Team Sideways
Driver: Wash / Tech: Macgyver / Recon: James Bond (Connery) / Martial Artist: The Operative
–FINAL DRAFT-- The Story is Complete!
[FONT=Verdana]Chuck leaned back in his chair sipping a cup of green tea. Between his upcoming trip to Comic-con, mentally going through his podcast recording checklist and praying that the new mixer would go the distance he had a lot on his mind. Sean sat at his desk oblivious to everyone as he played with a Star Wars action figure taken from a nearby shelf. Audra walked in reading something literary, or perhaps it was a Fabio porn novel, nobody was ever quite sure.
“Hey Sean,” Chuck asked, “What do you want to do tonight?”
“Same thing we do every night” Sean responded, “Try to take over the world!”
“You said ‘do’” Audra chimed in not even looking up from her book.
At that moment a computer speaker started chirping. “Odd” Chuck said squinting at his monitor which showed him live video of his front door, “did someone order Mexican?”
“Peeew! Peeew! Peeew!” Sean responded making the Boba Fett figure jump up and down.
Chuck stood up from his chair, “Well, I guess we aren’t grilling tonight.” He briskly walked down the stairs as the doorbell rang over and over. Opening the door quickly he was greeted by a handsome slightly older gentleman wearing a dark suit, black tie and a ridiculous fake black mustache with sombrero. “Hello laddie” the well-dressed delivery man said, “We have to talk.”
A short while later Sean, Chuck and Audra found themselves sitting in their living room with four strangers all focused on different things. Wash admired Sean’s black sleeveless t-shirt featuring a line-art Tron Recognizer. “A man walks down the street in that shirt, people know he’s not afraid of anything” Wash said to Sean clapping him on the shoulder. The Operative kept to himself in the kitchen nodding in approval at heft of Chuck’s chef knives. Macgyver noted the ten seasons of Stargate SG-1 on the shelves and surreptitiously began flipping them over while whistling innocently to himself. Bond looked over at Audra and nodded approvingly, “That is a fine pussy you have there.” Dr. Pepper sprayed out of Sean’s nose while Chuck flew out of his seat. Bond inspected his fingernails unaware of the calamity around him and repeated slowly, “I said, that is a fine pussy you have. I would even be so bold as to add that I would very much like to stroke it.” “Meow” Abby the cat responded from Audra’s lap. Everyone relaxed.
“Ok, first off…” Chuck said surveying the room, “I’d like to say we are big fans.” Sean and Audra nodded in agreement. “Secondly, I’d like to ask what the hell is going on here?”
“No, wait” Wash interrupted, “was that a Porsche I saw in the driveway?” “Yeah?” Chuck responded quizzically. “Dude, you need to let me take it for a spin” Wash replied earnestly.
“ENOUGH OF THIS PRATTLE!” the Operative said loudly entering the room, “We don’t have time for this!” “Time for what?” Audra asked. The Operative looked at his three teammates, “Isn’t it obvious? It is time for your challenge.”
…
“I’m sorry, could you please repeat that in my good ear?” Danny said leaning forward. “You want us to do what now?” Chuck, Sean and Audra conferred together and spoke quickly. Sean stepped forward and said,
“Mr. Ocean," he breathed in deep, "we need you to return Benedict’s money.” Rusty paced back and forth and chewed on a bagel, “So you made a bet, yeah? That’s why you need us to return the money?” Sean squirmed in his boots. “Kinda,” he sheepishly replied, “it is more like a challenge.” “A bet I can understand” Danny said to Sean, “a challenge? I am not sure I follow…and more importantly, why would we do it?”
“Honor” Virgil said
“Fame” Turk replied pushing Virgil’s right shoulder back
“Fortune!” Virgil said pushing both Turk’s shoulders hard
“Idiot, they want to give our money back!” Turk said pouncing on Virgil and putting him in a headlock.
“Gentlemen” Rusty said sternly with a touch of a smile, “focus.”
Chuck stood up, “We have a plan, but we need your help.” Danny stood up to meet Chuck face-to-face. “Chuck,” he began, “we would like to help you. You seem like nice people who know a great deal about us, but the deal doesn’t make sense. What’s in it for us?” “How about this?” Chuck said handing Danny an envelope. Danny opened it, glanced inside and eyes went wide. “Is that real?” Danny said closing it and handing it back. “Sure is.” Chuck said with a smile. “This is heavy,” Danny said to himself. He breathed in deep and turned to the others, “Guys, go cash in your accounts. We are returning the money.” “Returning the money?” Reuben said through the cigar in his mouth, “Why?”
“Because someday soon it will be chump change my friends” Danny paused for effect, “chump change.”
…
“Ok, I gotta know” Macgyver said over Chuck’s pool table, “how did you do it? How did you convince the Ocean’s team to return Benedict’s money?”
“It was easy” Audra said as she struck the three ball into the corner pocket. “What is the one thing we could offer them that is more valuable than money?”
Wash thought to himself, “delicious paaah?”
“Knowledge” Chuck chimed in, “we could offer them knowledge.”
Team Sideways paused and turned to face Chuck. The Operative leaned forward, “What exactly did you give them?”
Chuck nodded to Sean, “It was your idea.” Sean smiled, “Audra thought of it first.” Audra blushed, “Well, it was you two who made me watch it recently.”
Chuck pulled the envelope out of his jacket and opened it revealing today’s copy of the New York Times. “It was actually quite simple when we thot of it” he said smiling.
Wash scratched his head, “I don’t get it”
“The last installment of the Ocean’s movies came out in 2007. For them, no time has passed. The curtain goes down and it remains 2007 for them until a new movie comes out” Chuck said striking the seven ball, sinking it in the center pocket. “Offering them a today’s paper convinced them that in three years for one day they would know the outcome of every baseball game, every horse race, the World Cup…for this one day they can’t lose.”
Wash sat down and considered for a moment. Looking up at Chuck, Sean and Audra all he could muster to say was, “Great Scott."[/FONT]
