott: “Guess we’re not so different after all.”
Todd, after a pause. “Nice guitar.”

Larry: “Mumble mumble, we did our jobs.”
Adama: “It’s getting old Toaster.”
Larry: “Are we done with the role play?”
Adama: “We defeated the trolls, saved Chora’s Den, learned something about each other, and used teamwork to succeed. I’d call this scenario, I mean mission a success.”
Adama: “Meatbags!”
All four members of the team begin forced laughter, as the camera pulls back and credits roll at ludicrous speed.

.
.
.
Special thanks to the comments section over at IGN for inspiration.

#28

Team Jealousy is dropped of outside the Med Clinic on the Citadel. Dr. Michel pulls the team aside and tells them they need to be outfitted with contact lenses that display what choices one is allowed to make on the Citadel. She gets them equipped and on there way to Chora’s Den they run into a Keeper.

Gai: “What is this amazing creature!” Immediately a text showed up on his “Contact HUD”. Please do not disturb the Keepers. “Jimmy, this HUD is going to slow my flow.”

Kakashi: “We won’t be effective if we have to contend with this technology while fighting Trolls.”

Jimmy: “Brain Blast!”

A few minutes later, in Chora’s Den.

Without any warning, the hatch to the bar crashed into one of the drunken trolls, crushing him. Leaping through the doorway was Gai mounted atop the Keeper. The three others enter and Jimmy is typing new instructions to the HUD’s, which he has hacked into with his phone.

Gai:

Guy leapt from the Keeper and moved from one troll to another with almost invisible speed incapacitating each as he went.

Kakashi:

Kakashi performed a transformation jutsu (taking the form of the crushed troll) and made his way to the manager’s office, where he knew the troll leader was. Thinking he was one of them, the trolls allowed him to pass through their security, placing explosive tags on each of them as he went. Entering the main office he heard the leader planning the future conquest of Sha’ira and her Consort’s Chambers.

Kakashi: “There is one problem with your plan. Me!”

He charged at the great troll and they all thought he had gone mad. Two of the leaders guards raised their clubs and swung them into the wild troll and with a poof of smoke, a smashed storage container fell to the floor where Kakashi once stood. A thunderous yell came out of the leader who had just thought any danger to him was literally squashed. He fell to the floor with a thud and Kakashi on his back, elbow deep in his chest. Kakashi pulled his arm out and the charge flowing through it chirped like a thousand birds.

Kakashi: “I suggest you listen to my new plan, your old one isn’t working very well.”

Cindy:

As Guy battled the drunken trolls, Cindy began helping the Stripless Strippers out of the bar. Once they were all out of the filthy den she took them to Flux so they could do some real dancing, teaching them a couple moves in the process. She convinced many of them to take up different jobs, many began dancing in the elevators. It turned out to be very lucrative because of how unbearably slow the Citadels elevators were.

Jimmy:

After Jimmy sent out the new instructions, he began searching the bars computer for info on how this disaster occurred, and anything else of interest. After gathering the data to take back to Dr. O’hara, Jimmy found that a shipment of N7 armor had recently came in along with the security code for the locker they were stored in.

They had turned over the trolls that surrendered to C-Sec and after joining Cindy and the girls at Flux for an evening of dancing and interesting dialog thanks to Jimmy phone and a few spirits. On the flight back to Earth, Jimmy told the rest of the team about the new threads he had procured for them. Gai insisted on the green suit and then he challenged Kakashi to a zero gravity fashion contest.

#29

As the transport drifted into its docking berth at the Citadel, the four team members exchanged various looks of incredulity and discomfort as the viewscreen shut off after providing them their briefing.

“Soooooo, what’s a ‘strip club’ again?” Aang asked. Bester, having visited his share of such clubs during his travel, was about to answer when Sheridan held up a hand to cut him off.

“Let’s not focus on that,” Sheridan said. “The way I see it we have two objectives here: locate and ensure the safety of the original… employees, and find a way to get the intruders to leave peacefully.”

“Split into two teams then,” Zuko suggested. “If these trolls are planning on a confrontation, they’ll likely expect a large force to meet them from the front door. Throw them off balance and send only one small team through the front.”

“And the other team?” Bester asked analytically.

“Send them in a separate way. Show me the blueprints to this place.” Bester worked the controls on a nearby computer and the schematics of Chora’s Den were displayed on the viewscreen. Zuko seemed to ponder them for a moment before pointing to a series of vertical lines near the back of the establishment. “There, an air duct. It leads into this back room that only has one door in and out.”

“You think they’re keeping the hostages there?” Aang asked.

“I would,” Zuko nodded. “The door is a good choke point to fend off any incoming forces, and it keeps the guards from having to watch more than one escape route for the hostages.”

“But they wouldn’t expect anyone to sneak in through the air ducts,” Sheridan remarked in understanding. “There’s just one problem, those ducts are none too big.”

“Leave that to us,” Aang said.

Just inside the front door of Chora’s Den, Sheridan was waiting impatiently, trying not to look at the green, wrinkly, jiggling flabmeat of the various troll dancers failing to keep time to the rave music. He’d been waiting for almost a half hour when the door slit open and Bester entered with one of those wry, douchebag smiles across his face.

Sheridan groaned, “What did you do now?”

“Relax, Captain, I merely made a side trip to provide us some insurance that the trolls will leave. You may tell our young associates that they may proceed with their half of the operation.” He took a few steps towards the bar, making a point not to look up at the dancers. “Come now, Captain, let’s get ourselves a drink.” Sheridan rolled his eyes in consternation as he followed, quietly tapping the button on his comlink to send the signal to the other team.

“That’s the signal,” Aang stated as he looked at the flashing light on the spare comlink Sheridan had provided them. “Go ahead.”

Zuko crawled to the edge of the airduct, looking down the outlet through the grate. There were at least a dozen asari confined to the back office, most sitting across the floor while the remaining few paced impatiently from side to side. “I see them.” He inched over the edge and dropped feet-first through the grate, landing in a crouch. Aang followed soon after, the two youngsters drawing gasps and looks of surprise from the asari as he seemed to draw air currents to himself to slow his descent.

“We’re going to get you out of here,” Aang told the dancers.

“There are still two guards outside the door,” one of the asari exclaimed.

“Only two?” Zuko remarked. “This should be easy.” With that, the firebender made his way towards the door, creating a thin torch of fire from his finger to work on the thick bolts that held the door shut.

Sheer diplomacy had not paid off as well as Sheridan had hoped. The trolls were unwilling to leave, despite Sheridan’s offer to personally bring their grievance to the Citadel Council’s attention. They wanted money, and they weren’t leaving until they got it. Sheridan’s frustration at their stubborn nature was becoming evident, which prompted Bester to make use of the insurance he’d mentioned earlier.

“My friends,” Bester began as he grabbed a nearby datapad and pulled up a banking manifest, “obviously we know what your desires are. You’ve had a hard lot in life… I sympathize. Obviously you’re not the most well financed here, so the idea that you could dance for money is not practical to solve your problem.” He began to look at the trolls intently as he dialed up his telepathic influence. “However, I have secured a sizable… ‘donation’ from a generous benefactor who also sympathizes for your plight. I think you’ll find it a reasonable incentive to leave the premises and return the establishment to its status quo.”

The trolls took the datapad from him, and passed it between them, each one gaining a look of shock and gleeful surprise as they viewed the display. “Forty-seven point one million credits,” Bester insisted. “All yours if you leave now.”

The revelry was interrupted by a loud whoosh of air from the back hallway. The two trolls guarding the back office were suddenly visible, having been flung forward and impacted against the opposite wall adjacent to the main club floor. The main group of trolls turned in unison at their dazed brethren, then turned back to Bester with looks of consternation.

The telepath furrowed his brow as he stared them back down, drawing a credit chip from his pocket. “We have the hostages secured, and you have your money… I suggest you take it and go,” he offered as he held the chip out to them. They seemed to collectively ponder this for a moment before one of them grabbed the chip from Bester and motioned for the others to follow. The two rear trolls who’d been guarding the back office followed suit once on their feet, leaving the establishment devoid of green flabmeat.

Aang and Zuko soon came out into the main chamber as well, followed by the dozen or so asari dancers who made no attempt to hide their pleasure at seeing the trolls departed. Sheridan and the two elemental benders had moved to the bar counter and rested upon the seats.

“Where did you get 47 million credits from?” Sheridan asked in amused disbelief.

“As I said, Captain, a generous benefactor… a corporate entity by the name of Cerberus something-or-other. It was only a small fraction of funds from something they earmarked as the Lazarus Project Fund.”

“Wait a second,” Sheridan said as he read the datapad the trolls had left behind. “You said you gave them forty-seven point one million. This says you pulled out forty-seven point five. Where’d the other four hundred thousand go?”

At that, Bester reached into his pocket and tossed three credit chips onto the counter in front of the other team members. Each one had a digital indicator of 100,000 credits on them.

“Gentlemen, I suggest you tip the dancers well. Who knows, they might let you do more than just sit back and lean forward if you make it worth their while.”

#30

PROLOGUE

«««»»»

“Well, that could have gone better,” Deanna Troi commented.

“What do you mean?” Skeletor cackled. “We got rid of the tribbles and saved the…” Skeletor choked back his disgust, “…innocents.”

“Yes, but your teamwork was severely lacking. Captain America and the Red Skull did nothing but insult each other, while you chose a course of action without informing your team. At the very least, you included He-Man in your solution, even if he wasn’t aware of it at the time. As you know, the whole point of this therapy is improve your team’s ability to cooperate with…”

“Mein Gott, isn’t there a ship you should be crashing somewhere?” Red Skull muttered, followed by a smattering of giggles around the room.

“Fine,” Troi responded angrily, “let’s see how you do on this next challenge.”

«««»»»

“Trolls,” Skeletor groaned, “Why did it have to be trolls?”

“You know about these things?” Captain America asked.

“Yes,” Skeletor responded. “Terrible minions. Stupid as rocks, which, by the way, they turn into if the sun touches them. They’re also terrified of some obscure sky god I’ve never heard of…”

“OK, we can use that,” Cap responded, “He-Man and I will…”

“Ein minuten, bitte,” Red Skull interjected, “We are supposed to work together as a team, with role-reversal as well.”

“What do you suggest?” He-Man asked, looking more than a little frightened to hear the answer.

«««»»»

The trolls continued to grind awkwardly on stage, many of the stripper poles bending and breaking under the strain. One of them, larger than the others, called out to one of the displaced strippers who was hiding behind the bar.

“BAR MAID!” the troll bellowed, “BRING ME STRONGER ALE! AND SOME PLUMP, SUCCULENT BABIES TO EAT!”

The ersatz waitress brought the troll a large pitcher of the strongest liquor in Chora’s Den, which he chugged in one swallow. “AH, ADMIRABLE! I WISH FOR MORE!” the troll howled with glee. “YOU THERE!” he called out to another crouching stripper, “DO YOU KNOW WHERE THERE ARE BABIES?”

The frightened girl shook her head and ran for the door, along with several other employees and patrons who took advantage of the distraction. “YOU DO WELL TO FLEE, TOWNSPEOPLE! I WILL PILLAGE YOUR LANDS AND DWELLINGS! I WILL BURN YOUR CROPS AND MAKE MERRY SPORT WITH YOUR MORE ATTRACTIVE DAUGHTERS! HA-HA-HA! SPEAKING OF WHICH…”

And with that, all the trolls stopped what they were doing and glanced longingly at the far end of the bar, as two tall, muscular forms entered, shaking their blond hair seductively.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Captain America muttered, trying very hard not to cover his half-naked torso.

“Trolls love blond hair,” He-Man responded, “and only we are large enough to pass as their females.” He ran his fingers through his page-boy hair with as much sex appeal as he could manage.

Cap grumbled through his fake smile and wiggled his well-muscled hips defiantly. The trolls began to slaver lasciviously and slowly moved from their perches on the creaky stages, approaching the two “females”. Something in their movements suggested that merely sitting forward and sitting back wasn’t going to be enough for them. The first troll to touch Cap got a powerful — but ultimately futile — punch across the face. He-Man fared somewhat better, although the strength of the various trolls pawing at him tested even his limits.

“WHAT ARE YOU FIGHTING FOR, MINISCULE BLONDE ONES? HA-HA! YOU FIGHT WELL, ALTHOUGH YOU ARE TINY WENCHES!”

Cap wrestled out of the troll’s grasp. He yelled, “Enough of this insane troll logic! Do it now!”

Suddenly, the Red Skull entered behind them, in full Nazi regalia. The trolls stepped back cautiously and eyed the numerous swastikas emblazoned on his outfit. “THOR!” they muttered, as quietly as trolls can manage.

The Red Skull raised the mighty Mjolnir (in reality, a common finessing hammer from the bar’s toolkit) and spoke in his thickest, most Aryan accent, “Get thee hence, ye trolls! Ich bin Donner, god of thunder!” Behind him, Skeletor thrust forth his Havoc Staff, creating the illusion of a Viking warrior’s visage in lieu of the Red Skull’s gaunt crimson face.

“I… have… The Power!” He-Man exclaimed, holding his sword aloft. Thunder and lightning filled the room, while the Red Skull continued to do his best Thor impression. The trolls howled with rage and fear and fled Chora’s Den, en masse. As soon as they were outside, Cap threw his shield above them, reflecting a beam of sunlight, which instantly turned them all to stone.

«««»»»

EPILOGUE

«««»»»

"I’m impressed that you could work together like that, " Troi commented, “Well done. One question, though: Where was the role reversal?”

“Heroes would never seduce trolls,” He-Man said.

"Nor would we normally kill creatures that stupid, " Cap added, somewhat despondently.

“And villains would never save their nemeses from being raped to death by trolls,” Red Skull bemoaned.

“Although,” Skeletor confessed, “that was really tempting. Really no downside, either way.”

“What was that?” He-Man asked, absent-mindedly counting the bills the trolls had shoved down his furry short-shorts.

“Oh, nothing,” Skeletor responded, “nothing at all.”

THE END

[ul][*](Special thanks to Jane Espenson, from whom I [strike]stole[/strike] borrowed most of the troll dialogue. :p)[/ul]

#31

This is the deadline. Thank you all.

#32

Team Freaky Fabulous Does It Short And Sweet

“Oh god,” said Megan. “I’m supposed to be Illyana? Should I put on goat legs and try out a Russian accent or something?”

“Shut up.” Illyana scanned the crowd.

“That doesn’t sound a thing like me.”

“Oh dear, how would our esteemed Black Forest witch react to being in a seedy little club like this?” Baba Yaga’s mouth twisted in a sardonic smile. “Ah yes. She would sit back and let others do her dirty work for her, while she rocks and knits and steals my magic. If this were truly a fair experiment, you would give it back.”

“Nobody likes a sore loser.” Frau Totenkinder stood from her rocking chair, the one that seemed to appear wherever she was no matter how incongruous to the setting, and stretched. “If we’re to be using the tactics of our nemeses, however…”

Megan gasped, shutting her eyes. “Please tell me the scary old lady didn’t just take off all her clothes. I didn’t need to see that.”

Illyana smiled, despite herself. “It would seem that at least some of the nearer patrons would agree with you, little Pixie.”

“I’m sure that their reaction to me isn’t quite the reaction that Baba Yaga would get in that stolen form she currently wears,” said Frau Totenkinder, doing a naked old lady walk around. “But it gets the job done, I would say.”

“Your plan backfired, you wrinkled old bitch,” said Baba Yaga, lounging on one of the chairs. “You may have frightened off the patrons, but our mission was to remove the trolls. How brilliant you are.”

“I removed a distraction. Illyana? Megan? I leave it up to you how to dispose of the trolls.”

“With pleasure,” said Illyana, sharp teeth flashing.

“No! No feeding them to demons. Seriously. I can—I mean, I wouldn’t do that!” Megan flailed in front of Illyana. “So you can’t.”

“Fine. In that case, I wouldn’t just magic them into bliss. We’re at an impasse.”

“It seems you might have no need,” said Baba Yaga, sounding bored and a little disappointed. “They’re getting bored.”

“Broke, is more like it,” said Frau Totenkinder. “With no patrons, there are no tips. And I have no intention of getting dressed as long as they are around and causing trouble. I fear that this station will not be a profitable one any longer, trolls.”

“Please leave,” said Megan, squeezing her eyes shut again. “I think she means it and it’s like seeing my gran naked and there aren’t enough happy thoughts in the world to get this out of my head now."

Source of profit destroyed, they left. And eventually, Frau Totenkinder got dressed again.

ETA: Dang it!

#33

I can 100% see Jack saying this. Nice!

Can you win if your solution causes the judge to be molested by an old troll?

#34

For Whom the Belle Trolls

Part Four

Spike and Vicious entered Chora’s Den dragging with them a small disheveled man, his hands were tied in front of him and his face showed obvious signs of bruising. They brought him to the center of the club and waited, the man looked around nervously licking his lips. The two shoved him hard and said, “Do it.” The man trembled and looked over his shoulder at Spike, the bounty hunter responded by grimacing and cracking his knuckles. The man gulped and looked over at the center stage, he cleared his throat and yelled out, “Chode-imus Maximus [1], I have new orders for you.” The large blue troll stopped dancing and looked down at the little man; he stepped off the stage and walked over to him. He tilted his huge misshapen head, “What you want, of ‘Black Rock Clan’?” He licked his lips nervously, “Uh, my employer would like you and your tribe to leave here and take over another club.”

“What club?”

“Dirty Sanchez’s Cantina.”

“Where?”

Spike stepped forward and handed the troll a map, it looked at it and then to the nervous man, “Money?”

He nodded, “Same as before, here is your advance.”

Vicious stepped forward and handed a manila envelope to the troll. The beast shook it and then sniffed at the envelope, seemingly pleased it roared at the other trolls. They all stopped their nauseating dancing and headed toward their Chief. Chode-imus lead them out of the club toward their new destination.

Once gone the man turned and held up his bound hands, “Can I go now? I am a dead man if I don’t leave the station within the hour.” Vicious cut the rope with his katana, the man rubbed his wrists and whined; “Now I have to change my identity and start a new life far from here.” Spike scowled, “You should have thought of that before getting involved in this scheme.” The man avoided Spikes glare and slinked away disappearing into the night.

Moments later dozens of women came walking into the club, brushing copious amounts of concrete dust off of their clothes and picking bits of wood and glass out of their hair. The bartender waved his hands, “Ladies, so nice to see you again. Are you well?” One of them tried to speak but lapsed into a fit of coughing, another grimaced and tamped out a flame on her coat sleeve, “Just fucking great. I need a drink.” A number of them walked around and stared at the destruction in awe, “What happened here?” “My stage, what happened to my stage?” “What is that smell?” “Is that blood?” “Fuck I broke a heel running from that collapsing building.”

Spike politely stops one of the dancers, “Excuse me, but how did all of you escape?” Between exaggerated chomps on her gum she explained, “These two broads showed up and took on the merc’s, blew the crap out of em.” Spike and Vicious exchanged a look. Spike smiled coyly, “And do you know where these two young ladies may be?”

“Sure.”

The security officer picked up a ‘No Smoking’ sign from his desk and held it in front of Ryoko, she raised an eyebrow and then smiled, licking two fingers she extinguished the smoldering strands of hair hanging from her head. Satisfied he put the sign back on his desk and returned to his paperwork. At another desk Ayeka grumbled, “Just two guards, no problem, it will be a piece of cake.”

Ryoko crossed her arms defensively, “How was I supposed to know that a bunch of the mercenaries were going to get drunk and drop by hoping to get the dancers to put on a show for them?” Ayeka glowered, “It is my fault for listening to your insanity, allowing myself to get swept up in emotion and not thinking things through.” Throwing her hands up the pirate smiled brightly, “Hey, so it did not go as planned. In the end we did rescue them right?”

Spike and Vicious were escorted into the room by another security officer; he pointed to the two ladies and then left to go back to his department. The two men walked over to where the ladies were sitting and gazed at them with bewilderment, “You blew up a building?”

Ayeka blushed and avoided eye contact, “Not… intentionally.”

Ryoko pursed her lips in thought, “I would say it was more like an im-plosion,” she pantomimed with notepads and pencils, “it kinda fell in on itself from all of the battle damage,” making dramatic sound effects as her pencils and notepads fell inward on themselves. The officer glanced over his monitor at the mess she had made on his desk, Ryoko smiled, “Sorry,” and started to clean it all up.

The security chief came into the room, he looked to the two men taking down the ladies statements, “Well what do you got?” The two sergeants explained that the girls statements matched the ones given by the dancers and the nearby witnesses. The chief nodded, “Very well,” he looked at Ryoko and Ayeka, “you two are free to go,” he looked to Ayeka, “I spoke with your father and he is willing to cover the cost of damage, though I must say he sounded rather displeased with you.” Ayeka leaned on the desk and covered her head, “Oooooh dear….” He continued, “And since your father is being so generous on this incident the owner of the building has agreed not to press charges, so therefore I see no reason to detain you any longer, now go sleep this off and consider how lucky you both are.” He turned and left the room.

Spike and Vicious repeated, “You blew up a building?”

Ayeka wagged a finger in Ryoko’s direction, “This is your fault! You are reckless! And, and irresponsible! Dangerous, mischievous and… and… and…” Ryoko grinned, “Annnnnnnd, you were right there beside me princess.” Ayeka gagged as if choking on something.[2] Ryoko laughed and pushed off from the desk causing her to roll over on her chair beside the princess, she reached over and pulled the princess close, she nuzzled her grinning widely. Ryoko beamed, “Admit it, you had fun.” Ayeka scowled her mouth a hard line.

“Cooooome oooooon.”

Ayeka’s expression softened a tad.

Ryoko rubbed Ayeka’s shoulder, “Coooome ooooon…”

The princess’s expression softened some more.

Ryoko’s smile grew, “There we go, and just think of how boring your life would be without me.”

Ryo-oki ran by with a donut in it’s mouth, a security officer chased after him knocking chairs and papers over as he passed by. Ayeka’s face drooped watching the pandemonium, she groaned inwardly.

[1] This is so the name of my next D&D Barbarian.
[2] Perhaps crow? :smiley:

#35

Hooray! :smiley: