Yeah, the Crows.
My life is turning into a bigger disaster than Malibu!
Hymenally challenged? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
If I’m too good for him, how come I’m not with him?
You know, that’s an irrefutable logic.
Wow, I totally missed that the first time I saw this movie!
All the young dude~~ carry the news~~
Who’s doing that version, oh guru of the soundtrack?
Yeah, she’s a virgin that can’t drive. 
Enter Christian to dreamy muzak.
You know, so for a guy who’s supposedly gay, Christian is flirting furiously with Cher.
World Party
Guacamole!
Oh yeah, definitely.
Almost, but not quite. It’s a glottal stop, written in IPA as ʔ. The apostrophe gets the point across, of course. 
Overcompensation?
Eh, he could always be bi
Thank you!
You can tell that Cher’s hymenally-challenged. “You’ve got to show a lot of skin and then boys think of sex”. A couple deep breaths will make boys think of sex. 
There was a place
And the name of the place escapes me
LOVE the Mighty Mighty Bosstones!
Problem with IPA: Can’t type it.
Which one? Tom Welling or Elton?
And how is that different than date rape?
Nah, he’s just attracted to her fabulousness. Gay men love a diva.
BTW, I really expected him to have a more impressive career after this. As far as I can remember, the only other thing he ever did was some sports discussion show.
Well, if he is, then Cher just didn’t make the grade? That’s sad…
Dum, dum… where did you go…?