FSL 3.0 challenge 1: Tribbles on the Water

GWC Community GWC Fantasy Sci-fi 3.0: Nemesis / Invasion
#21

Just as they were about to be overcome, laser dots appeared on the lead tribbles, and the jungle erupted with gunfire. Bullets chewed up wave after wave of tribbles until there were none left whole.

Then the laser dots shifted to target Goliath, Sherlock and Xanatos. Moriarty strolled back out of the jungle.

“Sorry, boys,” Moriarty said in his high, lilting voice. “I can’t let you live, but I didn’t want to let you die without knowing it was me that beat you. Even though you destroyed my little pet project here, it served its purpose: bringing you all to me.”

“You created this abomination?” Goliath bellowed.

“I paid for it. I don’t like to get my hands dirty. Mucking about in this jungle has been bad enough.” He held two hands up to the lapels of his suit. “Westwood!”

“I don’t mind getting my hands dirty, Jim,” Xanatos said as he aimed his laser pistol at Moriarty’s head. “Bye-ie!”

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT FSL 3.0 CHALLENGE

#22

Over Tribbled Waters

Part two

Ayeka and Ryoko walked past the unused rock climbing wall and approached the small water park which wrapped itself around the ship’s central smoke stack. With the ship docked at the popular pleasure island the massive cruise liner seemed eerily empty of life and the usual hum of conversation and children’s laughter. The piped in music only seemed to draw even more attention to the fact that the two women were almost alone on the upper deck of the liner, a bored bartender at a drink station watched them approaching with a hopeful expression. Ayeka peeked over at the tablet like device Ryoko held, “Are you sure there are still Tribbles aboard the ship?” The pirate accessed a menu which showed a list of names and the itinerary which they had signed up for, “See these? These are people who had stayed aboard and made reservations for some of the ships amenities. They did not arrive for their appointments.”

“Maybe they forgot or went elsewhere to another scheduled event.” Ryoko shook her head, “Not likely, they are charged whether they show or not. And when they don’t show the attendants call the guests rooms to remind them of their appointments,” she pointed to the names highlighted in red, “these did not answer their phones, or respond to pages on the ship.” “Oh, I see,” she said in a thickly cultured accent, “their concern in this matter is understandable.” The bartender seemed to deflate when the girls walked past and did not stop to talk to him. As they neared the water park a few whoops and giggles could be heard among the splashes and sounds of churning and rushing water. Ayeka shook her scanner like a Polaroid and glared at it in frustration, “Grrrrrr, these things are useless.” Ryoko snorted in amusement watching the princess wave her scanner around wildly, like a technojunkie trying to get a few bars on his cell phone, “The walls are heavily insulated to provide privacy and wild parties to be held without disturbing sleeping guests.” “Errrrrrr,” Ayeka frantically jabbed a button like a hyperactive child trying to get the crosswalk sign to change, “and even if they did work how can just the two of us cover the entire ship effectively?”

“We can’t,” Ryoko stopped walking and Ayeka stopped fidgeting with the ineffective scanner to see why. A bowlegged Asian man with a frozen drink the size of a flower pot was staring at Ayeka, drool formed at the corner of his mouth. The princess recoiled in disgust, and Ryoko laughed, “a fan?” She shot the pirate a hateful look and Ryoko held up a hand, “Easy your highness.” Ayeka snarled and was about to say something when her eyes widened in surprise, she turned her head around to find the man cupping her ass with a hairy hand. He leered at her with a face wearing so much sunscreen he looked like a demented mime. The two guardians rushed up and shoved the interloper away from her and toward a Jacuzzi, he yelped as he fell in. A paper umbrella from the drink, a brightly colored plastic lei and his sweat stained hat swirled around round in the baths currents.

A few moments later they stood looking up at the gigantic waterslides, Ryoko inclined her white haired head in deep thought, “huh, if the Tribbles were picked up accidentally at a port and then spread to the island…” Ayeka watched a pudgy woman exit an elevator and prepare to go down a spiraling slide, “A likely scenario.” Ryoko finished her thought, “The Tribbles would have been below deck for very long time before arriving here, which means that the crew would have been exposed the most to the threat.” The Juraian princess followed the thought, “And yet there are no missing crew members, only missing guests; curious.” Ryoko pinched the bridge of her nose, “So either there is something that protects the crew from the Tribbles…” “Or there is something that attracts the Tribbles to the guests,” Ayeka followed up.

A loud “Here I go honey!” drew their eyes to the woman at the slide, she pushed off with a “Wheee!” she disappeared into the snaking fiberglass tube and they followed the sound of her excited whoops as they descended the slide. But soon her voice was replaced with a sound like a table saw grinding its way through a length of plywood. The water at the end of the tube turned dark and instead of a pudgy woman in a far too tight swimsuit exiting all that exited was a shiny hip replacement which shot out and struck her husband in the head with a loud ‘gonging’ sound, he slumped and then bobbed in the shallow end of the pool. Ryoko raised an eyebrow and coolly said, “Well there is your answer to ‘are you sure the Tribbles are still on the ship’,” she said mimicking Ayeka’s British like accent. Ayeka turned green at the sight and quickly emptied her stomachs contents over the side railing, unfortunately that particular railing was not over the ocean and loud curses and shouts of disgust and protest shot up from the people sunbathing down below. Ayeka flinched back before anyone on the lower deck could look up to see who and covered them in vomit, Ryoko gave her a sideways glance, “Smooth princess, reeeeeeal smooth.” Ayeka gathered up her dignity as best she could and snootily offered, “I suggest we move our investigation to another location.”

After lighting a fresh cigarette Spike leaned back on the counter of the rustic looking drink stand and casually watched the nearby beach volleyball game, his foot tapping to the bouncy rhythm of ‘Ask DNA’ coming from a nearby boombox. And it soon became clear he was not the only one watching the game, sitting atop one of the poles holding up the volleyball net was a Tribble. It swiveled its softball sized body back and forth following the ball as it bounced back and forth, hmmm it does not seem dangerous at all. When he reached for his frosty bottle of beer he spied another Tribble sitting in a potted fern watching the milling tourists as they walked by. He used his cybernetic eye and spotted a dozen or so Tribbles sitting quietly and seemingly contentedly all around the beach. Behind him a familiar voice spoke, “Yes, there are a couple hundred of them nearby.” He turned to see Vicious looking at a hovering holographic display with green dots all around the map, “See here, they are scattered all around but not massed together in packs like you would imagine if they were hunting.” “I would suggest that they are scouts but,” Spike gestured with his bottle at the Tribble on the volleyball net’s pole, “they don’t seem to be making any effort to hide themselves.” Vicious looked at the spectator Tribble and smiled, “I think I may have a theory on what is happening but I need to gather more evidence, I believe we can find it at a place called the Black Lagoon.[1]”

They walked past the rows of volleyball courts and onto a cement path which paralleled long rows of cabanas with misting systems and bored attendants, one was playing ‘Angry Tribbles’ on his phone. Once they left the busy main bay they then passed the tide pools teaming with happy and industrious families of snorkelers. The trail then led them to a stretch of beach that was nearly empty except for elderly men combing the beach with metal detectors, just as they stepped through an archway made of palm trees and bushes to enter the Black Lagoon’s main food court Spike could hear an excited “Look a penny!” from behind him. The entire lagoon was empty of life, it was dead silent. No music, no wildlife, not a single attendant was there. But the worst sight of all was the dozens of empty beach blankets all laid out in the sand. Beside them sat purses and coolers and umbrellas shading trays of snacks and unfinished drinks, but not a single person was to be seen. Sunglasses, watches, hats leis and flip flops littered the beach but their owners were not. It was eerie.

After a long silence Spike blew out a smokey breath and then began gathering up the purses and tote bags, Vicious watched him with morbid amusement. “Robbing the dead? You have reached a new low.” Spike ignored the comment and once he had the last bag he found the largest blanket and began dumping the contents of the bags onto it, and after they were all emptied he began going through the contents and organizing it. Vicious rubbed his chin, “Ahhhh, clever. I see what you are doing.” He moved closer and bent over to get a better look at the growing piles of ointments, sprays and medications. He was especially interested in the medications; he knelt down and shuffled through the blister packs.

[1] See Saturday’s Frak Party.

#23

Over Tribbled Waters

Part Three

“Will you stop whining.”

“I am not whining, I am merely pointing out that we have not eaten in over four hours and my feet are sore from all the walking.” Ryoko muttered under her breath, “You could afford to miss a few meals.” Ayekas face flushed, “What was that you contemptuous scoundrel.” Baring her teeth Ryoko leaned closer, “Just that it is about time you did some real work you pampered royal pain in the ass.” “HAH!” Ayeka leaned in close matching the space pirate’s aggressive pose, “Work? What would a thief know about work?” Ryoko’s face twisted with rage, “Why you….”

“What?” Ayeka sneered, “At a loss for words? Perhaps you should read a book once in a while you uncouth harlot.” They both growled and the air hummed as they gathered energies around themselves, lights began blowing out up and down the hallway and monitors previously displaying event schedules flickered and began to smoke. Chairs, tables, brochures and small potted plants lifted and began to whirl about them in a miniature tempest.

“Ah, excuse me.” The two turned to face the source of the voice. A large woman was seated in a personal ground effect transport a short distance from them; the thing was so covered with lights and bling it looked like an Osaka style Dekotora. [1] Her hair was blue enough to make a Smurf envious, and her ensemble looked like an outlet mall had thrown up on her. Her cheeks were so overly rouged that it looked as though Easter Peeps had been thrown at her. The woman’s round and blotchy face was pinched into an expression of fright, “Are we depressurizing or something?”

The two’s expressions changed to that of embarrassment, the air and its myriad contents slowed and then dropped to the floor loudly. “Eh, sorry,” they meekly offered.

The woman’s fear slowly turned to anger, her eyes roamed around the hallway fully taking in the damage and making mental notes like some sort of rotund private detective. Once finished she glowered at them, “I am reporting this to the Captain.” The two panicked and waved their arms, “Wait please, we, we, uh… It was an accident.” She snorted in disgust and started powering up her transport never taking her eyes off of them, her expression full of mistrust and menace. And then they all heard a pop and a squeak. The lady looked up to see the air vent over her head swing open, “What the Hell now?”

It was as if Santa’s toy bag had opened over her head disgorging an endless torrent of Beanie Babies. Only these were not Beanie Babies, these were ‘Hungry Hungry Tribbles’[2] They made noises like demonic squeaky toys when they hit. She hit the throttle when she saw them descending but it took too long for the plenum chamber to build pressure and lift her off of the ground. It may have been a luxurious cart, and a beautiful cart, but it was not a fastcart.[3]

It was like watching one of those time lapsed films of insects devouring a dead animal, only in this case the insects were tiny fuzzballs and plus this animal; sorry person was not dead, at least not yet. Plus those videos are silent, there are no screams nor can you hear the sound of eating, it was as if hundreds of people were greedily eating celery. The dogpile of Tribbles slowed and then stopped, the gorged Tribbles burped and then settled. And then when it seemed it could get no weirder the pile began to shudder and make a sound like popcorn popping, teeny tiny like Tribbles then began flying out of the pile. The newborns rolled around disoriented like fluffy dandelion sized tumbleweeds and then once the violent birthing ceased they joined the rest of the group. And then as quickly as the fluffy aliens had appeared, they disappeared. Leaving a stunned Ayeka and Ryoko alone to stare in disbelief at an empty and out of control personal transport, which slowly drifted and spiraled down the hallway.

Ryoko spoke first, “I, ah; must confess. I kinda have mixed feelings about this one.” Ayeka did not answer for a while, but finally in a weary voice uttered, “Yeah, I can sympathize with that.” Still staring at where the feeding frenzy had taken place the princess added, “I think I am going to have nightmares about dust bunnies.”

[1]http://www.google.com/search?q=dekotora&hl=en&rlz=1T4ADFA_enUS365US365&prmd=ivns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=L7XxTb-iDsn40gHtveiFDA&ved=0CDwQsAQ&biw=1276&bih=867
[2] Trademark Hazbrow Toy Company Alpha Centari
[3] Really? Do I need to go here? :smiley:

#24

Over Tribbled waters

Part Four

“This is so humiliating,” the Princess muttered. Ryoko looked back a Ayeka, “Oh stop your complaining, a conga line is a great way to keep the guests entertained and to keep them away from where the guardians are using the Tribble-Crack[1] to lure the Tribbles into our trap.” Ayeka sniffed loudly, “Easy for you to say, you are in the front. You don’t have a pervy octogenarian trying to grab your ass every chance he gets.” Ryoko smiled, “Well the conga line was my idea so of course I get to lead it.” “What about on the island?” Ayeka asked.

“I think Spike and Vicious are having the guests doing a scavenger hunt to keep them out of the way.” The princess looked worried, and the pirate sighed, “Hey, your guardians will be fine. They are wood and have force fields; they will be safe playing pied piper with the wagons full of Tribble-Crack.” Ayeka squeaked and with a growl whirled around to yell at the man behind her in the conga line, “I swear by the Great Tree if you touch me there again I will flay the meat from your bones!” The man clutched at his chest and fell to the ground. Ryoko turned to admire Ayeka’s work, “Great going princess.” A woman whined, “Hey what kind of activity director are you anyways?” Ayeka waved her hands in front of her, “I, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Further back in the line protests started up, “I’m running out of oxygen, how much longer is this going to go on?” “My depends are full.” “I can’t straighten back up.”

Ryoko poked the fallen man with the tip of her boot, “Gee I hope you don’t have to give him mouth to mouth.”[2] Ayeka looked down at the man playing possum and gagged.

The team had gathered in the main bar, the Tribbles were eradicated and it was time to celebrate. The place was decorated like the interior of an underwater castle constructed from coral and shells, the lighting and myriad aquariums made it appear that they were indeed under the sea. Ryoko slammed down her drained ochoko with a satisfied, “AAAaaaahhhh.” And then raised her empty sake bottle and waved it around like a pennant to get the waitresses attention, Ayeka scowled at the pirate’s uncouth behavior. Vicious commented to the princess, “Your friend is not very ladylike.” “She is not a lady, nor is she my friend.” Satisfied that the mermaid dressed waitress had seen her Ryoko sat the empty bottle beside the other three dead soldiers, she looked at Spike and Vicious with blurry eyes and slurred, “Show wut happund to the Trubbles?”

The Red Dragon’s Enforcer looked at her over his brandy snifter, “Once gathered into the cargo hold they froze them using gasses from the reactors cooling system.” She stopped wolfing down fried meat nuggets and waved her hand a little too dramatically; “I know dat pot, what did dey do wit the Tribbles?”,Ayeka sighed and slyly slid her glass over so the drunken pirate wouldn’t knock it over with her wild gestures. Spike looked up from dipping his nugget in a sauce with his chopsticks, “They used them.”

“Indeed,” Vicious matter of factly stated, “The Tribbles had decimated the ships larder.”

“Larder?” Ryoko asked, crumbs flying from her mouth, “Washa larder?” Ayeka cringed at the sight uttering little ‘ew’ sounds. She grabbed a napkin and tentatively brushed the crumbs away from her spot as if they were radioactive.

Vicious drew a long breath and said as if addressing a child, ‘it is where food is stored.” Everyone looked at Ryoko to se if it had sunk in. She just popped another McNugget into her mouth and chewed. After a long moment she asked, “Show hugh are shaying dey used the Tribbles ash food?”

Vicious stabbed at his salad, “Yes.” Ayeka watched the pirate for a response, still nothing. She just popped another nugget into her mouth. Spike watched Vicious eat, “Lost your appetite for meat?” “After the events we witnessed meat has lost much of it’s allure, at least for a while…”

“Show wash Tribble taste like?”

Spike tossed a nugget into his mouth and chewed, his eyes looked up to his right and then to his left as he chewed. He swallowed, “Like chicken.”

Ryoko’s eyes went wide, she made gagging sounds as her face went different shades of green. And then yellow. And then bluish. Ayeka held a delicate hand over her mouth and chuckled, “What is the matter Ryoko? Having Tribble keeping your food down?”

[1] Tribble-Crack:

It was discovered that when a human body metabolized bengay, ocycotton, ED drugs and alcohol that it triggers an ancient gene in the Tribbles and drives them into a crazed feeding frenzy. So in order to create a lure the team designed Tribble-Crack. A compound which replicates the aroma of a human body metabolizing these ingredients.

[2] EEEEEeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!

#25

The Smirky Lips
Harry Dresden
Warden Morgan
John Spartan
Simon Phoenix

Excerpt from Chapter 1

All in all, it started off as a good plan.

The four of us were making good time. The sun was just starting to set as our “rides” hopped along the surface of the ocean, my giant seahorse galloping (yeah, they actually do that) with a merriment usually reserved for wildfae in Summer. Morgan’s dolphin spit a plume of water straight up in the air, or would have, had Morgan’s face not been in the way.

“Dresden, I will have your head for this…” his face twisted in an arrogant grimace, “this dark magic.”

"Hey, I said, “at least you don’t have to share.” Behind us, The Supercop and Blondie the Flat-topped Psychopath shared a ride on an enormous sea turtle. They were not amused.

Spartan snarled “how much longer?”

“I dunno, I’ve never done Aquamancy before.”

“Aquaman-cy…” The cop rolled his eyes in distaste.

“Hey, it could be worse, I could have turned us into icecubes and floated us across.” A rumble from the east told me a storm was coming, until I realized it was coming from Phoenix.

“I am so going to enjoy killing ya when this is over Mr. Wizard.”

Yeah, get in line, I thought. “Look, we’re almost there.” in the distance, as the last of the days light vanished, the cruise ship loomed ahead, dark…things awaiting us.

Oh, yeah, great plan.

Excerpt from Chapter 5

The lights blinked randomly all around as we looked over the dead body. I looked with my Sight and noticed the victim was empty. Completely empty.

Crap.

Morgan sensed it too. His knuckles turned white on the hilt of his sword. “Dresden…”

"I know…vampires.

Spartan gave me a level look. “Vampires.”

“Yep.”

“This is a vampire tribble.” He said, holding up a dead one.

“Do you see any blood, John Spartan?”

Excerpt from Chapter 8

On the shuffleboard deck, Spartan and Phoenix shot every Count Tribblula in sight, bickering the whole time. They really needed a room. Morgan and I had the entrance blocked, my shield bracelet holding back the bloodthirsty hordes of fuzzballs.

“Now long till dawn?” Simon shouted, his face not really matching up with all the frantic shooting, as if his body weren’t in control of his actions, as if he were possessed. Better not let Morgan see that.

“Yeah, about that…” I grimaced, debating if I should tell the truth. Why not. “See all that fur? I think it’s going to act as a sunscreen. And besides, I think they are only half vampire.”

Phoenix barked our a quick laugh. “Half-Vampires that can walk in the day? That’s just stupid!”

Excerpt from Chapter 15

…needed all my concentration if this was going to work. The sun was peeking out on the horizon, we were surrounded, and if this didn’t work, then thousands of vampire tribbles were going to pop into us like a CapriSun. Morgan was down, being fooled earlier in the night that a tribble was a Hostess snack cake. The tribble was locked on his neck, slowly draining him.

“Harry! No time!” Spartan yelled. At least that’s what I think he said. His enunciation, I noticed, was inversly proportional to his level of calm.

“Alright, here we go!” I warned. I called in the reserves of power all Wizards have, gritted my teeth, and cast the one spell that might save us.

“Fuego! Fuego Barbershoppus!!!” A wave of heat washed over the ship, blinding us all and knocking us all to the deck.

And…

It worked. Slowly, the hair on the vampire tribbles began to fall away in clumps, exposing their chitinous hides.

The morning sun did the rest. Apparently they were three fifths vampire.

“HA!” I screamed in triumph. Giddy, I started to sing “Good night La-dies, Good night…” No one else was joining in.

“Come on, there are four of us…gettit, barber…shop…”

Spartan shook his head, muttering “You are such a f***ing idiot.”

Down the hall, an intercom buzzed and spit out a piece of paper. I didn’t hear what it said.

…You’ll have to ask him.

#26

Team Jefe aka Team “Just Plain Bad”

“So, what’s the plan Jack?” The motorcycle asked.

Jack Austin shook his head. “I don’t know yet, Heat Vision. Once the sun comes up and my super-intelligence activates I’ll have a better idea. For now, we better form a basic strategy.”

Barrett Coldyron nodded. The rugged police scientist had a grim look that seemed to be the standard default setting of his face. “Genetics run amok. We already had man’s best friend, but then we went a step too far. A leap into the vast unknown. The island is overrun with our own hubris, perhaps we can defeat it with our own humility.”

Jack look perplexed. Heat Vision rolled backwards a foot or so, “I don’t think any of what he said makes sense.” R.O.T.O.R. only growled.

The fourth member of the team, the handsome bearded actor Ron Silver, leaned in and added, “That doesn’t matter. For now, I think it’s best we send our heavy hitters to attack and distract the tribbles while the rest of you rescue the vacationers. R.O.T.O.R. is a robot and therefore doesn’t need to breathe. He and I will jump off the boat north of the resort and make our way to the beach underwater. Austin, you take the boat and the rest of you make for the dock on the south side. Once the sun is up, formulate a plan for the rescue.”

“I get that the robot doesn’t need to breathe, but what about you?” the motorcycle asked. The actor turned to Heat Vision with a simple reply.

“I’m Ron Silver.”

The robot police officer strode from the ocean depths onto the beach. His gut sagged and his mustache dripped water. Behind him walked Ron Silver, suit dry and hair immaculate. They looked across a scene of devastation. Walkers and bloody jumpsuits lay strewn about, with random pacemakers and prosthetic hips scattered here and there, gnawed upon and rejected by the ravenous tribbles.

“Now where did these furry monsters go?” Ron wondered.

R.O.T.O.R. placed an arm in Ron’s path to block him and with his other hand, the robot lowered his sunglasses. In his machine eyes, the world changed to a negative image as he activated his most potent tracking ability. The words “SENSOR RECALL” flashed across his vision and time itself rewound to show the previous events. The robot calmly took the carnage in and saw as the tribbles scurried off in the direction of the resort. As his vision switched back to normal mode, the words “Violation: Littering” appeared. R.O.T.O.R. growled, lifted his shades back into place and pointed.

“Nice work,” Ron said patting the robot on the shoulder. “Once this is all done, I might use you in tracking down Jack Austin if he decides to go renegade astronaut again.”

The pair proceeded after the tribbles.

After watching Ron Silver gracefully dive into the ocean waters, followed by the robot tumbling after, Jack Austin piloted the boat toward the resort docks. The sun was just edging up over the horizon. He hoped that the helpless vacationers had managed to find safe places to hide overnight.

“The sun sure is beautiful here in the Carribean,” Heat Vision commented as he rolled up beside his friend.

Coldyron joined them, a beer in one hand and a grapefruit in the other. “It truly is. The warm summer wind tousling your hair as you bob through the cresting waves and the sun paints a multi-colored impressionist’s view of heaven on the horizon.”

Just then, the sun broke fully into the sky filling Jack with its power. His mind flashed full of images, theorems and the knowledge of the world. It was a painful process and the astronaut clenched his teeth until it passed. When he relaxed and opened his eyes, he spoke emphatically. “I … know … EVERYTHING!”

He turned to his allies. “Now, here’s the plan.”

Ron Silver appreciated the machine’s capacity for destruction. Sure, it had all the grace of a drunk elephant, but it seemed to have a knack for killing. The unexplainable sensor recall ability allowed them to unerringly track their prey. Together, the two of them found any rogue tribbles and shot, burned or smashed them to death.

It seemed as if they were done when a large figure approached them. It wore the hulking form of a well-muscled resort trainer, but its skin roiled and buckled with movement underneath. In places the skin was ripped and fur could be seen beneath glistening with blood. The remaining tribbles had hollowed out the resort staff and were animating them to attack. The monstrous thing was joined by two others, a bartender and a lifeguard.

The bartender pulled a switchblade. The lifeguard shouted a loud “Kii-yaah” and assumed a kung fu stance. The trainer tore the shirt from his torso and flexed menacingly.

As R.O.T.O.R. moved to engage them, his foot tripped over an electrical wire and short circuited the nearby loudspeaker system. A loud whine screeched out of the loudspeaker and the robot screamed, dropping his weapon and covering his ears.

“You can’t be serious,” Ron muttered. Seeing his companion out of the picture, Ron glanced at the approaching enemies and knew he was alone. The monsters moved ever closer and the actor stood his ground, nonplussed, and straightened his tie.

Heat Vision was busy driving rescued vacationers from the resort back to the ocean linier. Jack and Coldyron had entered the resort after soaking their socks in ammonia, which Jack’s super-intelligence had told them would repel the tribbles. It also told him the exact layout of the resort, so they knew where people might be hiding.

They had run into trouble once or twice, as random carnivorous tribbles found them. Coldyron revealed a surprise. As he stepped forward and slashed with his boot spurs a loud crack-pop echoed the hallways and the smell of ozone filled the air. Jack grinned. “Nice. Boot tasers?”

Coldyron grimaced, his only expression. “Not unlike Edison and Tesla before, I have walked the ways of the alternating and direct currents. We harness elemental forces to do our bidding. Have I harnessed it for good or will historians revile me as a villain? Only time will tell.”

Jack nodded, “Riiiight. At least it works.”

“Yep,” Coldyron replied. “Makes ‘em jitter like a junebug on a hot plate.”

The team finally met up, having dispatched all the tribbles. The last of the vacationers were being rounded up. A man ran screaming toward the group, his mind gone from the evening of terror. R.O.T.O.R. moved to intercept the man, his voice muttering like a broken drive-through speaker, “Violation: Not moving in an orderly conduct.” He grabbed the man by the throat and began to throttle the life from him.

Jack backed away, his super-intelligence telling him he would be of no use against the machine. Coldyron only watched, saying, “I’ve become a modern Frankenstein, giving life to where perhaps …”

“Oh, shut up,” Ron snapped walking over to the robot. With one hand, he grabbed the robot’s arm and squeezed it until it released the victim. The other hand he put on R.O.T.O.R.’s shoulder and forced the machine to its knees. He looked to the vacationer and said, “Please make your way calmly to the boat. Tell them I’m having an old friend flown in from Belgium and we’ll be re-enacting a scene from my classic film Timecop for their entertainment tonight.”

The man stammered, regaining his breath. He looked from the fat, psychotic death machine to the handsome actor and asked, “But … how, how did you stop that thing?”

The actor only smiled. “I’m Ron Silver.”


(click on picture for larger image)

For anyone unfamiliar with R.O.T.O.R. or Heat Vision and Jack here are a couple of links to trailers on youtube:

R.O.T.O.R. Trailer
Another R.O.T.O.R. clip showing the inane dialogue.

Heat Vision and Jack Trailer
Heat Vision and Jack Title Sequence

These should at least give a feel for the two. You can actually find the movie on Netflix and the entire show on Youtube if anyone enjoys bad movies/tv shows.

#27

Team Past & Future, goooooo!!!

Zapp Brannigan stood on the white sandy shores of our unnamed Caribbean island. "We shall wipe out this new enemy with a barrage from the flagship Nimbus, unleashing a wrath unseen since my conquest of the pacifists of the Ghandi Nebula. Kiff, prepare the shuttle!”

“But we can’t harm them, they’re so cute!” Leela interjected. She knelt down and stuck her finger out at the closes tribble, which was perhaps It began to inch closer.

“Also, there people here,” added Meriadoc.

Meanwhile, the Witch-King of Angmar had set out to build a pile of wood for a great fire, and found himself a pot to fit atop the pile. With a strike of his sword against his plate boot, a spark leaped onto the wood and ignited it in green flame. Meriadoc used the fire to light his pipe.

Leela wriggled her finger at the fast-approaching tribble. “There ya go, come here little one.” As it reached her, it climbed onto her hand and set upon eating the finger which had beckoned it. “Ouch!” Leela yelped. “It bit me!” She tossed it onto the beach, and saw it begin to make its way toward Meriadoc.

“Do you think it’s ever not hungry? I might like these little guys if they had better taste,” Meriadoc said, backing away from the tribble slowly.

“Quickly, Merry!” shouted Zapp, “Bring me a pistol!”

“We haven’t got any pistols,” Merry rummaged through his bag. “Will this do?” he asked, holding out a small, glowing sword.

“That will do just fine!” Leela said, grabbing the sword. She quickly set to hacking away at the tribbles which had slowly begin to surround them.“Hiiii-ya!”

While Leela hacked away and Merry tried stomping on tribbles, the Witch-King was melting whatever metal he could find into his pot. He stood over it and hissed in his terrible voice, “ângh-ash nazg, ‘âdhn-aaps amul âlai ash-âvul akrum agh krimp-ulûk snaga,’ ângh-ash nazg.”

“Yes, cloaked demon thing! Ward us against these invaders!” Zapp yelled to the Nazgûl Lord. He was perched atop a barrel, tugging at his extremely manly kilt-thing.

Reaching his gauntlet into the pot of molten metal, the Witch-King shrieked, bringing the fight to an utter halt. He reached out from his cauldron a pile of small, tiny rings, with the blazing inscription âdhn-aaps amul âlai ash-âvul akrum agh krimp-ulûk snaga. One by one, he covered the rings in blood and set them onto the ground before the tribbles.

“What the hell is he doing?!” Leela yelled whilst hacking the foul mini-beasts.

“You don’t want to know, and neither do I!” replied Merry.

Slowly the tribbles approached the rings and began eating them. Each tribble which consumed a ring turned black and stopped in its tracks. The Ringwraith drew his sword and pointed it toward the island’s interior. The black tribbles began to move steadily and with purpose in that direction, turning upon their fellow tribbles. They could not be sated, as they sucked their out of their fellow tribbles like a plague of wights.

As the black tribbles marched upon the island in the Nazgul’s name, Leela’s cries could be heard from throughout the island, “Hiiiii-ya!” with every slice of her glowing sword. By day’s end, Merry’s feet were gnawed upon to soreness, but his hobbit hide was too thick for the tribbles to chew through.

“With overwhelming force comes inevitable victory. I hereby claim this island in the name of the Democratic Order of Planets!” Zapp stood triumphant upon the dock.

P.S., âdhn-aaps amul âlai ash-âvul akrum agh krimp-ulûk snaga translates roughly into the Black Speech of Mordor as “Abandon meat, calm animal, and begin air to drink, bind to me as slaves.”

#28

I see what you did there. 8P

#29

Jimmy: “Thank you Dr. O’hara for teaching us how to avoid arguing so much.”

Cindy: “Just as long as Nerdtron doesn’t ruin this cruise by pulling out one of his fatally flawed inventions, we could be friends.”

Jimmy: “Glad you mentioned that Cindy.”

       [i]Meanwhile Kakashi and Gai had begun a thumb war competition in the corner of the room.[/i]

      "We haven't been able to participate in many of the activities on the ship due to our age. In answer to that dilemma I give you my Temporal Acceleration Gun. It will age us both physically and mentally. I promise it works."

Cindy: “Wait just a second Neutron!”

       [i]As Jimmy pulled the trigger some sparks shot out the end of the gun and it began to smoke. Jimmy began banging it on the desk when it made a loud "POP" and he dropped it. The gun hit the floor and a green energy field enveloped Jimmy Cindy and a small Tribble the doctor had on his desk. 

           When the field disappeared Kakashi and Gai were looking at them in shock (they were adults know and their clothes were ripped "Hulk style" from the amount of growth that just occurred). Suddenly Dr. O'hara let out a scream and it wasn't the kind they had all come to know and love. ;) As soon as they started moving towards the doctor to help, the Tribble leap off through a porthole and down the deck. It had eaten a sizable chunk of flesh off his right side. He began to fall but in a flash Gai had caught him and was laying him on the couch while Cindy grabbed a first aid kit and began doing what she could for him.[/i]

Kakashi: “What was that thing?”

Jimmy: “Judging by our appearance we have aged about 15 years. That would be 1000’s of generations for a Tribble and in that much time it must have evolved a desire for the flesh…I know I have.”

Jimmy was looking at Cindy in a way he never had before and suddenly had to “adjust” himself. As soon as he did she looked at him with a sarcastic smile.

Cindy: “What’s wrong with you.” Jimmy began to blush.

Gai: “He is filled with the Passion of Youth!” :groucho:

Suddenly a horn blew and the Captain announced that it was now okay for the passengers to go to shore.

Kakashi: “We have to act fast, there could be 100’s of these Tribbles before the Orgy at the Beach party tonight. This many people out in the open wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Gai: “How will we find them all? They are so small they can hide almost anywhere and it would be dangerous to use our jutsu’s with so many people around.”

Cindy: “Whatever we decide, can we use Jimmy as bait?”

Jimmy: “Brain Blast! I brought some nanobots with me. They are programmed to break down the plaque on my teeth so I don’t need to brush. I can reprogram them to actually break down teeth which will render the Tribbles harmless.”

Kakashi: “How will these nanobots tell the difference between human teeth and Tribble teeth?”

Jimmy: “Well…they wouldn’t. They could replace them if they had more energy but I can only recharge them back at my lab.”

Cindy: "I knew it was to good to be true. That would also be a disaster, what kind of fun could we possibly have without teeth?

[i]All three guys looked at each other with knowing looks and simultaneously shouted, “Toothless Orgy!!!”

Dr. O’hara was in too much pain to talk but, struggling, gave two thumbs up at there exclamation.

The plan was a success! Casualties were few, orgies were many. Without teeth the Tribbles became furry suction cups. The full details of that night aren’t clear.[/i]

#30

Security Chief Odo’s personal log. Made by request of Captain Benjamin Sisko.

Stardate: 64905.9

The Captain asked me to make a log detailing my time spent enrolled on this ‘group therapy session.’ To be frank I feel rather foolish, but I shall try to document the events as best I can. 

Quark, as can only be expected, has been insufferable. The entire shuttle ride to Earth he hasn’t lifted a finger. In fact one night, upon returning to my bucket, I found not only a heap of those gaudy Risean shirts he always wears when off the station but also several pairs of his garish underpants. I had half a mind to simply revert to my gelatinous form there and then and see what that did to the material, but I would, of course, never be that petty. I simply upended my bucket and emptied it of the garments. To my astonishment though, nestled at the bottom of the bucket appeared to be a tribble. Of course I’m well aware of the trouble which even a single unchecked tribble could cause so I scooped him out of the bucket and confronted Quark with it.

At first the Ferengi feigned ignorance but I got the truth out of him eventually. He’d tranquilized the thing and was hoping to sell it on the black market to a Klingon fur trader, he really is a despicable creature sometimes… most of the time. The tranquilizer, he said, would last approximately three days, if we couldn’t find a suitable home for it before then we would have to get rid of it some other way.

Log entry 2:

Stardate: 64908.7

Today we arrived on Earth, Quark had gotten it into his head that he wanted to see some Street of Walls, never thought that he was one for architecture. Perhaps there is more to the Ferengi than I give him credit for. Hmph*, it was probably a ploy to get out from under me and cause some sort of mischief.

The only other thing, of note, which happened today was that we met the other half of our team and our first briefing. Our first ‘activity for promoting togetherness’ regards an infestation of a cruise ship with flesh eating tribbles. On the subject of our other team-mates, well,  they’re not Quark which counts in their favour, heh, but I cannot quite tell what exactly they are. They are both spheres, one with a blue ‘eye’ and a garrulous disposition, the other with a yellow eye who is much more acerbic and, frankly, quite attractive. The blue called himself Wheatley and named the other Glados, she merely made some abusive remarks about the three of us.

We leave for the ship, ‘The Orgy of the Seas’ tomorrow.

Log entry 3:

Stardate: 64913.3

As instructed by our ‘teamwork representatives’ we spent a good part of this morning brainstorming team name. Glados and I abstained from the proceedings leaving Quark and Wheatley to debate the matter. We instead went to get a Raktajino together. Well I say together, she sat there and watched me imbibe liquid which was technically a part of me from a mug which was also made from the same matter as that of my body. Needless to say it was awkward. Upon returning to the brainstorming session we saw Quark and Wheatley arguing with one of the representatives. Quark couldn’t for the life of him work out how our team had become ‘Wheatley’s Wonders’ when the only proponent of that name couldn’t actually move of his own volition. Considering the alternative, Quarks Qrusaders, I’m glad that the ball won out.

We were dropped off by the staff roughly half a mile away from the cruise liner itself, as soon as we were off the bus we began to plan. Quark didn’t contribute to the practical aspect of what we were going but he did suggest we charge for our services, I soon set him straight on that. Glados was a proponent of releasing deadly neurotoxin onto the island, when I gently informed her that would kill all of the passengers and that we didn’t have any neurotoxin she seemed very put out, I’ll have to make it up to her later. It was at this point that Wheatley suggested that we try a tactic used by the ancient Greeks. “A big wooden horse, full of… well us I suppose, that’s what we need. We roll it over there, leave it where they can’t fail to notice it and, when they drag it in… BAM!” I was about to interject when he continued, “of course, we’d need a Sinon to convince them to take it in… Odo, you’re a shapeshifter, d’you think you could turn into a shifty Greek man and convince the tribbles to haul a gigantic wooden horse onto the ship?” At this point I was bewildered, giant wooden horses? But he was still talking, apparently it was ludicrous for me to be an undercover tribble because, of course, I’d have to be the horse. 

Thankfully Glados shut him up, “Idiot,” she said, perhaps a little too coldly, he did mean well, “Just because you’ve read the entire human literary canon doesn’t mean you can just rip ideas wholesale out of it. Even the humans weren’t stupid enough to use that trick twice.” Then she looked, or rolled, over at me. But again before I could speak I was interrupted by Wheatley, he seemed hurt at having his intelligece insulted, and told us as much. Then a panel popped open on his, well body I suppose, the tribble from the runabout popped out, “See, I thought ahead and brought one along to study.” He was pleased with himself but Quark and I knew the trouble we were in. Quark actually leapt on top of the thing and lay there, at least until it started nibbling at his horrible shirt. He leapt back up equally as quickly, holding the tribble firmly now, and looked around at me, a leer spreading across his face which I recognized only too well. “Odo,” he said, smirking “I have a plan.” As part of Quarks plan I had to suffer the ignominy of turning into a speedboat and having the other three clamber inside me, although the thought of Glados riding me didn’t upset me as much as the other two. When we were close enough Quark, with the tribble clamped between his teeth leapt onto the side of the boat. When he was close enough to the top he dropped the creature over the side and drove me away.

Our normal tribble ended up eating every last one of the flesh eating variety, the more violent kind were obviously not interested in the ball of hair we’d dropped into their midst. The passengers, having ascertained the new tribbles had stopped gnawing at them, were soothed and comforted by the original tribble and his/her growing family. In all our first mission as a team was a success.

End of log.

*the hmph is supposed to denote Odo’s odd little half harumph half laugh thing he does when he’s amused but disgruntled, which is most of the time.

I thing this might be quarter an hour past the deadline but I’m running on GMT over here so I’m not sure.

#31

The team has been given a submarine a way to transport themselves carefully to the situation undetected. They are all standing around a map of the cruise ship and the island.
Scott: “Aahhh!! This sucks! Why would they send me to fight flesh eating creatures!”
Todd: “I thought you were a great fighter.”
Scott: “I can’t punch anything furry.”
Adama: “These are flesh eating monsters, don’t think of them as your pets.”
Scott whimper
Larry stands silently, red eye shifting back and forth.
Todd: “I’m a god damn rock star, why do I need to help these losers out.”
Scott: “You said you were going to help! Don’t vegan your way out of this!!”
Todd stares at Scott.
Todd: “Dude, you just said you wanted out.”
Adama, speaks softly while looking at the map. “If you help these people out, there are going to be a lot of great full people on that curse line.” He looks directly at Todd. “The Orgy of the Seas. Think about it.” Adama said without a hint of smile.
Todd: “I’m in.”
Adama: “If we can get on board, our toaster friend here should be able get rid of the tribbles. Flesh eating creatures can’t do much against metal.”
Larry: “I’ll drive this time. Meatbags.”
…
The sub silently glides towards the cruise liner. Inside, Scott is intently watch the sonar, while Larry drives. Adama is in the middle of the bridge, holding an old style phone upside down to speak through the intercom. Todd is sitting in the back, strumming on his Bass.
Adama: “Anything on Dradis?”
Scott: “It’s called Sonar. And I’m right here, you don’t need to use the intercom!”
Adama: [still on the intercom] “Looks quiet. Too quiet. There might be an ambush. Set condition 1 throughout the fleet- err… ship.”
Larry: “Maybe the battle is actually over, and no one told us. Ever think about that. meatbag?”
…
The sub pulls up to the gigantic cruise liner. Adama, Todd and Scott open the hatch on the top of the sup and look out.
Adama: “We need a way to get on board. “
Todd: “We are obviously too low. How are we supposed to get up on deck?”
Adama: “Can we climb up the side?”
Scott: “Wait a minute, this is like in the X-Men movie! Like when they have to get up the torch of the Statue of Liberty?”
Todd and Adama glare at him.
Scott: “Todd, use your super physic powers or whatever to throw us up there.”
Todd: “It doesn’t work like that. I’d have to guide you almost straight up. From that height the fall would kill you.”
There is a moment of silence, then all three look at Larry.
Larry: “Because I’ve always wanted a career as landing gear.”

Scott takes the controls, while Larry tries to squeeze through the hatch on the top of the sub. After several awkward minutes of Larry smashing his head on the hatch, he finally gets out. Adama grabs on Larry’s back and climbs on top of his head.
Larry: “You guys, I can’t even see with this meatbag’s ass in my face. Now, I have to smash into the ship…”
With Larry still complaining, Todd’s eyes start to emit a white light, and his hair stands up. A bright flash of energy shoots out of Todd’s hands, and throws Larry and a clinging Adama high into the sky. Todd hops back into the sub and closes the hatch before Larry and Adama are even done accelerating.

There is a stomach turning moment after being flung into the air by a Vegan when your upwards acceleration stops and you begin to fall. It was at this moment, Adama began to realize that Cylon Centurions were not the most aerodynamic of machines. “Try to aim for that swimming pool on the deck!” Adama yelled. “I can’t aim at anything. Maybe you should have picked my friend Bob the Heavy Raider. He could just fly down there.”
“Frak”, Adama cursed under his breath.
“Maybe if some meatbag hadn’t trashed my ride a few weeks ago, I could have flown us all down. I had just washed that thing too. Anyhoo, there is no way…”
The deck of the cruse liner was rushing up to them at an alarming rate, Adama shielded his head as they raced towards the deck…
And crashed right through it.
And crashed right through the next.
The fourth deck finally stopped them. Larry’s feet and legs were dug several meters into the floor. Adama squinted his eyes and could see they were in an empty suite. He hopped off of Larry’s head.
Adama: “You still working toaster?”
Larry made a few low noises for a minute before resuming the normal Voot Voot of his eye. He nodded at Adama. Larry braced his arms against the floor and forced his legs out of the gigantic hole he made in the ground. As he steps out, three tribbles jump out of the hole! Adama grabs his side arm, and in one shot each bull’s-eyes each.
Adama: “Let’s get the frak out of here.”
He and Larry barge into the hallway.
Tribbles start pouring into the hallway from all the room. They cooing is overwhelming. Adama opens fire, and starts shooting the tribbles, but there are too many.
Adama: “Shoot them you stupid toaster!”
Larry: “Now he tells me to bring a gun.”
Adama: “You’re a robot solider, and you don’t bring a gun!? What the Frak is wrong with you!.”
Larry: “Maybe the guns should be built in. I’ll keep that in mind for the future.”
Adama spots an emergency rescue kit on the wall. He tosses his sidearm to Larry.
Adama: “Cover me!”
Adama races towards the kit and opens it up.
Adama: “Life vest, radio, flare gun… here it is!”
Adama pulls out from the rescue kit… a flashlight. Just then a tribble comes up from behind. Adama whips around, and squishes the tribble with the flashlight.
If Larry had eyes, he would have rolled them.
Adama: “Lets fall back.”
…
Meanwhile back on the sub.
Todd: “I’m tired of waiting. We are supposed to keep the survivors entertained, I’m going over there.”
Todd opens the sub hatch and levitates up and out of the hatch. Scott grabs onto his leg and is dragged along.
Scott: “Wait, you can fly?”
Todd: “Yeah, I really just wanted those others guys out of here to be honest.”
Scott looks down at the rapidly shrinking ground. “Heh.”

Scott and Todd arrive on deck and see in the haste of the tribble attack, whatever cheap entertainment had been in progress hadn’t been taken down. Luckily for Scott and Todd, it had been a band. Todd walks over to the microphone.
Todd [into the microphone]: “Uh… check, check.”
Scott: “What are you doing?”
Todd: “A sound check.”
Scott: “What?”
Todd: “You know, a sound check. Like, before you play. To make sure the levels are right…”
Scott looks at him blankly.
Todd facepalms. “No wonder your band suck.” He says.

Larry and Adama have closed themselves off from the tribble hoard, trying to figure out a way to destroy them all. They’re one gun is running low on ammo. The tribbles are gnawing on the door, trying to break in.
Larry: “We could sink the boat. That would kill all the furry little meatbags.”
Adama: “You fraking toaster, that will kill everyone on board, might as well launch into space and nuke it from orbit if we are going to do that.”
Larry: “Good plan, I’ll keep that in mind for the future.”
Suddenly, the tribbles stop trying to break into the door, and run off.
Adama: “Where did they go?”
They hear what sounds like… rock music?
Larry and Adama make their way out of the little room. The tribbles are continuing to scurry away towards the lower decks.
Larry and Adama go in the opposite direction and follow the music. On deck, a crowd has gathered around the stage where Scott and Todd are playing.
Adama runs up on stage to talk to Scott.
Adama: “It worked! The music is scaring the tribbles to the lower decks!”
Scott: “What!?”
Adama: “That’s why you came here, right?”
Scott shrugs.
Adama: “We need to keep this party going until we can get these people out of here. After that we can nuke this place from orbit. Larry, see if you can get up to the bridge and get this thing moving.”
Adama heads to the audio equipment and turns the volume up to 11. The boat lurched as it started to move.
Adama: “The toaster came through! No we just have keep this up for… he looked at his watch and did some quick calculations… 3 days.”
Todd: “That was just the opening. Lets start a real act and I could go for a week.”
Scott: “Sweet! Let’s do it!”
…
The levels have been adjusted, the crowd is ready.
Larry: “We are the Tribble Exterminators.”
For a moment the only sound in the room is the sound on deck is Larry’s red eye sliding back and forth.
Larry: “Are you ready to rock.”
The crowd is silent.
“Say it!!” someone in the back yells.
Larry: “Meatbags.”
A huge roar erupts from the crowd.
Scott and Todd start to play. Larry starts up on vocals. In the back Adama, still in his flight suit puts a set of large headphones, and starts to spin the tables…

The ship speeds of at ludicrous speed…

Next week: The entire thing told as Larry’s video blog!

#32

Team Freaky Fabulous (recap, since I have yet to redo my banner):

Megan “Pixie” Gwynn: heroic teenaged flying mutant
Illyana “Darkchild” Rasputin: currently evil partially demonic returned-from-the-dead-kind-of mutant
Frau “That One Witch” Totenkinder: morally ambiguous fairytale witch
Baba “That Other Witch” Yaga: openly evil fairytale witch, one-eyed and magic-drained, both Frau Totenkinder’s doing

Step 1: Send Megan to teleport in and rescue Frau Totenkinder from the Massace of the Elderly, since (appearing quite elderly herself) that’s where the little old lady has been hanging out.
-1A: Megan discovers that Frau Totenkinder has quite handily taken care of herself by creating a meatshield of octogenarians and is calmly knitting in the middle, awaiting extraction.
-1B: Megan wonders why she is the only non-sociopath on the team.

Step 2: As she is still having her powers drained away by the good Frau every morning and also will most likely turn on the team at a moment’s notice, Illyana takes Baba Yaga in for scouting potential tribble diversion points.
-2A: While conversing, they discover a mutual dislike of Frau Totenkinder’s know-it-all attitude and Megan’s inability to shut up.
-2B: The possibility of directing the tribbles at Frau Totenkinder and Megan is brought up, but quickly discarded–one is too powerful, the other too fast. (Baba Yaga is really pushing for it, though.)

Step 3: Megan thinks Frau Totenknder should take charge since she’s, like,seriously the smartest one here even if she’s really scary but it’s probably better than having either of the others in charge and yes, thank you, Megan.
-3A: Baba Yaga throws a tribble at Megan, but it doesn’t hit because one eye equals very bad depth perception.
-3B: Illyana curses them all for useless and decides to take charge, and offers to teleport the tribbles to Limbo, where they will be used to feed and strengthen her demon minions.
-3C: Megan objects vehemently on account of Limbo sucks and there’s no need to get demons involved, why doesn’t she just see if her hallucinogenic pixie dust works on them instead and they can just put them in cold storage or something while they’re peacefully hallucinating happy things.
-3C: Baba Yaga demands that Frau Totenkinder magic her up a flamethrower, you vile thief, if you’re not going to do anything useful.
-3D: Frau Totenkinder knits.

Step 4: Megan gets outvoted re: teleporting the tribbles, because they need to do something fast, you stupid girl, do you really want them to eat more innocent people?
-4A: For safety’s sake, Megan flies Illyana over the hoarde of tribbles while Baba Yaga acts as bait.
-4B: More properly, Baba Yaga is using hapless tourists as bait/human shields.
-4C: Frau Totenkinder supervises from a safe distance, knitting needles making that clacking noise you know they always make.

Step 5: Once in Limbo, the rounded-up tribbles make an entertaining and nutritious meal for all the Limbo demons they don’t eat, and prune the weaker ones! This works out well.

Step 6: Since a fun time is indeed a requirement, a somewhat dispirited Megan is launched out over the tourists to make them hallucinate fun and happy things.
-6A: Baba Yaga is not recalled from using tourists as human shields, since she was plainly planning to backstab them while they were celebrating.
-6B: Frau Totenkinder knew they could do it without her help, you silly children. Oh, keep Baba Yaga away from her, she’s getting huggy.

#33

Team 3000

Flexo/Bender
Farnsworth/Wernstrom

Bender puffed happily on his cigar. “Y’know, I don’t really see what the big deal is. A few less meatbags around takin’ up space.”

“You’re right Bender. Lousy stinking humans, who needs them!” Flexo interjected. “Nah, I’m just kidding ya, I love humans!”

“Quiet you two! I’m inventing over here!” Farnsworth snapped at the two robots as he turned away from his project. “We will fight these tribbles just as humans were fabled to eat the mythical beasts known as ‘cows’ that lived on Earth ages ago. We will eat them before they can eat us!” he turned back to his work bench and resumed tinkering.

“I still don’t think they’re so bad professor. I think they are kinda cute.” Bender held a tribble in his hands, the little furball snapping at him. “Awww look, he thinks I’m people. I think I’ll call him ‘Kill All Humans.”

“At last it is complete!” The professor turned away from the table to unveil his latest creation. It was a four wheeled robot the size of a riding lawnmower. Adorning the front of it was a large nose with a set of large jaws beneath it. “Sniff n’ Kill! Using the scent from your pet Bender, this machine will roam the island, sniffing out any tribbles. It will then chew them up and recycle them into delicious meals! Such as this tribble buger I made just now!” The professor picked up a plate with the sandwich on it and took a bite out of it. “Mmmm, tastes like chicken.”

“Hah! Do you really think that stupid thing will wipe out the beasts on this island?”

The professor clenched his fist, shaking it in the air. “Wernstrom!”

The younger man smiled at him. “Your killing machine is no match for my cutting machine! Meet the Suck n’ Cut!” He unveiled a machine approximately the size of Farnsworth’s, although this one was dominated by a large vacuum at the front. “It sucks in any tribble it finds with its scanners. Then shave all of the hair off of them. Without the protection of that hair they will be vulnerable to the bright sunlight on this island and be burnt to a crisp! Not to mention making fur coats from all of that tribble fur.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! Do you think the tourists are going to like seeing a bunch of cooked tribbles laying around?”

Bender perked up. “Tourists? Nobody said anything about tourists! They are the biggest suckers on the planet.” Bender rubbed his chin as he petted the tribble in his lap. “Me thinks we can use this opportunity to our advantage Flexo. How do you feel about entertaining?”

“I hate it! I have no talent at all! “Nah, I’m just kidding, I love entertaining!”

The two mad scientists unleash their death machines on the island. The machines end up working well in tandem with each other. The Sniff n’ Kill sniffs them out, chasing them until they are sucked up by the Suck n’ Cut. Once shaved the tribbles move slower in the direct sunlight and are soon turned into tribble burgers, sandwiches and roasts that are served to the tourists, saving the Royal Party Time Cruise company money on food costs.

Bender and Flexo put on a series of Folk music concerts with Bender calling upon his experience with Beck to help out. The shows also include a series of tribble pet tricks from Bender’s new pet Kill All Humans. The tricks consist of threatening to let the tribble eat people if they don’t pay for the shows. Between this and various acts of thievery by Bender leaves him with a tidy little profit. The tourists are mollified with free gifts of exquisite and rare tribble fur coats.

#34

This is the deadline. Thank you everyone for your submissions!

#35

Poor Solai.

giggle

I want that on a T-shirt.

I was on the edge of my seat reading through these. Impressive. Well done.

giggle

You did a wonderful job capturing the subtle differences with the characters. Nicely done, Operator.

You did an audio version. Too frakkin OSSIM!!

Well done. I could hear the characters speak.

WHOA /Neo
Totally not what I expected. Nicely played, Cas.

I love that Threepio saves the day. Brilliant.

What a light show!!

I love Mel. I love Varys’ internal voice comments, also. Well done.

Oh. My. Crom. When is the book tour?

Blue hands shiver

BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Tribble. Tasty tribble.

Speaking of nailed. You nailed the Hammer!! Um…yeah…what I mean to say is you nailed the character…Um…that didn’t sound right either…anyway…Great job, Thot.

That is all kinds of bad-ass!

:eek: Oh. My. /Takei

I love your use of the log to tell the story.

Bow chica wa wa

I <3 Larry.

Poor tribbles. Almost everyone chose to roast them or serve them up. Well done, Sithwitch.

I frakkin love Bender. Well done.

#36

Callmeace, I really like your innovative use of Odo’s log as a storytelling device! It really brings through his voice and is still a format in which many direct quotes would appear naturally. Nicely done!

Sadly, I had a crazyassbusy week and didn’t get to spend any time on the forums or write up a solution for the first FSL challenge. I even had a solution half mapped out. But I’ve decided to save the basic elements and my energy to make this week’s entry legend…wait for it…dary.

#37

The tragic tale of the Orgy Badge.

The agent sat down in the room. Looking around to the all those seated in the drab whit brick room the soft click from the recorder was the only sound in the room. “The date is June 13 2011 for the record i am agent Garfunkel I will be conducting the debriefing, for last week’s unfortunate incident. Present we have Dean Winchester, Anya Jenkins, Crowley… what is your last name?”

“just call me Crowley “ the demon responded

“and two bunnies’ the agent continued, rolling his eyes,

“They have names” Dean insisted,

“i really don’t care.” The agent answeredDean started off,

“Look fist of all it may sound fun to have to gank twenty two thousands tribbles. Sure you get to punt a few, but they’re cute and they make that little purring noise… well it just gets to you know…

Anya smiled “well personally have no problem with killing them. I mean there just two steps away from bunnies, there not as bad because of not having the teeth… God I hate bunny teeth. Now that i think about it how were they eating flesh without teeth?”

“There was teeth sweetheart” Dean said “

and you let me go in, for god sakes they practically were bunnies thousands of bunnies with their teeth”, Anya went pale. 2 small bunnies hopped on the table, one wiggled its nose and lazily hops off onto the chair… the door slammed as Anya bolted from the room.:

”You ask me it should have been easy” Crowley interrupted the silence. “i go in, i get little miss sunshine over there” he said looking to dean “or Anya if dean won’t ball up, make a deal. I get a soul we all get a vacation in the Caribbean. all done.”

“ just tell it like it happened.” Anya said through the door.

“Fine” Crowley said “So we needed boat right, you would think it would be easy considering but it wasn’t, Dean over there decided that we should take a speedboat,

“it was red” Dean said with smile we were gonna listen to white snake on it .”

“and than our misses decided that it was too much money.”

“it was Anya’s muted voice from outside the door protested,

“i figure ex vengeance demon, crossroads demon, just appear and scare the more nubile locals enough to have them worship us like gods. Accept for dippy over there“

I’ll gank you right now” dean Started

“ is that code for something darling, cause you know…” he winked

“just shut up” Anya said coming back into the room. Her eyes never leaving the rabbits,

“Fair enough let the lady continue,” Crowley said

“Teleporting is a privilege I’m just saying” she said, “How we got the boat doesn’t matter.

“I beg your pardon but that was the best part of the whole thing… Crowley said

“I’m telling the story” Anya said but both dean and Crowley protested but her glare silencing them. “So anyways were about to boards the ship from the rear,” dean and Crowley snickered, one of the bunnies ears perk up. Looking at her

“Let me” Dean said, “So where were we, right steeling the speed boat.” He started to laugh again “That was the single most bad ass thing i have ever done.” Dean said

“ Back in the day we used to call it the pulling an uss pinafore. Crowley interrupted. “And the look on the ambassadors face and when he said please take my wife but leave the cantaloupe” Crowley dissolved into laughter, dean losing it, a second later.

“Gentlemen” the agent said neutrally. Dean regained composure

“okay, okay but we had to get to business. I have never really had to kill anything like little fleshing eating stuffed animals before. I mean that giant one, that one time; but he just liked porn and he kind of offed himself before we got a chance…” Anya, Crowley and the agent stared at him in disbelief, “What some times my life gets a little weird. Did i ever tell you the story about me and nipples the fairy.” Three more disbelieving stares “like your normal. you used to date a troll and chuckles over there frenched bobby.”

“, At least he had a big hammer.” Anya said “im not ashamed.”

“ All things considered bobby was pretty good.” Crowley, answered but we digress”

“A lot” the agent mumbled, Crowley frowned at the comment

“So on to the killing” he continued, “there was about 6 thousand to kill on the boat, easy enough really. “I was gonna just burn the boat to the ground and drowned them but, Gloria and the meathead over there wanted to check for anyone left alive.”

“Well we had to try” Dean said

“Yeah i’m so very proud” Crowley said shaking his head “so how did that turn out anyway?”

“shut up” Dean said crossing his arms and looking away. Crowley continuing.

“So that’s how the fire spread from the ship and burned down the island.” The agent looked up

“Wait fire?”

“Oh yes a dishonest mistake,” Crowley answered with a smirk. Anya and dean glaring at him, “a slight miscalculation on my part…”

“ SLIGHT!!” Anya and Dean said together.

Dean and Anya ran across the deck of the ship. Trying to outrun the explosion the bunnies hopping closely behind them. all of them jumping from the ship into the water. As the explosion followed them to the water. Dean surfaced one the bunnies swam to him getting up onto his head. “Just don’t poop” he said to the rabbit as they started to swim for shore. Both Anya and dean collapsed on the beach Crowley appearing from thin air.
“Well that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Anya swung for Crowley but Crowley backed away. “Come on cupcake” he said to her.

” You did worse when you were a demon,”

“You were a demon?” Dean said “used to be” she said matter of factly

“Twice really” Crowley said

“ I should introduce you my brother

“Does he have big hammer?” she asked

The agent looked up from his notes “could we move this along a little…”

Dean continued “So back to the infestation on the island. Well that was simple See there is only one thing a flesh eating teddy bear ball wants more than meat and that’s a good time. Thankfully we had two little furry good time balls. Crowley and Anya looked to Dean uncomfortably shifting in their chairs. “The bunnies” he said both hopped away nervously looking around,

“You did what?” The agent asked.

“Well see their close enough but just a little different.” Dean said with smile, “you know they went for little something something , with side of strange.

We’re talking, hot tribble on bunny action”, Anya clarified.

“god i need a raise” the agent said shaking his head.

“You tell the rest of the story” Dean said ,

Crowley continuing “So we had bait, a giant burned out cruise liner. Well we had to come up with a solution. Now I will admit if we had more time, we would have come up with a better plan. And some of those unfortunate things that happened may have been avoided, like what happened at the lemonade stand.

“The lemonade stand” both Dean and Anya said weakly in unison both going pale.

“ But its easy Monday morning quarterback. So this is how it went down. Crowley continued

Cue music Woke up this morning by A3
In Slow motion

Dean Anya and Crowley walking down the beach Dean with a large bloody spear with tribble pelts hanging from the end. . Anya a flame thrower slung over her shoulder, smoking a cigar. Crowley with two golden hand guns arms spread out as the clips fell from the guns. Into the sand. As giant pile of burning tribbles behind them. smoke filling the sky The bunnies hopping after them with little bandanas around there ears.

The agent looked up from his notes. “So almost everyone died, the cruise liner was a complete loss, the company will be liable for millions in lawsuits and no one had an orgy .” He looked to all three of them, “And how do you think we should react?”

“with gratitude, the kind that involves piles of money .” Anya said, Crowley standing up

“look darling“ he said to the agent straightening his tie. “first off there was an orgy,” the agent looked to Crowley and than back to dean and than to Anya, dean shook his head. Secondly its a good thing that almost everyone died, almost no one left to sue. and as for the money back guarantee, I met a fella at a crosswalk made deal, gave me a smooch company is gonna be fine for ten years. Anya , got up following Crowley out of the room

“I can still hear the purring.” Dean said. Looking wistfully out the window.

#38

In the trust spirit of this community I think it is awesome and amazing that submissions continue to come in after the deadline is passed. You my friend understand the true spirit of FSL. That and to maim Sean at any chance you get as sweet vengeance for his attempts to try and abduct me. AGAIN. :oops:

#39

Man, I really need to find time to read all your submissions.

Since I have no fraking idea whatsoever about “Tribbles” and how to deal with them, my team had to take a pass on this challenge. :frowning:

#40

I only had a vague understanding of how tribbles work. Remember the GWC motto: Have fun. Not knowing all the minutae regarding a subject shouldn’t stop you from jumping in!